...A Window Opens

If you would like to start my new journey with me, click here.  I'm heading in a new direction in life and in the cyber world.

Last...But Not Least

I started crying a couple of blocks before I could see the house.
This was the last chapter of a long book.
I didn't know when it would end, until the very last page.

Scrubbed all signs of life from the house.
No one lived here.
It sits empty now.

I never got that front porch.
No picket fence either.
Are my dreams just that...dreams?

I separated the good into two piles.
And the garbage left over, I hauled away, with my own two hands.
Maybe that is why it hurt so bad.

It's hard to let go, no matter if the house is burning to the ground.
No one ever starts out to fail.
My fairytale has no happily ever after.

I thought I was the ugly step sister.
Turns out, I just need to read more non fiction.
It's time to get real.

Thanks for taking this journey with me the past few years.  I am shutting this blog down.  It no longer makes sense to keep sharing a journey that has ended.  I am going in a different direction, a much more honest and candid one.  Thanks for listening and sitting a spell on my Front Porch.

  When one door closes.....

Top Ten Things I Love About Summer

1.  I don't have to wash 42 pairs of socks each week.  Do you know what a challenge that is?  Imagine the amount of time I save not having to match them alone!  I have a great love affair with flip flops and sandals.  In fact, I love being barefoot.  I run barefoot on the treadmill and only put shoes on if I have to go somewhere. Now if I can only get my boys to wear Birkenstocks to church.

2.  Great Movies!  Regal Cinemas used to have movies for free during the summer.  Unfortunately they aren't free anymore but for a buck, you can't beat an air conditioned theater full of other kids on a hot day.  I haven't had an air conditioned home in years and on those super hot days, this is the perfect beginning for a scorcher day. You can go here to find a theater in your area and what they are playing.

3. Kids Bowl Free is a great idea for your kids that claim they are "bored".  Normally, I would give my children oodles of chores when they feign boredom, but during the summer, chores are usually done and I just can't justify keeping my kids cooped up all day.  I'd go insane if I didn't get out of the house once in a while and this is perfect for those not so great weather days.  Go here to sign up.  Of course it's not really free because you still have to pay for shoe rental if you don't happen to have a set of stylin bowling shoes in your collection.  Also, if you want to play, you can buy a pass.  I plan on bringing a book.

4. Water features are a plenty around here.  The city park has a fountain, there are parks close with water features for kids.  Then we always have the good old standby, the Willamette river or the local lake swimming hole.  I am not a huge fan of water, but my kids love it.  And in our town, they offer swimming lessons for $10 a session.  You really can't beat that!

5. Going to the beach is great fun!  I am so grateful that we live close.  I grew up going to the beach at least 10 times a year.  Nothing like an ocean breeze to cool you down when it's unbearable in the summer.  Also, who doesn't love to build a sand castle and jumping waves?  Just bring a sweatshirt because the coast can be at least 30 degrees colder if it's over 100 in Portland.

6. Culdesac playing for hours.  My kids are master game makers.  Take one large package of sidewalk chalk, add some nibble hands, and a handful of balls and rocks, and that equals one great obstacle course.  I get bike courses, four square, hopscotch, red rover games, bike ramps, and an occasional foot race.   I'm a firm believer in making sure my kids get lots of time to just be kids.  I totally get my parents generation that "locked" their kids outside to play during the day....although I don't lock them out, I do lock them out of anything electronic if that big orb in the sky is shining.

7. Berry picking and canning galore.  Food is a family affair in my home. Not only do we all love food in our home, but everyone can pitch in when it comes to cooking.  3 of the five of my children are competent enough to cook dinner for everyone.  I've taken that one step further and had my kids help me grow food in our garden and also gather food to cook.  Some of our fondest memories are picking strawberries and blueberries as a family.  We also pick peaches and pears too.  Then we come home and can everything.  No person is left out.  Whether it's cutting strawberries or cleaning jars, we all pitch in.

8. Sleeping-in rocks!  I love sleep.  But I have a very hard time getting in any shut eye until after midnight.  So naturally, that means I don't wake up until after 7:30.  The sun tries to rouse me earlier but it only lasts for a few minutes before I fall back into my peaceful slumber.  Now that I have a 13 and 12 year old, sleep is essential in my house.  Teenagers need more sleep than usual.  They are cranky if you wake them before they really want to get up.  Trust me.  Do Not Wake The Teenagers!  I also have some night owl children so if I don't have to get up at the Butt Crack O Dawn, everyone is happier!

9. Camping is cooler than Disneyland.  We are a strange breed that will actually think living off of the land, getting dirty and stinky is actually a vacation.  I'm not much for the whole spa and sitting by the beach kind of girl when it comes to relaxing.  Stick me in the forest and I am good to go.  I would rather have a trailer than a tent just for the bed at night, but it will do for now.  My kids love it too.  We can read, eat great food, play in the dirt or water, and usually have grand times with friends and family.  Nature is so beautiful that Disneyland and water slides just don't do it for me anymore.

10. Eating outside is awesome!  I quite enjoy a grill.  If something allows me to not do dishes then I am all for it!  I am more likely to justify eating off of paper plates if the food has been prepared on a grate as opposed to an oven.  It's just something I tell myself to make me feel better about all those helpless trees I am cutting down due to my copious use of paper plates, cups, and bowls.  Don't Judge!  I may be a democrat but I draw the line at being environmentally conscious when it comes to dishware.  I HATE doing the dishes. 

Hope you all have a great summer!!  I know I will....

Throwing Convention Out The Window!

Did you ever just want to just stick your little finger to the world, to the world, to the world???  (It's a song).  Well I have probably changed my hairstyle more than anyone I know...except my cousin who is a hairdresser.  That isn't fair though...she has products and people at her disposal.  I must patiently wait for an appointment, and fork over the cash to try something new. 

It all started my senior year, when I got my braces off right before school.  Sun In was popular and since I had a new set of perfect teeth, I thought I would go blonde as well.  Why not?  Well that was not the smartest choice I have made in the realm of haircare...but I was young and stupid and everyone was doing it right?  It turned orange.  Brassy, crazy, Orange!  I lived with it and then got a perm ontop of it!  The late 80's and early 90's were just bad hair years all across the board.  It was long and blonde my Freshman year of college, short and blonde or short and bright red my Sophmore year and I even tried a Idaho perm because when in Idaho, do as the Idahoan's do....(what a mistake that was!!!) I kept the short and sassy look until I was 21 and then I began to grow it out.  By the time I left to serve a mission for my church, I had blonde hair and it was drugstore bottle blonde...not a far stretch from Sun In.  Blech!  Anyway, I tried like the dickens to get the poor Utah hairdressers to have pity on my Oregon Ashy hair.  It was bright blonde, and I had a perm for most of mission.  Shoulder length.  Then I came home and cut it...bobbed it...boy problems will do that to you right?  It grew out enough by the time that I got married and then when my first baby was born, I died it dark, dark, red.  It was past my shoulders.  I kept growing it until my second baby was born 14 months later and by this time is was just plain old brown.  That is when my baby making caught up with me and my hair looked hideous.  So I cut it.  It was pretty short.  Kevin and I moved to Sacramento and I began the journey into "Weave".  I got it short, layered and blonde...because I was in California and my husband was dying of cancer....I needed something to make me happy when I looked in the mirror.  I kept that do for a while and after his death and Brightens birth, I pretty much kept it in a long blonde bob.  Then I turned 28 and it was super short and spiky.  It was my, don't mess with me, I am a single mother of 3 babies!!  And then I got remarried and by that time the blonde had gotten longer into a bob again.  Then it went from bob, to shoulder length brown, to short and highlighted and layered, to super short, then I grew it out again with a little bit of highlights until it was past the shoulders. 
When we moved to Oregon, I reverted to my short style once again.  It was still highlighted.  And then it was bright blonde.  Then it began to grow out.  I got it highlighted often, from a bob, to shoulder length, and now past my shoulders.  Just recently, it was as close to my natural color as I have ever seen it...like my Junior year in highschool ashy dirty blonde.  It wasn't horrible, and I don't think I looked bad, but I definitely had to dress it up just to make it look interesting at all....(this is still highlighted a little as you can see)

Well that brings us to today.  I'm back in college now.  Life has been a roller coaster and I keep getting told that I am intimidating.  I guess I just have a lot going on and it shows in my face right?  But it looks dowdy, and conservative, definitely not who I really am....so I decided to make yet another hair change....one that shows that I am not conservative, that I really am an extrovert, that I don't follow conventional wisdom, and that I don't mind being different.  Why.....Why not?????

 

I wake up in the morning and this is how I feel!

 

My future is bright and shiny...and I should have a smile on my face...

 

It says, I like to be kind of weird and I am ok with that...

 

And if you don't like it????  Well who cares!!!!!!

Spring Rearrangment

 

This is my latest project.  I found this little nightstand at a garage sale for $5.  It was sponge painted blue...scary!  Besides the horrific paint treatment, the knob was meant for a much smaller drawer.  That would be a Home Depot purchase worth $3.  Next, off to the garage I went to scour my leftover paint collection for something appropriate.  After sanding and applying 3 liberal coats of Whip Devine paint to cover the spongy blue 80's paint job, all that was left to attach is a cute little glass knob.

Now my master bedroom is pale blue, mustard yellow, and cream.  No more red lamp shades, but serene and peaceful.  And this little addition was the only new piece with a grand total of $8! 

My Baby

This little munchkin will be 5 in less than a week.  Today he "graduated" from preschool and I finally accepted that my baby isn't a baby anymore.  He is 50lbs.  It's hard to carry him in from the car if he falls asleep. Some things that I never want to forget about this kid:
1. He hides in a corner when someone hurts his feelings or gets in trouble.  And he cries big huge tears.  He is the kind of kid that if you raise your voice to him, he bawls.  He is sensitive.  He is very easy to discipline that way.
2. He loves animals.  It doesn't matter if its stuffed, plastic, or a breathing animal, he wants to love it.  He is the only child of mine that sleeps with critters in his bed.  I bought him a PillowPet a month ago and he loves it. 
3. He loves his Mama.  Always quick to give me a hug or kiss, he is very affectionate with me.  And all of his 50lbs likes to snuggle up on my lap at church.  I love it.  Who can resist those baby blues staring straight into you?!
4. He hugs everyone.  I mean everyone.  If he doesn't know you, he'll hug you.  If you are standing, he will love on you if you stop moving long enough for him to wrap his fat little arms around your knees.  Just the other day while we were shopping, he came up to me and whispered that there was some people he wanted me to meet.  He crept up behind these two teenagers that were shopping.  He exclaimed, "Mom, these ladies.  You need to meet these ladies."  Well I wasn't about to walk up to perfect strangers and introduce myself.  But later, by the changing rooms, one of the girls was standing there and Evan couldn't resist going up to her and giving her a great big hug.  That girl lit up like a Christmas tree.  I mean who wouldn't?  Look at that face!  I told her that he loves to give hugs to random people and I was sorry.  She thought it was so cute.  This kid has a gift, pure and simple.  He knows what people need and is more than willing to give it to them in a form of physical affection.  It melts my heart that I am so blessed to be his mother. 
5. He is a rocker.  He loves ACDC, VanHalen, Queen, etc.  He is the ultimate headbanger and is constantly jammin out in the car when his tunes come on.  He's quite the fan of The Brew station.  He loves it loud and does the air guitar almost as good as the air drums.  He loves his hair long, so I see a hair band in his future.
6. His speech is precious.  He is very much like his mom in the fact that he didn't really speak until he was three.  He can't really pronounce his s, y, f, th.  And he uses phrases like "cuz about" or "guess what" about 300 times a day.  It's adorable.  His cheeks bounce when he talks still.  You just want to squeeze them!
7. He is the only one of my kids that has my lips.  Those suckers are big!  I was looking at pics of myself as a kid and although I looked the most like Anderson as far as mannerisms and my gawky self, Evan and I have those big lips.  I thank my father for those and it is not mere coincidence that his name sake looks so much like him.
8. Evan could be a vegetarian.  His favorite foods are raw broccoli, spinach, and carrots.  He dislikes normal kid food in favor of vegetables and fruits.  He is forever asking if something is "wheat free"  and saying "we is wheat free."  He doesn't like cheese or chicken nuggets but will do anything for a piece of dark chocolate. 
9. He's a dancer.  Whenever there is music on, he will dance.  He loves it.  Wonder where he got that from? ;)
10. Evan loves Jesus.  Jesus is very real to him.  He talks to him all the time.  He sings songs about him.  He begs to say the prayer everyday.  He gets upset that it's not his turn to pray every single time.  This kid is so close to the spirit and can't wait to be kind and compassionate to others.  He loves to praise with song as well.  He tells others to be more like Jesus.  It warms my heart that I get to raise this child.
 So I cried big tears today knowing that my baby is growing up.  He doesn't suck his thumb anymore.  He doesn't drag his blanket around or want to sleep in my bed.  He still wants me to suck out his bad dreams with kisses on his forehead, but he's definitely becoming more independent.  He can buckle his seat belt now and can put on most of his clothes by himself.  Even today, he spilled chocolate milk  in the fridge and without telling me, cleaned it up all by himself.  The reason he spilled it, is he was putting away the yogurt that I had bought at Costco.  He was just trying to be helpful and this is why I love him.  He does little things like this all the time.  He just knows how to give so freely without any thought of himself.  I am so very blessed that Evan is my son.

My First Love

When I was a girl, I fell in love.  It was purely innocent and not a physical love, but a love nonetheless.  This man that I was head over heels for had curly brown hair.  He cried at the drop of a hat.  He loved animals.  He was musical.  He adored his family.  He could fix anything.  He danced.  He had the best smile in the whole world.  He pulled off suspenders like a natural and always left a few buttons open at the top of his shirt to appear just a bit more manly.  He was an entrepreneur.  He tucked his kids into bed.  When the going got rough, he pulled up his bootstraps and sacrificed the world for his family.  He laughed contagiously.  He was generous.  He stood up for his family and for others.  He loved everyone.  He brought home the strays.  His best friend was a drunk, but he loved him nonetheless.  He adopted kids and treated them as his own.  He was the "richest man in Walnut Grove."

Ok, so that last sentence gave him away, but what do you expect?  Didn't everyone love Michael Landon?  Didn't everyone want him as their Pa?  I am currently reading a book, The Wilder Life, by Wendy McClure.  It is bringing up all kinds of memories about my first love.  So much so, I spent the better part of Sunday watching clips on Youtube of Little House.  So far, it's a great read and I am kicking myself for not coming up with this idea for a book in the first place!  I mean, who doesn't love Laura Ingalls Wilder?!?

And now this book has got me thinking, how much of my own dreams are wrapped up in the idealism that Laura created for me?  I confess, that I have hand stitched clothes, loved calico dresses, and I even have a pair of boots that Laura could have worn over a century ago.  My very favorite room was decorated Laura style with a calico print wallpaper in a slanted attic style room.  And when I tried out for Junior Rose Festival Princess when I was nine, they asked me what my favorite TV show was and I exclaimed, "Little House on the Prairie....because it's old!"  I think I meant old fashioned.  So maybe that is why a man with dirty hands turns me on, or a man who cries at the drop of a hat is like the sexiest thing in the world.  Pa has simply warped my sense of reality.  He's given me too much to hope for right?  Maybe that is why I love to grow my own food, and why I wore my hair in two long braids for the entirety of first and second grade.  I have internalized perfection...and it is somewhere on the banks of Plum Creek.