Thoughts on Packing

Well this will be my last post for a few weeks until we get Internet hooked up again. And I just wanted to document this experience before I forget all the juicy tidbits of knowledge that flow through my brain while sniffing the sharpie marker that I mark the boxes with...
1. I am so grateful for the trials that have prepared me for all these moves. Not only have I done this with toddlers and a sick husband on my own, but pregnant with toddlers on my own. I can't complain about moving anymore, ever! It will never be as hard as that was. So while this move is not a cake walk, it's not the hardest thing for me to do...not a trial at all. I actually like the forced spring cleaning and purging (I hate to say this, but I get this from my mother).
2. Life would be alot easier if I could afford paper plates and cups and take out while we are moving, but alas, it is not meant to be. Meanwhile, we are making due and the kids are getting lots of desserts. All that food storage jello and pudding has come in handy. We have eaten pretty dang great while spending less than $40 dollars on food for the month. My testimony of food storage is alive and well. Of course I have to thank my chickens. Without their yummy eggs everyday, our diet would be a little more bland.
3. I totally get why people only had 2 or 3 sets of clothing in the "olden days". Does my 8 year old really need enough clothing to change twice a day for two weeks and still not have repeats? No! Can you imagine doing all that wash by hand and hanging it dry? I am all for environmentally friendly and am seriously considering line drying my jeans and coats, but really?...yikes!!
4. God answers prayers. Not just the big ones, but seemingly "little" requests like finding a fridge and dryer...He is really saving our backside and then some. He knows what is going on in my life. Even when I complain about all the "sacrifices" I am making, he listens and helps and provides. I've been humbled too many times to count in the last month. He makes a way before us...
5. God knows me better than I know myself. The last two years have been nothing short of Hell on Earth. I know, I shouldn't say that, but we all have our trials and this one has been a doozy for me. Not one major thing, but just accumulation of many things that have bombarded my very being. Now I feel like I am finally reaching a plateau. Not much has changed, but I can "see" a little better and have a better understanding of His hand in my life.
6. Service really can help you through a difficult time. Many times, just having a calling to fulfill, or a dinner to make, or a project to complete for my Kid's school has helped me focus on other things besides what is going on all around me. Despite the fact that my love language is Physical...I really do enjoy showing others I love and care about them by serving them...and it has saved me from melting into a pile of goo.

So thanks all for your love and support. It is helping and I dearly love you all for your friendship and your help. Hopefully this move will prove to bring brighter days ahead and peace in our storm.

Swine flu? What swine flu?...

I have been sick. Sick like oh my Gosh sick! Bronchitis knocked me out at the beginning of the month. Then lethargy/fatigue set in. Wrestling with the fact I had to pack and sleep for 12+ hours a day was not an easy task. Maybe 3 days this whole month, I actually exercised. Kinda hard to exercise when you can't catch your breath, or you want to take a nap 3 minutes into it. So yes, this month has been a flop. But I got through life pretty much without skipping a beat. Still cooking from scratch 5 or 6 times a week etc... But then the Piggy flu hit. Now it's probably not the swine flu that the whole world is in hysterics about, but it is the flu none the less. Madeline had it for one day, Patrick got it for two. Christian had an upset stomach, and then it landed in my lap with a vengeance. Normally, it would probably be just a 24 hour bug but because of my compromised immunity, my body is still in disarray 4 days into it. Food is staying down or in. Bright spot is I have lost a TON of weight. Like I weigh as much as I did before I got pregnant with my little butter ball. So I've lost 40 lbs so far with about 40 more to go. Honestly don't know if I can actually lose that much. That would put me just under what I weighed when I got married to Kevin, before 5 kids, so I am not getting my hopes too high, but a girl has got to shoot for the stars sometimes!

So back to being sick, still sick and crampy but it. Food tastes disgusting to me still. Now Evan has it. So this means copious amounts of laundry and diapers. Hopefully he will have the 24 hour variety and not this crap I have. After waking up this morning to the Swine Flu reports, I am grateful for my compromised immunity. Maybe this will protect me from the latest hysteria to hit the news. So the bronchitis is gone, the fatigue is still alive and well and NO! I am not pregnant! But according to my own mother-in-law "witch doctor" I have adrenal exhaustion and a congested liver oh and something akin to an irritated pancreas. These things are all caused by stress...hmmmmm...you think?!!!!!! What could be more stressful than moving, illness, job loss, financial stress, death in the family last month, travel, having a garage sale, etc... No it couldn't be stress related could it?! Have a great Monday, and no, I am not wearing a painters mask and I am not duct taping my windows shut or building a bomb shelter. Call me crazy, but death sounds relaxing right now!!! JK!

Two Golden Days

This was was written in my Great Grandmother's journal and I just wanted to share. I don't know if it's hers or just a copy of something, but I thought the words were profound.

There are 2 golden days on which I do not worry, 2 carefree days, kept sacredly free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is yesterday. Yesterday with it's faults, its mistakes and blunders has passed forever from my recall. I cannot undo an act that I wrought. I cannot unsay a word that I have said. All that it holds of my life of wrong, regret, and sorrow is in the hands of the Mighty.

Love that can bring honey out of the rocks, and sweet water out of the bitterest desert, the love that can turn weeping into laughter, that can give beauty for the ashes, the garment of praise for the Spirit of heaviness, joy of the morning or the woe of the night.

Save for the beautiful memories, sweet and tender that linger like the perfume of roses in the heat of the day that is gone, I have nothing to do with yesterday. It WAS mine. it IS God's.

The other day is tomorrow. It is God's. It's sun will rise in roseate splendor or behind a mask of weeping clouds. But it will rise. Tomorrow is God's day. It will be mine.

There is left but one day for me. Today. Anyone can take care of just one day. It isn't the experience of today that drives men mad. It is the burden of yesterdays, and tomorrows. Remove the happenings of yesterday and the dread of tomorrows. These are God's days. Leave them with him. Therefore, we should journey but one day at a time. It is the easiest way.

Fixing Sunday Dinner

Pot Roast wafting through the air is a magical scent reserved for Sundays only. It's meaty, oniony aroma is something akin to heaven for me. But when you are trying to use up what you have in order to have one less thing to move, you resort to eating things that you wouldn't normally. This Sunday I did serve Pot Roast and Mashed Potatoes with Sugar Carrots and a green salad. The menu didn't change. However the roast was dry, the potatoes were instant and the carrots had to be salvaged. Sirloin tip roast is not the most flavorful roast (now that I know this I wont buy it even if its less than $2 a pound.) I shredded it and then added a onion soup mix packet with a cup of hot water to the meat, and presto chango...moist flavorful meat. Instant mashed potatoes are nasty. I only eat them when forced. To remedy this assault on my palette (out of regular potatoes and it's Sunday) I added 1/4 cup of sour cream, 1/4 cup of bacon bits and then I put it in a big plastic bag with the corner cut off and piped into little mounds on a cookie sheet. Next, I sprinkled Parmesan cheese on top and stuck it under the broiler for 5 minutes. They looked fabulous, the kids loved them, and I tricked my taste buds with a great presentation. The carrots were beginning to sprout. In my attempt to salvage them, I cut up a bunch for lunch for dipping and my sugar carrots ( cut up, boiled, add 2 heaping tablespoons of brown sugar, 1 tablespoon of butter and a 1/2 teaspoon of dill) were reserved for dinner tonight. So there you have it. The salvaged dinner. It was eaten. Mommy tolerated it. I can't wait to move.

Confessions of a Closet Hippie

Evidently I can deny my heritage no longer. My blood runs heavy tie dye orange. But fortunately I come by it honestly. My parents were hippies. Growing up, I learned to love Jimmy Hendrix, Robert Plant, and most hippie rock bands. Dad had a full beard. We drove a VW van. My father had friends that had names like, The Bird, and The Lord. Not lyin...honest! My mother still to this day wears Teva's all year long and owns several tie dye dresses and used to wear Gunny Sack dresses all the time. We had African tapestries hanging from the walls. My childhood was very interesting to say the least. Let's just say that growing up, I learned to be very tolerant of other people and their values and belief systems. I am ready to embrace my heritage fully...and admit that I am a hippie through and through. Now don't go freaking out or anything...I don't embrace the drug use. Certainly that is something I learned to abhor from the mistakes of others. Mainstream society has embraced much of what we considered part of the hippie movement. Yoga, organic farming, living off the grid, environmentalism, tolerance of other religions, love and not war, equality, farmers markets, thinking outside the box. Some really great things have come from this really strange era in our history. And I must accept that I have integrated the good things wholeheartedly in my life and am not afraid to admit it.

Yes, I am firmly rooted in my LDS faith. My testimony is strong. But I am unique. For along time, I tried to run away from the way I was raised. Some of it was psychotic, but for the most part it taught me many valuable and wonderful things. I am moderate politically. I believe in social programs. I don't think welfare is bad or that taxes are of the devil. I grow my own food. I garden organic. I don't immunize my kids. I rarely go to the doctor. We use homeopathic medicines and herbal remedies to cure headaches and infections. I love to sew and recycle. I avoid conflict and fully embrace making "Love" and not "War". Everyone is my sister and brother...whether they are Atheist, Buddhist, Christian, Black, Hispanic, or Gay, etc...I have even been known to sing in the rain and praise God surrounded by nature. I own peasant skirts, and have a huge sandal collection. I prefer things natural and not tightly reigned in whether its my landscape or my organizational style. But I don't look like a hippie. I shave and wash my hair. I try to look nice but really, do we have to wear more than a good lip gloss everyday? I wont hide my wrinkles when I get them. Plastic surgery will never be an option for me. I don't subscribe to any fashion mags and I definitely don't go to the mall more than once a year. I am a freak. I am a nutty granola girl and I stand proud of the individual I am.

So why am I telling you this? Because I met my landlords last night and I seriously could be good friends with them. They are straight up Hippie to the core. They are old enough to be my parents...but we got along wonderfully and talked for 3 hours. We had much in common with them...more than I thought I would. These people were amazing. When she mentioned how they always have friends living with them, liking the Waldorf approach to schooling, having an amazing respect for the land and believing that everything has an energy..(deep doctrine people but it's SO TRUE!), all of these things I have come to embrace in my life. So I guess I am a hippie. I don't get my nails done, go tanning, or enjoy shopping. I would rather cook my own food than go to a fancy restaurant. I would live communally in a heartbeat. I am one crazy chick and I wholeheartedly admit it. Just think, now you can tell your friends that you have a hippie friend. Sorry if offends any of you that think the things I embrace are crazy. Don't worry. I still love you. We all can be different and that is a good thing.
I am not about to Macrame plant holders or start holding Wicca ceremonies in my fire circle, but I cannot deny that my normal is much different than most people I know...and I am ok with it now...I'm coming out of the closet!

My Brighten

Brighten shares a birthday with many important people in my life. Easter just happened to be on this day. Kevin's birthday is today and Tricia, my best friend, also was born on this day. Such important things happened on this day years ago...

Brighten is my miracle baby. After 9 weeks of radiation, Kevin was supposed to be rendered sterile. After suffering from a miscarriage in February, finding out that Kevin had a brain tumor, and then finding out that I was pregnant...I was stunned. Three days after we found out that Kevin was terminal, I found out that I was pregnant. Kevin had very strong feelings about having children. He was excited but also very scared for me. He didn't know if it would be a good idea for me to be pregnant. Her pregnancy was my hardest. I spent weeks going to the hospital daily to spend time with my dying husband. I can still remember the smell of the chemicals and the nausea I had to fight off. Shaking constantly because my blood sugar was so low. ( I never gained a pound with her) Right before my ultrasound, Kevin died...not knowing if I was having a boy or a girl. We hadn't even discussed names. Survival mode kicked in and after a few pre term labor scares, selling a house, moving back to Oregon, and buying a new one, I was blessed with this beautiful baby girl. She was supposed to be Elisabeth Paige but weeks before her birth, I began to have second thoughts. I really wanted to keep the "n" ending going. So I asked God to help me name this baby. Sure enough within days a name popped into my head on the back of a car...Brighten...I told Father to confirm it for me...and mere minutes later, I saw it again. This is how Brighten got her unique name. On her birth announcement, it read, "She has brightened our lives." Even now I can barely hold back the tears at what a profound blessing she was to me and to many others.

Baby Brighten came into this world with the help of the wonderful Dr. Bair and my dear friend Stacey Wolfe. She was my birth coach...I couldn't have survived that first year without her...she truly is an angel sent to save me...I love you Stace!

Brighten is a shining star in our family. She loves all animals. The most nurturing in our family by a mile. I see lots of children in her future. She is all girl and loved to play dress up and be the ultimate drama queen. She comes across as shy until she gets to know you. She is very polite and timid, but don't let it fool you! She is not that way! Diva, Princess, The Boss, are better words to describe her. She loves accessories and usually has to have some kind of sparkle on her clothing. I see a bedazzler in her future! She is a petite thing. I highly doubt she'll get much past 5'2". Her first word was mama but her second word was DADA! She called Patrick DaDa the second day she met him....isn't that just great?! Brighten loves gifts. That is her love language. She is the first one to make cards for all of her friends and loved ones. She is extremely artistic and is highly creative. Not only does she excel in visual arts, but is a fantastic ballet dancer and gymnast. She is also learning to play the piano and loves to sing.

Her cake
Brighten is the best thing that could have happened to me 8 years ago and I am forever grateful that God sent her to me. We love her with all of our hearts!

Update on the Chickens...

Not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, but 8 eggs today! That means that everyone of our chickens laid an egg today. (Lindy ended up being Lindon and he is the most gorgeous rooster I have ever seen...black and white with a huge red comb...) For those of you not familiar with chickens, they don't lay everyday...more like 80% of the days that have at least 14 hours of sunlight. So this is a rare occasion. We average 3 or 4 a day the past few weeks. I am thinking that a quiche will be in our future. Maybe for dinner tomorrow night. Man, if I only had a cow, then I could make some blueberry crepes with fresh cream...I know...I have weird dreams.

MoonHawke

It's for real...we are going to move. The check has been sent. The application is approved. I even drove up to the house today to plant the first crop in the garden. In Oregon, you can plant alot of stuff in early spring because it doesn't snow in April! Sorry Utah...This home is unique. The gardens are all organic. Not a drip of Round-Up is used. Blueberries, apple trees, pear, plum, kiwi, grape vines and a perennial herb garden are all well established. There is a ton of art in the yard varying from a Japanese lady to dragons and toadstools. Rose vines, arbors, clematis...its going to be gorgeous in a couple of minutes! You have a perfect view of Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Baker?...anyway, lots of white peaks. It's less than half of the rent we are paying now, has a small red barn, an outhouse, and metaphysical symbols hanging on the siding. It is the quintessential hippie house. The kids seemed to enjoy the tromp through the woods today and Patrick found an old cabin and some forts in the sticks. I planted my Broccoli Raab, Organic Red Potatoes, Spinach, and Peas. The soil was amazing. Every spade full was loaded with worms and it was extremely workable. I am in love already. It needs a good weeding and cleaning. The green carpet seems to be my lot in life, but besides that, I think I will be mighty happy here. Christian is the only one that is a bit disappointed. He really loved Wilsonville, but we are supposed to be in Sherwood. The house was given a name by the owners and it even has a round painting depicting MoonHawke, it's name. I fully admit that I am a moderate Liberal so I think I will fit right in. It is just awesome that these people love their land so much. The fire pit will get a ton of use this summer and fall. These things just don't exist in Suburbia. And I for one, wouldn't trade them for the common floor plan and sidewalks. There is something about being surrounded in nature that just makes me happier than a kid in a candy store. I will miss this slice of Heaven that we live in now, but I get a view, more money and peace...can you put a price on that?