I am trying to leave you behind just as you chose to do with me.
It’s so difficult to do because the fact remains you wish for me to wait for you.
This I know. Because you repeat this pattern every SINGLE time.
You expect me to wait for you while you go on about your life.
Sometimes I wish for you to feel the extent of my emotions.
Perhaps feeling them will make you feel something.
In the past, you stated pain was not what you wished for me to feel.
This was the main reason stopping me from telling you what I REALLY feel.
You ask me to tell you everything including my feelings for you.
Yet I always stopped short for fear of how you would react.
Losing you was my greatest fear.
So I bottled them up.
I pretended nothing had occurred and we resumed how we normally always do.
Your disappearance only served to plunge me deeper into the mysteries of your mind.
I binged on TV shows you gave me recommendations on.
I remember you telling me watching them will give me a better understanding of you.
Watching them only made me sad because I said why would he disappear on her since he loved her so?
You responded, “Because he knew she would never leave his side and he did not want her to waste her life with a man who would never die. He wanted her to have a normal, happy life with someone who would not disappear at a moment’s notice never to return.”
And I should have known better, right?
Yet I stuck by you, because I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe in the impossible. I wanted to believe your words.
Do you still remember your words?
“I wish for this to last for years and years. Many years.”
We lasted. Not many years, but many heartbreaking moments.
Moments that you and I both know will remain.
I don’t even know how long we lasted.
I haven’t officially cut the cord.
Nor did you.
But Silence did.
Lavender's Dream Web 