photobomb!

i just uploaded both our cameras in preparation for our upcoming trip, and there are lots of pictures from the last 1-2 months that NOBODY HAS SEEN YET. i would put these in some sort of order but i'm too lazy. so there.

we went for a walk around lake crabtree at the end of may, and these two were being so dang cute. 

this is kind of dane's resting face. politely surprised, eyebrows raised. so cute.

i gave tommy a hard time after we went swimming together the first time, because i took all these cute pictures of him and dane swimming together and then he took some of me and dane and they were all out of focus. he was determined to redeem himself. 

dane and his cute friend asher when we watched him one morning.

and then we went swimming together. dane was super modest and asher was almost naked. boys.

matchy matchy boys! and we didn't even plan this!

he loves feeding himself in the high chair, but it means he now gets baths almost every night. so, so messy. also i have to sweep the kitchen floor three times a day! (or at least i SHOULD.) what's up with that?!

he can't even crawl yet and he's still getting himself into all sorts of trouble. he scoots around backwards and therefore always ends up in corners looking confused. at least this time there was an excellent toy just waiting to be played with!

he also ends up stuck under the couch and his crib a lot. 

no mom, please don't give me any toys. i just want to chew on this desitin tube.

what a great rear view. ow ow!

again, no toys please. just give me a whisk and i'll be happy for at least half an hour. 

i hosted our ward's playgroup at our pool in may, and it was adorable to see all these babies in their floaties. so many babies!

motherhood surprises

Something that has really surprised me about being a mom (among many, many things) is how many deep and contradicting emotions I can feel at once. It's amazing to feel so frustrated and yet so amused and impressed and flat out adoring at once.

Case in point: last night, Dane woke up crying maybe six times between midnight and 2 a.m., which he hasn't done in AGES, and every time when we went in there to  put his pacifier back in and see what was wrong, he'd backed himself up into his sitting position in the corner of the crib and was crying for us to save him because he didn't know what he was supposed to do next. He's never gotten himself sitting up in his crib before, so it was so, so cute to see him sitting there pleading for help. And he was so snuggly and tired when I would put my hand on his head and rub his hair--I just wanted to hold him and rock him because he was so adorable. But it was after midnight, and why wouldn't he just fall back asleep like he always does? Why couldn't he just lie down after sitting up like he does all day long? (And then there was the added frustration of feeling like it was my fault, because I'd had the idea to go check on him before we had finished up in the kitchen, so I was pretty sure he'd been woken up by our noises.) But all I could say to Tommy after I crawled back into bed after checking on him was, "He is so, so cute."

I think I feel every emotion MORE since I've had him. It could be just the hormones, I suppose. The bad days are much harder than they used to be because I can't just check out and cancel what I was doing to take a break. But the good days are so much happier and sweeter than they used to be, when my good days were just me feeling good about finishing an assignment or doing something fun. And there are more good days than bad days. What a guy.

education for LDS women

I've thought about this a lot. I wrote this post three years ago, and my thoughts have evolved over time (but probably not that much). But it seems like whenever women in the LDS church talk about getting a college degree, the main reason why they do it is because "just in case." "Just in case" my husband dies or we get divorced, "just in case" he loses his job, "just in case" we can't make ends meet. And while I can't really argue with any motivation that gets people to continue their educations, this emphasis on only getting your education so that you "help out" when your Plan A goals of staying at home with your kids falls through bothers me. It's always bothered me. It reeks of gender stereotyping and limiting expectations for both men and women.

It really all goes back to what you think the point of an education is. If an education is really ONLY to help you get a job so that you can make money to have a nice lifestyle and support your kids, then I guess the "just in case" justification makes sense when you're planning on staying at home with said kids. (Not that everyone is, in which case the whole "just in case" argument doesn't make sense anyways. But that's a whole other problem with this argument: why should people assume you're going to stay home anyway? It is and should be your own choice, and though many LDS women choose to stay home, many do not or cannot. But I digress.)

But is that really all an education is? Is that why we are encouraged to "seek . . . out of the best books words of wisdom"?

In my mind, the answer to that is a resounding NO. A contemporary college education may be the ticket to a future paycheck for most people, but it's also our best chance to be taught by experts in their fields, to learn how to learn, to focus specifically on growing intellectually and spiritually instead of on just the mundane necessities of life.* As a student, it only takes a small amount of self-reflection to recognize what your strengths and priorities and passions are--whereas later in life the opportunities to appreciate those may be less apparent. Getting an education should stretch your mind in ways that will help you to become a better version of yourself in the future--more interested in things outside yourself, more appreciative of other people and places, more able to decide and declare your own thoughts, more desirous to use your talents for others' good.

I married Tommy one year before graduating with my bachelor's degree at BYU. We spent our first six months of marriage applying to graduate schools together, him for his PhD and me for my MA. And you know what? I hated doing that MA. I was burned out on school and tired of classes and theoretical discussions. But I learned some really important things about myself during those two years: that I do have subjects of study I'm interested in and might eventually wish to pursue more (like religion and education, hmmm), that I liked teaching college students, and that I was ready to have a baby and that I wanted to stay home with him. (I would definitely not have figured out the first two without that time, and it might have taken longer for me to figure out the last one.) And I got really, really good at writing while I was doing it (sure, mostly academic papers, but it's got to transfer to real life in some way).

Now I'm staying at home with my boy, and I'm really happy doing it. Sure, it's nice that having an MA makes my BA in English a smidge more marketable, "just in case," but that isn't why I did it, and that isn't why I'm glad I did it. And even though I hated it, I am glad I did it. I'm PROUD of myself for doing it. Whenever I tell someone that I got my master's, I feel a little bit of pride well up inside of me, because I did something that not many people do and it took a whole lot of work. It was something that I accomplished and I did it for me, and I will always be able to know that. And I am a different person now than I would have been had I done something else for two years.

Of course I don't believe that everyone needs to do what I did. But I think that women (and education) are being devalued when they're told they should get an education "just in case." Education is just as valuable for LDS women planning on staying home as it is for anyone else in the workforce and in the Church.



*I get that this argument isn't going to overcome the monetary reasons for getting an education. You've got to feed yourself. And if that's enough to keep people going to college, then that's fine with me. But I just wanted to get this out there.

tommy's baby books

you know how every person has a box of stuff at their house? stuff like old elementary school projects and school pictures and soccer medals and ninth grade awards for perfect attendance? well, on saturday, we got two giant packages in the mail from tommy's family. and they contained two huge binders, filled with every single item of memorabilia tommy has collected over his lifetime. tommy's amazing sister melissa has been in charge of consolidating each child's box of stuff into a book, ordered chronologically and with each piece of paper in its own individual page protector. these books are an AMAZING feat of organization and an adorable collection of things that tommy's mom saved over his lifetime. like this:

i know it's a blurry cell phone picture, but oh my gosh how cute.

we spent two and a half hours last night for family night going over each and every page of these books, admiring the cute pictures tommy drew two decades ago and reading the christmas cards tommy's parents wrote every year and the valentines his siblings gave him each valentine's day. 

there were several things that made us laugh so hard we cried, like the valentine his younger sister kristen wrote to him when she was probably six or seven: "sorry i was being mean to you earlier. i hope mom likes your valentine! love, kristen." or the other valentine from his little brother kurt when HE was around that age: "you're a good brother. maybe if you were better at tennis you could beat me. precious, kurt." or the paragraph in the letter that tommy wrote to his grandparents when he was around twelve: "The Halls, a family in our ward, adopted a baby from China. Kristen was talking about it with my mom today, because my mom didn't see the baby. Then Kristen asked if we could adopt a baby from China. As if my mom didn't have enough else to do." (hahahaha! i'm still laughing!) 

it was so fun for me to read through these books and get a little glimpse of what tommy was like before i met him. i remember when we were dating thinking that it was kind of weird yet really good that i hadn't known tommy in high school--that i didn't know what his high school persona was. not that it actually matters, but it's funny to talk about and know what people used to be like. well, tommy was basically just how you would have thought: 

• star student: no, really, he was his high school valedictorian and there were more awards in the high school portion of his book than i'd ever seen. also, he participated in tons of academic extracurriculars that i'd never even heard of. 
• cute brother: after his younger sister callie was born, tommy's mom said that tommy was the only one who could take care of her when she was in one of her "moods." 
• super nice guy: every girls choice dance, he was asked by about five girls, and two different times he went with girls with special needs who had massive crushes on him.

i loved looking through these books with him, although i did conclude that if i had known him in high school i would have totally been intimidated. (seriously! there were so many awards! for so many things!) but there you go. a big thank you to melissa for making and sending us those books! 

growing up

the summer when i was 19 (oh so long ago!), tommy did an internship in california and lived in newport beach, about 20 minutes from my parents' house. we were dating. and one night tommy made me dinner in his apartment--some delicious chicken tikka masala. i remember several things about that meal: that it was delicious, that he was all sweaty and stressed with getting this meal on the table all at the right time, and that i was SO impressed that he could make something so fancy--not because he was a boy who could cook, but because i couldn't even make something like that. i also remember he had to buy a whole array of spices that he ended up throwing away when he moved back to provo because we had no idea what to do with them other than this one meal.

fast forward five summers. we decided to make this same recipe for father's day dinner on sunday. and it was just as delicious as before--and a totally easy, normal meal, no harder than any that we make for dinner all the time nowadays. and the funniest thing was that the spices were spices we use all the time: cumin, cinnamon, paprika, cayenne pepper, salt and pepper.

it cracked me up to contrast the two meals, and i feel very impressed with how far we've come. back in those days, i lived off of lean cuisine frozen meals and macaroni and cheese. and now i don't really buy anything boxed or pre-made--because i LIKE cooking now and we both prefer food we make ourselves over something that comes from a box (as a whole).

look at us--i think we're growing up!

slow days

some days we run around and go lots of places and do lots of things. and other days we don't. some days we sit around and i nibble on his squishy shoulder or arm and rub his head until he falls asleep in my arms.

i like both days. i love this guy.

a thing of wonder and beauty

dane is just a thing of wonder and beauty lately. he cracks us up all the time. i feel like i totally underestimate him and his smarts every day--i'm always surprised by the things he wants to do and what he CAN do. i still expect him to be this tiny baby, and he's rapidly growing up (say it isn't so!). he turns nine months old in a few days--be still my heart!

here are some of his latest antics:

-he used to be alternately unaware or afraid of dogs. now, whenever he sees them, he starts smiling and talking to it and doing this fake little laugh trying to get its attention. it is the funniest thing i think i've ever seen him do--and it is so adorable! good thing we're going to visit our families in a few weeks, and they both have dogs. dane will get his canine fill. he also does this with other little kids he sees walking around.

-lots of times, when he drops something, i'll say "uh oh!" and seriously, he's started imitating me. he'll say "uh uh" right after i do, in the same tone of voice. i know it sounds like a total crazy parent move to think he's imitating me, but he really is--four of our friends witnessed it on friday night and they can verify. and a few days ago, we were in the kroger parking lot, and there was a bird cawing in a tree nearby. dane looked right at where the sound was coming from, grinned, and would make a cawing noise any time after the bird did. look, i even have proof--i couldn't help taking a picture because he was being so funny looking for the bird.

-speaking of which, dane now rides in the grocery cart sans carseat. he could have been doing this for MONTHS, i know, but he was always so happy in his carseat in the cart that i never wanted to change it up. (he would just sit there happily for the entire time i was wandering around kroger, never making a peep!) but i finally just hated the idea of having to lug the carseat around so much that i made the change myself. and he loves it. he thinks he's a big person now.

-he is really close to crawling. he gets onto his hands and knees and moves his hands and then collapses--the rest is going to be coming soon. we were so hoping he wouldn't figure it out until after we'd flown across the country, but it probably won't happen. oh, well. he does manage to scoot himself backwards and end up stuck in random corners like this:

-he is OBSESSED with the baby bjorn. when tommy goes to put it on, he starts screaming and panting and laughing like he just can't WAIT to get those chubby little hands all over it. and this is basically his expression the whole time he's in it. it's too bad he's getting way too big for it--it hurts my back to have him in it for too long.

-we tried to give him a mohawk the other day (see his hair in the above baby bjorn pictures for the next-day result), but his hair was so long it just flopped over and curled magnificently into an elvis look-alike do. but i finally couldn't stand it any longer and decided to trim the top of his hair for the first time--and it only took about 10 minutes and it actually turned out really well! much better than his other haircut i gave him. i got rid of the nasty stringy parts that were maybe 5 inches longer than the rest of his hair and evened it all out. just that little difference made him look so much older.

before:

after:

-and our FAVORITE recent trick of dane's is that he loves sticking his tongue out and licking his chin (or something like that, not really sure what exactly he's doing). he was doing this for HOURS yesterday afternoon/evening, all the time with this silly little look on his face. and then he started laying his head down side to side, still sticking his tongue out--no idea what he was doing, but tommy and i were dying just watching him.

seriously, he is the greatest. even when he drives us crazy.

breaking our technology barrier (in which we buy a tablet!?)

a week and a half ago, tommy won a $50 amazon gift card from our utilities company. how amazing is that?! they were doing some sort of giveaway on their facebook page and tommy actually entered it and actually won. true, it wasn't the ipad or other much cooler and more expensive prizes, but we've never really won anything before. so this was really awesome.

so we were talking about what we should buy with this $50. we mentioned diapers or some other real necessity, but it feels like a crime to spend a free gift card on something so mundane and not exciting. and that's what we usually do with gifts of money anyways--we save it or use it for something necessary and boring, because we're poor like that. but this time, we decided to buy something frivolous and fun.

we thought about buying Ticket to Ride or Settlers of Cataan--two board games we like but have never bought because they're around $50--but then i saw that a regular plain old kindle was only $69.

now, i am kind of anti-e-readers. i'm all about reading a real live BOOK and i love, love, love having bookshelves overflowing with them. but i have always kind of longed for a kindle while traveling, when i pack four books and have to lug them around in my backpack for a month even if i never read them or even after i finish them all. it seems kind of silly to buy one just for the one or two months a year we're out of town (yeah, we're out of town a lot) but if we have a gift card, that's not too bad, right?

so anyway, as we discussed buying a kindle, we started talking about the kindle fire as well, which was about $90 more, and how it would be really useful to have that while traveling (especially with dane, as he gets older--i'm really nervous about flying with him FIVE different times this summer) . . . and one thing led to another, and--

we bought one! last night! a kindle fire HD, no less. (yeah, we totally fell into the amazon gift card trap and spent way more than the gift card was for. i know, i know. but we felt like it was going to be a worthwhile purchase.)

this is a big deal. we have always fought the inevitability of getting smart phones (still stuck with our cheap plain old phones, and happy with it), we bring our plain old heavy scriptures to church, and we only have a TV because someone in our ward gave us their old one for free. but we just bought ourselves a tablet, and i'm getting really excited about it. we'll get it before we leave on our trip in a few weeks, and will have it all set up and ready to go for our month and a half of traveling. just think about all the books i'll be able to read this summer without having to cart them around! my back is already thanking me.