I love exploring new places and going on ‘adventures’ – even if this is just dragging my poor friends down muddy dirt-tracks into the woods to find where we end up.. usually lost. But there really is so much out there to see and experience, it feels like such a waste to just be sitting here.
Life should be lived.
Last year I did quite a bit of ‘exploring’. I’d saved up so that I could go away a few times during the summer and they were great experiences. This summer though I’m too poor! I guess there are no excuses, if you want to travel then you should travel because otherwise, slap one day, you’ll be in a messy house with kids on your lap, a mortgage to pay and a job to kill yourself over.
I don’t want to be that old man from Pixar’s ‘Up’ who always talked about seeing the world and then never did. I don’t think its possible to tie a few helium balloons to carry my student house to somewhere new (neither do I think its possible for me to be an old man). But I really do have the greatest respect for people who really do just jump on a plane when they feel like it, who live with their passports in their pockets, are fluent in several languages and are brave enough to sofa surf in foreign towns and villages by themselves, who camp on Spanish beaches and have tasted everything there is to know about Italian cuisine.
Italy is the top of my list. I need to go to Barbados in the west Indies to get friendly with my roots. Egypt. Greece. Thailand. Russia. The Netherlands. New York. California.. The list is endless. The world should be our oyster. It shouldn’t be hard. No more excuses, or I really will have to rope balloons to my rocking chair one day!
I’ve just finished watching the film ‘Confessions of a Shopaholic’ (2009), and I loved every minute of it. Many people sneer at this story, saying this isn’t a real addiction. I wanted to discuss this.
Addiction is when a person has an uncontrollable need to do something, this can be smoking, taking drugs, drinking alcohol, gambling, internet use and, yes – shopping. I have a friend who says she is addicted to chocolate, saying she cannot live without it. Actually, this would not be a genuine addiction unless she would choose to buy a crate of chocolate for herself while allowing her infant daughter to go hungry. Chocolate would be the most important thing in her life.
Rebecca Bloomwood, the character in this story, ends up thousands of pounds in debt due to her shopping addiction fuelled by her number of credit cards. She puts her friendship, family, relationship and career on the line for the sake of dresses, shoes and other things she realistically does not need. She even sells her bridesmaid dress that she was supposed to wear for her best friend’s wedding. “They said I was a valued customer. Now they send me hate mail!”
The film is a romantic comedy but probably touches a nerve with many viewers who have experienced addiction before. Rebecca is not in control of her spending and cannot accept she has an addiction. There are funny moments but some very tear-jerking times too. Every time a shop mannequin came to life and spoke to Rebecca, trying to persuade her to buy more clothes while hearing her inner-voice responding, I wanted to shout at the screen and slap that dummy down. Being a shopaholic may not be seen as being as damaging as filling your lungs up with black smoke or injecting yourself with liquid morphine, but Rebecca was being submerged deeper and deeper into debt, with warning letters through her door, threatening phone calls every day, debt collectors stalking her and she could have eventually lost her home and even more dignity.
“Instead of a relationship with my credit card, I have a relationship with someone who loves me back and never declines me.”
It’s recognising these signs before you can identify or accept them as being a problem. Is it normal to reach for a bottle of wine every time I am feeling stressed or low? How much am I spending when I walk into Tesco, buying a tent when I never go camping – when all I went in for was bread and milk? There must be healthier ways to live, healthier ways to be in control of my life. It makes me want to congratulate everyone who has had the strength to overcome their addictions, every single day must feel like the hardest journey in the world and I doubt (I hope) I will never completely understand what that feels like. All I can say is thank goodness I don’t have a credit card!
Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art– Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night And watching, with eternal lids apart, Like nature’s patient, sleepless Eremite, The moving waters at their priestlike task Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores, Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask Of snow upon the mountains and the moors– No–yet still stedfast, still unchangeable, Pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast, To feel for ever its soft fall and swell, Awake for ever in a sweet unrest, Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath, And so live ever–or else swoon to death.
Keats died on the 23rd February 1821 of tuberculosis. His words were beautifully written, awakening the mind and singing to the soul. He is one of my literary heroes and this is one of my favourites
It is very strange what love does to each of us. For a lot of us, falling in love feels like the most natural process in the world. How did you cope before without that person in your life? It’s like without that person you don’t know how you’ll remember how to breathe again, your organs will give up on you and your brain will cease from working. Everything in your life will collapse. You won’t be able to sleep, won’t be able to stand up to get out of bed in the mornings. Eating, washing will be pointless because college and work will feel so painful with that person haunting your thoughts, your life now empty. Actually, what are you doing here without them? You’re completely falling apart in their absence.
Another twist in the zest of life and love is that you must love and value yourself in order to be loved in return. That sounds like a more healthy relationship than the first one! Living the life you want and following the pathways to your goals until some special person enters your world, fitting your life like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle, sounds perfect. Unless they were there all along, you just couldn’t see them until one moment Cupid’s arrow hits you. It’s all very bizarre.
My family mean the world to me, my beautiful parents and grandparents, my sister, my cousins. I do live to care for them. I’d like to think I’d do pretty much anything for my friends too. I certainly choose them very carefully! And then there is romance. I know many girls who despise the slushy stuff, all the rose petals sprinkled on the bed and the cheesy romcoms and the idea of the gentleman wooing them through a variety of creative ways. But then when it happens to them you see them try to hide their smile. They’re absolutely chuffed that a man has seen them and wanted them, wanted to treat them like something special. Besotted. Unless of course they don’t like the guy nor appreciate his efforts so his endless attempts are a source of irritation for her. It works the other way around too. I’ve witnessed many of my young male friends confuse lust and love. A very dangerous attack for the emotions.
For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not die but have eternal life.
I suppose love changes with age and experience because when it comes down to it, nothing is more powerful than agape, charity, unconditional love. John 3:16 is a bible verse that really hits home for me just how powerful unconditional love is. If this does not ring a bell for you it is one of the most famous verses in the new testament, it is likely you have heard it quoted before. Amazing, is the only word I can think of to describe it. This picture reminds me of John 3:16 – the crown of thorns Jesus was said to have worn for the crucifixion, lying in the manger he was placed in as a newborn child. He was born to die for us.That is unconditional love.
I am not a parent (and hopefully won’t be for quite some time yet) and I understand that I probably won’t truly understand unconditional love until I mother my first child. To be honest that concept terrifies me. To feel so much overflowing love for a person you have never met before, a little stranger you have carried around for nine months and protected with all your strength and energy. I know I’m not ready yet. My parents are quite relieved of this.
Edgar Allan Poe’s quote above makes me wonder what I look like to the people I love. I know I am fiercely protective over my younger sister. I would quite shamelessly turn psycho on her behalf and do anything to ascertain she’s not being treated unfairly or disrespectfully. But am I an honourable daughter, a jealous girlfriend? Do I try too hard with my friends?
When you open your heart to people, whether it’s to a partner, relatives, friends, clients, there is always the strong possibility of being hurt in return, being rejected or, sometimes worse – letting them down, guilt cutting you. The idea of opening myself up to someone only to be hurt sounds insane, it makes me want to just shrivel up already, maybe become a nun and open up a house for cats and anyone who brings me books, Ben and Jerry’s and knitting patterns.
But I want to love people, I want to help people. I’m often being told off that I care and worry too much! So that leaves us with stitching up the scars we already have and carrying on. We can’t close ourselves off to the world or that’s not living at all. And if there’s anything we deserve, it’s a life.
silhouette scribbles 