October 28 was an emotional day for me. It's the day I decided to face my fears and allow myself to be vulnerable. It's the day I moved out of my apartment in Lafayette and moved in with my man-friend in Marin.
Back in September, I asked Kellin where our relationship was headed. What was next for us on this awesome adventure? We talked a bit about our future, what we wanted for ourselves and what we wanted for our relationship and decided that we would keep the conversation open over the next several weeks and see what made the most sense. Over the following weeks, we talked, we considered all options, we decided to move in together, we searched for places to live and we decided that it made the most sense to move into his place. I told my family and friends, I gave my notice and I started packing.
Packing was hard for me. Where do I start? What do I keep? What do I donate? I built this home for myself out of necessity, out of self preservation. It was perfect for me and exactly my taste and style, it was mine and I worked really hard to be there. Packing was very overwhelming for me. I had to remind myself to breathe.
My little home was a good home. It was cute, quaint, and welcoming.
I had tons of parties, movie and TV show marathons, started family traditions, laughed, cried, cooked. It protected me when I was feeling insecure and continued to remind me that I am smart, capable, successful and worth it. I wallowed in self pity, I suffered, I fell out of touch, I had serious heartache. I endured, I persevered, I grew, I made life-long friendships, I fell in love.
I had my last party a couple of weeks before my move out date. Girls only. And it was perfect. I had been feeling a overwhelmed and having most of the women who have supported me over the last several years all in one place drinking champagne, eating cheese, laughing, listening to my 'Thong Song" radio station, reminiscing, karaoke-ing the night away at the Round Up and staying up way too late eating all of the leftovers was exactly what the doctor ordered. After the party, I felt at peace. Ready to take on this next adventure.
When I woke up on October 28th, I called my mom and asked her to come by, one last time. The movers arrived and, in less than an hour, they had packed my furniture and loaded the moving truck with all of my belongings. When my home was empty, I cried and my mom held me. I soaked up the space and was taken back to the day I saw the apartment for the first time in July 2014 and knew it was perfect for me and the warm day I moved in with the help of my mom and some of my dearest friends. I considered the milestones that I have conquered over the last several years and I was overcome with love, pride and contentment. I cried happy tears. I cried because this home helped to shape me into the woman I am today. I have countless memories from that home that will forever be part of the very core of myself.
Cheers to this next chapter of my life. Cheers to facing your fears. Cheers to new adventures. Cheers to moving onward and upward.
After having deleted all of the dating apps and taking some much needed time for myself, at the end of last year, I decided that I was interested in getting back into the dating scene. I also decided that I wanted to be more thoughtful about who I dated and I wanted to be in better control of how the dates went. I was looking for something more authentic, genuine and real. All of that said, I was still terrified of any sort of commitment.
I re-downloaded the apps and began to go out on dates again. What was different this time around? I went into each date with confidence. Really knowing and believing that I have a lot to bring to the table, I deserve respect, that I am worth it and truly went by the mentality that if it didn't work out, that was okay - it is all just practice.
I dated a few people between December and March and really enjoyed myself. I felt like I had more control over the entire experience which made dating more enjoyable for me. Less desperate, if you will, to have the other person like me regardless of if I liked the guy or not.
Then, into my life walks this dude who I met in a marketing class in college, and he completely flipped my world upside down. In the best way.
In February, he posted a picture of a Pliny the Elder beer on Instagram and in similar fashion to every other post since 2008, I liked it and I commented that I had just had the Pliny the Younger and loved it. He responded to my comment, which was not the norm, we exchanged numbers, I went to NOLA for Mardi Gras and he told me that he wanted to take me out on a date. I told him to slow his role and that I would let him buy me a beer 😜
When I got back from NOLA, we met for that beer and had a great time . I even let him take me out on that first date the same night! He was clear about his intentions. He wanted to date me. I told him that I was scared. He told me that we could take it slow. I told him that I wanted to be pursued. He told me that he was old fashioned and liked to open doors. I told him that I was nervous about commitment. He told me he would be patient. We went out for more dates. We went on more adventures. We introduced each other to friends. We introduced each other to family.
We started dating at the beginning on March and in the middle of April he asked me to be his girlfriend. Is it just me, or does 'girlfriend' sound silly for someone who is 30? I call him my 'Manfriend.' Yes, I realize that that sounds just as silly!
Since March, we have made an intentional effort to be thoughtful, honest, patient, kind, loving and open to ourselves and to each other. He teaches me to breath, how to savor all of the little moments and how to focus on the big picture. He has been patient and calm and understanding. I have worked hard to break down the walls that I have put up and to trust him and to trust that what we have is special and long lasting and I am so glad that I have, because it's totally worth it.
