Daily writing prompt

How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?

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At first, I responded in thought to this prompt question, with: “what? What do you mean, exactly?” But then it becomes interesting, how a question can be taken in more than one way.

To the blind, in the obvious interpretation, I’m of moderate height a few inches under 6 feet, Caucasian with sea-blue eyes, and look somewhat young for my age apart from the balding on top and gray hairs appearing in a large reddish beard. These days I may wear glasses or the Colorado University cap that I got during a visit with family in another state—a black cap with just a threaded C on top of a U, besides the trademark on the bottom-right. A thread loop is now dangling off the C these days.

For the people who see me daily… what do they see? Do they really see me, under the hood? They could, I suppose, tell that I am tired and worn of poor sleep for ages, but few know me enough to gather how different I was six years ago. Sure, the bags under my eyes tell a story… Tired eyes: that would be an area that overlaps with the two interpretations. There are ways to tell when a person isn’t too happy in their life, but not everyone cares. Maybe the dogs that sometimes bark at me when I walk suspect something is “not quite right” or a threat; of course, dogs are biased to their environment and owners… And what about their perspective on vision or lack thereof? They rely a lot on smell and sound, but they see us differently, less and more. From research I know that dogs have two-coned vision from yellow to ultraviolet; they can’t see red, so my red polo shirts may appear black or dark gray.

Actions and gestures, and demeanor speak a language that animals understand to a degree, which is something even a blind dog would miss. There’s always something more we’re not seeing, so how a person looks goes beyond a few glances.

Perhaps like anyone else I think about my appearance almost every time I look in the mirror as it includes those moments where a person puts in effort to look presentable during an outing, especially around people such as at a restaurant or the Board Game Club tonight. But beyond the general grooming and cleaning of clogged pores so that I don’t look terrible, what do people see? Despite being called a “sir” sometimes, I can’t help but think that I mature at half-speed, like, in a way I am closer to twenty years of age in appearance than forty-one. Autistic and not grown up, yeah—still no driver’s license, it shows. That’s what I see in the mirror. I don’t particularly like immaturity in others but I’m not doing enough with my life. Add “a little frustrated” to my appearance. I have my mental strengths, but the Club host set a timer a few weeks ago because I am slow to learn three board/card games from scratch while attempting to play in real time. There’s so much thematic nuance to these games these days versus learning practical things at home or at a place of work. Maybe a computer club would be more fitting? The board game club is supposed to be fun, but I am kind of tired of rigmarole, and yet I need to gain experience of socializing so as to be not so inexperienced. Today is another day, and you could have seen me walking in the rain for the exercise and getting out of the house.

So… in a shorter description, I’m the slightly underweight, slightly frustrated, bearded nerd wearing a Colorado U cap in Maine.