just rambling

ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
kenape saye tak bole shopping.
tapi die bole main futsal?



hidup ini tidak adil.

p/s: just rambling.

it was fun

okay, this post was supposed to be before "20 GOING ON 21" but i've waited for the photos to be uploaded first. so yesterday, we went to Sunway Pyramid. hehehee as usual, when the sem starts, the first thing i'll do is have a night out with Ara (UKM friend) and Ien (UUM friend), cuz it'll be hard to see each other again throughout the semester.Emi and Syak were there as well.everything was great. we had early dinner. we celebrated Syak's belated birthday, we went to see Sherlock Holmes ;D.

syak's birthday cake ala-ala menara condong teluk intan and tak dapat dikenal pasti cake apa pada mulanya. sangat takut if cake tu cake durian (saya tak makan buah yg sedap itu), tp turns out, it was a fruit cake and next thing we know, we were fighting for the fruits inside!

early dinner at Teppanyaki ;D it was the first time for Ara and Ien, cuz they've been eating homemade food all this while.

a prove that i'm not an eater.tengoklah due orang ni berebut habiskan food saya. hahaha ;D

oh ye Merry Christmas!

.

20 GOING ON 21

persoalannya di sini, perlu ke buat azam tahun baru? ohh well, lagi due hari, habis lah tahun 2009 nie. what have i achieved? it's more to what i have worked my butts off at things, LOL. nak tulis panjang-panjang (and memang intended to), tapi lagi due jam kena masuk tutorial consti law. so xde banyak mase. let me just recap. i have an amazing year, my friends are amazing, and i've managed to catch up with my old friends as well, so that's an added bonus. family is great, we got a new addition and it is all great.as far as schoolworks, i have to admit that i really didn't push myself the way i was supposed to and didn't get to the height of euthopia yet with my results, but i have managed to score the grades as i hope to so no pressure there. i'm beginning to feel kind of worry of my new liking on procastination, like i'm sitting here writing a blog though i know my assignment is nowhere near to finish, but i take that everyone feels the same and everyone needs time to kick start their way into the new semester.


now, shall i continue wuth my new year's resolution?
-shop smart. i'm not even going to aim to NOT shop cuz it's just plain bullshit. i'm saying this, and i don't want to feel all guilty if i go out there and get my hands on a new pair of shoes. besides, who am i to kid? ;) however, this year's going to be a little different as i plan a lot of holidays rather than shopping trips, so i'm going to shop wisely and save and blow all the money on my holidays instead. it's a lot more fun, and i've never done anything like this for about the longest time ever, so i'm looking forward to it.
-pay attention on school. you realise i say 'on' instead of 'in'? that's cuz i'm not talking about having my eyes open in every lectures, i'm talking about caring on my schoolworks and put more efforts on my grades.law school is crazy, i have to read and read and read for the whole life i have.but it's the path that i've chosen, and there's not a day that i haven't been thankful for where i am now.
-be more appreciative, wiser and productive. there are times when i'm really really lazy and all i want to do is lie around. i'm an expert at doing nothing, you know? i don't want to be that kind of person anymore.i don't want to turn down invitations unceremoniously and i'm going to appreciate the relationships i have with people. 2009 has taught me that friends can come and go, so i might savour them while they last.



ohh new year plan, i don't have. but there's a BBQ party at Ara's and a night out in One Utama with new friends. lately i've been letting my friends do all the planning, and i'm content to be the follower. hehe ;D.


schedule for 2010 so far? i've got to attend KL Bar Career Fair on 9th Jan. just some stuff for my faculty's magazine.and i've not plan further yet. ohh correction, my friends haven't plan further yet.

christmas at the beach

today we had a major blast! sebabkan esok saya akan pulang mengejar ilmu (atau dikejar ilmu?) di UM, jadi kami ambil keputusan to spend what few times left in our favourite spot, mane lagi kalau bukan di Penang.=) mule-mule, we had lunch dekat Gurney Plaza. first time datang situ ye, and terpaksa restrain diri from Year End Sale.huuuh...how do you resist 50% and 70% off? somebody please tell me!


lunch consist of Triple Play di Chillis di mane seperti biase, hadzwan yang terpaksa habiskan sebahagian food itu termasuklah food nye sendiri yang nama tidak dapat diingati. hehehee.

kemudian off we went to Batu Feringghi (betul ke eja?), to Miami Beach to be exact.yes, ada Miami di Penang rupe-rupenye. hahaa sorry ye, macam saye katakan sebelum-sebelum ni, saye ni name je duduk Penang..satu benda pasal tempat nie pun saya tak tau. so, jakun la sikit.


ramai sangat ohh orang hari ni, maklumlah weekend.tapi photoshoot kali ini tidak menghampakan..(wah, tengoklah sebab ni saya tak suke tulis in malay, mesti skema jadinye). dapat la jugak cari spot-spot terbaik walaupun silau mata kena matahari dan sakit kaki pijak batu-batu kecik tu.


i didn't know yang dia akan bawak pergi beach, so dress up hari tu memang terbaik laa..wedges bagai..so sampai-sampai situ kena pakai selipar hadzwan yang besar supaya tak sakit kaki.heehee, jadi kepada sesiapa yang nak datang ke beach, sila bawa kelengkapan yang sepatutnya. =)


maka, hasil kerja pada hari ini adalah.....

then dia suggest supaya kami naik feri balik ke mainland. tapi cuma ada a few photos je kat atas feri sebabkan spot yang kurang baik dan orang yang sangat ramai persis anai-anai.hehee.

sampai-sampai ke mainland, we headed to Kulim. cadangnye nak tengok-tengok rumah sewa hadzwan and beli groceries sikit kat Giant Kulim. tak sangka sangat jaaaaaaaaaaaauh ye nak ke Kulim, sampai saya dah penat nak tertidur and hadzwan bercakap sorang-sorang wahahaaa sorry ye incik.nasib baik radio pasang lagu-lagu yang best so dapatlah saya nyanyi-nyanyi hilangkan ngantok. hadzwan pun nyanyi-nyanyi jugak bile saye dah tak berape layan die.huhuu jahat kan gf kamu ni.

and then kami pun membeli-belah barang-barang dapur untuk encik hadzwan ni haa. maklumlah sekarang dah hidup membujang jadi mestilah makan minum tak tentu hala. haaaaa, bile msg tanya makan ape je mesti jawab balik makan sosej rebus dengan nasi, maggi dengan kuah spaggeti alahai kesiannye...jadi dengan menggunakan skill memaksa dan mengugut yang saya ada, kami telah pun selamat membeli beberapa barang dapur untuk encik hadzwan ni.


nak balik ke Nibong Tebal balik perghhh taknak jauh plak kan hahaa memang mase kami banyak dalam kete je tapi worth la, dapat tengok bandar kulim yang saye rase lagi mantap dari tempat saye ni.best, banyak tempat makan and Giant pun ade cinema tapi slack jauh sikit dari rumah saya.



sebelum saye end this post, saya tak tau kenapa gambar-gambar ni jadi kecil ye. adakah saya yang tak pandai edit dalam blog ni?tapi tadi mase nak upload saya dah selct nak gambar large. anyone know what to do tak? ni kamera dslr btw, if that might be the problem. how to enlarge the photos?

happy belated krismas y'all. =)

pmr.krismas.ari.

tomorrow, at 11a.m, kena teman wani ambil result pmr kat sekolah. am crossing fingers here. hope she does great. she's been having this dream over and over again about how many A's she got (not mentioning it here). when it was my time and syanaz's, we practically know our results before hand because our parents actually called the PPD. yes, it's true guys. less drama.



then i was hoping to do some quick back-to-college shopping before christmas as Abah has plans for us (good ones, which doesn't involve yet another kenduri). then on saturday, i'm going to meet hadzwan for the last time before returning back to KL.please don't be so down ye? =)



Abah is sending me off this sunday, maybe they'll bring Ari along.next monday, she'll be going to a nearby nursery because everybody will be busy working.i don't know.somehow, i don't look forward to her being placed in somebody's house that i'm not familiar with. is the house in good condition for infants? is the caretaker a nice and reliable lady? are there any other kids in the house? how many? will Ari get the attention she'll need? can we trust the lady not to blow on Ari? yeah, i guess i'm being paranoid but didn't they just showed on the news about an indonesian maid ran away after killing a baby? i seriously don't know what the world is going to, and not keen on putting Ari at the risk of it. so, before that, i'm going to tag along with Mak to meet the lady in person. hehee i know i know. belum ape-ape lagi dah control adik. eh. control tanda sayang la.

for fun tagging

What's your favorite make up look?
I love the bohemian look. the bold eyeliner with a lil' twist at the end and smokey eyes with almost-there lips. add on a bit of shimmer.

Do you have a beauty vice?
i love makeups in general, both collecting and experimenting, and am getting to a stage where i could just get all of them in a flash. i hope i wouldn't, since i love so many other things too.

What part of the body do you love?

I love my frame and body-built, petite size. so, i love all that's in it.

Who is your beauty icon?
I guess no one. it's harder to find a beauty icon compared to fashion icon cuz the styles are more or less the same. i guess you don't do favourites with makeup, its all about tips and techniqes. but practically, if there's a look that i like in a mag, i'll try it out irrespect of who the real person is. that's called inspiration.

What beauty product makes you feel instantly sexy?
For me, it's mascara.

How do you look after your skin?
the usual routines, cleanse, tone and moisturise. but heck, i do have my lazy days. =)

What is your signature scent?
i don't have one. i'm not a fan of perfumes cuz a lot of them gets me dizzy.i have one just in case.

How do you pamper yourself?
if i'm in the mood, i'll do all the beauty rounds. form taking long showers to body lotion after that, then the 3 steps to a mask and some spritz.

What is your beauty pet peeve?
Mascara that makes my upper lashes and lower lashes stuck and frozen. it happened once in class and felt really sick.

What would your desert island must haves be?
the whole set, but just one apiece. primer,concealer, powder, eyeliner, mascara, blush and lipgloss.

Do you have a beauty philosophy?
"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, that's why she fell in love with the Beast"

i hope hadzwan sees this.
=)

review

just got back from taiping, and, ohmigod, what a freakin' tired week. my parents went to Manila last week and just got back yesterday night. they went from Manila-KL-Penang-Taiping.so they arrived quite late at night last night but it doesn't show. hahaa. souvenirs? i got two shirts with statements on them-one in white and one in red. they are super tight, literally speaking. i stand amazed at how my body finally having found it's curves. =)

the whole last five days have been literally devoted and endured by looking after Ari. that much has made me look more like a walking zombie each day. she's a one tough kid, especially during the nights...i barely doze at all, imagine. i remembered last night, when Mak and Abah were still tired and i have gotten my hands on Ari over the week, when she wouldn't go to sleep. she has had milk every hour in full bottle and still was bright as ever. so i gave up putting her in her buaian, instead, i placed her next to me on my pillow where we both turn sideways and to prevent her from falling over, i wrapped my arms around her. as long as she's asleep, she got all the comfort, i got all the backpain. next morning, everyone said how cute we were cuddled up together. hahaaa, pretty strange.

ohh i bought a nice new book, called THE LOVELY BONES from Alice Sebold. the initial plan was to get the whole set of Twilight (yaa i know, i'm just starting) but the only bookstore in Taiping ran out of them and they had this translated version called Senjakala and after reading the first line, it turned out to be written in Malay-Indonesian. i should have known. so i got Lovely Bones, because i followed a beaty guru on youtube and on blogspot and she mentioned that the story is now being filmed in Hollywood and that she had been reading the book since a kid.i'm still down the last few chapters, and i'm not upset. it's about a girl being killed-family all changed and grown up-girl observed from heaven-how murderer eventually died-family and girl moved on. hehee, you notice how i make it sound boring? it's not, actually.


and i've watched Avatar, like i said i would. first thing on 17th Dec. i wasn't dissapointed either. i love movies like that. super awesome.what can i say, i love Jack Sully, Grace, Neytiri, the Na'vis, all of them.you rock James Cameron!


i noticed i haven't yet made a review on Say You're One Of Them. well, all i can say is, if you're a fan of inspirational and motivational stories, you should try this out. the book is not that easy to understand, at least for me, because it has a mixture of African language and the grammars got all jumbled up.but you'll still get the story in the end.

"When the dead are done with the living," Franny said to me, " the living can go on to other things."
"What about the dead?" I asked. "Where do we go?"
She wouldn't answer me.

-bits from The Lovely Bones. doesn't it always feel like the other way round?

i've thought of making another In & Out, but i think its kind of weird to do that with what i've got to say, so i'll just do it the usual way.

tomorrow, we'll be packing to go stay with my aunt in Taiping. i haven't packed yet and i'm still up. things are most likely to get frenzy tomorrow.its just me and my sisters who's going to stay there because on tuesday night, abah and mak are going to Manila for abah's business trip. so no worries (i guess)

what am i going to do over at my aunt's?well, i'll hope i get to go out too in the middle of taking care of Ari.she's getting hard to sleep, so i'm freaking out there.but i guess my sisters can manage with me (again, i hope).


the plan is to just go out and watch Avatar only. i've been counting days y'all. i've been watching X-Men all day and can't wait to see how Avatar is going to be. i really, really do not want to go and shop stuffs. two days ago when i went there, i kind of promise myself to get this vintage shirt, i hope i won't have the urge though.

and i haven't started on my assignments yet yeah! five star for that ;) no worries, i'll be bringing them over because i won't be blogging or you-tubing or have internet connection for four days starting from tuesday. wooops, hope i can survive.


till then, pray for me and pray for yourself. i wish the best for all of us.


somehow i can't wait to start packing.that's weird. ;p

mockers listen up!

saya sudah berjaya meletakkan noktah pada ayat terakhir skrip pementasan mock trial sesi 2010/2011!!
saya sungguh gembira dan happy dan rasa lega dan terharu isk isk..(poyo)
sekarang saya nak tunggu emel daripada tuan direktor
it's not 100% perfect, but i'm sure if we work out everything together, we'll sure to have one hell of a fun mock trial season next year.


p/s: imma die-hard mocker fan y'all. thanks!

more inS and outS

INS

• Kamelia Katrina di Astro Ria or Prima. sorry dah tak ingat.
  
• Oprah Wifrey Show di Hallmark Channel
• 10 000 BC and The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

OUTS

• Kau & Aku di Astro Ria or Prima lagi. pe motif citer nie weh?
• Kelab Pop
• Gelanggang Raja Lawak. sorry saye tak minat.
  

edward cullen : you give me everything already just by BREATHING :)))))

so i've watched New Moon, finally. i was not that keen to watch it at first, but since it's a must watch film and i don't want to miss out on the oooohs and ahhhhhs i'll be getting at when the conversation about it started among my friends. i've not followed the first film, but by the looks of things, its not too hard to guess.

i admit, i like the movie. i'm not crazy about it though. the scenery is great, lots of wood and nature. the actors are hot and beautiful. the script was not lengthy and goes straight to the point. the actions and performances are not dissapointing at all.the message was properly delivered. it was well applauded by me.

only one thing bugs me though, the love of Bella and Edward.

do you believe in the kind of love like that? i hope you do, because i certainly find it hard to drown in me. i'm not saying this in a bad way. plus, i don't read the books yet (which i'm planning to compensate for), but speaking from the rigid eye, i don't believe in a love so strong that it kills you. well, u know, it'll kill you if you let it kill you, right? but you don't need to. you don't have too either. i'm watching the girl having fits and nightmares and ditching her friends and father and do all these dangerous things just to get her love. it was sweet at first when she's sad and all, but towards the end, it's kind of nauseting. but i guess that's just in the story though, and i think the story is beautifully written. if it's design to make people believe that true love does exist, then i'm happy for it. as for me, in the real world, that's kind of tough to live with. i mean, the world is more cruel and can do you more damage than unrequited love. so better learn that quickly, hehee . i know i have. trust me, at this point, i'm really really thankful to my first ex boyfriend (which was what i thought to be my true love once), because if he didn't ditch and dupe me, i would still believe that Cinderella is real.


please, please don't get me wrong. i'm not hating Twilight a bit, i love it. i like the vampire love and have nothing against whats in the film. it's just that i'm merely comparing them to the real world.


i know some of you have found their true love, but it's not without trials right? everyone has their own stories, that's what deline keep telling me. so to those who is in love, i wish the best in your relationship and may it last happily ever after, like true true love (tetibe teringat true blood sekarang hahahaaaa ntah ape2 kan tp tu pun ctr vampire gak kan? hmmm). to those who have lost their love, hey, don't worry. as i said before, the world is more cruel than your heartbreak. so better get up fast and face and embrace the world like you never have. if you have lost the love, then spread your own love. there's so many people out there who's needing it. think of your parents, sisters and brothers (note: Ari ada buaian baru dah :)), friends, and most importantly, your God. do you know how they say that just leave it and think of it as another chapter in your life? i don't like that, personally. i think you should get yourself a new book :)


right after the film, i sent a message to hadzwan:


"thanks sebab bagi saya cinta yang real dan tak mengarut."


p/s: saya still in a relationship dengan hadzwan ye tuan-tuan dan puan-puan. walaupun dia bukan vampire atau werewolf yang hot! :)

selalu bersama

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard,
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things,
Like a shoebox of photographs,
With sepiatone loving,
Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart ,
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy,
And sometimes life can be deceiving,
I'll tell you one thing, its always better when we're together


mmm, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together


And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone,
When the morning light sings
And brings new things,
But tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too,
Too many things I have to do,
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'll be under the impression,
I was somewhere in-between
With only two,
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do,
Or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
mmm, We're somewhere in-between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

MmMMmm MmMMm MmMMm
I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing,
We're better together

i really like this song :)
rindu wanchuk!

taw x, something funny just happen tadi. :))


wani tengah nak off laptop, and die terlepas mouse so hakthooom ke bawah. ari tengah tidur nearby dengan soundless nye and die terkejut sangat2 sampai angkat tangan ke atas.;) everyone of us was just drowsy and when she did that, we were shocked and just laughed away.


sumpah kelakar la ari ni.



;)

wuhuu lagi Ins and Outsssss

setelah saye membace blogs orang-orang lain tentang ins and outs, baru saye tau rupe-rupenye banyak care saye boleh tulis ins and outs ni and tak limited. we can do it in topics. tak universal pun takpe. heheh. okay. going to my next ins and outs.


and i apologise for my bilingual writing. sometimes i find words hard to come by when i'm writing in Malay and hard to be expressive when i write in English.

INS

• that bronzer i've been eyeing from Revlon. its hard to find one omg i don't know why. i figured if there isn't one any, i'm going to by the clinique one cuz it's kind of similar, but i really hope i wouldn't cuz clinique isn't really a bargain, now is it? and also, i want the moouse cream blusher (did i get it right?) form Maybeline. they don't do it anymore cuz now they've come up with the mineral ones. ye, nasi selalu saje jadi bubur bagi saye.

• long necklaces from Forever 21. i find that the prices are no difference from the ones in Vincci Accessories, so better get those. but also, there's a nagging behind my head that i should buy Malaysian mades. hehee don't worry, i'll get from them too.

• those vintage storage boxes that are exactly replicas from Lovely Lace but a lot cheaper in My White House in Taiping. i'm going there thie friday, so probably i'm getting them.

• jeans from FOS. for some reasons, i can only manage to find jeans my size in that store and nowhere else. seriously i'm not kidding. and what a bless to the pockets too, when it's only about RM19 per pair. i mean, we need to be smart, kan?

OUTS

• the broken clasps on my necklaces. i got three broken ones and i'm looking for a shop that could repair them or else, they are out.

• the old clothes that my mother kept in three big bundles to give away. why the heck don't we just do a yard sale? or i can post them in this blog? don't we all need the extra money? eheh, just kidding. the clothes weren't mine though, so i quickly realised. my clothes would never be in a bundle. i wouldn't dare let that happen. sayang baju ooi..beli duit sendiri tau

• similarly, i'm not that concious with my things. some of my clothes are either torn, accidently dyed or gone missing. there was one time when the cardigan that i bought with hadzwan went missing and i was soo mad i couldn't speak. so yeah, they're out.

• i'm trying to look for my boots. i want them in.

;)

In's and Out's

okay, i figured since i like so much reading everyone's "in and out" rambling on their blogs, i'm just going to go ahead and do one. i don't know if my close blogger friends did this, but i would highly recommend it since you don't need to write helluva long on a post cuz it's just like sum everything up. so yeah, here goes my ins and outs.

IN

• reading blogs. i think for this holiday round, i've done almost 20 blogs per day, all over the world. i read ones from the States mostly, then in China, Canada, Korea..name it. i don't want to follow them cuz its going to be too many and my profile are going to be like crazy. and i guess i just love the idea of waking and reading different blogs everyday, like you don't have a set mind to it.
• watching hauls on youtube. i don't know how i got stumbled in it, but it really hit me and i've been online 24/7 just for that.i love the hauls.you type in anything, makeup hauls, clothing hauls, room tours. it'll give you a mixture of excitement to shop (i don't condone to this but it's been helping me to NOT go out there and shop. i mean, watching the videos are kind of enough already) and also a bit motivation to start organize your things. i think they are pretty cool. only, i love watching Kalel Culen vids but she deleted them cuz she got too many haters, i really wished she didn't. now, i'm watching the ones from DulceCandy (she's the only one i follow on the blog, so you can find her on my profile), Juicystar07,Allthatglitters and many more. they are just random people doing random vids;)
• ari. can't say enough ;)

OUT

• my school assignments. yes, we still got assignments to do despite the holidays cuz our system is pretty complicated.to date, i have one assignment with 'yay' progress and three more to come. it's pathetic. i want to get them over and done with so i can do whatever i want for the rest of my holidays.
• the fact that i have a boring holiday. i mean, i'm pretty content with sitting at home, watching non stop telly, surfing the net and eating all i want but that kind of treatment only last me like 3 days in KL. i love going out to have fun. but on a brighter note, i keep telling myself that this sit-at-home will be good for my bank account.so i can save all the fun for when i reach KL again.
  
• the fact that i miss my friends so badly. i'm not kidding, i miss you guys. i miss bella, i miss kinah and kella, i miss ara and ien, and i miss all of my cherpoms. i miss my cousins too, and its been really different this time around. syamir is going to do his internship pretty soon. kakak will have to go back to her uni earlier since she's involved in some programme and kak yang has started her degree study. so i don't have the company i wanted ;(
  

that's pretty much it. for now.

lapan random facts

today, i smell of Ari-ish, which is perferct cuz she wears johnson and johnson.

one of my friends told me to list down random facts about myself, because i find it hard to write here these days because seriously, i don't do much. i've gone a bit baby overboard so probably you would get the idea by now that i have an addition to the family. so i guess random facts is a safe topic.let's just pray i don't run out of ideas.

1. i'm in my second year of reading law. seriously, i never dreamed of this course, or imagine i would become a lawyer.going to a science stream school, i wanted to do something related to science like medicine or engineering. then when i know i was about to take up a complete alien course, i went to POPULAR bookstore and bought my very first Federal Constitution. i remembered reading it that night with a dictionary next me, and i was scribbling meanings of every words. legal terms are complete jargons to me back then, and i was freaking out. luckily, when i did my foundations, my interest in the area has slowly grown and i'm proud of the choice i made-to not ditch the course. i find the law course as somewhat a professional one (of course), and being a lawyer is somewhat classy.there's a saying in John Grisham which goes, "the first years law student would always go for the needs of humanity while the final years would go for the money". i don't know, but i don't think lawyers make that big bucks. i mean, it really depends on what type of lawyers you want to be. plus, its always a pleasant thing for us law students when meeting up with people and saying, "hye, i'm a law student". there's a bit of aura by saying that. and i love it.
2. i love old musics. the country ones, the jazz. norah jones, alicia keys, kenny rogers, bruce springsteen, martina mcbride,lee ann rimes,ricard marx rascal flatts and so much more.accurately, i love musics that have meaningful lyrics. i used to have this big collection of old love songs that i listened to everynight, but due to us always having to move around and me not being concious of my stuffs, they just got lost. i developed my interest in poetry by listening to the old songs, even. so, my boyfriend knows he can't win me off my feet by singing yellow card ;). so i'm the type of person who goes for the songs rather than the artist. if the artist writes beautiful songs, then i'll give attention to the artist.
   
3. i won't say i'm an organised person, but i really can't stand things that aren't in their right places. i wouldn't go to the stage where your clothes need to be colour coded (not yet, but i think i'm getting there), but i'm not the type of person who would toss it on my bed or on my study table. they would be hanging or folded in my drawers or closets or lockers. i really don't know, but back at school, whenever i'm having my ten minute study break, i would go to my locker and clean it up or arrange whatever it is inside there.so, i normally would have about ten different locker makeovers by the end of the day ;). i think this is probably due to my not liking to have to find my way through things when i'm in a rush and also, i have this weird fear that snakes and rats would come out if i leave my things in a trash.seriously, i have weird phobias.
4. my other weird phobia is, i can't sleep alone and i don't like the dark. i could sleep in all the brightness of my room lamp if my sisters weren't there to sleep with me or if my roomates are out. i really don't like to sleep alone. there was one time when i finished reading the whole novel of Harry Potter until 5a.m because i was too scared to sleep alone. last time when i was with ayie and she used to go home every weekend, i would leave the lights open.that's also the reason why until now, i never have a room for myself. people always thought it weird that wani has a room all beautifully decorated and gives you the hint of her own territory while mine was shared with syanaz and all of our stuffs. i don't mind having no privacy as long as i have company.
5. i looove makeups. i go to lectures and school now with makeups on. and by wearing them, i don't mean going au natural. i think i literally paint my own face. there's this one time after class where myra had to sort out my cheek because i was wearing waaay too much blusher ;). i don't mind waking up extra early just to get my makeup done. it almost reach the stage where i think i'm naked without them. i know it's not doing my skin good with wearing all the makeups 24/7 but i loooooove them. i can sleep on them (no, i didn't mean that)
6. i'm not much of an eater. i don't think i'm aneroxic either. my body weight has not change a bit since as long as i can remember, but i'm not the type of girl where she can eat everything she wants but still be skinny because the problem is, i don't eat everything in front of me. i don't know what's wrong with my body but its just the way it is. i think i can blame them on my genes (my family has the same problem too) and also my lifestyle. but apart from being confuse about my weight and body, i like the fact that i can go to stores without thinking what size to wear because i always ask for the smallest size, and that differs from store to store. it could be either a size 4 or XS, i don't know. i just grab the smallest. and i also entertain the fact that i can squeeze into anything (well, sometimes) either it's an overloaded car or lift.
7. i like chickflicks movies not because of the dramas but the fashion and beauty. i mean, i can go through sex and the city and not understand what the story was about except for Carrie Bradshaw's purse.other than that, i don't watch chickflicks. i don't follow GG, OTH, The Hills or anything, cuz for me, they're too much of a drama. say, if a guy cheated in the story, i would get sooo mad that it'll last days, and i don't want to walk around feeling depressed as if my life depends on the guy's loyalty. hahaa i know i'm strange.what i do like to watch are fairytale movies, stories i know aren't true. Narnia, Harry Potter, Pirtaes of Carribean, LOTR, Merlin. i also like historical movies like King Arthur, Elizabeth The Golden Age, ROME, the movie which had Brad Pitt in it but can't remember, Valkyrie, Other Boleyn Girl. stuffs like that. i don't read romance novels or chick series either. i like to read the heavier stuffs. John Grisham, Dan Brown, Jodi Piccoult and alike. i only watch chick movies with my friends and it's really because of them.apart from that, if there's a chick movie that i like, i would just get a pirated CD or ask my boyfriend to burn one for me.
   
8. i don't like fires or heat either, so i look pretty weird when i'm cooking (and you can't do much cooking if you freak out everytime you turn on the stove). so to slow down my fears, i used only certain cooking cutleries whic i try to cook everything in them and i don't cook fry-stuff much. i mean, i do all the frenchfries, chicken and egg and stuffs, but anything bigger goes in the microwave.

that's all then ;)

makeups. costumes.

next year, i'm allowed to take one minor/elective course. only this time around, i wouldn't be required to take up more law subjects. instead, i'm going to take up something FUN.

ANALISIS BUSANA DAN TATARIAS

it's something i know i don't have to learn to like, because we've been over liking each other now (me + busanaS + tatariaS). we're 'legally married' . okay, that's a bit overboard. but anyways, i'm not doing the foreign languages, cause i figured next year's subjects are waaaay tougher, so i don't need the extra burden. and i'm not ready yet to take up business or economics 'cause that'll have to wait until i see how my next year's result going to be. so in the meantime i figured, why not do something that doesn't need much reading. law books are quite enough, and if there is reading, i doubt it'll be that hard to understand compared to the legal terms, no offence to fashion students out there, but i'm really an amateur in this stuff. also, why not do something that doesn't need that much persuassion and much more motivation. i mean, what girl that doesn't like all the make-ups and clothing right? vanity is in in our genes.

i hope to make this look ;)

these two looks remind me of what i look like during the last mock trial. boy, the makeup crew sure 'paint' me up ;)

p/s: i've been watching a lot of makeup hauls in youtube i need to stop and stay focus!

what everyone is doing now

syanaz is back, and wacthing zombie the cartoon series with wani in the living room, or are they?? ntah macam susah nak differentiate sebab diorang tak jerit2 pun tengok cerite tu, saye nak tengok supernatural malam semalam sorang2 pun pikir due tige kali.

mak is sleeping with ari dah by now. penat woooo seharian jaga ar sorang-sorang (saye la tuu, sapa lagi nak merungut hahaa). dari pagi die tidur sampai malam die tidur balik, because mak and wani went to fetch syanaz at school, so it took all day. i must say, for a two-week old baby, ari is a bit well-mannered. if die terjage dari tidur, or susah nak tidur, die just continue baring sambil pandang keliling dengan mata bulat and kadang-kadang mulut terlopong (bukan terlopong teruk ek, nie terlopong baby, so please picture-kan yang cute-cute saje) and lately now, die suke masukkan tangan dalam mulut, a cue that she wants her milk. ari minum banyaaaaak susu hari nie tapi still x tidur-tidur ye tuan-tuan dan puan-puan. berjage saje sampai saye kena dukung die, cakap-cakap dengan die, main agah-agah. penat wooooo (lagi sekali). tapi yang herannye, bile mak, wani and syanaz balik saje die terus automatik tidur dengan comfortablenye. hehee what an actress. nasib baik die x nangis (like seriously, tak nangis langsung tapi penat kakak nak jage!)


abah is in KL agai, sitting for an exam (wth saye pun tak taw) and lusa baru balik. before die pergi, kalut die siapkan kerja-kerja sampai terbawak-bawak balik rumah. well, nail that exam abah!


hadzwan is out watching movie with his housemates.


saye?

• blog-writing and walking
• watching youtube
• facebook

dan di celah-celah menyiapkan skrip untuk satu pementasan next year.

christmas ;)

the one festive day that comes in red is just around the corner (though here in Malaysia, we have Chinese New Year for that). i love christmas season, don't you all? i remember when i was little and Abah would play the Home Alone series all day, and i especially love the part when Macaulay was left in New York when its christmas time. i remember in the end when he finally got to meet his mom, there's this humongous christmas tree hanging over them. it was amazing.

oh well, there's a lot of reason to love christmas. here's the list:

• i like the present-giving idea, eventhough they're not mailed from North Pole.
• the decorations at the mall and houses where people do celebrate them are fantastic. so sparkly and shiny. and of course, there's the TREE.
• the movies on TV are amazing too. i watched two christmas movies today and one yesterday, and all three are plain hilarious. don't you think its weird that our Raya movies are all teary-based one, with lots of sufferings (picture: Pondok Buruk) and ends quite relieving (thank God for this) while the christmas ones are all merry and happy. emm. its just a distinction. i know our day is one of gratitude, thankfullness, forgiveness and worship while the other one should be, well, merry.
• the sales and discounts. ohh. if you want to splurge, and the sale seasons are yet to come, then christmas time should be the easiest moment ( though here, the Year End Sale is right where christmas is, hahaa, figures, year-end , so that's an added bonus). they'll pack stuffs in a bunch and throw a great deal, so we can't complain. that's why its best to hit the mall during christmas, what other places here that offers heavenly to the purse and the sight?

so, Merry Christmas to those who celebrate them. and a Happy New Year to all. 1 Malaysia.

take a sneak peak at my Candy Addiction, its not much but they are what i look through almost, err.. everyday now. ;)

nak hadzwan bace lagi, sorry saye dah takde kerja sangat2 =)

His Birthday:
17th September 1988, just two months after me!

How long have you been together?
again, you should see the time traveller =)

How long did you know each other before you got together?
i stalked his friendster page just to know this, and found out that we've been texting each other for two months only prior to being an item =)

What physical features attracted you to him first?:
his hair (with a fringe back then) and his body built. i don't like skinny boys. =)

Hair color:
black

Hair style:
this changes a lot, first there's fringe, then it'll be all stuck on his head, next thing it's a mohawk. ohh..my mom and sis has a lot to say about his hair, they're comparing it with indonesian actors on tv! babe, now u know the truth.. =)

How did you know each other?
from school, he was my senior.

RELATIONSHIP STUFF

How serious is it:
pretty serious.

Are you in love?:
isn't it obvious? =)

Do your parents like him:
guess so., =)

Does it matter?:
yes.

Do you trust him?
yes sir.

Do you like the way he smells:
sometimes..hahaa just kidding!

Can you picture having kids with him:
no, i picture having lots and lots of chipmunks with him!

Does he have a temper?
ooh yes, and it'll scare the shit out of you.

Are you happy to be with him:
irrevocably and unconditionally.


SOME OTHER STUFF

Does he have any piercings?:
entahlah, haven't seen his whole part. hahah!

Does he have any scars that you know of?:
yes, right above his elbow. he got it from a motor accident.

Is he a party dude or stay at home kind of guy?:
he likes to go out a lot, o i guess he's a party dude in the making. =)

Is he Outgoing or Shy?
outgoing sangaaaaat!

Does he love his mama?
yes he does. he just bought his mom a cake for his parent's anniversary despite having no money. that's a thought i haven't seen in yearsssss from a guy.

Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends?
yes, certain friends.

Does he sing?
ohh he sure does!

Does he snore?
i dont' know heheheee but the question is funny.

Do you like his friends?

yes i do. =) i hope it's mutual.

hadzwan you should read this too

How old were you when you had your first relationship?
16 i guess, dumb!

Are you taken/single?
i'm not yet married


Do you like anyone right now?
yes

Ever had your heartbroken?
yes

Miss anyone right now?
no

Who was the last person you sent a text to?
mohd firdaus hadzwan

Last person to text you?
mohd firdaus hadzwan juge,

Last person you saw?
my mom, wani and ari.

What was the last thing you said to someone?
" if tengah drive x payah la call lagi." to hadzwan.

Who is top in your top friends?
every friend i have

Why?
because they are every friend i have

Who do you trust the most in your life?
my besties, ara and ien. and hadzwan.

Who do you love most?
my family, my friends, hadzwan.

Ever been in love?
yes.

Who has hurt you the most?
don't speak names.

Has a tragedy ever happened in your life?
xde lah tragedy, unfortunate events saje.

Are you happy?
i'm satisfied enough.

How many good friends do you have?
two handfusl.

Are there some songs you cant listen to because they remind you of someone?
ooh, i use to have one. now i can listen to them again because it reminds me of someone else. hehe, karma babe. gotta believe in 'em.

Have you ever cheated on a partner?
oh, tidak sama sekali.

Ever been cheated on?
yes.

Ever been told someone loved you?
guess so.

Ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
yes, all the times. to my parents,my sisters, my friends and to hadzwan.

Not meant it?
nope.

Ever had your heart broken?
yes.

Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now?
yes, see the time traveller la. =]

What is your idea of true love?
if anyone knows me, and ever had a conversation with me about this thing, they'll know i don't believe in true love anymore.what i believe in is practical love, commitment love, working love. true love for me only happens with Walt Disney when he created snow White or Cinderella. right deline?

When they slip, do you think you can let go the small stuff?
like, big secret with lots of details you mean? like, someone cheated and gave the girl an arcade ring? i don't think the small stuff like the ring can camouflage such truth when it 'slips'.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
haha. again, its love at first work to me.

Why or why not?
because love is blind, and you can never trust your sights on them.

Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love?
yes.

Do you believe that love can be found in bars or is that too much of a risk?
nope, love can be found anywhere. i think the weirder the place. the more interesting the story becomes.

Should people go to bars to find love?
why not?

Or should they go to places where people who like what they like hang out?
that could work too. it depends really.

Should men and women be expecting the other to buy the other gifts?
it happens mutually.

Who should wear the pants in the relationship or should it be a mutual give and take?
mutual give and take, though i don't expect him to wear skirts, or or is this a trick question i don't know?

hadzwan you should read this.

1. Would you date someone who smokes?
no.

2. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?
lagi laa no.

3. Would you date the same sex?
if the last man on earth was a psycho, then yes.

4. Whats your biggest turn on, physically?
i really like "well-developed" boys if you know what i mean

5. Where would you go on the first date?
a familiar mall so that we both know our way through and wouldn't get lost

6. Most hurtful relationship?
i now accept that each relationship teach me something thus the hurtful part goes away

7. Have you ever dated someone more than once?
i believe so, yes

8. Do you miss any of your exes?
no, not in that way anymore

9. Whats your biggest turn on, NOT physically?
the gestures and the thoughts

10. Are you single now?
no.

11. What is the sweetest thing someone you dated did for you?
he came to my house with a really big, BIG teddybear, and it was on an openhouse, so there's lot of people.

12. Are you ready to get into a serious relationship right now?
as in kahwin? belum kot.=)

13. Do you like cuddling?
sure!

14. Do you hold grudges?
no

15. Do you regret dating anyone?
no

16. Hugs or kisses?
i prefer hugs,

17. Missing someone?
yes

18. Most important lesson you have learned from dating?
be yourself. if you want to laugh,snort, fart or whatever, just be yourself.

19. Are you happier single or in a relationship?
erm, at this stage, i would say i'm happier being with someone.

20. Whats the most important thing in a relationship?
love

21. Have you ever loved someone who did not love you back?
does chris angel counts? =]

22. Favorite ex?
no

23. How important are looks?
not important as its subjective

24. How do you know when you are in love?
srangely for me now, it happens two or three weeks into the relationship itself, then only the love comes. i know, i'm strange =]

25. Do you consider yourself shy?
tidak

26. Would you rather date someone who was SUPER-hot or someone who was SUPER-nice?
super nice laa. super hot kang susah! hahaa!

27. Have you ever been ashamed of anyone you were dating?
no, i don't

28. Would you ever date anyone your parents disapproved of?
no. i won't

29. Would you fight over someone you wanted to be with?
i don't know. at this point, takkot. because i believe heart is a place where it makes spaces to many people and not just one. so when one goes, the other one can fill in. it's quite logical that way.


30. Would you date someone A LOT older or younger than you?
i prefer someone older.

saye budak law UM yg susah mati!

i've decided to delete the earlier post since it seems too depressing to look at. haha


okay, nie lah kebenarannye.


err..i should probably start with some warnings first. this post is NOT intended to make anyone feel over pressured, down, low self esteem and whatever. this post, like any of my other posts, are simply my naught thoughts, and will remain so.


situasinye begini,. semalam had a chat with shahrul kat facebook. and die bagitau result die. he's a clever guy, always ahead of me.but he wasn't happy with his result. hmm..at this point, saye pikir, siape yang happy dengan result die sem nie? saye nak jumpe and nak google macam kat zoo tu!

sem nie, just dua subjek je yang ade exam. family law and islamic criminal law.satu subjek tu saye dah taw dah resultnye. emm..okayla, i would say.kind off da expect akan dapat result macam tu. like they say, subjek nie, struggle macam mane pun, ur gonna get that much je.jadi, saye HARUS bersyukur dapat result macam tu.it's good enough around here.emm, saye bersyukur, tapi saye tak bangga.

lagi satu subjek tu, baru semalam saye tau resultnye dah keluar from shahrul.erk, cuak. half of me tanak taw sebab takut tapi if tataw then tak bleh tidur malam pulak. hadoyaiii.macam mane tahh..

shahrul: baik kau check..tunggu lame2 derite dowh.derite...derite...derite...(ye, die ulang derite 3 kali)


saye: hm. okayla. tp bukan malam nie kot. aku lemah lagi dowh.


malam tu before msuk tidur, saye msg hadzwan.


"by, result full dah kuar cuak.takot..wish u were here.by, esok pg bg sy msg semangat2 sebelum pg keje ey.thanks nitey~"


lepas tu, msg deline and zah suruh tengokkan result kat board. mate pun dah tertutup..


pagi tu dapat msg dr deline, cakap saye dapat *sekian sekian*. hm. bersyukur lagi? ye, pasti. subjek tu, susah jugak even tak sesusah subjek family law. and that mark is good enough, i want to say. macam result contract law saye dulu.


and dapat jugak message semangat saye tu from hadzwan. kesian die, pagi2 selalu kalut nak pergi keje tah sempat makan tah tidak tp kne message semangat kat saye dulu (errr..awak pun semangat pegi keje kan?)


i know to only take two subjects in this semester is a gamble for the result, what's with both subjects are hard and difficult, and i know next semester would be just fine for me. so no worries, i'm happy enough.


thank you zah, deline, shahrul and hadzwan.

p/s: this goes to my other fellow batchmates too. i love you guys and lets strive for the better again!!

second apology

i can't remember when this pic was taken, but i believe its the weekend after our faculty's orientation. yes, with all the misery ended, we have to celebrate rite?


i feel extremely, extremely bad to have to go against my promise of coming back to UM to watch the Royal Debate as it's not the same as last time. i can come and go as i please last time but this time round, i have waaaaaaaaaay too much commitments and none of them are near as to be fulfilled. :( that's one thing, and i've already begged, pleaded, rolled in front of my dad (which i use to if i don't have things my way :)) but i don't think its gonna change. I CANNOT GO AND WATCH THE DEBATE.


shit. i seriously feel like crap. zah and emi are already there, i believe ayie and myra will come too.and aween and syahrul too. it'll be like last time where we all come down and support you guys. but here are why i can't come..

• Ari. she's not and excuse, she's a responsibilty that i don't have the slightest intention to leave. emm, to tell the truth, she's starting to grow on to me and despite of her being only two weeks old (now!), she'll likely to blast the house crying if i'm not there. she loves to be held, especially in her chubby fists, and she'll exceptionally know whether its my fingers or not, because she doesn't like Abah's (heheheeee). at this point, i'm getting so used of smooching her every single hours that i don't think i can bare leaving her for a couple of days. besides, my mom needed all the help she can get while she struggles for houseworks and schoolworks. you know, above all reasons known to me, have decided to take up STPM papers marking again. i don't know why, and Abah is going to be away to Manila for a work conference, so yeah, "all hands are definitely on deck now"

• my other sister, Syanaz. we spent a lot of time this year being mad and frustrated at each other because when one person is at home, the other person is at school. we kinda play this "catch me if you can" game where we missed that person in just a teeny bit of seconds. like last time,when i went home for my study week and went back to UM for my exams, she arrived home a day after that! and it's been going on and off for a year already! so last weekend when i saw her, the first thing she said was, "Along balik KL balik end of Disember kan? jadi boleh lah kite keluar jalan-jalan and spend time together kan?," and she went on about all the movies she wanted to watch and places she wanted to go, and expects me to be there with her. so, if i skipped this week again and go to KL when she'll be coming home next monday, she'll be beyond the extent of pissed off (is there such a sentence?? i dunno)

that's two very strong reasons that's been pulling me back from my words, and i'm extremely sorry. you know i would come if i can right? besides, i sincerely and honestly want to be there, not just for the sake of supporting you, but be there for you. i wanted to be able to tell you're the best in front of you, but guess now i have to say it through text messages. if ever, ever you need anything, just give me a text like always right? i wish the best for you, azairi, daus, muney and the whooooole team.you're freaking #1!!!!! i love you.


p/s:Go UM teamzzzzz!

apology

sorry i didn't get to blogs as much as i used to, owning to a lot of works that needed to be done. what's with Ari in one hand, and all my works and assignments in another. hehee. not that i'm complaining. i used to get up really, really late in the morning but now that seems a long way ago. i don't even notice the clock anymore, i mean, i woke up at 4a.m, and that probably is the best hour in my day.


despite that, i still enjoy reaading my other friends' blogs. i think they are all awesome.yasmin's, deline's, yaya's, dayat's,yat's, a couple of ramdom blogs. i will write more when i have the time.


:)

my day and tomorrow

makan-makan (terima kasih sebab tolong habiskan part saya)
cakap-cakap (terima kasih kerana mendengar dengan setia)
gelak-gelak (terima kasih sebab trigger bunyi ini)
tengok-tengok (wayang)
beli-beli (belah)
jalan-jalan (actually, naik kereta)

it's just a typical date, i know.
but we don't get to do it all the time due to (distance, time, other commitments)
we were very happy and content though. see my time traveller right over there :-


emm. td tengok christmas carol. saye tak tau kenape saye x teruja untuk tengok new moon. at least for the sake untuk belagak2 dengan delin gile tentang cerite tu (hahaha!). harry potter saye suke, lord of the ring saye suke. new moon? mungkin saye x punya masa dan kesempatan untuk suka koot.


oh yeee, went make-up shopping tadi.excited kot sebab tengok this one video kat youtube pasal collection make up someone nie yang berlambak lambak lambaaaaaaaaak gile. jadi saye pun belilah meskipun brand elianto dan silkygirl dan bukannya mac dan stila seperti si pembuat video itu.


and lagi, balik-balik date tadi saye terus kemas-kemas meja solek and susun atur cantek baik punyaa barang-barang makeup saya tu kat atas meja bersama stok-stok makeup yang lain (berkurun), sebab saye tengok dalam video tu cantik sangat die susun.


jadi konklusinya di sini dapat saya simpulkan bahawa (eceh), video boleh memainkan peranan yang penting dalam hidup kite. (vital, life changing, haaaa ape lagi ade mai buboh!)



balik2 td, terus peluk cium Ari, oh ye, saya belikan minnies dan booties untuk die (sarung tangan dan kaki ye, jangan fikirkan beyonce ataupun kartun disney itu).



nak taw tak, mase hadzwan datang pagi tadi, and saye suruh tengokkan Ari kejap while saya bersiap, Ari merengek-rengek. hadzwan gelabah ingatkan die nak nanges. sekali preeeeeeeeeeet Ari telah kentut pada beliau.muahahahaaaa oh he's gonna be sooooooo mad at me for posting this. =)



esok, saye akan ke balik pulau pule untuk jumpe adik saye yang seorang lagi, syanaz aka angah kepada Ari. best! x sabar. did i tell yang die x balik pun raye haji ni? (outrageous). tp die ade exam. so xpe, kali nie along maafkan.(poyo je)



jadi kepada hadzwan yang akan mulakan kerja di flextronics auto city hari isnin nie, and for the coming 8 months, i wish you luck.jadilah seorang pekerja yang rajin (selalulah OT), berhemah tinggi (jangan dok buat perangai nakai tu naaaa),pakai smart-smart ye =). kalau tidaaak!! (saye tau flextronics di mana)

kurbaan

every life has it's stories. i am just blessed to come across a few of them.

1. An old, happy couple with 9 adopted children were brutally killed when their house was robbed.all 9 adopted children suffers from ADD,ADHD, Autisme and Down Syndrome. Now, their only daughter has taken care of the children like her own, and blew in them new hope and lives.
2. A physically and mentally neglected girl since birth has suffered trauma and no one hope for her to survive. By sheer luck, a concern citizen alerted the feds when he saw the dirty looking girl through a broken window of a torn down house.now, at age 10, her body and mind still functions the way of an 18 months old infant, and needed to be carried around and drink milk like a baby. a blessed couple took her into their home and treated her like their own, with the dad calling her "this is my babygirl" everytime.
3. a neglected boy was thrown away to live in a dog hut with dogs, and later, developed many dog-ly manners.he barks, growl, and even eat dog food. now, he is being taken care of by the social welfare but says that he is most happiest living like a dog.
4. a man boarded an airplane where he sat next to a distraught looking teenager and upon reluctant conversations, found out that the girl was about to go to a shelter home upon touchdown. after their talk, they part separate ways. the man and his wife begin searching for the girl, and after ten days, found her n a shelter home. she later became their adopted child and will be attending college next summer.

on the eve of raya, and in the light of "qurban", ask yourself this," what have i got that i can give back?,".



selamat hari raya aidiladha.

pendek je post nie sebab cuak vavi.

tomorrow 2105 akan keluar. taw tak 2105 tu ape? oh, tu kod subjek untuk family law. esok keluar lah resultnye.




rase ape ek? patut rase ape? erk.



untuk pengetahuan, saye dah tiga kali muntah. sekian, terima kasih.

Nur Ariessa

masuk hari nie, dah due hari saye x online. baru now dapat masa+nafas+ruang+semangat untuk online. semuanya sebab Nur Ariessa. siapekah beliau?owh, akan berjela-jela lah post nie jawabnye if saye bercerita pasal ni...(please keep an open mind and don't be judgemental okay? these are one person's personal experience and take, that might differ to the rest of the world)

pre-Ari day

dalam dua bulan lepas, mak call saye (mase tu ade di UM) and ingat lagi mase tu tgh tidur sebelum nak turun dinner kat cafe.mak kate, mak setuju nak ambil sorang anak angkat.mak mintak persetujuan saye. saye tanye, adik-adik lain macam mane? from what i heard, dorang xkisah.x kisah ade byk stages kan? the good xkisah and the bad x kisah (more like to ignore dah kot). tp i suspect its the good x kisah.mule2 tu, saye macam, "what if along x bagi?," and then mak replied, "kalau macam tu, kitorang x ambil la," . mase tu, jujur sekali cakap, saye taknak sebab saye xready mental and fizikal untuk terima orang baru dalam famili, i mean, bukan dlm care macam nie. i know it's a noble thing to do, but its a one hell of a decision that might change my life forverer.tapi, disebabkan nak jage hati mak ( it's a known fact to me that mak and abah's dream of having a baby again, especially a boy.so i said yes, i'm okay with it. then, saye cakap2 dengan wani from time to time after that, and bunyi die macam okay dengan semua nie. daripada wani, saye belajar tentang asal-usul baby tu. maaf x boleh dicerita di sini atas kepentingan pihak-pihak tertentu.hmm..saye tak pernah berpeluang untuk bercakap dengan syanaz.then, bile saye balik rumah untuk cuti sem nie, the whole family practically avoided the issue.saye pernah timbulak sekali dua, tapi abah akan ubah topik. mak kate, abah xnak put hope sangat, sebab memang sebelum nie die pernah kena tipu pasal nak ambil anak angkat nie.and i notice sebenarnye wani pun agak doubt jugak. she wouldn't look into my eyes bile ditanye. and of course, it made me doubted even more.syanaz jauh sekali taw pasal semua nie, as she's been busy in school.saye ingatkan, as the first child, syanaz and wani akan depend dekat saye untuk bertegas and say no, sebab maybe diorang rase the burden is more on me. tapi sye try untuk x entertain thoughts seperti itu. we continue life as usual.the baby was said to due on 12.12.2009.there was a lot of time to rethink this matter, really.

18.11.2009, Ari's birthday

saye bangun solat subuh, then tengok mak and abah pergi kerja., then sambung tidur balik. wani decided to sleep with me malam sebelum tu.x sampai beberape jam, and i think mase tu pukul 9pagi, mak masuk bilik and kejutkan wani. mak kate, mak kena pergi hospital sebab ibu baby tu dah bersalin.mak pergi dengan abah dari UiTM Penang. mase mule2 tu ingatkan mimpi, yelah tengah mamai-mamai lagi kan.then later mase saye dengan wani dah bangun, abah call and suruh carikan name untuk baby. mase nie kitorang dah excited sikit-sikit sebab nak dapat baby, tambah-tambah lagi doktor bagitau dulu dapat baby boy.family dengan anak and adik perempuan mane yang tak teruja dengar kan =]jadi, kitorang pun bagi la name yang dah dipilih.x lame lepas tu, mak pulak call. mak kate, "along, its a girl..xleh2, cari name girl,"aiyaaaaaaaaaaaak! panic panic. nme perempuan susah owh nak pilih..nak nak pulak yang ritma same dengan name kitorang, memang limited, and kalau ade pun, name macam kawan sendiri (haha no offence guys!)

"along2, letak Damia laa..,"
"xbleh, nanti die kena ejek dgn kawan-kawan die, damn...damn...,"

"along2, letak Ain laa...,"
"xbleh, nanti mesti name die yang mula2 ditulis dalam senarai kelas (sbb starting huruf A), kalau nanti cikgu bagi die soalan mule-mule and die xtaw jawab macam mane?,"


kahkah saye taw alasan memang x bleh pakai semua kan?


bile dah bagi name sedap2, rase2 macam xde maksud pulak.kena lah pulak bukak internet and search name and maksud-maksud yang ade. mule2, saye dan wani dah dapat persetujuan nak letak name Arisyah, tp maksud xde pulak..yang paling hampir is Arissa (seorang yang kuat dan berazam). okay, set la name Nur Arissa.


tbe2 mak kaet lagi sedap name Qalesya.erk..macam mane nie, tp suruh orang yang carikan name.hm, tp, disebabkan name Qalesya tu xde dlm senarai makna dalam internet nie, kitorg x berani la nak letak.so, Arissa la nme baby tu =]
tapi, hari nie mase abah pergi daftarkan name baby kat Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara, it became, NUR ARIESSA.ye, ade huruf E di situ.heheh.and abah went, "oh, xde ek huruf E tu? abah ingatkan ade.haha, xpelah, moden sikit,".so, itulah name baby, yang dipanggil sebagai baby Ari ye tuan-tuan dan puan-puan=]



mak cerite, mase kat hospital tu pun ade mayhem sekejap. sebab mak and abah xtaw nak buat ape. then doktor kate kat abah, encik dah ambil wudhu'? err..nak buat ape?laaaa...kan kena qamatkan baby.hahahaa lupe sebentar dah 15 tahun xde baby macam nie la jadinye.

post-Ari day, satu hari selepas shj.

saye sangat nervous untuk jumpe dengan baby tu hari nie, sebab saye tau yang kitorang dah boleh bawak balik die hari nie.i actually woke up around 8.30am, when i know i'm not going to the hospital until 3pm, sebab mak still kena jage budak exam STPM hari nie.saye siap2 kan barang-barang baby yang dibeli semalam.hehee..cerite beli barang baby pun lawak. 1st time kot beli brg2 tu semua. nasib baik ade dis big store dekat2 rumah yang memang jual barang2 baby saje.saye and wani excited skit la tgk baju2 comel and toys yg ade kat situ.sebabkan baby tu dijangka due lagi sebulan, jadi memang persediaan x buat lagi.tp alhamdulillah, semua dapat diselesaikan.pukul 3 pm tu, wani balik sekolah and kitorang gerak dari rumah ke UiTM dulu untuk ambil abah.pergi 2 kereta susah, jd bawak satu shj je.dlm perjalanan tu, saye taw yang saye kena set things straight. lumrah org timur, tambah2 org melayu, memang susah nak dngr bercerita heart-to-heart dgn keluarga msg2.tmbh2 pasal hal2 keluarga macam nie.tp saye tanak, nanti bile da dapat baby tu dalam tangan, and semua org still confuse dgn keputusan msg2.so saye beranikan diri tanye.

"mak, mak rase ape bile tgk baby tu? mak sedih tak xdpt boy?,"
"mak x sedey, mak xrase ape2..mak risau sebab mak x rase ape2..,"
"mak betul ke nak ambil baby ni?,"
"kite niat nak tolong org..mak takkan halang kalau ibu baby tu nak ambil die balik, mak akan bagi. mak akan bagi die jumpe dgn anak die even,"
"mak, betul mak x rase ape2 tgk baby tu?,"


wah, gile cepumas kan soalan saye? tapi, if x ditanye, saye xkan taw ape yang org lain dlm famili nie tgh pikir.and saye bukan bertanye sebab cemburu or what, sebab bg saye, dlm umur saye yg dah cecah 20 nie, saye dah x bergantung sangat pada keluarga, and tak timbul soal pilih kasih ke ape. saye dah besar, dah matang. cume saye nak taw betul ke semua org ikhlas or masih not sure, sebab as a family, the baby akan affect kitorg jugak.bg part saye, saye xterlalu risaukan saye sebagai seorang anak dlm famili tu, tapi saye sebagai seorang kakak pada baby tu nanti.hmm..sampai satu tahap, mak xtaw nak jawab ape.


"along, mak siyesly x rase ape..mule2 dulu excited, kejap2 x jugak..along, mak takut mak xdpt sayang baby tu,"
haaaaaaaaaaaaaa xterkejut saye dgr semua tu?that's exactly how i feel, tp too afraid utk gtaw mak.yelah, selama nie saye ingatkan yg mak org paling happy.saye try to act calm."xpela mak..kite doa banyak2 ye, mesti susah mule2..kite doa byk2 supaya Allah mudahkan hidup kite dgn baby tu lepas nie.hmm...tapi betul ke mak x rase ape?sikit pun x?,"saye x puas hati sebenarnye sebab xkan xrase ape2 kot.


"hmm, kalau along nak mak bandingkan dengan mase 1st time mak tgk along, syanaz and wani lahir kat dunia ni, mmg jauh sangat sangat sangat la perasaan tu..kamu semua anak-anak mak, darah daging mak dan abah.mak x payah belajar untuk sayang atau terima kamu.tp dgn baby nie lain, kite kne kuat dgn die.niat kte nak tolong die.rase kat baby tu ade, tp xsekuat macam mane mak rase kat kamu bertiga,"



waaaaaahhhh..mase tu jugak rase nak mentik air mate dengar. pengakuan yang paling honest.saye bukan bangga sebab mak sayang kitorang lebih or what, tu bukan reassurance yg saye nak, like i've told you.tp i felt so moved dgn kasih sayang seorang mak kepada anak-anak nya, kasih sayang someone yang bergelar ibu, yang x terbanding dgn ape pun and masih ade ruang dlm hati die untuk sayang and terima orang lain macam mane anak die sendiri.sebab ape?sebab she's a mother, and a mother can do it.wani pun x byk bercakap, saye tataw ape yg die pikir.die x suke bile saye usik die bukan anak last lagi. i think she's still battling with her feelings, which all to me now, is the same one. we know we have to do it, not just because we wanted too (ye, kami mahukan baby tu sebenarnye), and we know it's the right thing to do and we'll be granted and all, but there's still that part of you that has doubts. i dunno how else to express it.i mean, with your sisters, if you ignored them, they'll still stick around and deep inside everyfight, you know she's still your sister and you love her. but with someone else who's not, the questionis, can that kind of arrangement be made?will everything be equal?"mak takut mak tak bleh sayang die,".i'm sorry if some of you disagree.i know that for some people,love and acceptance comes naturally, but with others, you got to make choices. and more choose to have it and deal with it later the best they can.we're just that type of people.



sesampainya kat hospital tu, baby tu dah pun ade kat depan receptionist, dlm satu cart baby. 1st time tgk die,rambut dah lebat, putih sangat.wani dah, "wah, along..besar nie cantik nie,"heheee at least die buat lawak disitu.lepas kitorg ambil ibu baby tu and baby tu keluar hospital, kitorang pergi dulu kat Pejabat Pesuruhjaya Sumpah Batu Maung, untuk register baby tu as adopted untuk kitorang.that was a very emotional situation for me, the mother signed everything swiftly, and i was like, "you're going to give up your own child..,"but i know she had no choice but to do so. and last, kitorang hantar die kat depan apartment die, where abah said yang die akan jage baby nie sebaik mungkin, and die x kisah if nak mintak berjumpe dengan baby tu.mak bagi duit sikit untuk ibu baby tu, so that die boleh beli ubat and stuffs.bile mak tanye, nak pegang cium baby dulu x, die jawab xnak, sebab semalam die dah jage lame kat hospital. i don't know whether she was lying to herself to make us feel better, or lying to us to make herself feel better, or, she just doesn't feel anything at all (which i seriously doubt), but it didn't drown on us any easier either ways. die bukak pintu kereta, tutup balik, keluar and lintas jalan ke rumah die.just about then, the baby started crying... i turned and played with my handphone with red eyes.


half the journey, mak yang pegang baby tu and susukan die. bile dah sampai kat UiTM and abah ambil kereta die, i drove home with mak.this time, i held the baby.she was such a sport.tidur je sepanjang jalan, lepas dah pujuk2 die tadi.tapi balik2 tumah, die terus nangis, hehee terkejut tengok rumah baru lepas pening naik due kereta, kate wani.kitorang letak die kat matress baby yg dah dibeli, saye, mak, abah and wani duduk keliling die and we laugh because we have no clue what to do. pastu bukak2 pampers ler...beyak rupenye baby nie.okay, kelam kabut skit scene nie.abah kate,"pegang kepala die dulu, kepale die dulu..,"mak pulak kecoh2 cari baby wipes. wani try nak pasang pampers and saye try untuk tukar matress kat bawah die dengan rug yang memang khas untuk salin diapers.and baby?nangis je..hehee =] tengah2 nak pujuk die, ttbe air mate saye menitik lagi sekali. i was thinking, here she was, crying because of wet diapers, and the one's changing them is not her own mother, but four, very disoriented people.would she have mind?


td dah due kali die minum susu, and now tgh tidur kat bawah dgn mak. i really want to know what everybody is thinking and feeling right now. hahaa, ye, saye nie tak habis2 lagi kan dgn soulsearching?mase mule2 saye dodoikan baby untuk tidur, wani turun dari bilik and i ask her kalu2 die nak pegangn baby, die kate die xnak and terus blah pergi dapur.sedih jugak rase, but i couldn't blame her.mase volunteer nak keluar beli food pun, die yang keluar and we stayed with the baby.hmm..mase saye tulis blog nie, die dah tidur dalam bilik. dah 2x saye turun bawah to check on the baby while writing this blog even mak ade kat bawah.the second time i went, i saw wani kat baby tu. i was like, bile mase die turun x perasan pun.saye buat xtaw jelah and pergi duduk sebelah mak kejap.wani cakap,"mak, boleh x wani cium baby?bye2 Ari," die kiss kat due2 belah pipi baby tu. i was so touched, but dah penat la nak nanges kali ketige.=] and just like that, it doesn't matter to me anymore wht everyone was feeling, cuz i knew it.

Nur Ariessa, hye, selamat datang ke keluarga kami yang bahagia nie. along gembira Ari lahir and masuk jadi sebahagian dari keluarga nie.along harap, Ari jadi anak yang solehah dan berjaya satu hari nanti. Ari jangan risau, the 1st day Ari dah boleh cakap nanti, along akan ajar Ari bace and tulis.along nak ajar ari cakap bahasa Inggeris, along nak Ari pandai bace surat khabar bile umur Ari dah 4thn nanti macam budak yang pandai dulu tu.bile Ari dh bersedia and pham everything, along akan bg Ari bace post kat blog nie.but in the meantime,i want your future to be so bright that it blinds your eyes hehee=]buat mase nie, kitorang semua dalam proses belajar nak menerima dan memahami Ari.tp Ari jgn risau, along janji x lame, sebab sebenarnye deep down semua orang sayangkan Ari.bile orang tanye lagi, berape adik beradik along, along akan jawab sekarang, ade 4 orang semuanya, and semuanya perempuan.along bangga sangat. cepat membesar ye Ari..=)

p/s: pictures akan diupload nanti, bile saye dah jumpe mane cable saye, or bile wani dah bangun untuk pinjam kan cable dari die esok pagi. sorry guys!