I thought that I’d never have a reason to say this but… I find TikTok entertaining!
Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 12 May 26 @ 1209
“Do bi guys eventually turn into gay guys?”
One of the things I would eventually hear about was how bi guys were really gay guys who were in denial of their gayness and, as such, they were to stop being in denial and become the gay man they know themselves to be.
I heard this more from gay dudes than anyone else and I could never really figure out why they would be so insistent that us bi guys were just gay guys in disguise. True enough, some bi guys would determine that they’re really gay or some situational shit would dictate that if he wanted to continue to be intimate and to have sex that didn’t involve masturbation only, then gay was the way to go.
A couple of members on the forum started out being bi but now they’ve embraced being gay and their stories are like a case study in why guys can go from straight to bi to gay. But to imply that a bi guy is or has to turn into a gay guy is patently ridiculous or, what I really think, it’s wishful thinking on their part and as evidenced by the many times I’ve had sex with a gay dude, and he tells me that I should really be gay.
Or they’d get miffed because I wasn’t gay and didn’t want anything to do with me other than to “demand” that I stop being in denial. From my perspective, this… mandate could have come into existence because, back in the day, it was believed that there were only two choices to be made regarding your sexuality – heterosexual or homosexual – and do not pick that last choice if you know what’s good for you. It would be proven yet again that for some men, what’s good for them are other men. It was also a “thing” that men who had been traumatized by women would wind up being gay and, I believe, gave birth to the misconception that all gay men hate women with unbridled passion.
Since there were only two “recognized” choices, it wasn’t hard for me to see how bisexuality could, bluntly, fuck some shit up in this regard and, yeah, as I’ve related too many times, if you were a guy who went both ways, something was wrong with you so pick a side… and preferably not the gay side. Some guys I knew got “conscripted” into being gay because they were told – and they believed – that bisexuality was just a side trip on the way to being fully gay and that they could save themselves some grief by accepting their gayness and, besides: Bisexuality isn’t real to begin with.
When you consider that this was a point in time were (a) bisexuals were still around because they’d always been around but (b) social norms were applying pressure to insist that there were only two ways you could be and one of them wasn’t on the approved list. I remember saying to someone who told me that there’s no way in hell I could be bisexual because there’s no such thing, “What? What am I, chopped liver or something?”
You can get to a point where you get tired of people trying to tell you that you cannot be what you know yourself to be and your actions have validated things. For male bisexuals, it was just a thing that men were for sex only and women were for sex and everything else one might need in their life and while guys were happy to have sex with guys, it would continue to be fine and dandy right up to the point where someone gets into their feelings and, oh, hell no – that’s some gay shit!
Suggest to a bi guy that he would, somewhere along the line, become a fully homosexual guy and, welp, you might want to duck and cover and, um, yeah, shit, I had to learn not to go all medieval on someone who (a) insisted that I couldn’t be bisexual because there was no such thing and (b) if it was real, it was still just a waypoint on the way to full-blown homosexuality. Some insisted that I was really on the way to being gay since everyone knew there was no such thing as a Black bisexual since all Blacks were homophobic.
Uh, nope, not where I come from. If nothing else, this whole “you’re gonna be gay anyway” thing was a lesson the group mindset and as mandated by social norms that vilified homosexuality but acknowledged that, okay, homosexuality is really real after all… but that bisexual thing? Still just a waypoint on the way to be gay.
The reality that I’ve come to understand is that a bi guy will become a gay guy if and when being gay is what best fits the way he wants or needs to live his life. For as long as I can remember, gays have said that homosexuality isn’t a choice but, um, bisexuals were being told to make the choice to be homosexual and from where I stood in the middle of all of this, it was interesting to hear “both sides” insisting that their way was the only way to be and because this seemed to be the case, it was no wonder that bisexuality could fuck up everything we thought we knew about sex and sexuality.
No one can be both and stay that way? There’s a lot of us, including myself, who’d beg to differ. Sure, I don’t know of a bi guy who hasn’t, at some point, wondered if he’s really gay and that’s usually because once one takes the plunge, whew, you just can’t get enough dick and ain’t that shit crazy? I remember a girl asking me, “Why aren’t you really gay?” and my answer was, “Because I don’t want to be…” and just before I got into those panties.
Why be only one way to be when you could be both? Yeah, uh-huh, no wonder bisexuality was being called “the best of both worlds” and, indeed it was… at least on paper but one’s real-life experiences could very much differ and to the point where guys who couldn’t get the time of day from a female would embrace a homosexual lifestyle because, as one such guy told me, “It’s better than nothing…” and that, to me, spoke to the very human need to be intimate with someone.
Today and with bi guys understanding that in their bi-ness, they can embrace the emotional side of being bisexual and it doesn’t have to be the “guys are only for sex” thing that I grew up with and always knew about. The perception that I grew up with was that if you had feelings for a guy that didn’t have anything to do with having sex, well, you must really be gay. And I, along with every bi guy I knew, believed this… right up to the point where I got… reeducated about such things because I was in love with a gay man, but it didn’t change the fact that I was very much bisexual.
Hmm. So, um, you can be a guy, have deep feelings for another guy, but that doesn’t make you gay and like everyone believed. Is it a given that a bi guy is going to become a gay one? No and anyone who believes this would be regurgitating a misconception that is way older than I am. Again, a bi guy could choose to be gay if it suited his purposes but if it didn’t, who says he has to become gay at some point?
That would be mostly gay dudes and straight dudes who believe that their ways are the only way to be and if you’re a real man, you won’t be a gay one while gay men will let you know in no uncertain terms that they, too, are real men because they’ve accept the real truth about themselves and very much unlike all those greedy bisexual motherfuckers who don’t want to accept the real truth about themselves.
Uh, yeah, right, sure. Whatever. For as long as I care to remember, a guy could find out that girls aren’t the only people you can have sex with. Despite what we were told and taught, guys can and do have sex with each other and get this: Not all of them are homosexual. The persistent insistence that if you were a guy having sex with guys, you were in denial and you were, unquestionably and indisputable into men like gay men are. Oh, and you were only consorting with women to hide the fact that you’re really gay.
If you were to develop feelings for a guy, it could kill your sexual relationship with the object of your affection because… that was some gay shit. Today, there are bisexual men who insist upon being with guys who are into the emotional aspect of being bi and not just the sex… and they’re frustrated because guys are, still and mostly, all about the sex and not the emotional side all that much… because we continue to believe that this means you’re really gay.
Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 09 May 26 @ 1404
A member asked about coming out, who you came out to, and how did those you came out to handled this bit of information. Coming out is probably scarier than waking up one morning and you wanna have sex with your best friend and when you never thought of him like that before.
Guys today are scared shitless of being outed and it keeps them sitting on the sidelines and “suffering” with the insistent desire and need to have sex with a guy but the problem with that is that you’d have to out yourself to a guy to be able to put the proposition on the table. Sure, there’s dropping hints and other sly things that may or may not reveal your secret to someone but in this, we have plenty of real-life horror stories told by homosexuals who came out and… some didn’t live to regret it and way too many did.
I found that a lot of the people I knew wouldn’t do well to hear something about me that they were told to never do, let alone believe in so I had to pick and choose who needed to know and who didn’t like, um, I didn’t have to tell my mother since she caught me fucking a guy so, shit, that pretty much told her that I wasn’t straight and even many years later, she had said, “I always knew there was something special about you…”
I was sixteen when I decided that I didn’t give a fuck who knew I was bisexual; they were either going to be okay with it or they weren’t and as someone told me, you’ll find out who your real friends are because they won’t give a fuck about your sexuality. I’ll say that “more than a few” of my male friends at this time jumped ship and were fearful that I was going to jump their bones. The funny part about this was that I wouldn’t have had sex with them even if it was going to save my life.
The ones I told who didn’t have a problem with my sexuality, well, um, let’s just say that some of them had already figured it out for themselves and their curiosity was piqued before my confession. One of my friends said, “Man, I’m glad you told me because I’ve been wanting to blow you since the first day I met you!”
Some dude rolled up on me at school and said, “Yo, I hear you swing both ways. Is it true? Are you some kind of faggot?”
I went from being okay to full red alert in about a half a second and said, “I’m not a faggot and, besides, it’s none of your business since I don’t know you.”
“I don’t like faggots,” he said.
“That sounds like a personal problem,” I replied.
“I’m gonna beat you straight,” he said.
Sigh. I put my books in my locker and closed it and the moment I closed the door he swung and… his punch slammed into the door, and I commenced to kicking his ass until I knocked him out. Welp, that I got suspended was a given and when the vice-principal asked why we were fighting I told him, “I’m not a faggot and I wasn’t going to let him hit me.”
Of course, I had to tell my mother why I’d been suspended for a week – and this happened after she caught me. She sighed, reminded me that violence doesn’t solve anything but agreed that I had to defend myself and, oh, yeah – I’m grounded for the rest of the month. I was allowed to see my girlfriend and our son but that was about the size of things.
I had said that if anyone doesn’t like what I am and can’t handle the truth, there’s nothing they can do about it except to not like it or me and bringing violence to me, well, I can be dangerously violent. Fortunately, I didn’t get into any other fights about my sexuality and not counting the time me and my sister beat this dude up for talking about our mother. Yeah, you talk about Mom, you’re asking to get a beat-down.
Otherwise, I was okay with the decision I made. Those who needed to know, knew; those who didn’t, didn’t and I didn’t give any fucks if they happened to find out. I lost a lot of male and female friends but, at the same time, I’d gained some friends because, come to find out, they were just as bisexual as I was and, yeah, the guy who wanted to blow me since he first met me?
We had a good time wrecking his bedroom. He had told me that he was afraid to come out and tell me that he was sexually interested in me and it was a secret from everyone else he knew and I understood it because homophobia was not only a real thing but it was driving people to take matters into their own hands and not in a good way.
I learned a lot more about people when I came out and how they strongly believed in what religion had to say about homosexuality. Like I told this one girl I had wanted to fuck really bad, “I’m not a homosexual – I’m bisexual and that means I go both ways and the fact that I suck dick has nothing to do with me wanting to make love to you.”
I didn’t get to have sex with her… but her sister was magnificent. I had to listen to “You don’t look like the type…” more than I wanted to but, okay, no – I don’t look like the type and what does the type look like anyway? When you believe that people are either straight or gay, it’s hard to believe – or even conceive – that someone could be both. One woman asked, “So, does that mean you like dudes like you do women?”
“No, I like having sex with guys and that’s about the size of it,” I said. “Like a lot of guys like me, I prefer women but if I had a chance to suck a dick, I probably wouldn’t say no.”
I learned to stop being afraid of coming out or being outed. If you need to know, I’ll tell you; if I think you don’t, well, I’ll never tell you and that’s that.
It’ll be interesting to see how other members of the forum respond to the post about coming out…
Living With… Stuff: 08 May 26
As some of you may know or remember, I have polycystic kidney disease to which there is no cure and remedies to reduce the cysts themselves can be fruitless since, I’ve been told, they’d just come back. When asked what, if anything, I could do to better my eGFR and creatinine numbers, my nephrologist echoes something my PCP said:
Drink more water.
It’s not exactly “yuck” but water is boring. It has no taste. It tastes terrible when it’s warm and did I mention how tasteless it is? So when trying to take this very good and reasonable medical advice in hand, I wound up spending quite a bit of money overall buying big bottles of “enhanced” waters and while I found Core to be to my liking, the more I bought from Amazon, the more expensive it was getting and it was too rich for my blood so it was back to filling up my two water bottles with Brita-filtered water and I was doing great for a while before water got boring again.
Or I’d drink so much water that when I stood up to go to the bathroom, I could feel it sloshing around in my stomach – that doesn’t feel good and there have been times when I’ve drank too much water and have thrown it up again. So the onus was on me to drink more water but to not drink too much water which was the easier of the two things because water is boring. Except when used to make a nice cup of coffee.
My lady’s son and daughter-in-law gave her a Cirkul mug that has a straw built in and holds 40 ounces of water. Now, I had seen ads for Cirkul and I barely recalled looking into this and other flavored water things and all of them have stuff like sorbitol and other sweet but not sugary things and I’ll admit to being a bit jealous of my lady’s new mug and more so when that woman drinks water like it’s going to be declared illegal any moment now – and has no shame in reminding me (and my doctors) that she drinks water like a fish.
So I went on Amazon to look for the mug that she got and willing to take a chance with Cirkul’s zero sugar concoctions, knowing that (a) if it’s not real sugar, it leaves a nasty aftertaste in my mouth (b) it can upset my stomach and (c) upset the water balance in my stomach and have me looking for my bottle of Imodium. Why? Because I really, really needed to drink more water, not just for the sake of my kidneys but also to do something about this persistent dry mouth that radiation treatments stuck me with. I’m two years past my last treatments and my mouth usually feels like I’ve been eating sand, my sense of taste is screwed up – again – and it can’t make up its mind whether I can taste sweet or I can taste salty but not even close to how I could before radiation treatments.
I couldn’t find her mug and, honestly, I probably could have had I been patient enough, but I found Cirkul’s Titanium bottle instead and it came with a six pack of flavors at a nice price and, again, I’m willing to try anything to keep my kidneys stable. I love my Cirkul bottle. Some of the flavors, eh, I’m not all that crazy about and more so when I can only taste them for a moment and then nothing. When mine arrived my lady correctly said that I only got one because she has one and I said, “Yeah, you’re right…” I had put the Honeycrisp Apple flavor cartridge in and, hmm, this doesn’t taste all that bad although my sugar-trained tongue let me know that, okay, it’s kinda sweet but it’s not sugar and you know what that’s gonna mean and to that end, um, shit, I wish I had been disappointed but I wasn’t but, once again, I was committed to this.
My bottle is 32 ounces and I manage to suck it dry at least twice a day (and if your mind is in the gutter, so was mine). I’ve… kinda gotten used to the zero-sugar thing and these days, nothing irks me more than to pick up my bottle, bring it to my lips, suck on the “nipple” and… damn it, I’m out of water. Again. And I need ice. The Titanium bottle keeps the water cold for quite a bit of time; I’ve gone to bed with some ice cubes still in the bottle and have wakened up, grabbed the bottle to head for the kitchen, and there’s still ice in there.
Fucking cool. Just way fucking cool. I am having a ball drinking water and when I’ve gone through all the flavor the insert has to offer, well, I can pop in another one – but the water is still nice and cold and… not so boring. Now, here’s the lie I told myself. I had said that I was going to give this Cirkul thing a try and when I run out of flavorings, I’m probably not going to buy any more. I had sucked my last tube dry of deliciousness (yeah, another double entendre), said that my test was successful and I had been drinking a lot more water but, nah, not buying anymore cartridges and I was even saying that when I went on Amazon to order twelve more of which six of them are “Frosted Refreshers.” Hmm, okay, they don’t cost a whole lot so I got six of the ones that came with my Cirkul initially and six of the Frosted Refreshers and they arrived just in time as I had just sucked the last drop out and, yeah, I’m having fun with this.
I want to try the Frosted Refreshes so I grabbed the first one on my right that had “Pink” in the name of the flavor and, why, Jesus? Why did I pick that one? Even better, when I saw “Pink” I knew I was going to be in for what I’ll politely call an interesting taste, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. I screw in the cartridge (heh, heh), set the flavor dial to ‘3’, and take a nice, long pull on the nipple and… holy shit. You ever taste pink? I did. I have never been so… encouraged not taste pink again. But this is a brand-new cartridge and there’s another one in the box which, yeah, you guessed it, will be saved for last.
I bore up under the taste of pink and, no, definitely not the pink I’m used to tasting and you do catch my drift. I was so happy to discover that I’d sucked all of the flavor out so I could put in a new cartridge. “Paradise” is the new flavor and it’s not bad but, then again, plain old water would’ve been better than “Pink.”
The bottom line is that I’m drinking a lot more water. My doctors will, hopefully, be happy. My lady? Eh, she’s kinda proud of me but probably won’t be totally happy with me until I can drink more water than she does and I plead no contest, Your Honor.
Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 08 May 26 @ 1231
I usually scribble on and on about the joys and foibles of male bisexuality but, today, I want to do some blathering about the Tags “bisexual” and “bisexuality” that can be found in the Reader.
When I first saw this feature, I was feeling pretty good about it because it would give me a chance to read about other bisexuals who were writing about it. For the longest time, I would sit and read whatever the Tags found with interest but then stuff written by other bloggers fell off and I figured that for some, blogging can be a lot of work that takes a lot of time, and they have other things that require their attention.
For the last two or three years (give or take), the Tags changed from bloggers writing their thoughts about bisexuality to book reports on published book and/or movie/TV reviews and even, at first, a lot of “complaints” about why there wasn’t proper representation of bisexuals in books, movies, and TV. When a lot of celebrities started coming out as bi (or even gay), the Tags would show me something that I can’t say that I understand: A celebrity comes out as bi and people are losing their shit over it and they have plenty to say that’s good, bad, or indifferent.
When it’s not really those worthy folks who have the most issues with sexuality. I point to a salient moment in things when Queen Lateefa came out as bi and… the world really lost their shit over it but many of us, upon hearing about her admission, said, “Shit, girl, you didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know about you.”
Why do we care that Lady Gaga is bisexual? Sure, the media – and at one time – would have a field day writing about her sexuality and inferring that she might really be gay and all other kinds of irrelevant nonsense, but do we care if our next-door neighbor is bisexual and having issues dealing with it? Or if it’s not our neighbor, it’s a friend or a relative that at some point in their life, got that wakeup call that does tend to freak a lot of people out.
I’m thinking that ranting and raving over the exclusion or misrepresentation of bisexuals in various mediums can be okay but not helping much on the whole of things. I’ve seen pieces of what I call psychobabble where the author… goes off the reservation about bisexuality and tend to rehash all of the negative shit I’ve ever heard about bisexuality instead of writing something that says, “Look, it’s okay to be bisexual.”
And saying something along these lines without it really saying, “Look, it’s okay to be bisexual… but.” and what follows the “but” is more tired-assed rehashing of the negatives that are older than I am – but I get it because these generational scribblers do not know what I know about bisexuality because they’re “just now” learning about something I’ve known about for almost the entirety of my life. Which, in a way, makes it kinda interesting to check the Tags and… book reports. Movie/TV reviews. Commentary about some celebrity coming out or who is suspected to not be as straight as they may appear to be.
Very few things written by real people anymore.
Gaming: Xbox Series X: Minecraft (No Apologies)
I was working on the building I showed you yesterday when, in the middle of putting in the roof, I thought, “Something’s not right.”
It took me a moment to look around and realized that I did not build the big version of the building: I built the smaller version and the thing that messed with my head for a moment was that I did not even think about building this one – my mind was on the big version.
Did I actually plan to build the smaller version? I was uncertain as I elevated high above to look down and, yep, this is the smaller version and… it fits perfectly in the place I built it, well, give or take five or six places. Now I’m bugging a little: Did I look at the area I wanted to build in, and my mind decided that instead of the big building that I can do in my sleep, I saw the space I had to work in, and my brain just picked the right building specs?
Fuck if I know. I finished the roof; I finished the flooring including doing some cool patterns on the floor that I’d never seen or thought of before. I’m looking around the finished building to see if I missed something – I need more light on the inside to keep mobs from spawning in there – but the building is finished and looks nice among the other buildings in my “city.”
I had quite the conversation with myself when I realized my “mistake.” I’m standing in the middle of the building and looking around while reciting the dimensions to myself and, oh, fuck me, yeah, okay, this is the smaller version because there are like six more sides to the big version and the dimensions are radically different.
To take the dimensions of the smaller version and do them times two… doesn’t work because, oddly, building damned near anything in Minecraft calls for blocks to be of uneven numbers and, yeah, I knew this before I created the big building and found out the very hard way that (a) I wasn’t thinking about the Minecraft oddity and (b) I had to tear down half the damned thing and redo it from scratch. It was bad enough that I didn’t realize my mistake before I really started building like, for example, I can usually tell when the framework is wrong just by looking at it… sometimes. I have gotten deep into the build before realizing that, damn it all to hell – I fucked up and back when I laid the framework.
If the framework is wrong, the whole building will be wrong.
Which has had me asking myself, “Do you know how to count, dummy?” Uh, apparently, when I’m building one of these places, my education seems to fail me. This reminds me of the day I wanted to sit down and write down exactly how to build one of these ‘monstrosities’ and… I couldn’t do it. Okay, look, occasional mistakes aside, I know exactly how to build one from beginning to end. I’d got the framework stuff written down and, as it turned out, that was the easy part, as was how important it was to build on flat land and, yeah, I know that when the land isn’t flat, the build doesn’t work right.
In the version I just finished – and in response to a question my grandson had asked about the number of blocks needed to start building the roof – I couldn’t answer him because I didn’t know. It never occurred to me to count those block so as to set the dimensions for the roof and like I had to do for the framework. It’s actually easier for you to watch me do the roof than it is for me to tell you how I did it. My now-late son-in-law had asked me how I came up with the design for the roof and my response was, “I don’t know – why are you asking me?” and I genuinely did not know but I… felt my way through the construction of the roof or the way I was doing it felt right.
While I love the overhead view of the building, it doesn’t compare to being inside the building and looking up at the granite and glass roof and it’s even prettier at night and the building is all lit up. I still have a note to take a screenshot of the inside of the building so you can see it from that perspective.
I had posted the smaller building on the Minecraft Facebook group the day I finished the very first one and the oohs and aahs and other compliments rolled in, but one guy had asked, “Where did you find the plans for this?”
“In my head,” I said. “As far as I know, no one has ever created a building like this so, nope, no plans.”
He called me a liar, and I shredded his ass for it but, okay, you know so much – go find the plans for this building and share it with the group. Never heard from the asshole again but I kinda knew I wouldn’t.
My Minecraft teachers decided that this building was too much work to be bothered with even when they watched me build one. They weren’t wrong, to be honest. Every time I decide to build one there’s always a moment when I ask myself, “Why did I think this was going to be fun?” because it does take a lot of work from beginning to end. I know that the building in the picture I showed you yesterday, it took me two weeks to build it from beginning to end, including patterning the floor, creating an interesting “subbasement” for it, installing individual rooms and… why did I think doing this was a good and fun thing to do?
Because when one is finished, that’s when I realize and understand that I had a lot of fun doing it.
Gaming: Xbox Series X: Minecraft (Sheesh)
I had finished my testing in my test world with adding add-ons and the extra one I had tacked on… didn’t seem to want to work with the main theme so I removed it and added the one that I’m using on the world I can’t seem to stop working in.
I played Borderlands 4 for a whole mission – and I checked my other characters to see if their SDUs had been reset and discovered something: When I re-populated the SDU for C4SH (I think that’s right), it repopulated the SDUs for all my other characters exactly. Which, in a way, isn’t a bad thing but then again, it is but let’s get Minecraft out of the way.
I go into the world, check my inventory to see if I need to add stuff or take it away – sometimes, I forget to “put away my toys” when I’m done in a world. There was a cave segment I’d discovered the day before that I wanted to investigate and mined two sets of 64 plus 16 of coal which, honestly, I didn’t need but if someone in the family wants to stay and play, they can hit the stash for some coal and this reminds me to add stuff to the stash so that no one has to go looking for the basic stuff.
So let it be written, so let it be done. I’m finished in the discovered spot and I’m thinking it’ll make for an interesting place to build in since it’s not connected to the main cavern system as far as I know; for all I know, I could knock out a block in the wall and… there’s the main cavern system and I’ve done this in three other locations so I won’t be surprised. I climb out of the cave and leap into the air to head back to the main area when I’m hovering over the greenhouse because my left eye was itching and I spot… a near-perfect place to build one of the hardest constructs I’ve devised.

This. Looking at it from this overhead view does not do the size of this place any justice but it takes me real-time days to build one of these. I have to look to see if I have a pic of the inside of one of these puppies that might give you a better idea of how big it is… and how intensely complicated it can be to build one.
Shucks – I don’t have an interior pic on my computer so I’ll have to try to remember to upload one from my Xbox. Anyway, I’m hovering in place, gently rubbing my left eye, and my mind is already calling up the specifications to build the outline of the building while my right eye is looking at the area in question closely and… shit, I think part of it is going to hang over a “gorge” that also leads into the main cavern system but, okay, I know what to do about that and I’m not going to worry about it because other than making sure I get the outline right – and sometimes I don’t – I have to clear out the surrounding land so that the building is sitting on flat land and… I’m about to tear up some shit.
Preparing the land alone takes a lot of time and I found that if I lay down the outline first – and even if I haven’t cleared out the land, well, it’ll give me a precise idea of how much work I’m going to have to do to clear it out – and sticking with the five-line space between the building and surrounding stuff. It takes me almost three hours of monotonous work to clear out the space outside and inside of the outline and now I’m into the next phase of setting up the “support columns” and putting in patterns of blocks in the right places when I notice that… something isn’t right.
Yep, I screwed up the outline. Again. Not to worry because I almost always screw it up and this thing is so… complicated that if it’s off by one block, the whole thing has to be repaired and this outline was one stinking block off and that had me checking all of the outline and, fuck, I had to readjust one whole half of the outline. Again. It’s like I forget how to count when I do one of these and that pisses me off, but my choices are to fix it and continue or say fuck it and delete the world but, nah, I’m not deleting this world, so I go about the repair. It is at this point where I’ll share something about building this structure.
When I first hashed out the design for this structure, it was like therapy – making me think, plan, and focus through the neuropathic pain I was experiencing (and still doing so). It started out as a rather small structure and blossomed into the one in the picture. The funny part is… this isn’t what I had wanted to build. So, I started with the small version and over time, figured out how to make it bigger and better and, importantly, not stressing myself to get it finished. In the beginning with the big structure, it would take me almost two weeks to do all that needed to be done.
Today, it’ll take me about four days, maybe less but I still have to pay close attention to details, oh, like making sure I count all of the blocks correctly. And, hmm, how many blocks are there in the outline/framework? I dunno because I refuse to do the math but let’s say there are a lot of them that has to be laid down before a whole lot of other bricks combine to create the building in the picture.
I really didn’t plan to build this. In a way, I didn’t want to build it… which made me build it anyway, dredging up the details for the framework which, again, has to be precise or the whole thing gets fucked up. I have to remember how to construct the basic floor, i.e., what blocks do I want to use for it so that, later in the build, I can create designs on the floor. I might have to go find the last one I built to peek at the floor to refresh my memory but it’s all good and it’ll keep me busy for a few.
Gaming: Xbox Series X: Minecraft (Um, er, right…)
I was right; this ain’t over yet. Since my last scribble about this, I’ve built three more bridges and three buildings because I keep looking around to make sure that I’ve done all I can to the area and, wait, there a spot over there that could use some trees…
…which would make my daughter happy since I am notorious for cutting down trees and not replanting them, at all or not right away and it really pisses her off knowing that I do this and, yup, sometimes, I do it on purpose because she’s funny getting on my case about not doing what she taught me to do.
Anyway, I planted like eight trees in a rather bare area; I built three buildings because I saw spots that said, “I need something here…” so, um, er, I put something there. Of course, because I put the buildings in where I did, I needed bridges and one tunnel to connect it all together. Hours later, I’m hovering over what I can call my “city” and I love what I see. I think I have the cave system lighted to where the number of mobs can be limited in the caves since they can’t spawn in well-lit areas or they shouldn’t; this doesn’t count the ones that spawn underwater and drown and I’m not sure what I can do about them… but I’ll think of something.
I saw that I had a problem with weeds growing and making areas look ratty. I normally “mow” this stuff even though I know that just like real grass and weeds, it’ll grow back. So, I got some black sand and put it down in the five-lane area around the building because I’m sure that the weeds won’t grow on the black sand, but I’ve seen them grown on regular sand so this is a wait-and-see thing but, wait – there’s more!
I get some red sand and “outline” the black sand and only in the sixth spot I could create a lane in and against the glossy white quartz of the building, the red and black sands really stand out and makes the building’s area look pretty spiffy. I can’t do it with all of the buildings but for the ones I could do this for, it got done. After this was done, I… created a new world to play in.
What I wanted to do is to test the add-ons that I have and how multiple add-ons can impact a main theme and I would have had my answer to the first test except I ran out of time and went to bed. Hopefully, I’ll remember what I was doing at the moment I called it quits so I can finish… whatever I was doing. With the world I built with my granddaughter’s world seed, only one add-on is connected to the theme so since you can add-on more than one, let’s see what happens.
Oh, I did play Borderlands 4 for a few. I find that as much as I love the franchise, I’m kind of bored with BL4 since I’ve defeated the game with all characters except the new one – and I’m working on that but the problem is, well, lemme tell you what happened.
Gearbox updated the game for Xbox Series X to add some stuff and to fix bugs, etc., and I had to wait for the game to update before I could play it. Then, upon starting the game, it checks for updates then reboots to put them in place and something that makes me scratch my head because if the game’s software gets updated, it should know that it was updated so no further action on its part should be needed… but I didn’t have anything to do with how the game was developed and coded.
My new character is already selected so I have to just click “Continue” and I pick up where I left off. I go into the next area that I gotta kick ass in and I’m blasting bad guys with a new shotgun I picked up and… I ran out of ammo. What the hell? I quickly switch to my submachine gun and mow down more bad guys and… I ran out of ammo. Okay, there’s a problem and I need to check something, but I also need to kill the last two bad guys with my assault rifle and before it runs out of ammo.
Finally, I’m standing there alone, all bad guys in the area vanquished. I check my SDU and… they’ve all been reset. I realize that this isn’t the first time this happened because it did the last time the game updated. I curse and restore all of the ammo capacities for all weapons, the bank, and the lost loot part. I’m muttering to myself about how stupid it is for this to keep being reset every time the game gets an update, and I made a note to check my other characters’ SDU.
It ain’t Minecraft but BL4 comes with its own set of issues…
Gaming: Xbox Series X: Minecraft (Yeah, I Fibbed)
I started my gaming day playing Borderlands 4 to advance the new character Gearbox gave us until I whupped Vile Lector’s ass – in about two minutes – and decided to stop after this so I could (a) open my Minecraft world to my family if they wanted to visit and (b) look to see if I was really done building stuff.
I wasn’t. I examine the “storage building” I threw up to make sure that, in my haste, I messed something up and as I did so, I’m looking at an area just past the last bridge I put in – and I counted them last night and I’ve built eight bridges (so far, damn it); I see this area and the unbidden thought of “What can I do with this?” came to me and, yeah, I know – put in a growing area for crops! Yeah! That’ll work!
Except, um, I built four of them: Wheat, beet root, carrots, and potatoes. I’m hooking this up and knowing that I’ll have to build something similar but different for melons and pumpkins and I had a quarter of a thought about creating pens for the food animals but, okay, let me get this done first. Not only did I create four plots but I built a greenhouse on top of it; afterward, I lit up the area, which took more time than it took me to build the four plots and greenhouse – and I’d gone back to the main base to take care of some iron ore I’d picked up when upon leaving my main base, I’m looking out over the area that I’ve built on and… decided to get an overhead view of things so I built a “viewing area” with an all-glass floor.
But wait! There’s more! As I’m finishing the viewing area, I look to my right and where the T-bridge is and my brain asked, “What can we do over there?” and I’m building bridge number nine and the area is starting to look similar to the bridges over the Chicago River in downtown Chicago and… I’m not mad about that but, yeah, wait for it. The bridge is complete and I’m looking at the area immediately in front of the bridge and it’s a “multi-level hillside” and the kind that I’ve build stuff on… like a few years ago.
The trick of dong what I was about to do was to build a structure that used the existing terrain and without me having to overly modify it. Sounds easy, right? It isn’t. I got the front and half of the two sides completed and I had to stop (a) for dinner and (b) my brain needed the break and after I realized that I’d miscounted enough blocks to make my structure lopsided and, shit, okay, stop doing this, take care of that, go back to doing the other thing and, fuck it – I’m gonna eat and think about this some more.
My oldest son dropped in to visit and his avatar literally scared me because I left my avatar facing one of the walls so when I turned around, there he was! He had me laughing when he said it took him a while to figure out how to get out of the area where the spawn point it and, oh, yeah, the only person who knows about that is my granddaughter. I talk to my son for a few, he asks me how long I’ve been working on all of this and I say, “Oh, about two weeks…” and I went to ask him something but he’d left the world but I was happy to see him in my world and that someone came to visit.
Back to the structure.
I realized – all late and wrong – that the “land” I’m building on is going to need a bit extensive terraforming as both sides of the structure is butted up again the land and there’s no space there. Now, when I build a new structure, no matter how I design and build it, I want to have a minimum of five “lanes” that are clear and gives me a nice space to move around in and all around the structure and I rarely, if ever, fail to do this. I honestly hadn’t planned on doing this for this build but, unfortunately, I had to and thanks to a lot of trees in my way. I sighed, rubbed my eyes and flexed my fingers and got to tearing shit up. In the process, I discover there’s an “entrance” to yet another part of the area’s cave system and, at first, I thought I’d been there already but, nope, I haven’t – but I don’t have the time to even go look at it some more because I have to get this structure built while my mind is still focused on it.
I clear my five lanes on both side and the rear of the structure and now, I can see where I… screwed the pooch in a few places. See, I knew what I was thinking about when I started this and I “knew” that I could run across something that would make me change something and, yeah, I sure did and now I have to completely “redesign” the area that has become the structure’s basement. Redesign it; make sure it’s consistent with the rest of the build. Not even thinking about lighting at this point – I haven’t even put a door in for the front door. The roof and “second story floor” haven’t been touched or even thought of until I realized that I again miscounted a few blocks and, oh, yeah, I guess I should think about how I’m doing to do the roof and this fucking floor… after I finish the basement.
If you’re reading this and laughing your ass off, I can’t say that I blame you. My brain is on overdrive as I work to get as much of the structure finished before I head off to bed and… I got the second level’s floor done; all of the windows are in place, I still hadn’t put any doors in; I didn’t put the first level’s roof in because its geometry is kinda goofy and I don’t have time to figure it out. The basement is finished and lit… because I had a couple of bats flying around down there and getting in my way as I worked. I’ll worry about the cavern entrance I found after I do the roof, put in doors as needed and, oh, yeah, figure out (a) what the purpose of the structure will be and (b) what the fuck made me decide to build it in the first place.
I’ll say that, normally and when I start a new world, I follow the must-do stuff my teachers drilled into me. Find a location to build a safe place to lay my head. Get wood and look for cobblestone to build a furnace to turn cut-down wood into charcoal for torches and any iron or copper I come across. Build the initial structure out of dirt – and provided the world seed generator didn’t plop me down in the middle of a desert and sand as far as I can see – then, after laying it out and setting up a crafting table, start digging a mine shaft to (a) get cobblestone, (b) coal, (c) iron and, here lately (d) copper which I thought was useless. Cut down trees as needed. Find and kill sheep for the food and its wool so I can make a bed; replace the dirt framework of my ‘house’ with cobblestone or even granite if I can gather 192 pieces of it, which will take care of the frame, the walls, the roof but maybe not the floor, which is still dirt but I’ll deal with that after I look for and collect 56 blocks of sand to make windows.
Once I finish the structure and my mine shaft, I’m… done. Eh, maybe I’ll build a place to put an enchantment table or, if I’m really kinda/sorta bored, build a nether portal and activate it even though I very, very rarely go messing around in the nether. But if my family shows up, meh, they like playing in the nether so I can be accommodating. Sometimes. But I’m done building. Everything is set up. I may or may not roam the area to find interesting places. I have built over 200 worlds in Minecraft but only maybe two or three of them have extensive building and the like of which I’ve been doing now. Find it. Establish it. Leave it and find another world biome to work in. Rinse and repeat.
I… can’t leave this world seed alone. Once again, every time I think I’m done setting shit up, I find something else to do. I have this picture of it in my mind and I know that I keep “looking at it” and thinking about, “What else can I do with this?” and just when I think I can’t do any more, well, I fibbed.
Again. Stay tuned. Methinks that this ain’t over yet.
Gaming: Xbox Series X: Minecraft (One More Time)
I’ve been busy in the world created with my granddaughter’s world seed and two themes that were new to me. I had been in the location’s vast cave system lighting up the dark areas, getting coal, iron, and diamond galore when I discovered something that I know I didn’t build.
I figured that my granddaughter started it and I found what she built to be curious because it was underwater but with no way inside the glass construct she’d made so my mind asked, “Hmm… what can I do with this?” It took me about twenty minutes of roaming around and looking at the area as a whole to see (a) what I could do with her unfinished construct and (b) how I could connect it to the rest of the main base and other buildings and…
I started to build. Minecraft purists probably don’t use Creative mode all that much but I could care less about fighting mobs but even as easy as this mode makes building easier – you don’t have to go on a scavenger hunt for materials – my task of finishing her construct and connecting it was taking time and especially with my underwater work – the Luminous Dreams theme doesn’t make it easy to see underwater even with the Night eight-minute potion but I fought through it slowly but surely.
I finally finished what I was doing including creating a way to get to the underwater part of the construct and once I finished with this, I saw there were other things I could do. I wound up building several bridges; I created pathways that all connect to the “main building” in some way; I created a hill-side room only because I was looking in that direction and thought that the place I was looking at would be good to build something – so I built something.
In fact, I built a lot of somethings. Like six bridges in total along with six above-water structures and one specifically for me to store all the materials I was using to do my builds – they would quickly fill up my inventory and I’d have to “go home” to empty it and… I saw that I was running out of room and, well, fuck, I gotta do something about that as well as do a better job of organizing the stuff in my chests.
I’d finished the “storage building” and was looking around to see dark spots in the area which aren’t good because whenever I go live with this world, dark places will spawn mobs and I’m doing all I can to keep them out of my area and making getting rid of them manageable. Then, at the darkest spot I saw I realized that, yeah, I can build yet another bridge over this wide gap over part of the cave system and, of course, once I built the bridge, I had to build another building in that sweet space I saw while building the bridge.
Every time I think I’m done building and “mob-proofing” things, I’m building something else or I’m damned near getting lost in part of the cave system that I hadn’t seen before so it needed exploring like this one area I found down around level -53 that was lit up in one of the prettiest shades of blue that I’ve ever seen in the game. My grandchildren told me that if I see this blue stuff, there could be devices that, if bothered, could call a Warden and… I did not ever want to meet a Warden. Okay, I got that loud and clear and noted it because in Creative, well, I can turn the mobs on without them fucking with me and I used to do that but these days, the mobs get in my way when I’m trying to build. They don’t attack me but they’ll just stand there looking at me and, okay, you need to get the fuck out of my way.
Select my sword and bye-bye obstructing mob thingy. Having to stop building to kill a pig, cow, or sheep because they want to wander into whatever I’m trying to do and hang out and… I won’t be running out of food any time soon when I go live. I finished connecting the last building I constructed to the path that connects the other buildings to the main building and if reading that has you shaking your head over how convoluted it reads, yeah, you should have watched me building all of it.
Now, I think I’m done building or that’s what I thought. I still have to create guest rooms for when my family shows up to play in my world and I’ll work on that today and, hopefully, I’ll finally be ready to go live… maybe. Sure, they could occupy existing building areas that are empty or they can build their own stuff somewhere. My daughter who was one of my Minecraft teachers (and the toughest one) will eventually come in and give me her ten cents worth on my builds and other things and, knowing her, she’ll have a ton of suggestions. My grandson will come in and “freak out” over the vast cave system and… I’ll just wait for him to get lost. My granddaughter will return to see what I’ve done recently and pronounce it good and maybe offer suggestions that are similar to what she’s doing in the same world seed and the exact same location and, whew, you should see the things she’s built that make my stuff look like I don’t know how to build stuff in Minecraft.
I’m off to my ENT doctor for yet another post-cancer checkup and… I’ll catch ya later.
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