Tag Archive | Flying

Airline Status Sheet…

Nov17

Thoughtful Readers…

We interrupt this program to bring you the following important announcement.

After some internal discussion **** Airlines has decided to issue a public statement after an internal memo was leaked and widely disseminated across the industry and throughout the public domain. The question at hand relates to aircraft maintenance and the way in which **** Airlines chooses to handle known or suspected maintenance issues with individual aircraft in their fleet. While the following transcript from aircraft maintenance logs seems to indicate a degree of flippancy on the part of maintenance personnel, it should be noted that **** Airlines is the only major airline never to have been involved in a catastrophic accident.

After every flight **** Airlines pilots fill out a form, a maintenance log, otherwise known as a “gripe  sheet,”  which tells mechanics about any problems associated with the aircraft during the most recent flight. The mechanics investigate and correct the problems, then document their repairs in the maintenance log.  The next flight crew assigned to that aircraft reviews the log before flight and determines the status of the aircraft with respect to its airworthiness. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.!!

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by **** Airlines pilots (marked with a “P”) and the solutions by maintenance mechanics (marked with an “M”).

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That’s what they’re for.

P: IFF inoperative.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.

P: Cabin pressurization will not reach 1018 mb.
M: Huh??

P: Aircraft shudders while in low altitude left turn below 110 knots.
M: Aircraft was scared, passengers were too.

P: Strange vibration coming from crew restroom.
M: Crew restroom not designed for dual occupancy.

P: During rainstorm water runs down cabin wall to floor.
M: Plumber required for water to run up wall.

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget.

Yes, I know it’s fake!! But it sounds like someone had a terrific time thinking about issues that might befall a flight crew getting ready to launch an aircraft into the wild blue. I appreciate the humor and the absurdity!! Hope you do as well.

Be well…
Howard

An open letter to a friend..

Aug26

Dear D.C.

It was early in 1984 and my mind was occupied with thoughts of Germany, my next assignment. Having completed flight school, the Army was going to extract its payment…..my service was required in Germany. I was to fly attack helicopters, gunships, in support of the deterrent mission.

The airliner was at thirty thousand feet winging its way across the Atlantic headed for England….Gatwick I suppose. I was trying to relax a little; there were a lot of hours in front of me. I reclined my seat a little trying to get comfortable but it wasn’t really possible. Standing up, I turned and bumped into someone who was returning to their seat behind me. I apologized for my clumsiness and stood there enthralled. You were young, and pretty, and so very polite. Introductions complete, we settled into our seats and immediately drifted into a comfortable conversation. I discovered a lot about you. You were English, returning home from the United States. You lived in Thornaby, Stockton-on-Tees. You were busy thinking about your future, and worrying, I guess, about things that all young women contemplate at that age. You spoke quite elegantly I thought and were not afraid to talk about things that were important to you. More importantly, you were a good listener. We talked and laughed and enjoyed the company on that long flight.

Arriving back in the United States later, I was impressed to receive a letter from you. I had sent you a postcard or two from Germany but hadn’t really expected an answer. You were as busy as ever but just as willing to talk. You told me about your life and how you had settled back into a routine at home. I think you were anxious to get on with your life. I wrote back to you and told you some of my experiences. You were always polite, and interested in what I had to say.

Christmas, 1984. Another letter….and a Christmas card. You were seeing a young British serviceman. You seemed happy and life was good. Trials and tribulations though….there were always things to think about and problems to overcome. I never doubted that you would find what you were looking for……happiness, I suppose.

Letters were infrequent, but neither of us had forgotten. Things were always in the way…..some pressing matter to attend to. 1987 now….midyear I guess. Another letter from you has tracked me down. I am at Ft. Bragg when your latest missive arrives. Same cheerful attitude and another wonderful long story to read. You always seemed to be doing the things I wanted to do. This time it was a tentative trip to New Zealand. You had your reasons, and your plans. I knew only that I wanted to do those things too. I never found out how that trip turned out. Was it fun? Did you find a job there or just visit? I still want to know…..

The truth is, I have missed your letters. I don’t know what happened. Maybe it was just time. Maybe it was time for both of us to get on with our lives. Time to make a clean break with the past and forge a new future. I suppose that is what has happened. Time…..

My wish for you is fulfillment and understanding. I hope that you have a caring, loving person as a partner in this life. I hope you have experienced the joy of children. I hope that you have found joy in your life wherever you are. And I hope you are well…..There isn’t much else worth talking about.

Your friend,

Howard  
 
 

So, why now? Why after twenty-five years? That’s an easy one. I was cleaning out a safe drawer yesterday and found this bundle of letters. I knew they were there of course, but hadn’t looked at them in many years. Why did I keep them? I am not sure. I guess because these moments, hidden in old letters and pictures are important. They are important because they help define who we were, and who we have become. In any event, I will re-read them and look at the pictures. Then back they go into the safe–just moments captured in time.

 
 
 
Comments welcome…

Bio-sketch #2 or “Fealty…as a part of life..”

Jul13

Thoughtful Reader…

Allegiance sworn is only important if you intend to keep the oath. When I joined the military I took such an oath. It required me to swear allegiance to the United States, defend against all enemies, follow lawful orders and several other important things as well. The exact content of the oath is public record and I do not feel it necessary to quote it here. It is significant in what it says, but even more so in what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t tell you how to be a responsible soldier, or how much mental exertion it might require of you. It doesn’t require happiness in your daily work or allow for eight hours of restful sleep. What it does is simple. It turns youth into adult. Boys become men and girls become women. Followers become leaders. Youth, barely able to function on their own, become responsible adults capable of following lawful orders without question, respecting authority, and showing merciful compassion.

Uncle Sam Says…

The military did a lot for me. It gave my life order and discipline at a time when I seriously needed both. I joined up the first time when the war in Vietnam was raging. In those days the all volunteer military did not exist. All eligible males registered for the draft on their eighteenth birthday. A lottery was held and every day of the year was assigned a sequence number by random drawing. The number assigned to your birthday was YOUR sequence number. I drew a low number….. Rather than be drafted into a specialty in which I had no interest, I chose to enlist. Armor–Track mechanic…..

Some years later I joined the Army a second time. What is that I am hearing…”Why would you do that?” Well, because by this time the draft was becoming obsolete and I wanted to fly!! I already knew how to fly airplanes but I wanted to fly helicopters too. So I marched myself right down to the recruiting station and interviewed for direct entry into flight school. And as they say, “the rest is history..”

The Army’s Aviation Center is at Fort Rucker. That is in Alabama, if you didn’t know. All of the training for the aviation branch takes place there. The hardest part of Army Aviator training was getting into the school. Being accepted into the direct entry program was only the first step. You had to complete the officer/warrant officer development training before advancing into flight training. Mistakes here were costly. Screw up and you were asked to leave (and not politely either..). With your exit went your wasted effort, time and dreams of becoming an aviator. No second chances.

I spent about fourteen months at Fort Rucker. After completing flight school I went on to fly for the Army Aeromedical Research Laboratory doing some testing on equipment to enhance survivability for pilots. Then off to an advanced aircraft transition to learn more about military air doctrine and to learn to fly attack helicopters. The FMC version of the Cobra was the last and best of the AH-1S line. When the AH-64 came on-line, aerial tactics and maneuver changed greatly. What had once been about “survivability” on the battlefield, was now about taking the battle to the enemy. A real game-changer.

I loved my tours in Europe. Good time. Fun time. Hard work time. Some of you may remember the days of the “Iron Curtain” and a divided Germany, and some of you might actually have seen the “wall.” It was a troubling time. We went “camping” frequently, usually in the snow. At least that is how it seemed. Regardless of what you may think, tents don’t make good houses. Flying our aircraft along the border, hearts would pound and stomachs threaten to empty when enemy anti-aircraft radar “locked” on our aircraft. Instantly you wonder, “Is this the time..”? I think they were just screwing with us, having a bit of fun at our expense. But we didn’t know that then…..

Did you know that deep  in the Black Forest near the Austrian border stands a monument to wealth and excess (and beauty..)? Called Schloss Neuschwanstein, it was the model or inspiration for the Disney castle. A neat place to visit, so I did. And I have smelled the clean air of the mountains, drank cold beer at a cloistered monastery, enjoyed Oktoberfest, visited the Paris Air Show, enjoyed the hospitality of the country of Luxemburg, visited the Queens palace and castle, rode double-decker buses, ate a meal at a real English pub, and in general learned a lot about a continent and countries so old they make the United States look like an infant…………Yes, the military life was very good for me.

Howard