Today marks five years since Sarah left for heaven. Five years without our girl…..

That is 1,825 days since we have gotten to see her, hear her voice, feel her strong hugs, and more.

I have missed journaling and writing on the blog, as I haven’t had time for it in a long time, but this anniversary is a good day for reflecting. As I think about my girl, I can’t help but think about everything I miss about her like

• jam sessions in the car with her
• her sweet voice saying good morning each day, followed by me giving her a kiss on her soft cheek
• the best hugs ever
• long, deep talks about anything and everything
• watching movies together
• notes that she would leave us around the house
• sweet things she would do for her siblings
• watching her worship the Lord by signing the words to songs
• or how gracefully she walked out her hard journey with cancer.

When God chose 10/10/16 as the day to bring Sarah home to heaven, I couldn’t help but think about John 10:10b in scripture, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (ESV) After Sarah took her last breath in that ICU room, she entered heaven and began experiencing true abundant life. I think of that every time I see 10:10 on a clock or when I think of this date. That gives this Mama’s heart a lot of comfort and joy.

While I deeply miss her, the knowledge that I will see her again when my time comes to leave for heaven is the greatest comfort and joy there is.

I spent a little time today looking back at some of Sarah’s things that we saved. Her walk with God is a common thread throughout many of these things, from index cards she had to help her keep up with people she wanted to pray for, to scripture verses she shared with us in notes she wrote us, to Bible journaling pictures she drew, and more. I also looked again at what she called her “Jesus poster”.

I’ve shared before that Sarah accepted Jesus as the Savior of her life when she was young. As she began learning more, she wanted to tell other people about Him, but she was shy. She decided to write what she called a “Jesus poster” so she could pass that out to cashiers, librarians, or other people she came in contact with as we were out and about. Whenever we were getting ready to run errands, she would ask how many stops we were going to make and then ask if I would print that many copies of her poster. Then she would fold each one up and put them in her pocket. We talked about the importance of praying for people as you share Jesus with them, so she would pray for the person as we were in line. Then she would hand them the folded up paper as we were leaving and say, “This is for you, I hope you’ll read it.” We would pray again for the person she gave it to as we got in the car.

I don’t know how God used those “Jesus posters” in the lives of the people she gave them to, but I loved that she wanted to find a way to share Him with others. I know the Lord was smiling at her each time.

If you are reading this and you don’t know Jesus as your Savior, I hope you will pick up a Bible and start reading about what God has done for us through Jesus or go to this link and read more – https://www.gotquestions.org/plan-of-salvation.html.

Love, Heather

Today is Sarah’s 23rd birthday.  I love remembering the day of her birth!  She was an answer to so many prayers.  She was tiny and perfect.  Well maybe not completely perfect at 2am when we couldn’t get her to stop screaming. 🙂  But that was when she met her first best friend….her passy!

Twenty-three years have gone by now, and for three of those years, Sarah has been in heaven.  Though we would love to have spent the last couple of weeks picking out the perfect gifts that she could unwrap this evening, we know she doesn’t need or want anything now that she is at home in heaven.

When her homegoing anniversary came earlier this month (Oct. 10th), I thought about the date 10/10 even more than usual.  One reason is that many schools were having their 10th anniversary Caps for CURE on 10/10.  Another reason is that I can’t count the number of times I look at my phone at night to check the time with no idea that it is 10:10.  And then I am greeted by her huge smile – like this:

And I am reminded that while 10/10 might be a hard day for us, it is the best day ever for Sarah!

With the numbers 10/10 on my mind so much, God reminded me of an important 10:10 in the Bible – John 10:10b, which says, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Sarah’s life didn’t always feel abundant during her cancer journey.  But it is a comfort and a joy to know that she is living the abundant life in heaven now.  I am so thankful that Jesus makes this possible for everyone who believes in Him!

I had to take a couple of sick days this week, and while I was home, I spent some time reading some things that Sarah had written.  It was a blessing to feel like I could “hear her voice” through her written words.  When I read one writing of hers that was about living life to the fullest, I thought it was the perfect thing to share on her birthday.  So I will close for now and let Sarah finish this post! ~Heather

Living Life to the Fullest and Making Memories (by Sarah Barr, written on 5/18/16)

Today, I’ll be talking about how my family and I have been trying to live life to the fullest and make memories.

Having a cancer diagnosis can remind you to live in the moment – the future may be scary, but if we live in the moment, then we have an easier time making the most of it.   Cancer can also remind you to live life to the fullest.  You never know how long you have, so you should try to make it count!  Cancer has definitely brought that reminder to my family, and we have been trying to live life to the fullest.  We have strived to make our time count more, be it in the big things or the little things.  As far as bigger things go, we have gotten together with extended family and friends more.  We’ve enjoyed a couple new family activities (kayaking and hiking).  We have taken several trips, both close to home and farther away (thank you to the generous people and organizations who’ve helped make this happen!).  We’ve been more adventurous.  And it’s exciting!  It feels like we’ve redefined ourselves to some extent. 

But living life to the fullest doesn’t just involve “big” things.  It is just as important to live life to the fullest in the little things, in your normal routine.  Little things in our lives include snuggling more, hanging out together at home, or riding along on an errand to get a chance to hang out or chat.  It includes making a point to say “I love you.”  It includes trying to visit nurses and friends at the hospital when I have clinic appointments.  Little things for us have also included trying new things more – like new restaurants/foods or container gardening on the back deck.    

For a time after our news in August, our family sort of put off normal, thinking I didn’t have too long to be here.  But now that God has allowed me to stay much longer than we thought, we have resumed a much more normal routine.  I think it’s in the everyday, in the normal, that it’s hardest to live life to the fullest.  The day or activity may not feel special or particularly important.  However, when I breeze through my days without making the most of them, it leaves me with missed opportunities and regrets.  So, despite the times I fall into normal and don’t make the most of my time, I need to strive to make the most of every day.

One thing that my family and I have observed is that we used to fall into a “we should” mindset –

…we should get together with that family more often.

… we should meet this person for lunch.

…we should try hiking.

Now, we are trying to change that mindset into a “Let’s make that happen!” mindset.  We have put more things on the calendar instead of just mentioning them.  And that is definitely part of what’s helped us live more fully!

Living life to the fullest is tied into making memories.  As a family, we can think back on what we’ve been doing and the fun times we’ve had.  We can look forward to continuing to do some of our new favorite things together or just enjoying time together.

I don’t know where you are in life – you might be young or old, healthy or sick, busy or bored.  But wherever you are, I would encourage you to try to live life to the fullest – in the big things, but just as much in the little things.  It will help you make more memories and get the most out of your time on earth! 

Ultimately, the fullest life is life with Jesus!  In John 10:10b (ESV), Jesus said, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”  No matter what you are going through in life, you can have joy and hope in Jesus.  Even if I leave earth “early” by typical standards, because Jesus is my Lord and Savior, I can rejoice in life with Him in heaven.  And for whatever time I have left on earth, He will continue to walk with me.  Jesus doesn’t promise the easiest life, but He offers the most abundant life, and ultimately, eternal life. 

I hope you will join me in striving to live life to the fullest.  Most of all, I hope you will learn more about Jesus and consider inviting Him to be Lord of your life if you haven’t already done so.

Sarah

This week (10/10/19) marks three years of missing our girl.  Three years without her hugs, kisses, deep late night talks, phone calls, notes left from her around the house, facetiming, hang out time with siblings…..you get the picture.  I think of Sarah and miss her every single day.

Today started like any other Sunday until the waves of grief surprised me and started.  The tears have been hard to stop.  Parts of this grieving process are very predictable, but others still catch me off guard.

I feel like a quote I recently saw on Facebook was a good description of grief.  It said,

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love.  It’s all the love you want to give but cannot.  All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest.  Grief is just love with no place to go.”  ~Jamie Anderson

All of the tears, all of the heartache from missing her, all of the things I wish we had gotten to do – it is all because of the deep love we have for Sarah.  And as the quote says, we don’t have any opportunity to show it directly to her again until we join her in heaven.  So I am sure today’s tears will not be the last tears this week.

If God brings us to mind, I would be grateful for your prayers for us this week as we all carry on our normal schedules while grieving.  I hope God’s presence will be tangible this week and that He will enable us all to get our work done while also giving us some time for grieving as we need it.  I appreciate your prayers!  Love, Heather

Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (NIV)

It has been a long time since I’ve had time to write for the blog or just for myself, and I’ve really missed it!  I’ve never considered myself a writer, but ever since Sarah’s journey began in 2009, writing has been an important outlet for me.  It has helped me remember important things, process all the stress, vent, heal, grieve, and more.  Writing has been a gift…and is something I still need.

I wanted to write today because it is September….Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!

If you have followed Sarah’s journey, then you know that Caps for CURE is something Sarah and I started to raise funds for childhood cancer research.  Until we entered the world of childhood cancer world, we had NO IDEA that childhood cancer kills more kids than any other disease.  And we had NO IDEA how underfunded it is!  Since schools are all about kids, we thought it was the perfect place to raise funds (and awareness!).

This year is the 10th anniversary of Caps for CURE!!!!!!  

While this effort started in schools, it is not limited to schools!!!  Individuals and businesses have also taken part in it!  Since this effort started, schools, individuals, and businesses have given to Caps for CURE – and we are so grateful!  In the last nine years, we have raised more than $80,000!!!!!!!  WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For this 10th anniversary, I am hoping we can raise at least $20,000 so we can cross the $100,000 mark in our total efforts!!!!

Wouldn’t that be amazing?!?!

When schools participate, we normally ask them to have their event in September, since that is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  However, a different date stood out to me for the event this year.  I have encouraged all schools that can to have their event on 10/10/19.  This date is great because it is the 10th anniversary of Caps for CURE…but ultimately I love it for a bigger reason.  Sarah left us for heaven on 10/10/16 at the age of 19 – so to me, 10/10/19 is a perfect way to remember Sarah and honor her work to raise funds for CURE Childhood Cancer!

October 10, 2019 will be the 3rd anniversary of Sarah’s passing.  I wondered just how many days that was without our girl.  That day will mark 1,095 days without our girl.

Stop and think about the people you love most in this world and imagine 1,095 days that you cannot see them, much less talk, text, Facetime, email, etc….  There is not way to adequately put into words what it is like.

For me, in many ways it feels more like forever since we have seen her, heard her voice, felt one of her amazing hugs, and kissed her soft cheeks.  In other ways, some memories with her still feel as clear as if they just happened.

Parents who’ve lost children think about how to spend important days like the anniversary of their passing or their birthday.  Months ago I wondered if I should take a personal day from work on October 10th.  However, when I realized how perfect 10/10/19 was for Caps for CURE – I knew that this year, instead of taking a personal day on 10/10/19, I should be at my school in one of Sarah’s favorite hats carrying on this work that she and I started.  I think Sarah would agree that this is the perfect way for me to spend this 3rd anniversary without her here.

Want to join me in trying to raise at least $20,000 this year???

Here are some ways you can help!

1.  Donate personally on our CURE page in honor of Sarah!  Feel free to share it with others too!!!
2. Parents and teachers – get your school involved!!!!  Many schools in our county will be having Caps for CURE days – but it is not limited to schools here!  ANY school in the world can participate in this event!!!!!!  In fact, we have an amazing school in Asia that has done Caps for CURE for years!!!!!  All of our promotional videos and information are available in the blue bar on the right hand side of the blog under Caps for CURE.  Details for making out your check and turning funds in is on that page as well.
3. Get your business* involved!!!!  Businesses can help raise funds for CURE for us in a variety of ways:
   • Let employees have dress down days if they donate to CURE.
   • Have a hat day at work and even vote for the best hat!  Take up donations from employees who participate to give to CURE.
   • Collect change from employees for the month of September and add it up at the end of the month!  Send it to CURE.
   • Gold is the color of the childhood cancer ribbon – so have a gold out day at work in which employees are encouraged to wear gold.  Collect donations on that day and send them to CURE.

*If you get a business involved, I hope that will make sure they write their check to CURE with Caps for CURE – Barr in the memo so CURE will know that you did it in honor of Sarah.  That will help them be able to let us know our progress in meeting our goal.

Ultimately all fundraising is done not just to honor Sarah – but to help the thousands of children that are currently fighting and those that will be diagnosed in the days ahead!!!

“Save Childhood Dreams” is a slogan CURE Childhood Cancer shares.  That is what we hope happens with all these funds…..that children can be cured of their cancer and grow up to live out their dreams.  One of Sarah’s dreams was to be in the medical field as a pediatric echocardiographer.

Sarah got to spend a day shadowing a pediatric echocardiographer at CHOA in February of 2015! She LOVED it and planned to pursue this as her career if she was healed on earth.

Sarah would have been amazing in that role – and I would have loved seeing her get to live that dream out.  Though that wasn’t God’s plan for Sarah, but I hope it is His plan to help the doctors find safer and more effective treatments with all the funds that are being raised for childhood cancer!

Thank you in advance for helping this fight!  And thank you for your love for Sarah and our family!

Much love, Heather

Psalm 127:3 – “Children are a heritage from the Lord” (NIV)

Today is Sarah’s 22nd birthday.  This is her tenth birthday shared on this blog and her third birthday in heaven.  I haven’t had time to write much while being back at work full-time.  Since a picture is worth a thousand words, I thought I would post some pictures of Sarah and share some things I hope we haven’t shared before.  Maybe you will learn something new about our girl today!

From the start she was a thinker.

When she was young at the beach, she loved drizzling wet sand on herself.  She called it “muck baths”!

She went through a long stretch where she did headstands all the time!  This one was on the lawn at the horticultural center at Callaway Gardens.  She had abs of steel from all those headstands!

I may have shared this picture before, but when I came across it this week, I was reminded on something besides this birthday celebration.  Notice the snaggle teeth in this picture from her 8th birthday?  This reminded me of how much she HATED having teeth pulled.  Before cancer, that was one of the scariest things to her.  She would rather leave a tooth dangling in her mouth than have it pulled!

She learned to read at a young age and loved reading from that time on!  This picture is blurry because I took it from inside the house so it would be completely candid – but it is so sweet to me of her reading while laying on our dog, Midnight!

Sarah loved school.  I have shared before that biology and anatomy were her favorite subjects.  She LOVED dissecting.  Here she was dissecting a crayfish for biology class.

Sarah and I started Caps for CURE together after she finished treatment the first time because we wanted to help fight childhood cancer.  She was excited when we had our first professional video announcements made for schools and helped plan how it all would be done!  She was filmed in the science lab for this version – very fitting!

She LOVED her siblings and enjoyed spending time with them.  This picture is of one of their long Dog-opoly games.

Sarah heading to her first on campus college class!  I am not sure if anyone was more excited about college than Sarah!  She was thrilled to start college her senior year with dual enrollment classes.  She loved to learn and dreamed of going away to college to get her degree.

When Sarah was much younger, she loved to try and catch grasshoppers in the yard.  We don’t have any pictures of that, but recently I have had a couple of unusual grasshopper encounters that reminded me of her catching them.  This particular grasshopper got on my sister’s windshield while she and I were getting dinner and stayed with us a while.

A final picture – of Sarah and that smile!  This was taken 11 days before she left for heaven.  We had been given one more trip to the beach, and even with her legs swollen from the hours riding in the car and knowing the car was loaded with medicines, oxygen tanks, and more – Sarah fought for joy!  She did it all the way through the seven years of her battle.  I found this to be a great reminder for me, as we have to continue to fight for joy even while dealing with the sorrow from missing her and from other stresses in this life.

Thanks for looking through the pictures and reading!  We love it when people share memories they have of Sarah!  If you have any stories to share, please comment and share them!!

Sometimes people mention that they want to do something in honor of Sarah.  If anyone wants any ideas, here are a few I know she would recommend:

1. Donate blood or platelets!
2. Give to 1 Million for Anna – an organization that is dedicated specifically to the fight against Ewing’s.
3. Give to Operation Christmas Child.

We love you!  Heather

Psalm 127:3a  Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord (ESV)

Today, October 10th, marks two years since Sarah left for heaven.  We miss our Sunshine.

Time is a funny thing, isn’t it?  The same memory that can feel like yesterday in one moment feels like a lifetime ago in another.  So many memories with Sarah are fresh and vivid to me.  But overall right now, it feels more like a lifetime for me since we got to hear her voice, have one of her amazing hugs, and just spend time with her.

I really knew nothing about grief before Sarah’s passing.  Just as time feels different from one moment to the next, I am continually learning that grief can too.

In many ways, this second year of grief has been harder than the first for me.  We were warned that when whatever numbness you have the first year wears off, you begin to see how hard the second year is.  This was definitely true for me!

I am still amazed at how exhausting grief can be.  It can drain you of energy even when it isn’t on the forefront of your mind.  Grief can catch you off guard with its unpredictable nature.  You could be having a really good day and then hear or see something that hits you hard and reduces you to a puddle of tears.

Grief may change over time, but it doesn’t have a time limit.  It will be with me in some form or another until I get to heaven and am reunited with Sarah.

As a family, we made a plan to observe this anniversary together last Saturday.  Since kayaking was one of our very favorite things to do as a family, we kayaked again this year for this anniversary.  This time we did our first river trip.  We spent a little over three hours on the river.

We never saw another boat and only saw a handful of people.  The weather was great, and we enjoyed having the river to ourselves.

Nala came along and was adorable!

As I watched Nala enjoying the trip I kept thinking that if Sarah were here she would not have been able to handle that much cuteness!  She would have talked about it the whole trip.

God gave us some sweet moments on Saturday.  I think I have shared on the blog that butterflies make us think of Sarah.  Three yellow butterflies flew around us a lot while we were loading the boats Saturday morning.  Then while we were out on the river, one landed on my hat and stayed with me for a little while.

Another landed on Jackson’s paddle and then got on his hand and his leg.

This week we put some new flowers at Sarah’s spot.  When I saw these yellow roses, I thought they were perfect for our Sunshine!  Catherine noticed a rainbow at the cemetery just after we put out these new flowers for Sarah.  We were thankful for that!

We are grateful for all your prayers this month as we get through this anniversary and her birthday.  Many people have texted, sent emails, sent Facebook messages, and more.  We appreciate every one of these things!!  It means the world to know that you are remembering Sarah and celebrating her life with us.

I will close there for today and will plan to share a few more things in a couple of weeks for Sarah’s birthday.  We love you, Heather

**For those of you who are subscribers and get the emailed version of the post, your email will not show the sidebar that I refer to in this post.  Click on this link (https://journeywithsarah.wordpress.com/caps-for-cure/) to go straight to the Caps for CURE page of our blog!  

It is time for Caps for CURE 2018!!!!  I am excited about another year of raising awareness about childhood cancer and raising funds for childhood cancer research!

For those who might not know, Sarah and I created Caps for CURE in 2010.  Sarah had completed treatment for Ewing’s for the first time at that point, and we had learned firsthand how many kids this was affecting and how underfunded it was.  We wanted to do something that would spread the word and raise some money.

While Sarah had been on treatment, a school in our area did a fundraiser for us in which kids at the school who brought $1 for us could wear a hat for the day.  As we brainstormed ways we could help raise funds for research, we thought back to this hat day!  We imagined how much could be raised if every child in our county brought just $1 in for CURE.  We both loved the idea of kids wearing caps for the day since many cancer kids wear caps and bandannas a lot after losing their hair.

Since 2010, thousands of dollars have been raised by students to help fund research!  I hope students will raise more this year than ever before!!  Kids battling cancer deserve safer and better treatments!

If you want to get a school, daycare, church, Awana group, business, or anyone else involved in Caps for CURE, click on the words “Caps for CURE” in the righthand sidebar for all the details!  On that page you will find wonderful video announcements done by Sarah and other amazing cancer fighters!  (Thank you John & Intertia Films for your great work on the videos!!)  You will also find a variety of flyers you can download to print, images to promote the event on FB or your webpage, and more!

If you decide to join with us in raising funds for CURE Childhood Cancer, please comment below to let me know!  Feel free to share this post if you want to help others get involved with it!

Thank you!!  Heather

Before you read this post, I wanted to preface it.  As with every blog post, my goal is to honestly share our story to the best of my ability.  This blog doesn’t tell every single part of our journey, as we don’t feel everything should be shared on a public blog.  Some parts of the journey are treasures that are for just us.  Other parts are too emotional or painful to choose to share here.  With that said, this post is one that is deeply emotional and sensitive for us all, so it is one we debated sharing.  I have spent more time writing and re-writing this than any other post because for some reason I felt very compelled to share as much of it as we felt was appropriate.  Here goes…

October 2011 – Our firstborn was about to get her learner’s license!  It is a rite of passage that most kids are excited about, and Sarah was no exception.

Sarah was proud to show her learner’s license to her doctor at a routine clinic appointment on Halloween 2011. On a side note – she made her duct tape vest, hairbow, and shoes as a costume for clinic that day. And don’t you love those little pigtails that she had to wait such a long time for?  🙂

You may remember that as you complete the forms for that, you indicate whether or not you want to be an organ donor.  Sarah marked yes.  We didn’t know which of her organs, if any, would be able to be donated after everything her body had been through from cancer, but she wanted to give whatever she could.

Opinions about organ donation vary from one person to the next.  Our whole family is in favor of organ donation.  I believe it is an amazing thing that God has allowed people to learn to do.

Like most 15-year-olds, when Sarah checked that box, she expected it to be a VERY far off reality.  None of us ever dreamed that we would be faced with this issue just five years later.

Fast forward five years to October 10, 2016.  After Sarah passed from here to heaven, we packed up all our things from that ICU room and headed home from the hospital.  Five of us had been at the hospital, but now only four of us headed home.

We were exhausted, heartbroken for ourselves, and yet relieved for Sarah that her battle and her suffering was over.

On the drive home from the hospital, my phone rang.  It wasn’t a number I knew, but I went ahead and answered in case it was the hospital.  Turns out it was the eye donation center calling to ask us if we wanted to donate Sarah’s eyes.  After all Sarah had been through, her eyes were the only organ she could donate.  Obviously, organs that are to be donated have to be taken care of quickly – so they have to ask you right away.

The call caught us totally off guard.

Being in favor of organ donation, you might expect that we said yes right away.  However, that was not the case at all.

It had only been a few hours since Sarah had passed.  It was upsetting for me to hear this question asked on the phone, and everyone in the car was upset when I asked them.  The initial reaction for all of us was NO!!!

The initial no came because we immediately felt a tremendous sense of protectiveness over Sarah’s body.  Like soldiers, we were ready to guard and protect Sarah’s body in every way.  That instant protective feeling wasn’t something I expected to feel, nor would I have told you that all four of us would feel it so strongly.

Sarah’s poor body had already been through so much over the past seven years…fourteen surgeries, countless needle pokes, chest tubes, ports, chemo, radiation, and so much more.  Her body was finally at peace after years of battle.

The thought of someone taking her precious body and removing her eyes was more than we could stand.  We had to give an answer, but we needed a few more minutes to discuss it.  So there we were, sitting in traffic (which is not where you want to be while having this sort of discussion) as we cried and discussed what to do.

Helen Keller once said, “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.”

At this point, our “sight” only allowed us to see that yet another invasive procedure would have to be done in order for her eyes to be donated.

After several minutes of discussion, we caught a “vision” of how that gift could help someone, and we had peace to say yes.

Here’s a glimpse into some of the things that gave us the peace to move forward:

• David thought back to Sarah checking to be an organ donor on her learner’s license, so we knew she had wanted to do this.
• I thought about the fact that Sarah was actually the recipient of a cadaver bone to replace the section of her femur that she lost to cancer. That bone helped her eventually walk again!
• We talked about a wonderful friend that had received a heart transplant a few years earlier and what a blessing that was for him and his family!
• Finally, we knew that Sarah wanted her situation and even her death to bring good things in the lives of others. That was something she and I discussed many times.  David pointed out that her eyes were the final gift she could give to someone, and they would be wasted if we said no.

When I called the woman back to tell her “yes”, I wasn’t prepared for the long discussion that would follow.  Much like when you donate blood, I had to answer a very long series of questions to make sure Sarah’s eyes could be donated.  That was followed by some brief explanations about the whole thing.  I don’t remember all the questions or the explanations.  I do remember feeling like this call would never end!  I also remember trying to keep the rest of the family from hearing the other end of the call because some things that were discussed were of a sensitive nature and were painful to hear.

Though we were at peace with this decision, it still wasn’t an easy phone call in that moment.  Obviously, we know these things have to be discussed by the people from the organ donation organization!  I just wanted to share that this was another hard part of the whole thing.

Needless to say, by the time we got home, the four of us were even more wiped out than when we left the hospital.

After going through this experience, my heart goes out to every person that has been asked about donating a loved one’s organs.  Like us, some people who get that call knew that their loved one was going to pass away.  Others that have gotten that call have just lost their loved one unexpectedly.  Whether the loved one’s death was expected or not, I am guessing we are not the only ones who found this to be a tough debate in those first moments after such a great loss.  Some people may be able to provide a yes or no answer quickly and without debate, but for those of us who have to debate it, it is challenging!

While working on writing this, I decided to reach out to the organization to see if I could find out if Sarah’s eyes had helped anyone.  We heard back from them and learned that two different people received cornea transplants because of Sarah.  I was so thankful to hear that!  My hope for these two people is that along with the restoration or repair of their “sight”, God will give them the “vision” to see His great love for them if they don’t already know Him!

This post has not been written to try to persuade people to be in favor of organ donation.  We completely respect that each person has to decide for themselves if they are for or against it, and we are blessed to live in a country with the freedom to make those choices!

It was a hard post to write, yet I still felt very compelled to share it.  I am not sure I will ever know why God directed me to share it, but these thoughts were on my mind while I was writing.

• First, I simply hope it helps you understand another part of our story that we haven’t shared yet.
• If you haven’t experienced this, I hope after reading this you will have a new sense of compassion for people who lose a loved one and find themselves in this same situation. When you hear of a loss, maybe now you will pray not only for God to comfort that family, but also for God to help them if they are making decisions like this.
• If you are an adult, I hope you will let your family know what your wishes are for yourself regarding organ donation.
• I have known a few people who have had successful transplants. When I would hear that they were getting their transplant, my prayers primarily focused on their surgery, recovery, and the success of the transplant.  Most organ transplants only happen because someone else lost their life.  Now that we have experienced this side of things, I know to pray not only for the one receiving the transplant, but also to pray for the family who just experienced the loss.
• After going through this, I wish I had been prepared for this call to come soon after she passed so that we wouldn’t have been caught so off guard. And I wish that I had known about the long series of questions and information that would follow.  I still think it would have been hard, but I feel like it would have helped a little if I had known.  I hope that NONE of you reading have to go through an experience like this, but in the event that you do at some point – maybe this will come back to your mind and will somehow help you not be caught so off guard like we were.
• If you have already been through an experience like this and found it to be as challenging as we did – I hope you will know that you are not alone in that!

This picture came to mind to share, as I have always loved how this picture showed both Sarah’s and Catherine’s eyes.  (Taken in August 2010 after they both got their ears pierced.)

Thanks for reading and supporting us on this journey!  Love, Heather

1 Cor. 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (ESV)

Hi Everyone.  It has been a while since I have posted, so I wanted to catch you up a little today and wish you a Merry Christmas.

Fall is my favorite season, and this fall brought beautiful fall colors and some wonderful temperatures.  During these months, we’ve had some fun family times, a baby shower for a great niece we can’t wait to soon meet, and a short trip to the beach together.

Along with these good things, this fall also proved to be really challenging.  Some of the many challenges this fall include the first anniversary of Sarah’s passing, her 21st birthday, another Thanksgiving without her, and the start of another Christmas season without her.  Not all our challenges this fall have been directly related to Sarah’s passing, but we have found other “normal” stresses to be more draining while grieving.

Now, as 2017 is wrapping up, we are quickly coming to the end of the first complete calendar year in which we haven’t seen Sarah, held her, hugged her, heard her voice, or made memories with her.  So hard…

Some of our friends who have lost a child to cancer have told us that the second and third years are harder than the first.  We were warned that there is some numbness the first year that is gone in the years after that.  Some friends tell us that one of the ways that grief gets harder as you go is that the permanence of the child’s absence sets in.  I have definitely felt some of those things growing throughout the last couple of months.  Tears have fallen a lot more frequently for me lately.  Songs continue to remind me of Sarah all the time.  And boy did she love Christmas, so once again putting out Christmas decorations brought tears.

The hard things aren’t fun to write about, but I wanted to share all this because I am always thankful for prayers for our family and because I just want to let others know a little of what our experiences are like.  Maybe someone reading this is struggling with grief and will know that they aren’t alone in that!

For those who read this and don’t ever get to see us in person – please know that though these months have been really hard, there has also been laughter, joy, and just the carrying on of our normal routines and responsibilities.

I’ll take a minute to give a quick update on some of the things we have done since I last posted.

The four of us spent the first anniversary of Sarah’s passing together.  We met Catherine halfway between here and where she is in college.  We spent the day kayaking, sharing stories of Sarah, watching some home videos, and just being together.  There were some tears that day for me, especially right at 12:48pm (the time she passed), but it was a beautiful, sweet, slow paced day where we thoroughly enjoyed remembering Sarah.

Jackson got out of his kayak to take a picture of our beautiful surroundings for the day.

Even Nala came with us for this day. 🙂

Sarah’s 21st birthday was just two weeks after the anniversary of her passing.  We decided to meet halfway again.  This time the plan was to spend the day doing some of Sarah’s favorite things – eating meals Sarah enjoyed, getting frozen yogurt together, and shopping for goodies for Operation Christmas Child boxes.  This day turned out to be more hectic with the running around to shop, a little unexpected tire trouble, and a big presentation Catherine had coming the next day – but we were still glad to be together again.

Having some frozen yogurt in honor of Sarah’s 21st birthday.

Right before Thanksgiving the four of us took a really quick trip to the beach.  This was our first beach trip like this without Sarah.  I had a meltdown a few days before we left.  I am not sure that anywhere will make me think of Sarah more than the beach will, so as we got closer to leaving for that trip, I just couldn’t imagine going without her.  Thankfully, the trip wasn’t filled with tears like I thought it might be.  I was flooded with memories of Sarah and countless times had thoughts about things we were seeing that she would love – but the memories were sweet and the time away was a great time to reflect on the gift she is to us.

With this trip being in late November, we knew we wouldn’t swim, so we brought our kayaks with us.  Sarah wanted me to have her kayak, and we got David one for Father’s Day…so now all four of us have a kayak.  Our kayaks are not sea kayaks, but thankfully the gulf water was really calm for the two days we were there allowing us to enjoy time on the water.  That was the highlight of our trip.

Most of you know that Sarah painted a butterfly painting for an auction for Rally, and Beads of Courage give families a butterfly bead when their child passes away.  One of my favorite parts of the beach trip were all the butterflies we saw!  I have never seen so many butterflies at the beach, and they all felt like a gift from God.  Jackson even had one that landed on his hand.  We didn’t get any good pictures of them, but they were wonderful!

Now onto Christmas wishes!

Christmas is coming quickly!  I hope all of you are getting ready for it.  As we approach Christmas, it is a great time to set our minds on Jesus and His birth.  Thinking about His birth reminds us of why He came to earth as a baby.  He came to pay the price for our sins and make a way for us to be with God in heaven forever!!!  There is no Christmas gift that could ever compare to the gift of Jesus.

I hope that you know Jesus as your Savior!!  If you don’t know what Jesus has done for you, maybe this Christmas you would consider reading the Bible to find out.  Luke is a great book of the Bible to read about the story of Jesus’s birth.  If you aren’t interested in reading the Bible just yet, maybe you would want to read The Case for Christmas by Lee Strobel.

We are grateful for your continued prayers for our family as God brings us to your mind.  We love you all!  Hope all of you have a Merry Christmas!  Love, Heather

Luke 2:10-11 And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” (ESV)