Tag: rejection

Observations, Part 2

Published on by Lavender16 Comments

Conversations with myself: 

My friends ask me why. 

Why do I choose to stay, listen, and absorb. 

They tell me I’ve been soaking up the conditioned behavior and reflecting it back to them. 

They say it’s the same thing every single time, aren’t you smart enough to know by now. Why do you continue to doubt yourself. 

You need to stay positive, detached from any statements he makes as they are used as a manipulative tool to rattle your brain. Causing you to not believe in yourself, your words. 

Yet I think to myself is my husband really capable of such malicious behavior? 

Is he really that evil of a person? 

I know he only wants control and my submission. 

Why am I unable to attend to his needs any longer ? 

Why do I refuse to back down even though I can see his pain. 

He claims I’m torturing him.

Why? 

Just why. 

I Choose

Published on by Lavender2 Comments

I choose to no longer think about the past.

I choose to think of the future.

I choose to think of myself.

I choose to handle things on my own.

I choose my own life.

I choose to do what I want to do.

I choose and accept responsibility for my own actions.

I choose to love you and I accept it.

I chose love because it gave me hope.

Yet choosing hope only left me with disappointment.

And disappointment gave me abandonment.

 

~Lavender