Clumsy Courtship

She is the cutest!



Caring for a newborn is like a clumsy courtship--I feel giddy in Maeve's presence but completely awkward as I fumble with nipples, diapers, clothing, and sleep to nurture her. As I get to know her and recognize her sweet nuances--the clumsiness subsides but there is also something truly tender in the sincerity of effort in trying to make my newborn comfortable and happy. Maeve is such a darling baby. Caring for her has been nearly effortless--aside from the postpartum depression and the excruciating lactation pain that I still suffer.

Every time I unwrap Maeve from her swaddling I feel like I have just opened the greatest, most perfect gift ever received. The warmth from her curled up body is irresistible and I can't help but nuzzle my face in her neck and breathe in her sweetness. I love looking at her profile as she nurses and I am always amused by the many positions her hands assume as she happily eats. Her wrists are exquisitely dainty and so tiny!

I love her small body and those eyes! When she is awake and quietly watching the often chaotic world around her--I find myself trying to see things from her point of view and I think she is pretty cool to take it in so easily. Often she has brothers launching themselves and flailing all around her and she barely flinches.

Getting to know Maeve has been exciting and emotional. I still can't believe she is here and I still can't believe I was blessed once again with such a beautiful and to me, perfect, child. I am sure as she grows and I stumble to adapt to her needs that our 'courtship' will continue to be clumsy at times but it will always be with enormous love and devotion that I succor her.

Thanksgiving Feast

Roasted butternut squash galette.


Apple tart!

On Thanksgiving I cooked for the first time since having Maeve. I enjoyed having such a festive cause to be back in the kitchen. Our neighbor's invited us to share Thanksgiving with them and I wanted to contribute a few noteworthy dishes to the meal so I made a butternut squash galette, a rustic apple tart, and roasted veggies (red peppers with green and white asparagus) with goat cheese. I was pleased with each dish.

We had a lovely time with our friends and the food, all of which was made from scratch, was superlative. Maeve and I went on our first walk that evening! By the end of the day I was exhausted but happy.

Maeve Smiles

Baby Maeve doesn't let a little baby acne get her down...seems like nothing gets this happy little gal bothered.

At three weeks old, Maeve is so close to smiling and even cooing. She is so bright eyed and pleasant. I am enormously grateful for her and how easy she is to care for and love. She is my little gal and for all the time we spend together during the day and night--I am always excited to be in her presence.

Maeve's Story

"I saw his little face contract as his eyes met light. I tried to imagine anything so bright. You only see it once and then it steals into the dawn and then it's gone forever."
The Mountain Goats
Genesis 30:3

In reflecting on Maeve's birth I try to think of her experience--what it must have been like to have been pulled from my womb and brought into the light of that operating room. What is that like? All I know is that I HEARD her enter this world and I was so grateful for her joyful noise that I sobbed. Asher and Soren made no such noise as they were torn from my womb. Maeve came into the world a beautiful, healthy, full-term and glorious baby. I remember seeing her arms spread and her hands sprawled and it was incredible to see her for the first time--surely it must be one of the most sacred and spiritual experience of this mortal life. Until the memory of that experience is restored to Maeve, my story is the only one she will have of being born.

It is easy to romanticize labor--what it will be like, what it should be like, what we would like to experience, and if one has been through it before--how it will surely be different or similar to that or those experiences. Being pregnant with Maeve for nearly 42 weeks alone was an epic experience. My standard was a 35 week twin pregnancy full of discomfort and rapid weight gain. This pregnancy was much easier and hardly uncomfortable in comparison--I just grew increasingly impatient towards the end to finally meet my baby girl.

My main concern with the delivery of Maeve was to avoid a c-section. I knew that having one this time would be more complicated because of my beautiful boys at home. A c-section means a longer recovery and the inability to pick up my boys and succor them energetically.

Well, my labor and delivery experience did not progress and conclude the way I had imagined. As my due date came and went and there were no signs of labor--I knew that an induction would be necessary. I had high hopes for a successful induction and I nearly had one. I responded well to the cervidil and then the pitocin. I was honestly excited to feel a contraction! I had them all night long and by the morning I was overwhelmed by how quickly they came and how painful! They started with a warm burn then rapidly turned into a wild fire that I thought would consume my entire body. At 9am I requested an epidural and had one by 9:30. The epidural wasn't really strong because I could still feel the pressure and even discomfort of every contraction. Eventually I even felt an uncomfortable need to push and after checking me my nurse declared that I was a ten and the baby's head was ready! I went from 3 cm to 10 cm in three hours!

Jamie had stepped away from the room for a while so I called him excitedly to tell him that I was a 10 and ready to push! While he hurried back to the room there was a flurry of activity as the room filled with people preparing for the delivery. I was thrilled! When Jamie arrived my labor and delivery nurse had me start pushing. I pushed and pushed and pushed and each time Maeve's head would descend but I couldn't quite get her out. Soon all the people who had originally entered the room for the delivery began to file out and it was just my nurse, Jamie, my mom, and me. I pushed for THREE hours and the time went by quickly. I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep and take a break until Dr. Tchabo came in and assessed the situation. He said the baby's head was face up and turned to the side so she would never come down on her own. Then he said it-"C-section." I cried and mourned for the vaginal delivery I would never have.

Twenty minutes later I was on the operating table and Maeve was soon out of my womb. What remains most salient about that experience was the joy of having a healthy baby. Maeve stared bright eyed and curious in the OR while my surgery was completed. I loved having her in the room with us! I laughed when I learned she weighed 8 lbs 3 oz and was not surprised that she was 21 inches long. I truly had given birth to a three month old (Asher weighed 8 lbs at 3 months)!

There is nothing like meeting your baby for the first time--it is glorious and sacred and beautiful. I am so fortunate to be Maeve's mother and to have her in our family. She was worth the wait and the contractions and the pushing and the c-section.

Recovery has been rough--I was sore from labor and the c-section but Maeve is three weeks old tomorrow and the time really has gone by rapidly. Maeve is a sweet baby and I adore her company.

Highlights of Maeve's labor and delivery:
1. Quiet time with Jamie.
2. Having my mom in the room.
3. Watching Freaks and Geeks with Jamie.
4. Watching Sherry O'Terry say, "Simmer down."
5. Maeve!

Lowlights:
1. Having to be pricked TWICE for an IV--OUCH.
2. Waiting 12 hours for cervidil to work.
3. Ice-chips and no food for over TWO days!
4. Being hooked up to monitors.
5. A failed induction.
6. C-section.



Monday morning November 1st--12 days overdue!


Meeting Maeve for the first time!


I love that face!






Maeve meets Grandma!




The sweetest joy.

Big Brothers

Maeve is one lucky gal! Can you imagine how awesome it would be to have TWIN older brothers? Not just any twin older brothers--but the stinking cute and clever Asher and Soren. I am so excited for Maeve to grow up under the love and attention of her older brothers. Already they are interested in her and Soren even said, "I think she loves me." They love to kiss her and hold her and be near her. It's easy to like her since she doesn't take or chew their toys yet but even then I'm hopeful that the boys will be patient with her.

Brothers are fun and I'm thrilled that she has Asher and Soren!

grandma

Soren was NOT interested in having his photo taken.

Squishy newborns and toddlers are my favorite!





My mom extended her trip by 2.5 days and that extra time was critical. I wish she could have stayed even longer. Maeve was so late that only half of her visit was spent in Maeve's company. My mom did get to spend a significant amount of time with Asher and Soren. She took them on walks around the neighborhood and to playgrounds. She took them shopping and kept them occupied while I was in the hospital. I am grateful for the care she gave me that I so desperately needed but I am most grateful for the way she tirelessly loved my boys and filled the empty space that my absence created.

While my mom was here she sewed me another quilt, made three pillows with the leftover quilt material, made two boppy covers, made and froze cookie dough for the holidays, cut out 300 felt circles for a wreath project, made endless meals, taught me how to thread my new sewing machine, and loved effortlessly. I MISS HER!

(p.s. I forgot to mention that she started embroidering 12 onesies for Maeve--she's fast and super creative)

Jamie's Gift

In celebration of Maeve's birth, Jamie surprised me with a sewing machine! i had wanted one for a while so I was thrilled. Straight lines here I come!

Two Weeks Old!

Maeve surrounded by grandma's many quilted gifts.



This gorgeous little gal is two weeks old! She gained 10 ounces in one week! I lost 30 pounds in two weeks--not quite the astonishing 70 pounds of last time but mercifully I didn't gain 80 pounds with this pregnancy.

At 8 lbs 10 oz and 21 inches, Maeve is in the 75th percentile for height and weight. I am continually amazed at how different a full-term baby is compared to a preemie. She still seems so small and sweet to me. Maeve's umbilical cord fell off two days ago--a big milestone, no?

My Babies

Three babies! One small and two big. I am happy! Seeing them together makes me laugh and cry and give thanks for such an abundant life.

Over the Shoulder

Maeve is partial to being held over my shoulder and oh the sweetness! We were so intimately close for 42 weeks--closer probably than any two beings could be--and yet we remained a mystery to one another. Now when I hold her close to my face and our noses nearly touch I am so grateful that outside the womb we can sustain a similar intimacy and love. As much as I am overcome with emotions lately--I am above all grateful for the undeniable innocence and tenderness of caring for a newborn. Maeve only cries when she is hungry and once fed--she looks at the world with her big, bright eyes and seems absolutely content. She is pleasant and irresistible. I talk to her and snuggle her and I am convinced that she is happy with her new life and family.

Homecoming

Maeve and I came home to a cheery home with a festive sign, balloons, and a happy family. Maeve had gifts for her older brothers--a big box of blocks and a small set of puzzles. Asher and Soren were pretty excited about their new toys from their kid sister.

I was happy to have been released from the hospital a night early. I missed my boys and my husband and just wanted to get my new life started. As much as I was thrilled to be home--I quickly learned the meaning of 'baby blues' and found myself crying all weekend long. It was my understanding that baby blues or postpartum depression meant wanting to injure one's baby or oneself but what I experienced was nothing like that--I adored my beautiful baby and was thrilled to be in her presence but I felt overwhelmed by other emotions, most of which revolved around my inability to properly care for Asher and Soren because of the difficult recovery from a c-section. I also found myself tortured by the business of lactation--it was painful and challenging and exhausting. I pumped exclusively with Asher and Soren and although it was burdensome it was easier too because I drained with every session and never felt the discomfort of trying to feed and nurture one little baby.

Maeve is almost two weeks old and I still feel weepy on occasion and lactation still hurts but I can tell that the severity of my discomfort is waning. I love nursing my baby--she is such a pleasure to be around and I marvel at her gentle and calm nature. Asher and Soren are charming older brothers and seem pretty smitten by their little sister--they are handling this huge transition with great nobility but there are those moments when I wish I could run to them and pick them up and take them for walks and show them affection without restraint. We'll get there soon enough. I do love being home.

Nursing Gifts

Asher covered my feet with toys to keep me warm while I fed Maeve. I laughed as the toys piled and especially when he put a play house on the pile. He also put a few pieces of chocolate (blocks) on my arm for the baby. Asher is cute like that!

Maeve Penelope and Her Namesake

My mom is the only one to have given Maeve newborn clothes!






Oh those hands! I love them so much and the way Maeve brings them to her face with such passion, especially when nursing.




A little early for tummy time but so cute.




That's my girl!


My sister had four daughters and did not use my mom's name with any of them so I was truly excited to honor my own daughter with my mom's name as her middle name. Let's be honest though--even if my sister had used my mom's name somehow I still would have used it.

I hope that Maeve will inherit and nurture the many talents that come so easily to her grandmother--a tremendous love for family and especially for God, a remarkable work ethic, and gifts for making home comfortable: cooking, sewing, and creating.

Having my mom here for Maeve's birth and the recovery has been critical for me and my family. She has done it all and done it happily--served me my meals in bed, succored my twin boys, rocked my baby girl to sleep, done my laundry, and most instrumental of all, comforted me through the 'baby blues' that I experienced so fiercely. Recovering from a c-section has once again proved painful and exhausting and I think this is the root of my baby blues. Now I am blue that my mom is leaving tomorrow!

Baby Maeve is calm, gentle, and I adore caring for her--just like my mom, she is the baby I needed.