My Father's Feet

My Father's Feet

My father's feet were a
mystery to me. He
never walked barefoot
or even took off his socks

where I could see. I never
understood why he always
had his feet covered
when everyone else enjoyed

going barefoot warm summer
days. I fantasized his feet
must be ugly, but couldn't
imagine how. I finally saw

my father's feet when he lay
in his hospital bed dying.
I wonder if he was embarrassed
to have me see his feet then

or whether like so many other
things at that time no longer
mattered. They were not
remarkable feet, not worthy

of hiding, but now it didn't
seem right or proper to look
at what he had always protected
from my view. I turned my eyes

away. Funny how dying changes
things. And doesn't.

Now That You are Gone

Now That You are Gone

Now that you are gone I sort through my mind
for memories of you, try to visualize you again
in my mind, to recapture the essence of you.

Nashville first time meeting I remember you
on the riverboat, quiet but intense, eyes that
twinkle and dance, oh I still see your eyes.

Even though we met three other years it is
my image of you in Nashville, our first meeting
that stands out brightest, brings you to life.

I realize now that we seldom think as we live
our life that someday our time on earth will
end, but today I wonder what people will remember

of me when I die. Will the first meeting leave
the strongest impression, or some later time
I cannot even imagine? Just as you probably

never would have guessed that my most vivid
memory of you was the time we talked on the
boat in Nashville, and oh those twinkling eyes.

Resilience

Resilience

Resilience is hard to think
about when worry abounds
and the more time that passes
the more ominous things seem
for our good friend who is still
right now and so much is
unresolved despite prayers
from many sources. God,
please help our friend.

But we have to keep living
and laughing and walking on
she would want us to do that
each of us continuing though
she for now lingers not yet
knowing her fate. Every cell
of her body is yet hopeful,
waiting for the awakening,
the miracle, though her mind
does not yet know. God
please tell her. Awaken.

We each have our journeys
intertwined with one another
yet on an individual course
never know what the day
will bring, what our own
fate will be beyond this moment
but we must be resilient bounce
back from what life gives us not
be beaten down even though
some days it is especially hard
as what fate has handed one of us
could be that of any of us
but life cannot stand still
must go forward and despite
uncertainties we must
find joy in resilience. God,
please help us all.

Touch

Touch

(written for my friend Dolly who suffered a brain aneurism Thursday,
is not yet conscious)

I cannot touch you
with my hands as
you are too far away
out of my reach.

I cannot see you
can only imagine you
lying unmoving in
that private place
between death and life.

I do the only thing
that I am able to do
honor your life in stillness
close my eyes in hope
remember you as friend.

Then I touch you with
my thoughts, words,
fervent prayers, from
the depth of my heart,
hoping you know
so many care.

(Afternote - Dolly died a few days later.)

Honesty

Honesty

It is hard to be honest
if a situation is difficult
it is easier to say nothing
at all because then
at least one doesn't lie

diane always says that
the shortest way through
a difficult situation is
being honest and I agree
with her completely

but what if being honest
is hurtful to someone
i am torn about this as
probably some things
serve no purpose to say

what is honesty anyway
honesty only within oneself
expounding all one thinks
or speaking the truth but
leaving some thoughts unsaid

honest has many facets
tell the truth sounds simple
tell the truth we tell children
but reality is it is not easy
to be honest even with oneself.

Don't You

Don't You

Don't you forget me when I am gone
remember me, the smile on my face
the way I laughed, the twinkle in my eye
Remember how I splashed in the waves
walked fast to explore unfamiar paths
to see all I could see along the way,
shared time and exchanged stories,
held a few hands, gave a helping hand,
looked for the next unique adventure
as I soared high above the clouds
always dreaming of brighter tomorrows
knowing I will meet you again.

The Phone

The Phone

The phone sat cloaked in silence
and sometimes for a fleeting moment
she wondered if she should be the one
to pick it up and call someone anyone
or if she should continue to just sit and wait
as she did day after day week after week
and stare almost lifelessly at the door.

Smoke

Smoke

Certain kinds of information are like smoke
that gets into your mind, makes you choke
as you try to force it out. It clouds your
mind until you can think of nothing except
how to rid yourself of what you wish you didn't
know. Then after your energy is almost spent
you realize it is impossible to make it go away
or ignore it, so you realize you must either resign
yourself to accept the smokey presence or
it will kill you, as it is stronger than you
if you try to fight it off.

Secrets

Secrets

This is how secrets start
one person does something
harmless doesn't tell the other
and then realizes how easy
it is and that it doesn't matter
anyway as it is nothing at all
so the next time opportunity
arises the decision to say nothing
is easier and from then on there
is no need for decision and that
is how secrets start.

What to Do

What to Do

Not knowing what to do I do nothing
it is easier that way than trying to
figure out what to do when there
seem to be either too many choices
or too few choices or it is too rainy
or too sunny and there are too many
other people and situations to be taken
into consideration and too many hours
or too few hours or it is too far or the
time is all wrong and my head is
spinning and my mind is tired and
it is easier just to do nothing today.

Smell

Smell

The heavy smell invaded my lungs
when I sat next to her on the stuffy bus
and I smelled the stale stench of sweat
and stale underware and realized she
probably had not bathed in weeks and
I didn't want to be rude and stand up as
there wereno more available seats and
it would be quite obvious if I moved
but if I didn't move I knew I would faint
or begin to retch from the fetid odors
emanating in my direction and now I
realized why this seat had been
available despite many people standing
on the bus.

Odd

Odd

It's an odd combination
pizza with chocolate ice cream
cherry popsicle with white wine
sun during a driving rain
cat with a canary
rubies with blue jeans
a Mercedes at Goodwill.
Life is filled with oddities
if you look.

Bad Advice

Bad Advice

You need to appear like
you are confident even
when you are shaking
hard inside

You need to appear like
you're content even
when you crave a
change of pace

You need to appear like
you're tired even when
your mind is
wide awake

You need to appear like
you're happy even
when you're thoughts
are very sad.

If you appear a
certain way, that
is how you'll be.
Act as if,even if it
is not how you feel.