Happy (belated) World Kidney Day!! 💚🫘💙
Here’s your friendly reminder to hit the (water) bottle today!
Show those beans some extra tlc on their special day!!
I meant to post this weeks ago and never got around to it. But, it’s still Kidney Month! So relevant enough lol
#inmarchweweargreen
#worldkidneyday
#livingdonor
Xoxo Kim
This is a screenshot response that someone wrote to me on a meme I shared in my last post here, this meme:
This is my response to that person’s response. I understand the person has good intentions, but I can’t say I agree that gun violence is ever good.
My response:
I do think of myself as the same as them. I am the same as them.
Differences in political & moral views are not significant enough, in my opinion, to make us fundamentally different. We’re essentially the same. Not only are we the same species, we’re all sentient. That makes us the same.
That “we’re not the same” philosophy I see so frequently on “both sides,” hinders our empathy and only serves to create more of a disconnect with each other.
I’m human just like them. I’m a sentient being just like they are. Like them, I can experience pain and suffering, and, like them, I gravitate towards relief and pleasure and life affirming things. I don’t want my head blown off any less than they do.
I’m truly no different than they (people with different political/moral views than me) are. And I’m no more worthy of life than they are. If it’s not ok to blow my head off while I’m walking up a street or talking to people, then it’s not ok to blow theirs off, in my opinion. It’s sentience that makes us worthy of life, not our goodness.
Some may argue that it’s for practical purposes that some people are killed, but I don’t believe it’s helping anything or going to stop their ilk. They’ll still be spewing their nonsense after people like them are killed. Research even shows that in places where capital punishment is practiced, there’s even more violence and nothing to show that killing “bad people” deters other ones.
If they’re so full of violent urges and hatred, it’s unlikely that killing them off in violent ways is going to make the surviving ones more peaceful and loving and accepting. It will just provoke more fury in them, motivating them to act with more violence either physically or verbally or politically. When Liberal/Progressive people kill a Conservative person or they assume the murderer is a Liberal, all it does is “confirm” for them that the Liberals are terrible people and that Liberalism has to be obliterated.
The only justification for blowing someone’s head off, in my opinion, is if that person is an imminent threat to me or to someone else, not just because they spew nonsense, even if the nonsense they spew is ultimately harmful. And it should always be a last resort.
I have progressive political views, pro equality for all minority groups…some people think that makes me a threat to society. That doesn’t mean one of those people can walk up and blow my head off out of the blue.
So, it’s the same with people who have views that I know are dangerous to society. I can’t just blow them to pieces because I don’t like their views. These Conservative people legit believe Liberals and minority groups are a serious threat to society and that they’re doing the greater good a favor when they kill us or strip us of our rights.
They truly feel justified in killing us off and/or trampling on our basic rights. But as we know, that’s not ok for them to do that just because they believe it’s helpful or that we deserve it. If we feel equally justified in killing them off because we know they’re a threat to us all, that doesn’t mean we’re right. It seems hypocritical to me. We get to decide who lives and who dies or who is worthy of the basic right to life and who isn’t. It doesn’t sit right with me.
Our convictions are equally strong, yet it’s ours that is right, just doesn’t make sense. I know the difference here is that they actually are a threat where we aren’t. But, still, I think it gets dangerous when we start subjectively coming up with excuses to kill people for their views. And I think there’s a better way to deal with them.
They experience fear and pain. They have things that make them happy. They have friends and family who love them. They have little kids and pets who need them and are traumatized over the loss…it’s not ok to decide that it’s our place to take their life away just because they have repulsive views.
We have to tackle their views and keep them out of positions of power (I know that’s very difficult to do and a complex issue and easier said than done), not murder them. There’s always going to be despicable people with corrupt views, trying to make life difficult for others. I believe there are better ways to deal with them than killing them.
There are people who find me just as repulsive as I find these people (I received death wishes, was told I deserve to suffer the “worst pain imaginable” and be killed after being tortured “beyond recognition” and more because of my political views, told I deserve to be caught in a massacre at a Democratic event), that doesn’t give them consent to kill me. It works both ways.
Also, I don’t necessarily believe that when someone kills someone for political reasons that it’s always for practical purposes. I think it’s often out of anger and “payback,” which is never wise to act on. I see many people rejoicing in a vengeful way when a political figure is shot dead, that shows it’s not just for practical purposes.
Having to kill someone, in my opinion, is never a happy matter. I get having to kill someone sometimes or not mourning for certain people when they die, because of how terrible they were. But there’s people just getting off on their deaths. That’s ok if that’s their inner experience. It’s not really my place to tell people how they should and shouldn’t feel about something. Especially when it’s an oppressed person rejoicing over the fact that one of their oppressors is dead.
Who am I to tell a trans person or a gay person or an African American/black person or a woman not to be happy someone who was working to kill them or take away their basic human rights is dead? But we can’t be acting on it or promoting killing for revenge. I believe for practical purposes, to make the country/world better for all, we should teach and promote more peaceful ways than killing.
Decisions, especially ones that have to do with ending someone’s life, should always be made, intellectually, and while in a rational state of mind.
Society isn’t going to progress by blowing each other’s heads off.
Xoxo Kim
No matter how repulsive those views are.
Simple reminder 💚
Violence isn’t the answer.
I picked up the morning paper
The headlines were no surprise
A random act of senseless violence
Was committed again last night
It seems the whole world has gone crazy
And something needs to be done
So, starting today, I’m gonna find a way
I’m gonna repay someone
With a random act of senseless kindness
Unexpected hand to help remind us
A little bit of love is a cure for hate
It’s easy to give up, but it’s never too late
A single step in the right direction
Person to person making a connection
We can change the world that’s become so violent
With a random act of senseless kindness
Random Act of Senseless Kindness – South Sixty Five
Xoxo Kim
In my opinion, our compassion is best when it embraces all sentient beings.
Reasons:
1.) Our suffering is all the same whether we’re good or bad.
2.) At best, suffering does the world no good, and at the worst, it makes the world worse for everyone
3.) Ultimately, the “bad people” are like victims of their circumstances- this is not to say we have no choice, but our choices are often influenced by various factors, our mental health, our life circumstances, our upbringing, our culture, our privilege or lack of… and sometimes without us fully realizing the consequences or that we have other options. I don’t believe that under the best circumstances, anyone would essentially choose to be a terrible person.
4.) Our own minds are more peaceful when we wish others well.
This post is inspired by all the (understandable) enthusiasm I have been seeing about Donald Trump’s medical condition and all the wishes that more bad things happen to him.
I don’t believe he can be rehabilitated. I believe he’s a bad person and that there’s no hope for him. I am not one of those loving people who believe everyone is truly good and that everyone can be rehabilitated with lots of love and care. I think Donald Trump was born with the predisposition for being a “bad person.”
His condition reminds me of my condition, but mine is not serious. It can be painful but is not life or health threatening. I have jugular vein insufficiency and insufficiency of a few other veins in my neck because of an obstruction in my head. The obstruction is also not life threatening. The blood leaving my brain to go to my heart through these veins, can’t get there because of the veins being impinged on. So, the blood backs up into my head. Many veins are all doing the same job, so it doesn’t matter. It’s harmless. The blood is still getting to my heart.
I have recurring unbearable headaches associated with it, though. The headaches are 10/10 pain, at least within their own context. I guess when compared to some other kinds of pain, they would be less than 10 on a pain level scale. But like within the context of headaches. They bring me to the floor. I have been bedridden for days sometimes. I think it’s the obstruction itself that causes the headaches, not the vein insufficiency or blood backing up. That can cause severe pain, too, though, among many other things. When I have these headaches or think of them, my empathy for others becomes boundless.
Mine doesn’t cause swelling, but you can see the jugular vein bulging out of my neck. I had to have scans a couple of years ago to see why it was suddenly protruding and so prominent. The doctors were concerned it could be a blood clot somewhere causing it. But it turned out to be nothing serious. I convinced myself I was dying and had six months left to live (certain kinds of cancer can cause it to bulge, and when it’s to that point, the average person only lives around six months. I convinced myself I had that), and my heart rate and blood pressure were through the roof in a doctor’s office. They had to tell me to calm down and to stay off Google 😆
I don’t want him as President, he’s absolutely repulsive. He has no redeeming qualities. None.
But I don’t wish him or anyone to be sick. I don’t believe anyone deserves to be sick any more than I do. We are all equal in our suffering and in our comfort. The goodness or lack of it in us, is irrelevant in this context. If Donald Trump was afflicted with one of my headaches, he would suffer the same as me. All sentient beings essentially want to live and be healthy. We all suffer the same. The headaches this brings me, I would wish on absolutely no one. I literally cannot bear the mere thought of someone else, even him, enduring what I do when a headache hits.
I believe the world would be a significantly better place if everyone was happy (not at the expense of others, but sincerely happy) & healthy. It’s people who are unhappy and hurt who hurt others. Happy, well rounded, people don’t go around tormenting anyone else. There are absolutely people who get off on hurting others (he’s one of them), it makes them happy. But that’s not genuine happiness, it’s happiness that often relieves whatever unhappiness that afflicts them. If they were genuinely happy, they would not inflict pain upon others.
Most of us have probably experienced this on a lesser scale, like for example, when we’re in a bad mood so we get snippy with someone when it’s not warranted. It’s displaced anger or annoyance. We may not usually do this, even when unhappy, but most of us have probably more than once been less than kind, when in a bad mood, to someone who did not deserve it. These people, though, live a life of that because they are always unhappy and are the kind of people who want others to suffer, too.
I don’t believe that everyone is basically good. But I think their lack of goodness is the result of their own suffering. Some people are born (and maybe upbringing often plays a part, but I think they have inherent or genetic inclination for it to begin with) never developing basic human abilities/emotions, like the ability for empathy and compassion. This does not result in true happiness. It results in the desire to hurt others, it brings them a superficial happiness. Donald Trump hurts everyone. And he gets off on it. He loves it. But we see he’s not a happy person.
Why do we think bitter, miserable people often insist on hurting others? Because it brings them relief or pleasure. They are seeking what we all seek. It’s just for them, their suffering influences it.
Wishing further suffering on them has no practical benefits. If anything, it only serves to perpetuate their abuse as their own suffering is the source of it anyway, and it doesn’t make our own mind any more positive or loving. It may bring us a moment of satisfaction again & again. But I don’t think it has any real value. At least wishing others well has potential to bring us inner peace, and then we’re more likely to interact positively with others.
Not all seemingly terrible people really are. Unlike Donald Trump, some can change. It’s dependent on the reason they are how they are.
I believe that if we were all given the choice before being born, to be a good and happy person or a bad and suffering person who goes to great lengths to inflict that suffering upon others, all of us would have chosen to be happy and healthy and good and someone who wishes that for every other being as well. Ultimately, no one chooses to be what Donald Trump is. Yes, he chooses to do bad things within the confines of the existence he was given. He’s a despicable person. Nothing changes that. But I don’t believe for a second that he would have chosen this if the uni-verse gave him a choice when he was still a “clean slate” if ever he even was. He was born suffering or was brought up to suffer, and now he wants the rest of us to suffer along with him.
Some people’s suffering inspires deeper empathy for others, but for others, it doesn’t, it has the opposite effect and inhibits empathy instead.
As the cliche goes, “Hurt people, hurt people.”
Suffering begets more suffering.
This doesn’t mean we always have to speak warm & kindly to everyone. Sometimes, people have to be told off & judged harshly and not get what they want. Some people need a firm ass kicking. It just means we don’t have to wish suffering upon them.
I believe it does no good to wish pain & suffering on others.
I wish he was happy & healthy and not born a psychopath. Me wishing that does no practical good either, though. But I think the world would be better and most of us more peaceful if more of us wished good things on people instead of bad.
People have countered my sentiment, saying anger & hatred fuel us to act for good. While that is sometimes true, compassion & love can fuel us just the same. Anger & hatred feel unpleasant and can get out of control and influence us to do things that are destructive to ourselves and others. Love & compassion can never go wrong. As I said, it doesn’t necessarily have to be warm and sappy and “feel good” feelings. It can be firm & harsh but still love. When anger & hatred frequently consume us, it leads to stress, depression, anxiety, physical ailments. When compassion & love consume us, it only leads to good.
I have wished bad things on people before, and I probably will again. But that’s not the philosophy I hold, it’s when I give into raw emotion that I allow to overtake me and blind me. I always find my way back to me, the authentic me who knows the truth, that wishing suffering on others isn’t the way.
If I could, I would flip a switch and turn all the suffering in the world off, even for “bad people.” I would in a heartbeat.
Think about it, there must be higher love
Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above
Without it, life is a wasted time
Look inside your heart, I’ll look inside mine
Things look so bad everywhere
In this whole world, what is fair?
We walk blind, and we try to see
Falling behind in what could be
Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Where’s that higher love I keep thinking of?
Xoxo Kim ❤️
Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.
Years ago, like 20+ years ago, I was taking a college psychology class, and I met a girl who was taking the same class with the same professor but a different part of the day than me. So, we weren’t in class together. She did not have the money to buy the text book. My dad bought my books for me. So, in the evenings, I would write out the portions of the book she needed for assignments, exams, and quizzes in an e-mail and send it to her. It was very time consuming. I’m not even sure if that’s legal, likely not as it was enough for her to not have to buy the book. But it helped her immensely, and I don’t regret it lol I know what it’s like to not have enough money for something essential. And I remember having no idea what I would do if my dad did not buy my books. Where do they think an 18 year old is going to get $500+?
Back then, these phones with the cameras and all weren’t really a thing or as popular yet. And I had no scanner and never really thought of making copies somewhere, which would have been much easier. So, I spent hours just sitting there writing the text out for a complete stranger I never even met face to face.
I met her in a group online where she wrote that she couldn’t buy the book yet and was desperate for help and pleaded with anyone to send her the content. I could feel the desperation in her posts. She had no idea what to do. No one else responded, so I did. Saved her ass 😆
I love posts like this because it’s uplifting & heartwarming & inspiring to see the goodness in humans. When we share our acts of kindness, it can inspire others to be kind or just brighten their day.
Xoxo Kim
(I have sunscreen & olive oil on my skin/hair, so if I look greasy, that’s why 😆)
I’m bleeding out
So if the last thing that I do
Is bring you down
I’ll bleed out for you
So I bare my skin
And I count my sins
And I close my eyes
And I take it in
I’m bleeding out
I’m bleeding out for you, for you
Bleeding Out – Imagine Dragons
I donated platelets! Just eight days after donating whole blood!
This is my first platelet donation in a few years.
It takes hours hooked up to a machine with a needle and tube in both arms, for platelet donation. We’re restrained and can only move our legs and neck. The arms have to lay straight, can’t bend them or anything, the tubes in each one are hooked up to a machine. Can’t even look at our phone because we can’t hold anything. They do put a movie on for us. I watched “Jaws,” and the Red Cross nurse said “You picked a hell of a movie to watch while donating blood.” 🤣
Getting an itch or runny nose is the worst, there’s nothing that can be done about it. Just have to let the snots drip and itch go unscratched. I have allergies, so I tend to sneeze/get a runny nose. If you sneeze, you can’t cover your mouth & nose lol Awkward
The machine takes our blood through one arm and takes the platelets out of the blood, then it puts the rest of our blood back into our body through the other arm. They also have to inject us with stuff to reduce risk of blood clot and whatever else. It’s very, very, very rare, but I recently learned there’s a risk of death while donating platelets or any blood, even the simple whole blood routine. Say what??? Apparently, the risk is so low it’s not even worth mentioning to us, but I read it online.
It’s freezing cold when donating platelets. It’s something to do with whatever is happening to the body. It happens to anyone who donates platelets. It feels like being in a freezer even if the room is heated. They put a heated blanket on us and give us hand warmers, but eventually the heat runs out. We can probably request more.
They said most people don’t have this problem, but it makes me sick and lightheaded. Platelet donation always has. I feel like I’m going to pass out, even laying down. The feeling comes & goes throughout the donation. When I walk out after it’s over, I feel “under the weather.” I’m also all stiff because of not moving for hours. It also makes my whole face tingle and my fingertips. I don’t have this experience when donating whole blood, which is what I usually donate. I think it’s side effects of whatever they’re injecting me with, not the loss of platelets/blood doing this. There was one point where I thought, yeah, I’m not doing this again. Ever. Like ever. The next day, I’m back to my usual self.
The Red Cross said they need my platelets more now because of the ongoing platelet shortage crisis. We can donate once a week. They said the platelet crisis is extreme, there are so many more in need than are donating.
I guess I’m going to have to suck it up.
It’s amazing that there are people sitting there hooked up to a machine for hours having parts of their body taken out for complete strangers. The Red Cross doesn’t pay their donors, but they occasionally give gifts and prize opportunities. They especially love platelet donors (and O blood donors because it’s the most needed blood type). The donors are getting nothing tangible out of it.
I was pleasantly surprised at how many other platelet donors were in there donating.
For the people who say people suck and there are no more good people, let’s remember our platelet donors. They are laying there for hours on a machine, some every week, giving parts of their own body away for people they’ll never meet. They aren’t just giving their body parts away but a significant amount of their time and some of their own comfort & health. And getting nothing in return.
I’m not a dedicated platelet donor, but there are people who are. There are people who haven’t missed a donation in many years. I would like to donate once a week and have tried before, but they said my body doesn’t produce enough platelets to keep giving them away. It only really makes enough for itself. Stingy bone marrow. Lol I also don’t want to risk becoming anemic, which can happen with frequent blood donation. I probably won’t donate every week, but if I have enough, I’ll try to frequently.
Donated platelets often go to cancer patients and organ transplant patients when theirs are too low.
I’m glad I donated, and even though it kind of makes me sick, it also uplifts me to know it’s going to help someone else, likely cancer patients. They have to sit in a chemo chair every week and a platelet transfusion chair, having no choice, I’m just in the donation chair, which is a gift. The least I can do is share that fortune with someone else. That’s the thought that motivates me to keep going. 💚
Xoxo Kim
I keep saying I want another woman “to do life with” and connect with and cuddle, and take care of. I keep wondering where she is and getting depressed & lonely about not having her, asking where is my Dame in shining armor.
Then, a beautiful, absolutely adorable gay woman who looks like she just walked out of my fantasies, in the flesh, comes out of nowhere and tells me I’m cute (which NEVER happens, women don’t even usually show interest in me as a friend, they literally do not know I even exist), and I freeze up and turn into a blubbering, stuttering wreck with no sense of language, mumble a barely audible “thank you,” turn, and walk away as fast as I can.
What’s wrong with me 😂🤣 I was beaming all the way home, though, felt like I was walking on air lol
This is what they mean by useless sapphic 😆😍
💜
Walking In the Rain – Walker Brothers
Xoxo Kim ❤️
Have you ever had surgery? What for?
Yes, I have had two surgeries under general anesthesia. (Also had minor oral surgery while awake)
In 2007, when I was 20 years old, I was in unbearable pain off & on. I thought nothing of it because the episodes were brief, and I was young enough back then not to give a second thought to my health or mortality. Lol Those were the days.
I was about to turn 21 years old. Then, not long after turning 21 years old, I woke up fatigued, with chills, and as sick as I have ever been with a terrible, persistent throbbing ache in my side. It traveled up my back and stopped at a certain point and at that point turned into severe sharp pain that felt like broken glass moving around in the spot that I later found out is my kidney. It wouldn’t let up and kept worsening throughout the day. I tried getting a shower that morning and was too sick and weak and in too much pain. I slid down into the bathtub, leaning against it with my head on the side as the shower water was streaming onto me.
This was so unusual for me. I was always young and healthy, never even so much as a cold.
I knew something was very, very wrong. Intuitively, I just knew I would need surgery but had no idea what was happening inside me. I kept telling myself it’s just a badly pulled muscle and putting off going to a hospital. Everyone said it was probably my appendix because my age was a common age for it back then. And it was on the side where the appendix is and the same symptoms except I also had kidney pain.
I could feel something inside me about to rupture. I felt the pressure building up and the pain. Eventually, I knew I had to go to a hospital that day. My dad came home early after work and took me to a hospital emergency room where I found I needed emergency kidney surgery under general anesthesia because of a potentially life threatening complication of a kidney stone that got stuck in my kidney and was obstructing it & the ureter. There was no time to wait for other options, like to see if the stone would move. They said it was lodged into the kidney and blocking the ureter. It could no longer do its job. The kidney shut down and was enlarged. I only had one functioning kidney. Waiting could result in rupture, permanent damage, or even necessary kidney removal.
The doctors said it was very unusual for that to happen to someone as young as I was and to a woman. It usually happens to older men when it does.
They were confident enough but weren’t certain they could save the kidney or that it wouldn’t have some extent of lasting damage. Thankfully, the kidney made a full recovery. They said I got there just in time.
My recovery was extremely difficult, both physically & emotionally. I struggled hard every day with the pain and fact of not being my usual healthy self. I was sick and weak and in the worst pain everyday.
Back then, it was the most painful experience of my whole life.
My urologist back then told me it would likely happen again, that it usually happens more than once when it happens to someone, especially when it happens to a young person. But he did say a helathy diet can make it less likely.
Almost, twenty years later, and thankfully, it never happened again. I was told by my doctors more recently that as long as I drink an adequate amount of water each day, I can likely avoid any more kidney stones.
I do not recommend this experience. Please drink your water and flush out those kidneys. You do NOT want this. At best, it’s excruciating, at worst, you can lose a kidney (or even die). I almost did and can speak firsthand, which makes me an expert who you should listen to 🤣😂
Around seventeen years later, I had another surgery. Kidney related also. I gave my kidney (the one that kept me alive back then when this one shut down) to a man who was dying of kidney failure. You can read about that here. 💚💙 Best thing I ever did. 🫘 I wish I had more kidneys to give. If I could, I would give a kidney to everyone who needs one (with the exception of people who would use it to inflict suffering on others, as I don’t wish to enable that, but they aren’t too common).
Xoxo Kim ❤️
What positive emotion do you feel most often?
The positive emotion I most experience is joy. I also experience happiness. But I’m currently not as happy as I could be because I don’t have close friends in person, and I am very social. For me to be as happy & fulfilled, & mentally healthy as I can be, I need close emotional connections and some degree of regular in person socialization. While many days I am happy & fulfilled, it’s still not as much as if I had close friends/a close person. And there are days I struggle to feel happy & fulfilled. There are days, even weeks or a month, where I’m depressed either directly because I have no close friends or just more susceptible to it because of not having close friends and something else will trigger the depression, even something trivial like my earphones breaking or getting lost. That’s not something that would trigger an onset of depression, it’s because I already have the condition, and that condition is more likely to flare up over trivial things when I’m not socializing or connecting enough with other humans. It’s hard as an adult to meet friends. I have struggled with loneliness & depression off & on because of having no friends for the last few years. Even with friends I can have depressive episodes or symptoms but not as frequently or deeply, and they’re easier to cope with when I have friends. To me, the social aspect of life is most important, more important than career or being financially secure. And to lack that affects my mental health.
But joy is something I experience no matter what mood I’m in or what kind of day I’m having. Even when I’m depressed I can experience joy sometimes. I experience it multiple occasions a day.
It’s a beautiful feeling and feels almost like being kid again. I experience joy over the most simple things like an iced latte or ice cream or acts of kindness, seeing my dogs, getting a new shirt or painting my nails, taking pictures of myself, photography, happy/joyful memories, a cool breeze, the changing of the seasons, walking, buildings, holidays, writing poetry, even dark poetry, finding a good sounding horror book or movie, Oldies songs, rediscovering a song I haven’t heard in years and love but forgot about, stilettos & lingerie, flowers, hugs….so many things to be joyful about! ❤️
To me, happiness is a more long-term, often calm feeling that involves a sense of fulfillment & well-being. Joy is more fleeting, can be more intense in a way than happiness, and I can experience it even when I don’t feel generally fulfilled.
I’m wishing happiness & joy to everyone else! 😁 Hopefully I get this account upgraded soon so I can add new pictures!
Xoxo Kim 💋
(Words are censored because I sometimes copy/paste posts off of Facebook to here or here to Facebook where certain words can get us a suspension or post removal. They can’t detect context. So I can be posting about donating blood. It will see blood and automatically detect it as violence. Also, I censor common trigger words that people with trauma history may see.)
Content warning ⚠️!!!!! There is a picture of a human kidney in this post!! It will gross you out lol It’s not a scan image, it’s the kidney after it was taken out of my body before it was sent to its new person. I asked the surgeon to take a pic for me 😆😁
Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon & Garfunkel
Questions we get asked as altruistic/non directed/living kidney donors and my responses:
1.) What if your child/family member needs a kidney transplant in the future, and now you can’t give them yours? Would you regret it?
Nahh.
This is probably the most frequent question.
I could not regret saving/attempting to save a life. I did what I felt called to do when I did. And if someone in my family needed a kidney transplant after I donated to a stranger, I would remember that someone else’s family needed that kidney too and are no less worthy or less important than my family member. I wouldn’t be kicking myself wishing I held out knowing a whole other life is spared and enhanced. Of course if my family member needed a kidney transplant I would have given mine when I had two. But since that wasn’t the case, I wouldn’t regret it if it happens later. How could I regret someone else’s child, mom, grandad, sister, niece, best friend, husband….or just a person being alive??
And I would remember that there are kind people out there who would donate an organ to a stranger like I did and have hope that one of them would help my family member the way I helped someone else’s. I couldn’t imagine not helping someone when I’m passionate about it because maybe someone I know will need me later. That may never happen and then someone would be sick or dying, and I would miss the opportunity to get to experience being a living organ donor. It makes no sense to me to hold out for something that is very unlikely to happen when something is already happening now that needs tending to. Also, who is to say I will be healthy enough later? Health is so fleeting & fragile. I may not be qualified later if my family member needs one. People take good health for granted just assuming we’ll always be healthy. This question shows that in the assumption that I would still be healthy enough later to help a family member. I hope I will. But unfortunately there’s no guarantee. To be a living kidney donor, we also have to be financially fit enough and have appropriate life/work circumstances. At one point years ago my circumstances changed, and I wasn’t financially qualified or able to take off work for recovery and wasn’t sure when/if I would ever be qualified again. I got super lucky when things changed again for the better. There’s also no guarantee my financial/work/life situation won’t change again. I would miss my chance. I am nothing but lucky to have the gift of this very rare experience.
2.) What if your kidney goes/went to a Donald Trump supporter/Republican/some @$$hole?
🤣😂😆😭 As long as it’s not a Cowboys fan, we’re good!
Jk!
Altruistic or non directed kidney donation is certainly not for everyone. It’s not for the faint of heart. There are people who say they would love to donate a kidney to a stranger but are too afraid it will go to someone they feel is undeserving like people with certain political or religious views. I have read stories by people who donated their kidney but absolutely had to be sure it was going to someone who has Liberal political views like them or had to be sure the person has personality traits they like. They can’t be a non directed donor with this frame of mind. It can truly take a toll on someone emotionally to keep wondering if the person who has their kidney is worthy or if they find out who the person is and they don’t measure up to their standards. They have to go looking for a specific person in need and make sure that person measures up. I don’t understand it myself, I could never choose out of a list of people and decide someone is worthy of my kidney but someone else is not or prefer one over another out of multiple strangers, but whatever floats their boat, it’s their body and their journey, and their choice. If they want to save a life but only one they feel is worth it, that is valid. There is a website, MatchingDonors, where potential donors & recipients can browse and read profiles by people offering a kidney and needing a kidney. Like a dating website but instead of finding our perfect romantic match, we find our perfect kidney match. Their pictures show up and any information they share about themselves. I tried it years ago and couldn’t choose. I knew altruistic/non directed donation is for me or if I just happen to see one particular person in need. But I couldn’t choose one of many. I wanted to help them all. Some tugged on my heartstrings more than others. But I could never choose.
It takes a certain kind of person to donate to a random anonymous stranger we know nothing about. It takes more than just compassion. It takes a strong stomach and a certain way of thinking. We have to truly believe every/almost every life matters and detach. We have to accept that our kidney can be keeping someone alive we absolutely would not be able to stand if we met them. Someone with values or personality traits we abhor. We have to feel that we not liking someone doesn’t mean they are less worthy just because we don’t like them. We have to step out of that egoistic, self important way of thinking to be able to be ok with non directed donation. Self important /egoistic in this sense is ok because kidney donation is an act of kindness, not an obligation. It’s completely valid to choose who we would and would not donate to or not donate at all. But it is egoistic to a certain degree, to decide one person is worth it and not another, and it does require us to avoid that sentiment that someone is inferior or unworthy “because *I* don’t like them” because “*my* opinion of them is the one that matters.” If we cannot overcome that sentiment, altruistic kidney donation is not for us. You know how ticked off you are every single day on social media. I see it every single day, my social media friends furiously bashing people of different political or religious views, arguing viciously with people then blocking them and still complaining about them after they’re gone, mocking people they don’t like, even wishing d3ath on certain people, laughing at some people who died. Could you handle it if your kidney was in one of their bodies keeping them alive? My self proclaimed Liberal humanitarian friends relentlessly mock some famous people who die, often because they’re Conservatives, sometimes because they’re greedy billionaires.
What if instead of one of them dying, they were still kicking and with YOUR kidney? If they were healthy and thriving and going on doing whatever they’re doing because your body part is keeping them going? Just imagine. Like I said, it takes a strong stomach lol
The way I see it is that a whole person is just that. A whole person. There’s more to every person than just their views/religion, more than just the aspects we see and cannot stand. They have interests, roles they play to others, goals… whatever I don’t like about them is only one aspect. And someone else loves them just how they are. Why does me not liking them make them less worthy when someone else does like them? My opinion is no more important than the opinion of the person who loves them. Someone isn’t less worthy just because *I* don’t like the person. I may not want to be their friend or not want them in my space, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be their kidney donor.
For example, those Donald Trump supporters. They wake up and drink coffee every morning, they go to work, they laugh at jokes them and their friends tell each other, they walk their dogs, they take their son to a ballgame and take their daughter out to lunch. They go home at night and watch their favorite movie or read their favorite books. They feel the same exact pain you feel when they get injured or sick. They feel the same fear if a g u n is pointing at them or they’re diagnosed with a devastating illness. They have the same longings to love and be loved and to live. If you cut them, they bl33d the same red. They have a whole life other than whatever someone doesn’t like about them. Who is to say they don’t deserve to live it?
I am reminded of Jeremy Bentham asking
Can they suffer?
In terms of whether or not animals are worthy of rights.
“The question is not, Can they reason?, nor Can they talk? but, Can they suffer? Why should the law refuse its protection to any sensitive being?” – Bentham (1789)
To me the question isn’t, Do I like them?, nor Do I agree with them? but, Can they suffer?
Also, are you a potential organ donor? Does your ID say you’re an organ donor? If yes, you may be donating to someone you wouldn’t like some day. You think all your organs that can be donated are going to only people who you would like and agree with on everything there is to agree on? Think again lol (I would not knowingly donate my kidney to a cold blo0ded murder3r, or a known terr0rist or domestic abus3r or serious s*x offenders or someone who has a lot of power and would use it for destructive things,…I would not want to aid in or support their large-scale destructive actions/energy in the world, but if my kidney happened to go to one of them, I would not regret my act of kindness because at least I tried to help, and it doesn’t take away any of the kindness on my part, a loving act is a loving act, there’s two aspects to donating a kidney, the practical help it offers someone and just the fact we did something so amazing. If my kidney went to an a-hole, it’s still an amazing thing I did)
I do not have a preference. I’m a Liberal atheist. If I found out the kidney I gave away is now making pee in someone who is a Christian Conservative and goes around calling people like me “snowflakes” and “sheeple” and “libtards” and “woke” and “commies,” (🤣😂) so be it. I’ll give you my kidney just before blocking you on social media 😆
To me, there is something beautiful about altruistic/non directed kidney donation. Not knowing, not caring who our kidney goes to because every life matters. So universal loving! Of course all kidney donations are equally beautiful. But non directed has this unique aspect to it.
The way I see it, what makes someone worthy of my kidney is the fact that they are suffering/have the ability to suffer, not that they agree with me on something or are a pleasant or kind or compassionate person. We all suffer or have the ability to suffer the same way irrespective of our views or personality traits or likability.
3.) What if you need a kidney transplant in the future?
I’m on the priority transplant list now, so if I ever need one, I can get one fairly quickly. Since I donated a kidney, I won’t have to wait years like the average person in need of a new kidney. I can get a living donor kidney within weeks/months very likely. Even if that wasn’t an option for me, I would have donated. The chances are very slim. And if it were to happen, I would deal with it just like everyone else who needs a kidney transplant deals with it. At least I would be able to say I’m sick because I took a chance and helped someone. So many are sick just because. I have a way better chance of being in a car crash, yet I still get into cars. And no one questions it. I’m much more likely to be a victim of g u n v!olence in the U.S than develop kidney failure, yet I’m out all day & night walking the streets of Philadelphia where g u n v!olence is rampant. And no one (except my mom) questions it or has an issue with it.
I’m rarely to never questioned on why I get into cars or don’t live in a bubble so I don’t get sh0t or ass@ulted or sick. But when it comes to a loving act of kindness to literally save a life, people question why I would or make remarks to say/imply that I shouldn’t have because of a risk to my own safety.
Someone may say getting into cars and going outside are worth the risks because it’s necessary, it’s needed to live life. This kidney transplant was necessary. It was needed for someone to live. That person is no less worthy or important than I am that my needs are worth certain risks but theirs aren’t.
4.) What ever possessed you to give your organ away to a stranger/to lay on an operating table and risk dying for a total stranger? (Or something of this sort, but “possessed” has come up a few times 😆)
The philosophy that every life matters and that if we have more than enough of something (money, health, resources…) it‘s an even greater gift to share that with someone less fortunate in that respect. Remember all deceased organ donors donate to strangers. And blood donors too. What’s the difference if I’m alive and donate to a stranger? I donate blood regularly to random strangers. What’s the difference? If you checked yes to organ donation on your driver’s license and you die in a way where you can be an organ donor, you’ll be doing what I did, donating to a complete stranger. Is that such a wild cr@zy idea? To reach out and help a fellow human?
5.) What if you suffer a complication?
I may or may not suffer a complication, but for someone else there is no maybe. A person on dialysis or about to begin dialysis doesn’t have the luxury of maybe that I have. They are already suffering a complication. I’m lucky & privileged to even have that “maybe.”
Also, I hope I would never not do something that deeply resonates with me because of fear. Avoiding things we’re passionate about because of fear, is no way to live, in my opinion. I prefer to take chances if it’s something I truly want and feel called to do and whatever happens happens than living in a safe bubble not fully living and then dying as an old woman. What if I did not do this and wouldn’t have suffered a complication? I would miss out on the experience and always wishing I chose to go through with it and wondering what if I did. It has been on my mind every single day for over five years and on my mind off & on for many years before that. It was never something I could ever regret no matter what. It’s my dream come true!
6.) “I would never give my kidney to a stranger/anyone, you’re a better person than I am.”
This is a response I have received by a few people.
No one is a better person for doing an act of kindness. “You’re a better person than I am” only applies, in my opinion, if you’re going around intentionally interfering with or hurting others while I’m not.
7.) Are/were you scared?
Yes!! It took brass ovaries, and I got’em. The two weeks before surgery, my body would be gripped in a sense of panic waking up in the mornings. Sometimes it would feel that “fight or flight” response. Occasionally it felt like it thought it was getting ready to die. Lol Dramatic. My worst, pretty much only, fear was that I would experience prolonged fatigue when I live a very active life. Thankfully got no fatigue at all! On the morning of the surgery, I woke up completely calm and peaceful & hopeful, no anxiety or fear at all walking into the hospital with my two kidneys getting ready to send one off to a great new home. 💚
8.) What if you die/would have died on the operating table?
Very very unlikely. But what better way to go than in my sleep and saving someone else’s life? 😁
9.) Have you met/do you want to meet your recipient?
No, I haven’t. And not necessarily. I do not mind either way. I don’t have the burning desire or curiosity that many anonymous donors seem to have. For me it wasn’t a social call but an attempt to enhance & extend someone’s life. If they reach out to me ever, I will be delighted. But if not, I’ll live. Lol Each transplant center has their own rules for when an anonymous donor or recipient is allowed to contact the other, anonymously. Some have to wait up to a year. So my recipient may not be allowed to contact me yet. I was allowed to contact them right away but did not. I may send them a card for our first Kidneyversary next year to brighten their day. My transplant center would send it to theirs. Not knowing who they are or if they’re grateful does not lessen the joy of my experience. Occasionally I’m slightly curious of the age & gender of the person.
10.) Has your life changed since donating a kidney?
Only in my mind. It’s the most amazing experience, I am filled with joy & ecstasy. I understand the meaning of “intimate strangers,” knowing a complete stranger and me are the only two in the world to have had this kidney in our bodies, that we both laid on an operating table on the same morning to become connected to each other forever. I know that everywhere I go, I’m very likely to be the only one there with one kidney. Every room I walk into, I’m the only one there who gave a kidney away and knows this rare unique experience. It’s an isolated feeling but not in a negative way.
After two weeks I was almost 100% my usual self. I jokingly asked if they even took the kidney. After a month I was 100%. I would never know I only have one kidney or had surgery if not for my memories & the beautiful scars.
Here are the lifelong restrictions/lifestyle changes I was told by my team:
1.) No NSAIDS
2.) No natural herb supplements
3.) No supplements made outside the U.S.
4.) Blo0d pressure check every six months
5.) kidney function tests once a year
6.) Extra water
11.) Can you still have kids?
Yes! Having only one kidney does not affect fertility at all. It does make it a “high risk” pregnancy though, so for women/birthing people who donate a kidney and decide to become pregnant later, it’s important to let their healthcare team know so they can be closely monitored to prevent very serious complications to the woman and the unborn. With close monitoring it can be a safe & healthy pregnancy.
12.) Are you religious/was this motivated by religious beliefs? No, I’m an atheist. I don’t need a god or religion to be compassionate or empathetic. My basic humanness is enough. I have felt it as a deep calling, it felt like something larger than me working through me, which is a bizarre experience for an atheist. And I have received what many believers would call “signs.” But I don’t believe in that. It was my desire to help someone that inspired me, and the deep calling feeling was just part of my experience. I don’t believe that any supernatural being would have been disappointed or punished me if I did not go through with it. And I don’t believe it scored me points with anyone or is my ticket into Heaven or some other afterlife. I just wanted to help someone!
💚
Living organ donation isn’t for everyone. These are just my experiences not something that everyone should feel for themselves. For me, living kidney donation truly felt like a calling. It was the easiest decision of this life of mine. I truly experience more stress trying to decide what flavor ice cream I want or if I want tea today or an iced latte 😂 No hesitation, no uncertainty whatsoever. I knew since the day I read a heartwarming story 15+ years before my donation, about a man who donated his kidney to an anonymous stranger, that I would one day do the same. I am 100% happy & thrilled with my decision. 💚🫘
Anyone interested in living kidney donation can check these out:
National Kidney Registry (the National Kidney Registry offers donor benefits like reimbursement for lost wages during recovery and travel/lodging expenses if necessary and a place on the priority list on the off chance the donor ever needs a kidney transplant in the future, also a kidney voucher for a friend/family member {or anyone} of the donor, so if someone they know ever needs a kidney transplant, since the donor donated to an anonymous stranger, they’ll let one person of the donor’s choice get a kidney transplant without waiting long, I donated my kidney voucher to another stranger, so two people are being helped through my one kidney donation)
Matching Donors (this website provides pictures and stories by people in need of a kidney transplant. Potential donors & recipients can browse and communicate with each other. A donor can choose to try to help a specific person, they may not be a match. But if they’re both associated with the National Kidney Registry, the donor can do a non directed donation and donate the voucher to the person they found on Matching Donors – this isn’t just for kidneys but other organs we can donate while alive also. Some people have donated their kidney AND a portion of their liver to different people {not at once lol usually have to wait around a year}! And it’s completely safe!)
Sending love to all!
Xoxo Kim 💋❤️
A Dose of Inspiration 