Tag Archives: Dixie Chicks

July 22, 2008 · 9:00 am

Repeal the GAS TAX!

“I believe in doing random acts of satire!”
—ClapSo—

By Pressmin Spurious
Intergalactic Times staff reporter

A fellow blogger posted this yesterday:
Congress Would Like to Punish You For Using Less Gas

It’s good as far as it goes, but true conservatives should now band together and insist on a complete repel of the gas tax. Real conservatives believe in the efficiency of the private sector over socialist programs like government highway spending. The highway system should be completely privatized!

Brilliantly run corporations like Enron, Worldcom, and Countrywide Financial Corp should be set free to bring the efficiency of the marketplace to our highway system, just like they did to the energy, communication and mortgage industries! While we’re at it, we should insist that the government get out of the way of military contractors TOO!

Let’s sell the pentagon and all the bases to a consortium lead by Halliburton and Blackwater. Then they can run the rest of the military as efficiently as they are running the war in Iraq! I’m sick and tired of this commie style operation at the pentagon! Time to set the marketplace free!

Even the democrats have jumped on the privatization bandwagon! It’s official, they’ve sold their whole damn party to AT&T:

There’s lots of privatization going on down in Washington! Countrywide Financial Corp tried to buy the Lincoln Memorial, but they couldn’t get a mortgage.

The following conservative bloggers have the unmitigated gall to whine like liberals:

Drudge

Axis of Right

Beltwaysnark

True conservatives believe in PROPERTY RIGHTS! The New York Pravda um, Times has every right to accept or reject the publication of anything submitted to it! Even if it is written by one of Saint John McCain’s staffers! SUCK IT UP! We have an election going. We have to assure the brilliant Bush lead republican agenda continues for four more years! Whining is an unrepublican activity! Keep this whining up and you’ll all be invited to the next vegan potluck bra burning! Then you’ll have to listen to the Dixie Chicks sing our national anthem!

I understand that the republicans are busy surfing porn on the internets, but I must ask chairman Boehner of the House Unrepublican Activities Committee to convene a special session in regards to all this unrepublican activity! If something isn’t done soon, THIS COULD BE THE YEAR THAT A CANDIDATE FROM OUTSIDE THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM GETS ELECTED PRESIDENT!

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Tagged as boehner, bra burning, ClapSo, Conservative, democrats, Dixie Chicks, Elections, house unrepublican activities committee, Humor, hybrid cars, Libertarian, McCain, MSM, New York Times, Politics, republicans, Satire, two party system, unmitigated gall, Unrepublican Activities, vegan potluck dinner

July 21, 2008 · 9:00 am

The “Netroots” Vegan Bra Burning Convention

“I believe in doing random acts of satire!”
—ClapSo—

By Pressmin Spurious
Intergalactic Times staff reporter

The global warming t-shirted, patchouli smelling, hemp jewelery wearing cult that refers to itself as “Netroots Nation” has had their little annual drunken sex orgy in President George W. Bush’s home state of Texas. I have to wonder where all the drug sniffing dogs in Texas were during this event. It’s clear to this reporter that “netroots” is a code word for the heathen devil weed marijuana! I have little doubt that everyone who attended this event is on the pot!

I’m sure the people of the great state of Texas are happy to hear the clip clop sound of Birkenstock sandals that accompanies the exit of those commies out of their state! That clip clop sound has a real harmony with the flip flop sound made by the “netroots” endorsed vote spoiler Obama.

There was one high point at that event. Honorary Republican Nancy Pelosi stopped by to bless the masses. Some radical group called code pinko tried to shout down the stalwart defender of the greatest president this country has ever had, George W. Bush. “No Impeachment Naners” then went and ruined the moment by dragging Al Gore onto the stage.

My dear readers may remember Al Gore as the 2000 Democrat candidate that tried to vote spoil the greatest president this country has ever had, George W. Bush! Gore’s amateurish campaign failed to garner enough votes to cause Gore to carry his home state! Thank heavens for that. If Gore had won, this country would have lost the brilliant eight years of leadership we have received from the greatest president this country has ever had, George W. Bush!

And we’ll have fun, fun, fun till Gore takes the Hummer away!

This foreign made hybrid automobile driving Gore person has made a bundle lately selling books and producing flag burning, Dixie Chicks concerts that claim to be fixing the mythical “problem” called global warming. It is clear to me that Gore & Company may in future have the unmitigated gall to try to take my Hummer away! I warn you Gore, I am a lifetime member of the NRA! Don’t come knocking at the door of my Suburban McMansion! Saint Charlton Heston and Smith and Wesson defend my home! I hold the holy relic of Soylent green made from Saint Heston’s body in one hand, and a large clip, fully automatic in the other! Don’t come around here Gore!

YOU WILL TAKE MY HUMMER AWAY WHEN YOU PRY MY COLD DEAD FINGERS FROM THE STEERING WHEEL!

That goes double for this rag tag group of petition wielding “road trippers” who have inexplicably managed to get Ralph Nader on the ballots of FIFTEEN STATES SO FAR! I have to hand it to them. They are facing HUGE obstacles put in place by the two real parties, and yet still have met with a remarkable level of success. I must tip my press passed Fedora at these people. If this keeps up, Nader will be on 45 state ballots come the November election.

I realize that the Republicans are in full crisis mode due to the “timetable” flip flops of Nūrī Kāmil al-Mālikī. However I must ask chairman Boehner of the House Unrepublican Activities Committee to convene a special session in regards to all this OTHER unrepublican activity! If something isn’t done soon, THIS COULD BE THE YEAR THAT A CANDIDATE FROM OUTSIDE THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM GETS ELECTED PRESIDENT!

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Tagged as Al Gore, boehner, bra burning, Charlton Heston, ClapSo, code pinko, democrats, Dixie Chicks, Elections, flag burning, flip flop, global warming, house unrepublican activities committee, Hummer, Humor, hybrid cars, Libertarian, maliki, McCain, McMansion, MSM, Nader, Nancy Pelosi, Netroots Nation, NRA, obama, Politics, republicans, Satire, Smith and Wesson, Suburbs, Texas, timetable, two party system, Unrepublican Activities, vegan potluck dinner, Vote Spoiler

July 17, 2008 · 9:00 am

Jesse Jackson says the N-Word!

By Pressmin Spurious
Intergalactic Times staff reporter

Well my dear readers, things are getting ugly on the campaign front. Now there’s all kinds of screaming going on over JJ’s use of the N-word. I don’t see what all the fuss is about. I speak of Nader, even in mixed company. It never seems to bother anyone much. Maybe I’m missing something, but I can’t tell you what it is. Could it be Nader’s planned increase of the minimum wage to $10 an hour? That would of course be a terrible thing! Working people would have more money to spend and they would go out and spend it. Then the economy would be stimulated and um, er I lost my train of thought…

Anyway, Nader has the unmitigated gall to insist on an end to the war. That would be a bad thing. If the war is ended then less people will die and the USA wouldn’t be spending hundreds on billions of dollars killing people and blowing things up…………..um, er

But anyway, Nader wants to put in place a single payer national health care plan. That would be bad. That would mean the EVERYONE would have health coverage and even poor people would be able to see a doctor, instead of dying on the waiting room floor like that poor woma in Brooklyn, ummmmmmmm

None of that came out right. Both mcCain and Obama are against everything Nader is for. Since McCain and Obama are from the two real parties, they must be right, so Nader is wrong. SO THERE!

Then there’s this silly fight over offshore drilling. What’s the big deal. People can have sex wherever they choose! There are bigger issues. The Bush administration has flip flipped twice on it’s pledge to never negotiate with terrorists. Not only are they sending someone to talk with those Iran guys, they are going to have a poetry reading by the National Organization of Woman in the white house rose garden! Everyone knows that if you let those feminazis in the gate all kinds of things will go on. There will be bra burnings and birth control pill popping. SOMEONE MAY GO SO FAR AS TO INVITE THE DIXIE CHICKS! Next thing you know, there will be a vegan pot luck dinner in the grand ballroom and George W. Bush will be driving a foreign made hybrid automobile! This is too unrepublican for the countries own good!

I realize that chairman Boehner of the House Unrepublican Activities Committee has his head up his ass, but I must ask him to convene a special session in regards to all this unrepublican activity! If something isn’t done soon, THIS COULD BE THE YEAR THAT A CANDIDATE FROM OUTSIDE THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM GETS ELECTED PRESIDENT!

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Tagged as boehner, bra burning, ClapSo, democrats, Dixie Chicks, Elections, house unrepublican activities committee, hybrid cars, Intergalactic Times, MSM, Nader, obama, Politics, Pressmin Spurious, republicans, Satire, two party system, unmitigated gall, Unrepublican Activities, vegan potluck dinner

June 13, 2008 · 11:50 am

Danger Will Robinson, DANGER!

By Pressmin Spurious,
Intergalactic Times staff reporter

Things get worse and worse on the electoral front! There is now a rumor on the internets that the Ralph Nader and Bob Barr campaigns have the unmitigated gall to demand inclusion in the nationally televised presidential DEBATES! Who do these two vote thieves think they are? We simply can’t have these kind of sham candidates from outside our beloved two party system standing on the stage that belongs to the two real parties!

The RNC and DNC must redouble their ongoing efforts to block these two “candidates” from from their disgraceful attempts to be placed on the ballot in November! All god fearing corporations and PAC’s must pull out all the stops to fund the defense of the ballot that clearly belongs to the two REAL parties!

On the off chance that any vote thief wins the presidential election. Their inauguration day could include such debauchery as the Dixie Chicks singing our national anthem, a motorcade made up of foreign made hybrid automobiles without a stretch Hummer in sight, and a bra and flag burning orgy in the rose garden! The next thing you know, we will be having a vegan potluck dinner in the grand ballroom at the white house!

This reporter respectfully requests chairman Boehner of the house unrepublican activities committee convene an emergency investigation with an eye toward drafting a resolution with the intent of using the military commissions act to intern any and all vote thieves at gitmo. These sham “candidates” are clearly TERRORISTS intent on bringing down our beloved two party system!

This Barr guy is the worst of the bunch, as he is the biggest turncoat since Benedict Arnold for leaving the GOP to run as a “liberterian!” This disgraceful attempted vote grand larceny must be stopped or THIS COULD BE THE YEAR THAT A CANDIDATE FROM OUTSIDE THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM WINS THE PRESIDENCY!