Feel Free To Text Me Guy

I was on the gym shuttle with one other person and it happened to be a good looking guy. I asked him how his day was going and we ended up chatting for the entire shuttle ride. We exchanged pleasantries, talked about the gorgeous weather and how we weren't jealous of all of you on the East Coast, names and companies we work for and then went on our way when we got off the shuttle.  Later that night I got a linkedin request from him. I will admit that I was flattered that he searched for me, especially since I have a hard name to spell, and the flirting was fun even though it wasn't going anywhere. I accepted the connection and sent him a message saying that it was nice to meet him and to have a nice day. He responded with: 'Feel free to text me if you like.' And gave me his number... Um..way to sell yourself, bro. Yeah, let me get right on that...Are you serious??? People are so weird.

Topic Changes

I find it so ironic, is ironic the word?, that I spent so much time on this blog talking with people and writing about my engagement, my wedding and married life and now I am writing about my divorce. I guess that just shows how life can take an unexpected turn and change in a way that you never thought. So it went from wedding planning and marriage life to divorce and now I will have to move on to dating. Talk about a 'lifestyle blog.'

So, can I say how awkward it is when I ask to change my name and I am congratulated on getting married… I requested a new gym card and someone called me to let me know that the card was ready for me to pick up. I, fortunately enough, missed the call and listened to the voicemail and the woman congratulated me twice. Yes, twice! I would like to say that these days you shouldn’t be so sure to make an assumption like that...ha!

I have a few leftover chores that I have to take care of before everything is final final, for me. Legally everything is already, I changed my name legally and took care of all of my major accounts I have already gotten my new social security card. 

On a more personal and important note, I am in the process of filing to annul the marriage through the Catholic Church. Legally I am still considered divorced, but if I want to get married in the Catholic Church again I have to get the marriage annulled. To be honest, the whole process is a little daunting. I submitted the application this week and now the pastor will submit it to the local diocese and they will either accept or reject the application. If they accept my application, I will have to fill out a lot more paperwork and the whole process could take up to a year. Ugh. 

Now, on to dating...oh man, this should be fun...Any suggestions on how to meet some cool people?

Changing your name in California after a Divorce

A Guide to Divorce in California by a girl who just went through it all….

Obviously, I am talking about my own personal experience. I am not a lawyer nor a name-changing-professional. If you have questions, I recommend calling your local DMV/Social Security Office or doing some online research or even hiring a lawyer if your situation requires more notice.

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First of all, we filed a Summary of Dissolution. In California you can file this document with the court as combined you have less than $6,000 in debt, $40,000 in assets, and separately do not have more than $40,000 in assets, as long as you do not own any land/property (not including a car), you do not have children, have been married less than five-years and neither party is asking to receive spousal support. 

I like to describe the SOD as a worksheet homework assignment. You find the paperwork online and fill out the forms, decide who gets what, both sign it, submit the paperwork to the courthouse and pay the fee. (FYI. you do not both need to be present to drop off the SOD paperwork.) On the SOD, you must notate that you want your previous/maiden name restored.

Anyway, enough about the SOD. In California, regardless of how/what you file you have at least a six-month waiting period before the final judgement is signed and dated and the divorce is final. If you hire a lawyer or go through mediation or the process is more complicated it could take longer, but it will never take less than six-months. Boo...

Once you have filed the paperwork, you cannot legally change your name if you changed it when you got married. This is because there is a legal open case file, so you have to wait until the judgement is finalize to change your name. As long as you notated that you wanted your previous name restored in your paperwork, you don’t have to jump through all of the hoops of a name change if you were changing it without marriage or divorce.

Once you get the final judgement, my divorce was final on a Friday and I received the signed paperwork the following Wednesday, you can then go to the Social Security Office, DMV, Bank, Post Office (for your passport), etc. 

Let me take a minute and say, if you plan on changing your name in the near future make your appointment at the DMV now. Yes, NOW. If you know the date that you are getting married make the appointment for maybe 3-5 weeks after you mail in your marriage license (to account for the time it takes for the court to receive it, sign it and send it back to you), if you are getting divorced, I recommend making an appointment for about a week or two after the date the divorce will be final. All of this so you don’t have to wait three hours at the dreaded DMV.

Here is what you need to change your name in California after the big D-Word:

First thing is first, make a copy of your Summary of Dissolution. You have to mail in the original copy to update your passport and you need to show a copy to update your name on some of your accounts.

Social Security Office - Summary of Dissolution, Application, picture ID (I had my old passport, but a DL will do), there is no cost to change your name

DMV - Summary of Dissolution, DMV paperwork - they give it to you there, it is something to do while you wait and it costs $27.00

(note: I thought I needed to have my updated social security card, and I didn’t, they only asked me for my SOD, and I had to take a new picture)

Post Office for your Passport - Summary of Dissolution, passport application, 2 new passport photos, $110 check (it has to be a check), your old passport

(note: you have to mail all of this in along with the original SOD)

Bank of America - Summary of Dissolution and your old photo ID (to prove you used to be you :-))

Chase Credit Card - All I had to do was call and they changed my name over the phone, but I think they did that because the account was open in my maiden name, so it was already on file. The card actually was delivered in only a couple of days!

Car/Renters Insurance - I emailed my contact for these things to update it, he didn’t ask me for any paperwork, only if I had changed my information legally with the SSO and the DMV.

Medical/Health Insurance - Ask your work, I needed to provide a copy of my Summary of Dissolution and then HR took over and changed my name on all of my accounts.

PG&E - I called and they asked me what I wanted to change my name to.

Apartment Lease - I called and they updated my information. If I renew my lease they will update it according to my new name.

Southwest Rapid Rewards - You have to email CRRRDox@wnco.com a copy of your Summary of Dissolution and make sure to include your rapid rewards account number and your old and new name; this can take up to 30 days. If you are planning a trip, make sure you will have a photo ID with the name on your ticket to show at security.

Comcast - I called and they told me that they require me to physically go to a service center with my Summary of Dissolution. I asked if I could just cancel my account and start a new account, they told me that would work...how does that make sense? Anyway, I did a quick google search and found these instructions. This seemed to have worked.

AAA - I have to go into the office with my SOD to change it, or you can fax it (p.s. who has a fax machine anymore these days??)

Hmmm...I can’t think of anything else - besides updating all of your email addresses and autofills in your browser and all of the sites you log into daily. 

Really Southwest, Comcast & AAA? You guys need to take yourselves a little less seriously. It makes me crazy that I had to jump through a million hoops for some of these companies to change my name when I didn’t need anything special to sign up for the service. Oh well..

What I am trying to say is, you can get most of this done in a single day! As long as you start early, even if you don’t have an appointment you can take care of it all in a single morning. If you don’t have an appointment, I recommend that you go in with the mindset that you are going to have to wait. It can be a bit daunting to know that you have to go through all of this after you went through everything else.

Best of luck to you and I hope this helped. I know that there are other states that require a longer waiting period, which I can’t even imagine. Again, this is all my own personal experience, I recommend doing some extra research through your local Social Security Office and DMV.

I would now like to introduce my old self to your old self ;-)

--- update 3/10 - AAA does NOT require you to go to an office to change your name. The initial person i spoke with probably just didn't want to help me. All can be taken care of on the phone.
a side note - you can also update your address for your car registration if you have AAA membership.

Changing my name

Since before the divorce was filed, I have wanted to change my name back to my maiden name. It has been a much anticipated process that takes far too long when your heart is broken and all you want to do is rid yourself of everything that reminds you of the heartache. 

On February 6, the final judgement for the divorce was finalized, I went to Las Vegas to celebrate (part 1 & part 2) and then all I had to do was wait for the finalized/signed paperwork to come in the mail so I could legally change my name back and reestablish my identity as an unmarried lady ;-)

The paperwork finally arrived on Wednesday. Wednesday was the worst mail day ever. I had been anticipating the paperwork in the mail, but seeing it arrive was like a kick in the gut. I walked to my apartment after getting the mail, only to be greeted by flowers on my front door step. The first thought I had was ‘who sent me flowers?’ Valentine’s Day was only a few days away but I definitely didn’t have a Valentine, so I wasn’t sure who sent them to me. I brought them inside and opened the card and they were from one of my very best lady-friends who sent me flowers to wish me a ‘Happy Wednesday/Hump Day.’ I get on video chat and call my friend to thank her and, of course, I burst into tears, happy tears, tears of gratitude for all of the amazing people I have surrounded myself with in my time of need and despair, tears that this old book has finally closed and it is time for me to begin the next.

I hopped on the DMV website in hopes to make an appointment to change my name. I had no such luck, the next appointment wasn’t for weeks out, so I knew that I was going to have to brave the terrible lines and go in person without an appointment slot. I went into work the next day and my manager was kind enough to let me take care of everything the day after, Friday, the 13th. 

I woke up early to hit the Social Security Office, then to head over to the DMV. I arrived at the SSO about 10 minutes before they opened and I was number 75 in line, if that. Fortunately, I brought a book to keep me occupied, and I waited. I waited for my number at the SSO to be called. I waited for just over an hour, easy-peasey! The SSO is walking distance to the DMV so I decided to walk over and enjoy the beautiful weather that the Bay Area is experiencing since I knew that I would be inside for the majority of the day. I walked into the DMV, took a number and was told that my wait would be more than three-hours long. I got comfortable and pulled out my book a few minutes before my mom walked in.

Now, let me stop right there, my mom is the best. She came to the DMV to keep me company while I waited. I am pretty sure that I am the luckiest, most blessed gal on the planet to have such a loving, supportive and encouraging mother. 

Anyway, we waited for a bit and then she had the brilliant idea to head over to the post office to get the paperwork started for my passport. I got the paperwork filled out, took a new photo and got all of the information I needed to submit for a new passport (however, I had to wait until I was done at the DMV). We walked back to the DMV and we knew that we still had at least a couple of hours still until my number was called at the DMV. While I was getting my passport, I was told that I needed to pay with a check, I have no checks, so we decided that our next stop would be the bank to get a check. We walked over to the bank, I got a check and then sat down with a banker to change the name on my checking and savings accounts.

We headed back to the DMV with still over an hour to wait. So I called Chase, my credit card, changed my name right then and there over the phone, and I called Southwest to get the name on my rapid rewards account updated, I have to jump through 17 hoops and twirl in a circle to change my name on that account...annoying to say the least.

The DMV finally called my number, I changed my name with no issue in less than 10 minutes, took a new photo, went to the post office to mail in my passport application and then we headed to a local wine bar for a snack and some much needed wine. 

The day started around 8:30am and was over around 2:30pm. It was a long day to say the least, but having my mom with me as moral support made the whole experience feel so much faster and smoother. If you are interested in reading my live tweets from the day, check out #lwbecomeslt

I am excited to be finally moving onward and upward! 

Las Vegas, Part II

A few months ago I reached out to my sister to see if she would be around the weekend of February 6-8th to celebrate my new life. I mean, it only makes sense to celebrate in Las Vegas with your mom, sister and step-mom, right? Anyway, she said they were in town that weekend and would love to host my mom and I. So I immediately started researching what to do while we were there, what shows to see and what restaurants to eat at. I came across Thunder From Down Under and Chippendales. I did some research on which one had the best show and decided on Thunder From Down Under.

My sister ordered tickets and we headed over to the Excalibur on Friday night for the 9pm show. Boy, it did not disappoint. Let me back up for a minute...before we even got to Vegas, I told everyone that I fully intended to be part of the show. Friends of mine told me that I should wear a tiara or a sash (or both) and wished me luck. Oh boy, was I ever part of the show! It was one of the best nights...um...ever! Now, for those of you who will be offended by the detail that I will share in the rest of this post, please close your browser now :-) I promise, this gets graphic...

Unfortunately, we were not allowed to take photos during the show, but please believe me when I tell you that I was the first person they called up on stage and I was up there for what felt like 35 minutes, but was probably actually only 5...ha

The show started just after 9pm, there were probably 300-400 people, mostly women for their bachelorette parties and their birthdays, in the crowd. The performers started the show off with a routine of acrobatics and air-humping and walking on tables. The MC introduced the Australian Men and then Ryan came out for his solo performance. There was a lot of screaming, clapping and jumping around. Then he walked off stage to the table next to mine. He hugged the bride-to-be while my moms and my sister were pointing at me and yelling for him to come over to me. We caught his attention. He looked at me, I started waving and screaming and he says to me and points at the stage: “Do you want to go on stage?” I scream yes and nod my head, so he leaves the bride-to-be, grabs my hand and leads me on stage.

As we were walking up the stairs, he turns to me and tells me to relax, then he leads me over to a chair on stage and tells me to sit down. He then straddles me and basically gives me a lap dance. He then told me to put my head back and then he proceeded to lick me from chest to mouth! OMG!

Then he does some more lap dancing stuff and walks across the stage, gets on his knees and tells me to follow him and kneel as well. I mimic him and then he tells me to put my arms around his neck and not to let go. I do as I am told and then we do this summersault of sorts and I end up laying on the ground with him on top of me, he told me to lie flat and straight and starts doing all kinds of naughty things over me! I am dying, literally! Then he stands up, over me, and rips off his pants to reveal a g-string! Then he turns around and does something like a pushup over me and his ding-a-ling touched my face and a lot more ‘slithering,’ of sorts, happened after! OMG, I died again. 

He pulled me up, fixed my tiara, hugged me and led me off stage. I walked back to my seat with the biggest grin on my face, hugged my family and then sat back down and continued drinking my champagne. I still shake my head about getting on stage - it is still so crazy to me to think that I actually got up there and had such a lustuous act! The show continued with lots more acts and routines and then we got to take pictures with the crew afterward! Ryan is the one standing second from the left...swoon! 

Can I go back and do it all again? Okay, thanks!

Las Vegas, Part I

My weekend was filled with family, friends, neon lights, tiaras, sweaty aussies, champagne, food, cocktails, massages, g-strings and breakaway pants, stages, dogs, sunshine and a whole lotta love! I celebrated the life that I am leaving behind and the life that comes next. It was bittersweet, fun, and hands-down amazing.

Thursday was my last day as a married, to Rich, woman. I spent it frantically getting prepared to take Friday off of work to go to Las Vegas for the weekend to celebrate my freedom with my mom, sister and her family. I went out to wine lunch, I bought my summer vacation flights to Tanzania, Barcelona and Paris (post on that later), had all of my regular scheduled meetings, ran to BART to meet my mom and was off to SFO where we propped up in the airport bar for a much deserved lemon drop before our flight. We touched down in Vegas, oh man that airport is huge!, my sister picked us up, we headed back to the house for dinner, wine and some quick catching up and then we were asleep before our heads hit the pillow.

On Friday, I woke up a divorced woman. The judgement was official as of 8am, man is it surreal to know that I am not married anymore, my life sure took and unexpected turn. We ate a light breakfast and headed over to the Country Club for couples massages, my sister and I went first and my mom and Tabitha’s step sister went next, champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. It was amazing. We steamed, showered, laid out by the pool, gossiped, ate lunch, drank more champagne and relaxed. It was truly one of the best afternoons. 

We have never seen these mispellings of our name - oh and they are the same name...oops

We went back to the house to get ready for our night out on the strip and for Thunder From Down Under, yup, you read that right! We headed first to walk through The Container Park then walked over to the Scullery for a cocktail. We arrived just in time for a small comedy show, so we stayed and watched the first act. Vanessa was hilarious! 

We had to leave early to be at the Excalibur in time for Thunder. (I will share my Thunder Down Under show experience in a separate post. The story is that good that it deserves it’s own post.) We walked into the hotel and were stopped for a mini photoshoot, so we took a few with the men there. They were pretty hilarious. We had to pose in scandalous ways; it was a great precursor to the actual Thunder show.

After the show, we headed over to the MGM for dinner at Hakkasan. It is a club and restaurant in Las Vegas and since I had been to the restaurant in SF before we decided to try it in Vegas. The food was delicious and the company was perfect. We had a blast! It was the perfect way to spend my first day single, again :-)

Saturday, we got up and went for a nice, leisurely walk to the country club and back to the house. We headed over to the Cosmopolitan for lunch at Milos Estiatorio. Oh.My.God. It was delicious! We did the pre fixe lunch menu with wine pairing, all of the food was so fresh and delicious. It was yummy in my tummy! After lunch we walked around Crystals and window shopped. My sweet nephew was pooped so we headed back to the house for naptime and to get ready to go out to dinner.

 

Sadly, the babysitter cancelled last minute, so Tabitha’s mom and step-dad offered to ‘take one for the team’ and stay home to watch little Vincent. Tabitha, her husband, my mom and I all went out to The M for cocktails and then to David Clawson’s restaurant. It is located off the strip in a kinda odd spot, next to a Pizza Hut, but is supposed to be one of the best restaurants in Las Vegas in 2014! It sure did not disappoint. The food was served tapas style and was perfect for the four of us to share. 

We got pastries for breakfast from the M on Sunday, enjoyed them with tea and coffee and enjoyed the warm air and sunshine before we headed back to the Bay Area. It was truly one of the best weekends of my life and everything happened exactly how I wanted it to. It was a great way to celebrate me and my new beginning.

Lather Me Up, Buttercup

My sweet friend Melissa, from Real Nutritious Living, got me in touch with Elena, from Luminance Skincare. Luminance Skincare is hosting a fundraiser this Valentine’s season to support youth in the Bay Area that grew up in the foster care system through Beyond Emancipation. When Melissa introduced me I originally was most excited because I am looking for a new way to get involved with my community and secondly because I am always interested in great products that are healthy for my skin, smell good and that I will actually use. 

I communicated back and forth with Elena and learned that Luminance Skincare is a Benicia (east bay) based company, they work the Saturday Farmer’s Market in Oakland by Lake Merritt and they are donating $14 dollars (of your $15 purchase) of each Valentine’s Day soap set to the local GROW program, part of Beyond Emancipation.

I received the box in the mail, opened it up and could immediately smell the soaps. I let the box sit, closed, overnight and it filled my apartment with amazing, fresh aromas the next morning. The fragrance is not overpowering and left my skin feeling clean and nourished. What is awesome about the product is that all of it is vegan, organic and handmade. I absolutely love supporting business with missions to make good, healthy products. 

If you are looking for a fun gift for your mom, sister or bestie this Valentine's Day, I totally recommend these soaps, and don’t forget to grab one for yourself. It is all for a good cause, for your body and the community! 

*Disclaimer: I received a set in the mail and was encouraged to blog about it if I liked the product. The opinions are my own.