Musings on a Small Life

It seems to be the "thing" to do, to take a personal look back at the past year and in this case, the past decade. Do I really want to join the fray? Uh, no. But I guess I will, anyway. Most of this time was spent battling clinical depression, and it certainly feels good to have been off meds now for the better part of a year and still be okay. For how long is a flip of a coin, but at least I have a MUCH better understanding of mental illness (versus perceived character flaw or weakness) and will deal with whatever comes in the future. Things that stand out? 2000: The Putz and I split; I was hired at my current job, a HUGE blessing, especially with a super laid-back boss and fabulous co-workers. 2001: I adopted Chumley in April, my first cat, and then Annie in August--the best and brightest events in 2001. I kept the townhouse (in retrospect, not such a good idea, financially), and I got involved in a brief but very stupid rebound fling. 2002: I hit bottom in terms ...

I was out for a 2-hour walk earlier, rambling from the "big" shopping centre down to the graveyard and then past the swamp and home. After 3 days shut up in the house, I really needed to get out! It's been a lovely day, with the fog finally having burned off and the sun having come out. Mild too, about +4C. Our one day of decent weather for our holiday. In the graveyard. Detail of old grave enclosure. Still in the graveyard. Walking home. The only green is the moss on the tree trunk. The swamp is entirely flooded from yesterday's downpour.

Happy Boxing Day! Yes, I had a good half day's work in before most people probably were even up. Took all the holiday stuff down and packed it away, including the tree--not because I was feeling Scrooge-like or upset about the holidays, but because I had started decorating back in November and I was so sick of all the clutter around the house. My townhouse is small, only 800 square feet of finished living space, and after a month of furniture moved around and things jammed together, I'd had enough. Next year I ought to wait till early or even mid-December before decking the halls; then I'd be able to leave it up till New Year's Day without going clutter-crazy. After that I had to clean things up and then I started looking at the walls and all the nail and anchor holes that needed to be filled. So out came the Polyfila and away I went. Took down the cat pictures on the staircase wall because there were too many of them jammed together and filled all those nail holes. Too...

A very merry Christmas to all, from Annie, Nicki, Derry, and oh, yeah, me! We hope Santa finds your house and leaves lots of goodies for all four-leggeds and two-leggeds alike. :-) Universal Blessings and Joy. Peace be with you.

Temp is -23C/-9F right now, with the windchill. It's FREEZING . Our coldest day yet. I'm huddled in my cubicle, dressed in multiple layers, but still have my little space heater going full blast and a hot water bottle at my back. I think they shut off the heat for the holidays already. Everything is a frozen wasteland right now--snapshots from Sunday's brief jaunt below. Four winters taking snapshots of the same scenery...I'm bored with it and can't distinguish one year from another.

Wishing everyone a joyous Solstice! http://www.religioustolerance.org/winter_solstice.htm Note: I took this pic in 2007 for the summer Solstice. I'm at the office well before the sun rises for the winter Solstice, so unless this event falls on a weekend, I can't get a snapshot.

I had three. Shopper's house brand of dark chocolate truffles. Then I had hash browns, an egg, and three pieces of bacon. Yum. You'd think my cholesterol would be through the roof, but so far it's still low. Amazing. Hey, life is short! Might as well enjoy it while we're here. I'm not into self-deprivation, at least not when it comes to food. :-D

Santa definitely will be coming to this house; he can't miss it. What you can't see is that at night it's all lit up like a mini-Chevy Chase house from "Christmas Vacation!"

Movie--Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation--and pizza from 11Am to 1PM in the big meeting room, watching it on the large screen. Beer at a nearby pub after that! Yeah, today was a great work day! :-D

It's so silly, but today I'm in the grip of my ego over our ruined office shredder. The head of another department "killed" our shredder yesterday afternoon by trying to stuff too many pages into it at once. And left a mess behind, all over the floor. I don't know why I'm so pissed off about this. It's just a shredder. Sure, it's only a year old, but it's not like I paid for it out of my own money. Yet still I'm annoyed--okay, past annoyed and into angry--that (a) our shredder was used in the first place, (b) this person has damaged it beyond use, albeit unintentionally and (c) this person couldn't be bothered to clean up the mess made. Who's going to clean it up? Oh, I know, it's supposed to me, right? Because I'm low person on the totem pole. Well, I had a go earlier, trying to fix the machine, to no avail. But I haven't bothered to clean things up. Frankly, this other department ought to order us a replacement shredder, b...

It's the holiday season, a difficult time for a lot of us, in various ways. And yesterday I was wondering why I never had been able to make myself fit enough for the kind of life--and relationship--I always wanted. Not "fit" as in strong. Not "fit" as in worthy of love, etc. But "fit" as in mentally and emotionally healthy enough. (Because like attracts like, and all those other terrific cosmic laws.) I was asking this of the Universe in general. Not whining about why I've been alone so much of my life and all that crap. Just wanting to know why I never have been able to make my Self healthy enough for what my heart wants. You know, an equal life-partnership, one with mutual love, trust, desire, monogamy, respect, joy...all the things that probably 99% of relationships don't have. Today I started re-reading Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth-Awakening to Your Life's Purpose . And there was the answer, on page 41: "One thing we do k...

Nothing too exciting, though I did make a run to Value Village. Yay! Actually, I went to Starbucks at Chapters first, for a short chai and a cranberry bliss bar. Mmm, sugar. (Wait till I crash....) Then I popped over to PetSmart to look for a pet fountain. Couldn't find any at all, but did get a cute mouse that squeaks when you touch its back. Nicki went wild for that, by the way. Derry checked it out and then ignored it, completely uninterested. Annie was very intrigued, but didn't know what to do with it. Not so Nicki, who's the hunter in the group. I picked up a few more small items at PetSmart, then took a bus over to Value Village. Found a really nice blazer for $10, pic below. And several long sleeved thick cotton tops in black and grey, for underneath heavy sweaters, plus a cute pair of pyjama or lounge pants (red with candy canes on them). That was it. Nice to see the sunshine today, though it's still pretty cold. Layers help. :-)

I popped downtown to a dollar store just a short time ago. Chatted with the cashier I've seen a few times recently when I've been in during the week days. She's not old, looks around my age, maybe a bit younger, wears thick pancake makeup that's the wrong colour for her skin. Which is what one tends to notice first. Today we were exchanging a few words about holiday chaos, that sort of thing. I don't really know how it came up, but this woman's husband has bowel cancer and has had chemo since August, very sick with it. He had 15 lymph nodes removed at one point, 10 of which came back cancerous. She has a 9-year old daughter who has undergone 4 hip surgeries, her first at 18 months of age. This woman wasn't moaning and groaning and complaining, though she obviously was stressed and run ragged. That's a lot of crap for one family--one person--to deal with. Gives you a bit of a shake up on your perspective when you need it. And gives you a reminder that beh...

1. Blinding snowstorm. I'd like to thank Colorado for this weather system. Tell you what--you keep your weather systems south of the border and we'll keeps our north of the border. I know our countries are "friends" and all that, but some things shouldn't be shared. 2. Shovelling just before you have to wade out to catch the bus. Let me give you a tip: Don't hold your bus pass between your teeth while you are shovelling the driveway and around the side of your unit, to get the snow off your fence's lattice (so it doesn't sag under its weight). Because by the time you are done and are putting the shovel away, you might discover that you've dropped your bus pass somewhere in all that white stuff. Then you'd have to spend 15 or 20 minutes hunting for it, sifting through the snow with mitts and shovel, before finally running inside to get a flashlight (it's 6:15AM and dark ) and spending another god-knows-how-many-minutes searching for it. Only...

Last week I brought in dark chocolate covered cookies (not home made, grocery store) to share, so I wouldn't eat them all. (They were yummy!) Then one of my co-workers brought in an entire tin of chocolates. That was Thursday, I think. Maybe Friday. I had one . Today I came in, after having been home yesterday, and the entire tin was empty. Gone. Nothing left. Nada. Not even a wrapper. I want to know who ate all the chocolates in just one or two days. Because at least two of the staff in this small office don't eat junk. And I wasn't even here yesterday. Hmmph. And if ever there was a time to eat chocolate, it's now, when you've seen the winter storm watch for our region tonight and tomorrow, on the Environment Canada site. 10 to 15 centimeters of snow, turning to rain. Yay! Okay, I'm being sarcastic. Can we at least have a snow day? Because if there's no chocolate, I certainly don't want to slog through the storm to get here.

Acckk, what is this, winter? Okay, no, it's not technically winter...yet. But it's looking like a winter wonderland right now. The boys didn't seem to mind, though. Sure, it looks pretty...But it's not fun to drive in or slog on foot in.

I did get a new Christmas tree, on sale from Zellers. Pics and blurb are on my Fuzzy Tales site, here . We'll see long it stays up! So other than mailing the parcels and getting the tree, putting it up and moving furniture around to accommodate it, it was a typical Saturday. The usual household chores. But hallelujah, I made it through the day without any cookies or chocolate or even a chai. It's a miracle. Just don't ask me if I made it through the day without a shot of something strong to wind down with! P.S. There's a reason the tree has no lights, no garland, and nothing breakable. And is tied at the top to the ceiling plant hook. That reason is spelled N-i-c-k-i.

TGIF and all that. I'll pretend I didn't see the few snow flurries we were having earlier. *Shudder* But hey, a mere 17 days till the Solstice and then the daylight starts increasing. That alone puts a smile on my face. I did have dark chocolate-covered marzipan for breakfast. Yesterday's leftovers, about half the bar. Mmm, yummy. I mean, c'mon, now that I no longer drink coffee, I have to consume something to give me a morning kick. And just for the record, the marzipan was after my real food. I swear! Oh, I wrapped the few little gifts I have for my family last night, with "help" from the boys. Will get it all mailed out tomorrow, well before the Canada Post deadline. My cards are done and sent out, the packages ready to go. . .That's it. Big chores are done. I'm still waffling about a tree. I'd like one, but even if I could swing it right now, financially, I don't want to spend the money on something the boys (read Nicki) will "kill...

Up on my Fuzzy Tales blog, here . Glad that's now; now I just need to get Annie's dental done! Oh, my financial services manager called me to put out the possibility that I renew my mortgage early (I have 16 months before I have to renew), because I could go from the current rate of 5.109% to 4.745%, if I lock in for another five years. I'm getting a bit more info first, before I make up my mind. It's a coin-toss, whether the rate would be significantly lower in 16 months, or be higher. Decisions, decisions . . . .

I had my regular 3-month dental cleaning today. I tell you, she massacred my gums in one spot. Ouch! I'm glad I don't mind the scaling, uncomfortable though it is. It's the polishing I hate . Can't stand the noise it makes or the super-vibrating sensation against my teeth. I wish I didn't have such a problem with my teeth and gums, though. Someone who is as obsessed with dental hygiene as I am shouldn't have so much constant build-up plus gum recession, but oh, well, it runs in the family--at least on Mom's side. Tomorrow Annie and Derry go to the vet for 9:20: Annie for her blood work and Derry for his check-up. Should be interesting, taking them both at once, but I'm trying to save on taxi fare. Can't have another month where I spend $143 on transportation, over and above my monthly bus pass! Not exactly an exciting day, but it's musings on a small life, after all. :-) Oh, but it turned into a lovely day, mild and partly sunny, and I did walk ...

We had our first wet snow flurries this morning. Agghhh! Can't we just skip the s-n-o-w part of winter? It would be ever so much nicer without it....In any case, it melted on contact with the ground. Whew. Now I'm at the office, little iPod-type ear-thingies in, listening to Christmas songs and carols. Yay! Puts me in such a good mood, all the traditional music. I just have to be careful not to sing out loud along with the music--no one needs to listen to my croaky, off-key voice. :-D