Letter to a character

Jo, , , , 2 Comments

imagesCAWWRLJNI have to apologise for neglecting this letter writing challenge over the summer but I am now jumping back on the horse to try and complete these fun tasks Jenny in Neverland suggested, http://jennyinneverland.wordpress.com/.

So I’m onto number 4 – Write a letter to a character in a book. I found this challenge quite difficult but I’m going to give it a go and write a letter to the fictional Hermione Granger from J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series, post Deathly Hallows. I felt it was only right I wrote to one of these characters as they were pretty much my life as a child!

Dear Hermione,

hermioneHoping you are well,

It must feel incredible to now be living in the wizarding world where darkness has been defeated. This must have seemed impossible just a few short months ago. So much pain and loss has been caused by He-who-must-not-be-named but you were all brave enough to stand against him, united and strong.

You deserve to feel proud as it is because of you and the courage of your friends at Hogwarts who changed this society into a safer, more peaceful place. Though I am sure you are aware that your friend Harry, could not have reached the end of his journey to destroy evil without your wisdom and love.

Through that darkness you found light and love, you came together with those who might not have liked you for being muggle-born and you had perhaps the hardest time out of all wizards – for it was you who erased your parents’ memories so that they forgot who you were. To protect your family, they lost you and you chose to battle on without their support. A true Gryffindor.

I was a big fan of yours growing up and I think your story gives children courage and hope, all over the world.

Kindest regards,
Jody x

Letter to a character

Trust

Jo, , , , , , , 8 Comments

divorceYou try to see the good in everyone
Despite the tough times that you’ve been through,
But even though you kept loving and kept on going,
That inkling in your mind was true,

You should have listened to everyone’s whispers,
Trusted your head and not your heart
Because now you’re broken on the cold pavestones
Right back at the rotten start,

Life is a tough old journey,
Its one step forwards, four steps back,
I know we should forgive the *%£&!
But selfishness he did not lack,

You are such a beautiful person,
When I heard the truth, I was left reeling,
If it’s taught us anything-
We must always trust our gut feeling,

Don’t show him any mercy,
He’s made more than a mistake,
Your heart was crushed long ago
So now there’s nothing left to break,

You deserve so much better
For your beautiful family and for you,
He should not be allowed part, he’s lost that right,
Crush him back, under your shoe,

I hate that we’re now so angry,
We should not pay evil for evil
But these hot tears shed and your time of healing will feel
Like climbing up a steep, steep hill,

You will reach the top, I promise,
The beautiful view you will deserve,
You will be happy, you’re the innocent one,
Justice will be served.

Trust

Stuck in a wheel

Jo, , 2 Comments

hammyYour life is like a hamster wheel,
Turning around and around,
You can’t change direction, you can’t turn back,
Guidance is nowhere to be found,

Onwards you keep running,
You can’t slow down the pace,
But with all of this pressure
You doubt you’ll win the race,

You don’t know where your hope’s gone,
bunroutYou can’t help feeling sad,
The tiredness is overwhelming
And you’re concerned you’re turning mad,

As around and around you go,
Lights flashing in your face,
You can’t see the darkness coming
Through this back-breaking hell craze,

You just want to stop and think,
Take a break and sit down,
But your feet are running far too fast
And you fear you’re going to drown,

You’ll choke with exhaustion,
Be swallowed up, be a burnt out candle-wick,
Actually you’re feeling some stress and
Should take a day off sick,

If people judge you, let them,
No one knows you like you do,
Work shouldn’t feel like animal farm
Or feeding time at the zoo,

Thus even though you’re used to running
With no lunch-break and overtime,
hamsterstillNow is when you think of your health
In this amazingly upbeat rhyme!

Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself,
Not like that hamster in the wheel,
Because even though the world will just keep turning,
You can take a chance to stay still.

By Jody’s Scribbles

Stuck in a wheel

Genie in a Bottle

Jo, , , 2 Comments

geniebottleIt does feel like some of us are spending all of our lives searching for that genie in a bottle. We are constantly looking for hope, strength, relief for our pain, patience, unconditional love. We want someone who will simply grant our wishes, take our pain away and fulfil our lives. Will we find him?

Sometimes I feel like I can’t really find God. I might take little signs as being him – a lady smiling at me on the bus, a manager that contacts me back for a job placement, my tutor praising me for my hard work. But I can’t feel God here.

talkto meI’ll open my bible, searching for him. Are you there, Lord? Can you hear me? Can you give me a sign, give me some hope, some strength, some answers? I do that thing when it’s like a lucky dip- I’ll open my bible at a random page and decide that the words my eyes first fall upon is the message God is giving me. This doesn’t always work of course, though I have found some interesting verses which I managed to interpret into my life and draw some interesting conclusions from!

godguideOf course, God is here and he is not a genie in a bottle because He does not merely, superficially grant wishes and He is not confined to a bottle, the bible, alone. God is everywhere. He is in our kitchens and our bedrooms, He is in our schools, colleges and workplaces, He is in hospitals and prisons, in homeless shelters and gyms, towns, cities, villages and places of worship.

lovebibePeople attend church to be closer to God and build their relationship with Him but God is not just in churches on Sundays, He walks with us in our lives on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. If we let Him, He is also in our hearts and we can go every day, say every word and do every act we do through our faith in Him, His light shining through us to touch more people.

He is not a genie in a bottle. He is not God in a bible. The bible is important scripture to follow and live our lives by, but God is not ink printed on pages, He is living in our lives today. Discussing this with friends and realising that I don’t read my bible enough has prompted me to pick it up and want to read it more.

(Amen)

Genie in a Bottle

How far we’ve come

Jo, , 3 Comments

passionpeoplLook at us. We are now in our third and final year of our Social Work degree. Are you terrified? I am! We are about to start our final placements (though I don’t know where I’ll be yet) and in a few short months we will be applying for jobs, or even getting ready for an MA or Frontline course. Very frightening.

I like to see it as exciting… but I am apprehensive. We will be making judgement calls to support vulnerable people. We will be empowering but also needing to empower ourselves to keep going. The pressure will be high and the burn out rate even higher.

careeeIn our second year I struggled finding time for meals and reflection time let alone finding time for social life. Of course there is more to life than Friday nights at the pub but switching off and taking a break is crucial to mental health and emotional development. I do feel support work is so rewarding and something I feel I have been called to do (so much so that I dropped my English degree to pursue this on a whim). I have learnt a lot about people but I have also learnt a few valuable life lessons along the way- about relationships, confidence, support and being kind to myself.

Self-care is crucial for people who spend their days being emotionally drained and pushed to their limits. To think that next year I will be living somewhere else, doing something new, having people put their trust in me while I’m finally being paid for it is crazy. It is such a huge responsibility to have and although people tell me social workers are hated, I get a lot of respect from my clients for what I do. In a way I think we teach each other, though the boundaries are clearly in place.

I’ve been doing some filing of old papers to clear space for my dissertation work, and I found my reflection logs from my first placement two years ago. Reading my thoughts from back then of a new, inexperienced and nervous swvoicestudent social worker, made me laugh as well as bringing a tear to my eye.

I was pleased to remember that I was successfully managing altercations and conflicts on my first day (though I don’t doubt that I looked nervous about it). Something else that made me laugh was when I had wrote

“12:20 – Made a phone call to a resident and learnt that in hindsight, should always introduce myself on phone when calling residents as he demanded who I was when I asked how he was.”

This sounds silly but making and answering phone calls was quite daunting for me at first because we communicated with a number of different services which I was not familiar with and we often received much abuse and even tears over the phone. This is a simple though effective area I quickly built confidence within.

phoneeHow far we’ve come indeed – from being scared to answer a phone correctly to being thrown out into the open world! I don’t feel ready but I do feel capable. We’ve already grown so much on this journey and I’m sure that we will change so much during our next 100 day placement. I will keep everyone updated on my learning and development (though of course I don’t share anything personal and everything is confidential and anonymised).

Good luck to all my course friends and students on similar journeys. It will be worth it, even if we choose not to be qualified social workers at the end of it – we will have grown and learnt a lot along the way!

How far we’ve come

Be a Tree

Jo, , , , , , , 3 Comments

treelife

I have always loved the concept of the tree of life, branching with fruits and knowledge and planted by streams of crystal clear water. Actually, we should be like trees.

We should stand tall and firm, without pride but with confidence in our faith. We should drink from these clean waters.

I have come to recognise that reading my bible a couple of times a week is nowhere near enough. I glance at a bible study for five minutes a day which is shameful really. How can I call myself a practicing Christian when I am so far from being able to talk about my faith to anyone? If someone was to question me, what could I say? I am not bursting from these fruits and waters, I’m not consuming much so I couldn’t feed others with these words of excitement and joy and knowledge.

Furthermore, if I consistently drank in these waters, my roots would be healthily grounded, my head would be in the right place and my leaves would not be shrivelled and withered. I would be strong to do what I feel I have been called to do – to study, work and love. I could find fruits in other people and help them to grow also.

We should all be trees, share in His love together, learn the word and hold it true, grow together in faith and understanding, blossom His law and live in peace.

Psalm 1.

Be a Tree

Let go and Move on

Jo, , , , , 1 Comment

You have to let go in order to move on. People are always sprouting this clear and obvious statement but it is not that clear to understand at all. You spill the hot water from the kettle, pouring it all over the side and burning your hand. You leave the tea bag in for too long, use milk that’s gone off and put the wrong amount of sugar into the cup. It’s a mess, it tastes disgusting and you hurt. Sometimes life is like this or worse.

teabag

Life is a working progress. When something unfortunate happens to you, it can take days, even years, to process what has happened. To get your head around what has gone wrong to begin with can feel impossible, making your head feel like a minefield with explosion after explosion sounding off, making you feel smaller and more desperate, more lost and more helpless. It’s so much harder than just pouring a second cup of tea.

How can you let go of what has happened if you don’t even know or can accept what has happened? If you don’t even understand how you are feeling, how can you move on to different feelings?

There are things that have happened to me in the past that I have only recently remembered. Something has triggered those memories which have been suppressed for years. Seeing those flashbacks in my mind, facing these new feelings is terrifying and confusing enough without having to try and move on from them already – it’s madness! Obviously, my mind is ready to start dealing with these feelings, to move on with the healing process, but this is not so easy or clear.

Nothing is straightforward. Pain is like a breakable glass, delicate with a sharp cut. People talk about emotional pain being understood as though it were physical like a wound. But in order for this wound to heal you have to pull away the scab, dig deeper, hurting yourself more to address these memories and feelings and the many levels in the way of cleansing yourself completely. This makes the whole experience even more painful than it was to begin with.

elsa

Then you have to let go. Let go. Two short and simple words that hold so much emotional dread and apprehension. You imagine that you will feel as light as a feather when you can finally bring yourself to ‘let go’. You hope this will help you build up strength and resilience. You hope that you can learn to love and appreciate life again. You hope that you can smile more, naturally, and mean it, be healthier and feel loved. Is life really that crystal clear?

No matter how much you deal with these feelings, how much therapy you have or how many pills you swallow, no matter how hard you try to let go and how much you try to stay in this life and take each day like a gift and live and love each minute, bad experiences will return and bad memories will be remembered.

What you need to remember is who you are. Experiences can break you down but they also give you strength if you can hold on and power through. They may mould you but they do not define you, and as you live each day and the days turn into weeks, weeks into years, you will grow stronger. This strength will play a part with each bad feeling that monkbarsfinds itself back into your life so that you can greet them and deal with them better than you did the last time. Say goodbye to them with a wave. Life will get lighter.

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. – 1 Peter 5: 6-7

8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Deuteronomy 31:8

Let go and Move on

Share the fruit

Jo, , , 7 Comments

We all do acts of kindness, sometimes without thinking. Offering to help your nan with the washing up. Standing up on the bus so that a man with crutches could take your seat. Spell-checking your friend’s job application. These acts may come naturally to us but actually, you could have changed that person’s whole day and maybe if someone else was in your shoes, they would have let their nan wash up, ignored that man struggling to stand, left their unemployed friend to battle through life experiences alone.

The other day, my friend and I were meeting another old girlfriend of ours and we were planning to visit the beautiful Victoria and Albert Museum at South Kensington. We waited next to the staircase inside the underground station, next to two mothers pushing buggies. Hearing them discuss their dilemma, it sounded as though the mothers had decided to leave one baby in their buggy at the bottom of the stairs while they carried the first buggy up, and then leave that baby at the top of the stairs while they came back down to carry the second buggy up. My friend and I watched, baffled, as a number of men and women walked on past. We then asked the women if they wanted any help – we weren’t going to let them leave their children alone for one minute at this busy station exit. The women were surprised that we had even glanced in their direction let alone help them carry their buggies up so that they could safely stay together. Surely it is common sense in life to help those struggling, to care and protect?

A couple of weeks ago I met possibly one of the loveliest men out there. He was a friend of a friend and I met him at a carnival (which we would be taking part in and he was the costume designer). We chatted and we all clicked straightaway. We walked through the city together, talking about what we were interested in and what had brought us to join this city festival. Throughout, he made eye contact, listened and cared what we had to say. I helped him find his van of tarpaulin through the google map app on my phone and then when we had reached the van, he offered me, my mother, aunt, sister and boyfriend a bag of fruit. He had met us less than an hour before, we were virtual strangers to him, yet this small and innocent act of kindness really touched us.

It is moments like these which stay with me, giving me hope that there are good people out there and I want to strive to be one of them. There are times when I feel very negative about myself, I believe I’m horrible and don’t deserve any nice things in my life but people like this man had shared kindness with me and probably would have done so whether I’d deserved it or not. We should do the same, love each other and love our enemies. Greet and care for one another and share these fruits of love with genuine thought and honesty.

Share the fruit and spread it like a jam, so that we can dance in sweetness together.

mimnion

“A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself” – Proverbs 11:17

Share the fruit

Guilty Pleasures

Jo, , , 5 Comments

Whether it’s taking mini bottles of shampoo from hotel suites or re-gifting a present, we all do things even though we might feel a tiny bit guilty for doing them. I’m about to reveal 12 of my guilty pleasures (they’re not that exciting, honest!)

yum
yum
1) Tall frothy hot chocolates. I am fully aware that a glass of un-sugared milk or fresh carrot juice would be better for me but when I’m in that coffee shop and I can smell that creamy chocolate I think, well I might as well go for the big one while I’m here.. I might as well have marshmallows too.. and extra cream!

2) Long lie ins. There are those (occasional) mornings when I do snooze my phone alarm over and over again – I’ve also been known to throw my phone across my bedroom floor. I can’t help it. I have lots of early morning starts with my work and often work into the night too. Sometimes I just need those extra twenty minutes and it’s so hard to feel bad about it when it feels so nice and cosy and warm cuddled up with my cushions.

crisps3) When I know I’m supposed to be on a healthy eating diet again but don’t think anyone will notice me slipping another packet of gorgeous crunchy salty crisps… well they did! I’m not really supposed to eat wheat or dairy products but I hate the taste of wheat-free food and love cheese way too much so generally put up with the awful tummy aches without complaining.

4) Eastenders – or any TV programme people groan at when I mention it. I have watched this soap opera quite religiously for about 14 years straight, and I love it! I agree it’s not exactly light-hearted but I relax when I watch it, those 30 minutes an evening is my time when I don’t have to think about work, I just get lost in the lives of these chaotic characters. I do temporarily believe the characters are real people though. The other night a character gave birth to twins and I screamed, jumped up and down and hugged my boyfriend in celebration, to which he sighed and reminded me that the drama was fictional. But of course we understand that they represent real people…

5) Wine, bubble bath and scented candles. Of course the washing up needs doing and the carpet could do with a vacuum but sometimes, I just need those few precious moments to sit in this steam of bubbles with a beautiful drink in my hand, hiding away from reality. I’m sure I’m not the only person in history to feel this way.

kate and george6) Bad magazines and lots of tea. I’m not so much bothered about the private (or not so private) lives of celebrities but I am interested in people. While I don’t care for knowing every detail of people’s business I have a nose for news and love everything about Duchess Catherine and believe that she and Prince William are fantastic role model parents to their baby George. Okay, I’ve admitted it – I’m a Royalist.

7) Spice girls. Maybe I still listen to them. Maybe I don’t. They are the songs of my childhood and make me feel nostalgic. Please forgive me.

8) Clicking my knuckles and joints. It’s an awful sound and some people think this could lead to arthritis but it feels so amazing and so necessary, like a release of tension.

9) Late night takeaways. I may have already eaten and there’s food in the cupboard and I was supposed to be budgeting.. but sometimes it feels like that chow mein dish or dominoes is calling out to me.

10) Having a secret crush and discreetly swooning over them every time I watch them in a movie.

image11) Fizzy drinks. So awful for teeth and you know a bottle of water would better quench your thirst but I find coca cola so refreshing and stimulates my senses.

12) The big one – retail therapy. I rarely shop for clothes but always feel guilty when I do. I live on a strict budget but online shopping is a dangerously easy thing to come across when I feel like treating myself. Once you click, there’s no going back!

What are your guilty pleasures?

Guilty Pleasures

Soul Blossom

Jo, , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

IMG_2957I have always wanted to know how to garden efficiently. It is such a joy to visit somewhere and stand in a garden which has been tended to with such care and patience.

“Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food, and medicine for the soul” – Luther Burbant

Gardens are a sanctuary for some. To sit on the green, surrounded by plants, bushes and fruit trees, little benches and ponds with fountains spouting water from a stone cherub which stands above bubbles of frogspawn. Wooden birds perch on the grass, ceramic gnomes crouch under the bridge leading to the vegetable patch where strawberries and tomatoes grow. This is a dream, a safe place where we will grow as people just like the daisies around us. IMG_2956

Gardens bring hope. In the book of Genesis there is the Garden of Eden. Everyone has heard of Adam and Eve, this was a place where they were protected and free before the first sin was committed. Here stood the Tree of Life and Adam and Eve had a good relationship with God. In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus had much to think about, he was struggling with what God had asked him to do. Here he prayed and spent time alone with God. And then we have our Tree of Life return in the garden in Revelation 22, standing in glory.

God is present in all of these gardens, we can spend time with him here, sit with him, talk to him, appreciate the nature surrounding us (whether it’s pretty and pruned or alive like a jungle). One day I would love to learn how to landscape properly, grow a garden to be proud of, a safe space to sit outside, full of berries and flowers.

Soul Blossom