Rule #1: MAKE SURE YOU ARE SAFE. National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233
Rule #2: MAKE SURE YOU ARE SAFE. National Domestic Violence TTY Hotline 800-787-3224
Rule #3: MAKE SURE YOU ARE SAFE. Abuse Victim Hotline by state www.avhotline.org
Do you feel safe?
Do you feel safe in all your relationships?
Do feel safe in your home?
Do you feel safe at your employment?
Do you feel safe in your social circles, friendships, affiliations, clubs, including social media?
Do you feel safe when you are alone?
Do you feel unsafe in some situations?
Do you feel unsafe around certain people?
Do you feel threatened or intimidated by anyone legally, physically, financially, morally, or even spiritually?
It is most important to feel safe in your own skin, safe in your own mind, and safe in your own soul.
Much has been written about promoting tolerance, getting along, defusing situations, and compromising for the greater good that can be experienced in this beautiful and amazing life. But those of us who have more tender mental constitutions, and weaker willed individuals can be bullied beyond belief by strong personalities, louder and more demonstrative characters, bowling over any and all attempts that might possibly arrive at a healed and more whole relationship.
These are lessons school children learn, how to get along. But sometimes we carry this attempt at being “normal” too far, trying to apply tolerance and compromise to abusive and dysfunctional relationships, when we really should be running for the hills.
Your feelings and emotions are your accurate, internal measure of what you should do next. Emotional abuse feels bad, makes you nauseous, gives you anxiety attacks, with a generalized feeling of malaise, depression and low energy. The intensity of your feelings and emotions is a signal that things need to change if you are going to re-gain your mental, physical and spiritual health.
There is never any reason to tolerate physical, mental/emotional abuse, or bullying as a normal behavior. This seems like it is common sense, but it is not that easy to the person who is being physically abused, emotionally blackmailed, and threatened by law suits or any other kind of manipulation. The longer bullies bully their victim, the more debilitating fear cripples the victim.
On a personal level, freedom comes when you gather your courage and STAND UP. Stand up for yourself, speak out to someone you can trust. Do not remain silent. Silence is not golden. Silence is deadly, literally. Bullies do not go away. Bullies get stronger the longer they stay at it. The longer a bully stays a bully, the more brazen they get, and the more their bullying tactics escalate.
An important point to make here is to realize that people with destructive personality disorders most often look just the same as you and me. Mass murderers do not look like mass murdereers. They look like regular people, for the most part. Abusive partners also dress in expensive clothing, can be financially successful, and have no tell-tale marks that make them stand out from no-abusive partners. They might even appear to have wide circles of “friends” around them, but the truth is, these are usually superficial trophies. Do not be intimated by any of this. This presentation of how bullies portray themselves is a facade. However, the vengeance the bully feels is very real, and must be dealt with, not ignored.
The question is how to stand up and deal with bullies, emotional blackmail, and threats of mental, emotional and physical abuse. Again, go by how you feel. You need to get to a safe place on all levels: mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. If you feel unsafe addressing these problems yourself, seek immediate help from a counselor, police, fire or shelter. Do not wait. Your health and well-being depend on getting help not only for yourself, but also for the abuser.
Manipulating behaviors tend to show up ever so subtly in the earlier days of the relationship, but can also manifest later in the relationship if stressors change. Pay attention. Pay attention to how you feel when certain things happen. You might even keep a journal of your feelings, if you feel safe to do so.
The important thing to know is there is no tolerance for abusive behaviors. Verbal abuse can be even more detrimental to the health and well-being of children, spouses, and everyone living or working under the same roof.
Sometimes abusive behaviors manifest over time, after the relationship is well-established. The person being abused knows that even the abusing person has a good side from time to time, and at the good times, has earned their love. The person being abused wonders if they have done or said something to trigger the abuse. Most often the person receiving the abuse is told it is their fault that the abuser is abusing. Know this is not true.
Everyone is in charge of their own feelings, emotions and actions. There is no way you are ever in charge of the abuser’s feelings, emotions or actions no matter what has happened.
You count.
You matter.
You are a gift from God.
You are beautiful, and I am so very glad you are here.
This most likely will strike a chord within you because you already know this. This is a reminder to let you know that personal safety is important and something for you to protect.
Being like an ostrich with its head in the sand does not make the problem go away.
Becoming a people pleaser happens when you give away your personal power. It is a coping mechanism. Giving away your personal power, saying yes when you really mean no, is an outward sign of an inner conflict within yourself.
It may begin simply as a way to keep your job, join a new group of people, or a host of any other valid reasons you wish to promote yourself in other groups. The question is, how much of yourself do you choose to give away?
You might have fostered this self-sabotage trap in your youth depending on the motivational techniques used by your parents, teachers, and others in your world. Or perhaps your parents were absent, worked a lot, or for other reasons were not there to support you. When this happens, you may have had the tendency to look to others for the affirmation, rather than draw from our own self-esteem.
This may be a habit you do not even know you have until you feel used by people. Are you the one everyone else always comes to when extra chores need to be done in the social settings you belong to, at work or with friends?
It is one thing to offer our help from time to time. Doing service for the greater good of humanity is good for the soul. For a short time, if your work needs your extra attention on a project, or your friend needs help, you may choose to volunteer. The key words here are “for a short time.”
But how many friendships have been lost because one person is always the giver, and the other person is always the taker?
Are you always the giver?
Are you always the taker?
This may happen without your being fully conscious of it. Your patterns of thinking, speaking and acting may be on a pre-programmed habitual loop.
When an unfair situation does occur to you, how do you handle it?
It is wonderful the moment when these situations present themselves to your consciousness, because up until that point, you can go years without realizing others are taking unfair advantage of you by your own lack of standing up for yourself.
Once you recognize your patterns of behavior, you have a choice, and your head gets more in the game alerting you to make more conscious, and possibly different decisions.
Depending on your previous conditioning, or your misguided need to be needed, you may choose to continue giving your personal power away and volunteer your life away, in the hopes that your efforts will gain you acceptance, status, recognition, friendship, or to be better liked.
Again, the key phrase is, “for a short time.” For a short time, you can burn the candle at both ends, carry an extra heavy workload, help someone through a health crisis. The trouble begins when you do not stand up for yourself, when the short time turns into what is expected of you over the long haul.
It is interesting to watch yourself when you begin to find your voice. Often what happen is, you may get fed up. You’ve had enough. You get angry with the situation, or the other person because you feel that they are abusing you; when in reality, you have allowed this to happen to you.
Being like an ostrich with its head in the sand does not make the problem go away.
You are not a victim unless you choose to be. No one wants to hear that, especially if you feel you have been wronged or been taken advantage of by others.
Who is really at fault here, you not standing up for yourself, or the other guy who knows your patterns of behavior and goes along with your permissions?
You are not in charge of other people’s actions, but you are in charge of yours.
What tends to happen next, is that you can over-react. You may find yourself angrily lashing out that you need to stop being friends, or you quit the club, or set clear boundaries with others.
However, it is enough to simply stop, to simply say no to extra activities, even with a smile.
When did you have to explain your every thought, word or deed to everyone?
You can say “no” lovingly, state your mind with integrity, drop the fear and the anger.
This is a learning process. You may already have this down pat. Or perhaps, no matter what age you are, you are still learning how to stand up for yourself. This is especially true if you are in the midst of changing addictive patterns in your life. You need to give yourself time to change whatever habits you want to change.
You can do anything you set your mind to think, say and do, holistically for the good of all, of course.
There are more words of Jesus found in precious Sacred Scriptures, more than current bibles include. I have included them in my book that won the 2024 International Impact Book Awards in the Social Change category, IN THEIR IMAGE AND LIKENESS, subtitled, UNIVERSAL WISDOM. Included in this post, I share with you the last chapter is entitled, TRANSUBSTANTIATION OF THE HEART.
There are 6 quotes of Jesus Christ, and 2 quotes of Enoch that are of particular importance, especially if you have not allowed yourself to hear them previously that are included in this book. Their words matter.
Who is it exactly who would not want you to know this?
The following is an excerpt from this book:
“Do this in remembrance of Me.” Luke 22:16, New King James Version
“What exactly are we supposed to do in remembrance of Jesus, especially if Jesus is the reason for the season?
“The night of the Last Supper, Jesus did and said a lot of things. Some religious groups have enshrined only parts of the bigger picture. The washing of the feet of his apostles shows us that we are to be of service to others, not just those who are our chosen friends who think, act, and vote like us. We are to love all people, including people of all genders, races, colors, creeds, and differences of all kinds. Notice that there is not one word Jesus spoke in the New Testament that ridiculed nor condemned anyone identifying in any gender that is not like your own. If there ever was a time to teach this, if he deemed it important, he would have. Jesus was not shy about teaching the important matters of life.
“The transubstantiation of the heart is what Jesus came to teach humanity. The most important thing that needed transubstantiation is the realization that the Light of the Kingdom of God, the Light of Eternal Universal Life Force Energy is within every human being. This is the reason Jesus was crucified. If that truth caught on in the rank and file of the Roman government, in religious hierarchy, and humanity at large, there would not be flocks of fearful people to give them allegiance, or bow to their power, fame, and fortune. The same is true in today’s world.
“Today’s cults are in dire need of transubstantiation. The playbook of tactics for your personal control, voice, thoughts, actions, vote, subservience, and money have not changed since humanity first graced the Earth with our presence billions of years ago. The old tricks of the spirits of the fallen angels still walking among us ought to be familiar to us.
“Their Spirits embody humanity wherever systemic racism, xenophobia, and prejudice against any variation observed within humanity exists, since we are made in the image and likeness of both sides of our spiritual and physical DNA.
“The fact that the Spirits of the fallen angels do inhabit the human Spirit/Soul is one of the things omitted when The Nag Hammadi Scriptures found at Nag Hammadi, Egypt were first buried. At that time, suddenly, a new human teaching spread like wildfire from pulpit to pulpit, that no one could be possessed by demons anymore. One look at the world’s stage of actors proves that pure evil can and does inhabit the minds of weak and greedy men, only strong in their hatred, perversions, and obsession with power, fame, and fortune.
“As Archangel Michael proved, bolstered by thousands upon thousands of good angels in Revelation 12:9, that good will overcome evil every time. Eternal Universal Life Force Energy will assimilate perfected Souls back unto Itself. We simply need to call on our guardian angels, archangels, and positive Eternal Universal Life Force Energy to begin to make positive changes in our lives, schools, police forces, governments, and social groups worldwide. This also includes all world religions to allow themselves to read, know, and teach ALL the words of Jesus, pre- and post-crucifixion. There is more than only fifteen years of information (Jesus’ first twelve years and his last three years, before his crucifixion) that he came to teach us. Not one religion speaks all the words Jesus taught humanity.
“Choosing to not read all the words Jesus spoke and taught is like staying with your sixth-grade education for the rest of your life, as opposed to getting a college education and post-graduate studies in all that Jesus taught. It would exponentially expand the Library of Knowledge of current bibles being taught in modern times.
“The fallen angel and Nephilim Spirits, as mentioned before, are not very creative, boring in fact. They beat the drum of fear at every corner. They continue to influence the minds of leaders who seek to usurp your personal, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual power. But they can only win if you let them.
“Human DNA includes DNA from the true origin of human beginnings, not the popular notion in the storybook tale in the book of Genesis, which begins mid-way into what was once common knowledge. The flood was thought in religious circles to have wiped out all human beings, the fallen angels, and their Nephilim children. While their physical bodies may have died, their Spirits did not. The effects of the Spirits of the fallen angels and Nephilim are still with us today.
“Eons of time turned oral tradition into the written word, famous with the age-old stories of how Yaldabaoth created three offspring[1], namely Yao, Eloai, and Sabaoth[2] (aka Adonaios/Astaphaios), as well as the archons, who then created humans out of the stuff of the earth. Sophia sent all her Archangels, including Michael to kill Yaldabaoth, her miscreation, because of his chaotic miscreation of chaos void of Christ Love.
“The day I finally left the Catholic Church was the day I was praying with a small group of parishioners, a Brother, deacons, eucharistic ministers, and priests for morning songs and prayers, before the morning Mass began. There we were, singing praises to God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, but the song all was singing was praising Sabaoth, literally. I choked on that name and stopped singing in my tracks and never returned. Sabaoth is the Son of Yaldabaoth.
“It became clear to me that they thought Sabaoth was just another name for Jesus, which would make Yaldabaoth the same thing as God, the Almighty Father of Jesus. This is how the melding of two separate and distinct “gods” became the “One True God.” This is horrible and misguided theology. It seemed this group of otherwise well-meaning people had fallen for the cult-mentality of worshiping the wrong “God” without their full knowledge, because accurate information was hidden away from them. Most religions today require censorship of the Apocrypha (Hidden Knowledge) Books. If individuals do not allow themselves to get all the information, how can they make their own decision without being spoon fed half-truths, which is the same thing as lies? …”
***
ISBN: 9798263573171
You will know you are in a cult if you cannot read or believe anything other than the party line, which is the same thing as modern cult indoctrination. Political, religious and/or social beliefs are opinions, not facts. You can tell by the spinning of their one-way to think.
Embrace and renew your own personal power which might have been usurped by any political, religious, and even social (family & friends) group.
Truth matters.
You matter.
Your own personal opinion matters. You have God-given free will to choose what to believe by your own investigation into matters of faith. You will also know you are indoctrinated if you are not “allowed” to read all the words of Jesus, not only a selected few of them.
It is better to stand alone than join any cult like group.
How do you know if you might be in a cult?
Here are some excerpts from IN THEIR IMAGE AND LIKENESS, opening of Chapter 1.
“No mind has the ability to think freely until it is unbound from the restraints of cults, cults that come in many disguises.” from IN THEIR IMAGE AND LIKENESS, opening of Chapter 1.
“… Neither a political cult leader, nor any religious cult leader, is more worthy of being human than you are. They do not know more than you about the noble qualities you want instilled in your political and/or religious leaders despite what their forceful words erroneously imply. One day in the presence of political or religious cult leaders of any title they use to inflate their own self-worth, is enough to shine a light on the soon to erupt volcano of emotional, physical, and spiritual harm they eventually unleash. People are people, not things, nor pawns, nor weapons to be used for anyone else’s pocketbooks or professional stature. …”
“Here are the 14 cult markers to watch out for:
“… Cruelty, insults, and ghosting are the popular tell-tale marks of the cult mentality. There can be a strong desire to deny yourself in order to stay with these harmful people. It hurts even more if you find that you need to separate yourself from family members.
“It might be helpful to understand that you might be the only one who ultimately helps your family, friends, or religious and political groups to come to terms that they are being negatively affected by the truth that you have come to understand.
“What political and religious cult leaders do know is how to exert concerted effort to influence, bully, control, manipulate, exploit, and in the worst cases to abuse your body, mind, and spirit in their unholy aim. This is abuse. This is mental abuse. This is physical abuse. This is spiritual abuse.
“ESCAPE FROM THESE ABUSERS AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.
“Pathways For Change (formerly known as Rape Crisis Center) – 800-870-5905 English – 800-223-5001 Spanish – bworthington@centralmasspfc.org – 588 Main St. Worcester, MA 01608 – AND 285 Nichols Rd, Fitchburg, MA 01420
“Abuse in all these forms must not be tolerated by any human being on earth.
“I have witnessed several religious and political groups each telling me that they are not a cult while adhering to well-known Cult Markers. I have observed some or all these cult markers within all religions.
“How are you supposed to assess this for yourself?
“Here are Fourteen Cult Markers to watch out for[1]:
The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader, and (whether he is alive or dead) regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law.
Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.
Mind-altering practices (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, or debilitating work routines) are used in excess and serve to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s).
The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (e.g., members must get permission to date, change jobs, or marry or leaders prescribe what to wear, where to live, whether to have children, how to discipline children, and so forth).
The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s), and its members (e.g., the leader is considered the Messiah, a special being, an avatar, or the group and/or the leader is on a special mission to save humanity).
The group has a polarized, us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society.
The leader is not accountable to any authorities (unlike, for example, teachers, military commanders, or ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream religious denominations).
The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary. This may result in members participating in behaviors or activities they would have considered reprehensible or unethical before joining the group (e.g., lying to family or friends, or collecting money for bogus charities).
The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt to influence and control members. Often this is done through peer pressure and subtle forms of persuasion.
Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group.
The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.
The group is preoccupied with making money.
Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.
Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.
“Stand up for your God-given gift of free will.
“Use your free will to get out of the cult. Use your free will to vote. No one owns the rights to your mind, your voice, or your life. Your life, body, mind, and Eternal Soul belong to you. Call someone you can trust.
“Eternal Universal Life Force Energy, God, loves you because God is Love, as 1 John 4:8 says. God forgives you because Love forgives. Most mistakes are not sins. They are simply a learning curve for you. You are a child of God here on earth. Only you can live your life. Only you can vote your conscience. If you have given over the rights to your mind, body, or Spirit/Soul to other religious or political groups, or any other group claiming rights over you, use your free will to walk away. Those are not your friends. Neither your political affiliation, your religious congregation, nor your friends can usurp your God-given rights unless you let them.
“CultAntidote: Never hand over your personal power or relinquish your free will to any person, place, or thing at any time for any reason, ever.“
Now is a good time to set new goals, new beginnings, and a new adventure of your life regardless of how young or old you consider yourself to be. Let the present be a present for you. There is no time like the present.
Reclaiming your personal power is more than a present for you. It is the key to your life, especially if you consider yourself to be the victim of your life.
Yes, you do have a choice.
Sure, there are times when you may find yourself giving all that you are and have for the wellbeing of others. That is understandable for a short time, for your job with which those extra hours are an exception, not the norm or when your family needs you.
But when the drone of extra hard work for an extra extended amount of time, or when there is no end in sight, then you may have become the total oblation of what you were meant to be by finding yourself under an unholy mountain of fear, obligation, and guilt, FOG.
What can you do about this?
Make a conscious choice.
You can continue to be the victim of your life, assuming all the responsibility, which in reality is not all yours. There may be others in your life, which until now you may not have realized who it is who is literally pulling your strings, like the marionette on the puppet strings.
The puppet masters of your life connive, while simultaneously placing some or all of the blame on you and assuming no responsibility for their own thoughts, words, and actions. Often, it is the non-thoughts, words, and actions that are the fodder of failed relationships.
The problem is all your fault, in their egotistical eyes. All they can see is how hard THEY are working. Besides, isn’t all the rest of the work supposed to fall on your shoulders?
NO!
You are in a symbiotic relationship.
Problems that are not addressed ferment into a tsunami of reactive behaviors. No one person stands alone, holding all the blame of failed relationships. It is not as if either person simply shuts their mouth or does not react to the abuse of overburdened workloads, then no problems exist.
MY RED BAG OF COURAGE counsels you if you have found yourself at the mercy of anyone else’s control system. You may have found yourself in similar situations to mine.
I share how I reclaimed my personal power, integrity, and transformed my life’s mission into not only helping my family but helping the world.
I began studying what has been hidden from humanity. I researched both ancient and religious history and discovered a wealth of knowledge which I share in this book.
I hope you like it.
It is the second book of the 3-book series that won the 2024 International Impact Book Awards. The first book catching their attention is IN THEIR IMAGE AND LIKENESS, subtitled UNIVERSAL WISDOM which is being rereleased this month. The third book is NATURE SPIRIT WISDOM, subtitled, LIGHT WITHIN THE ANGEL, MINERAL, PLANT, AND ANIMAL KINGDOMS.
I am being considered for the 2025 International Impact AUTHOR OF THE YEAR for my last book, TRANSITIONING INTO THE AGE OF AQUARIOUS, subtitled, AN ENLIGHTENING JOURNEY.
I also share how to step into your personal power in my Stress Management and February 2010 Celestial Retreat meditations have been reproduced in a new Healing Audio Meditations Album which totals 3 hours and 32 minutes. You can take yourself on a personal guided retreat anywhere you choose by listening to these meditations.
These are timeless meditations designed to assist you. STRESS MANAGEMENT was created following my graduation from the American Institute of Holistic Health and Wellness which is accredited and certified by The National Accreditation and Certification Board.
Audio Meditations 2-6 were professionally recorded at the 3-day Celestial Retreat which I lead in 2010 at The Guest House, a retreat house in Connecticut. It was attended by many people who participated in the exercises to activate the lymphatic systems in active movement sessions, and Yoga sessions, meditations including The Secret, and audios by the late “Abraham” Hicks, Jerry and Ester Hicks.
While HEALING AUDIO MEDITATIONS ALBUM included all 6 meditations, they are also individually available for you, including: 1) STRESS MANAGEMENT, 2) AWAKENING THE MIND, 3) RECLAIMING YOUR POWER, 4) CHAKRA & AURA BALANCING, 5) THE LOST YEARS OF JESUS, and 6) ASCENSION OM MEDITATION written by Joshua David Stone, Ph.D.
I am a virtual speaker at the 21st Century Leadership, Innovation, Entrepreneurship, AI, & Wellness Conference in Porto, Portugal on September 26-27,2025, using an AI to deliver my talk. It will be in the same AI voice that delivered my book, MY RED BAG OF COURAGE. I have had people tell me that they thought the AI voice was mine.
This conference is being held in association with the Universal Journal of 21st Century Women’s Entrepreneurship, Leadership, Technology & Publishing (UJWEL). Their conference themes are: Join The Movement, Inspire Change, and Inspire The World.
It is vitally important to maintain integrity while AI is learning how to integrate itself into the modern world. Currently there is a lawsuit in court with AI, which is accused of stealing the book from an author and another from a publisher. In my opinion, we should keep in mind this transition into AI assisted platforms, copyright and trademarked books, art and works of all kinds must be acknowledged and compensated.
There are still some speaking opportunities at the 21st Century Leadership, Innovation, Entrepreneurship, AI, & Wellness Conference in Porto, Portugal on September 26-27,2025. If you are interested, please contact: welconference@etextonline.org.
“She wanted me to share with you that she is a survivor of the worst crimes someone can commit against a woman,” Lively said in her speech. “I’ve watched her conceal her raw and undeserved shame my entire life, so, as her daughter, being asked to share this today is monumental. If we name it, we change it.”
US actress Blake Lively poses for a photocall during the premiere of the movie “It ends with us” in Copenhagen on August 9, 2024. (Photo by Nils Meilvang / Ritzau Scanpix / AFP) / Denmark OUT (Photo by NILS MEILVANG/Ritzau Scanpix/AFP via Getty Images)
When do women get to speak their truth?
Blake Lively bravely spoke of the reality of what many, if not most women experience, surviving abuses which many women do not survive mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I have personally experienced the very point she was making, both in my personal and professional working life. She was not wrong.
She spoke at times with her brave mother sitting beside her squeezing her hand, and proud of her daughter who not only spoke of the stark truth of what many women endure but encouraged all women to shine a light on the life altering cruelty of it.
At the brave attempts of women to stand up for themselves, men scoff and ridicule, as if they assume to have the upper hand. When that does not work, complete denial is what women have come to know. Jobs are lost and relationships break in this strangle hold of past power.
It seems as if some men think they are giving a gratuitous hand up into the working world. What kind of work are men thinking of? This is defamation of character.
In my case, I paid a dear price, a total oblation of who and what I am, beginning in my teenage years, and during my metanoia into adulthood. Feeling the pain and injustice of life first-hand has made me be a better holistic health counselor and minister, allowing me the courage and fortitude to reach out in the ministry of my blog, www.lindahourihan.wordpress.com, that has reached more than 125,600 views in all 203 countries, territories, and protectorates worldwide. My blog got to all of the beautiful islands all over the world because of the friends I made on my first cruise.
The price I paid for choosing to get pregnant and married at 16-years old did not happen without gossip, slander, public humiliation, and the stripping of the honors I had earned in my life. Victims often get blamed for the moral failings of others, repeating the fake news scenario of placing blame on all women because Eve supposedly enticed Adam to eat the forbidden fruit bringing death to all humanity.
lindahourihanhhcp.com
This book is part of the trilogy that won the 2024 INTERNATIONAL IMPACT BOOK AWARD. The following excerpts are from this book:
It is hauntingly familiar to every other woman getting advances she did not ask for, like the raping of women by the fallen angels in Genesis 6:1 assumed to be the fault of the woman. This is the reason why some women in various religions still wear head coverings, to hide their beauty, to not tempt the fallen angels nor human men beyond their lack of self-control. Evidently to this warped way of thinking, this also is the fault of the woman, not the man, who is not able to control himself.
Part of the ridicule I experienced happened at more than one incident of my life prior to my certification as a holistic health counselor and practitioner. Everyone in life reaches this point where your life’s mission, dharma, and karma either makes or breaks you.
At fifteen years old, I got my learner’s permit. The first and last time I ever got to drive the family car, was to drive home from the Registry of Motor Vehicles in Milford. Later that night after I got home, my adopted father very inappropriately backed me up against the kitchen sink as I got myself a glass of water to drink.
“If you ever want to drive the car again you need to give me some special lovin’,” he said in his thick southern drawl while pressing himself against me.
“Then I will never drive the car again,” I said.
“No, you won’t,” he added and walked away.
I froze at the sink, grabbing the counter in shock, fear, and simultaneous anger. My knees were shaking. My mother was asleep.
The next day after my father had gone to work, I told my mother exactly what had happened.
“Are you sure you didn’t just misread the situation?” my mother asked.
“No, Mom, there was no question.”
“Ok, I will handle it.”
Handle it she did. She spoke to my father when he got home that day. I was told he denied everything. I was not physically harmed, but I knew I was no longer safe in that house. From that moment on, any time I was in the same room with him, I looked directly into his eyes. We both knew he lied. …
Standing up to men making unfair advances on me was a life lesson that repeated more than once in my life until I learned how to stand up for myself. Soon after my teenage wedding, a male friend of a friend was sitting on the top step to the new apartment we were going to rent. My new husband was at work.
“I will let you walk by me if you give me a kiss,” he said.
Rage instantly ignited me, singeing every single fiber of my being. That man stayed on that step for the entire day. I never went back until the next day when he was gone. …
The next day the male guidance counselor stopped me in the hall before I went into class.
“I know you have the grades to be on the National Honor Society and you have been on the Student Advisory Board meeting with the School Committee bringing student concerns to them, but we will not be able to put you on the National Honor Society because you are married. And you will have to step down from the Student Advisory Board,” he told me.
“But the entire school voted me in to be on the Student Advisory Board and I’ve already met with the school committee about the student body’s concerns,” I protested.
“Yes, but you have to step down now,” I heard him say. My head was beginning to hurt.
“I just stayed up until 2 a.m., after I got home from school and from my job, to make cookies for our class bake sale to prove that I can do it all,” I said. I could not believe what I was hearing.
“None of that matters anymore. We cannot put you on the National Honor Society because we have standards.” …
… The high school algebra teacher, with a hateful glare in her eyes, met me at the door to her room one day shortly after the guidance counselor’s talk with me in the hall.
“You’ll never make it,” she told me in disgust, her nose up in the air, and what seemed like lightning coming from her down-turned eyes as I entered the room. I thought she was just bitter because she was divorced.
I decided that if the school did not believe in me, that I would stop trying to do anything academically also. Until then, I always carried full curriculum college courses, taking extra courses where I could fit them in. I checked what I needed to graduate. I had more credits than I needed. Even though I was an A and B student, I decided to pass the rest of my classes with Cs and take Fs in what I didn’t need. I dropped extra courses like the new data processing course I had been enjoying learning binary code. …
My job at that time after school was in the credit department of a nearby store. I would open accounts for the shoppers who wanted to open lines of store credit and take payments for people who came to the counter to pay their accounts. I also found myself teaching the new male credit department boss about the store’s process for opening accounts and taking payments, and how the front desk of the store’s credit department ran.
I made friends with his wife and spent the year visiting her and their new baby on days when I was not in school. It was nice to have a friend who was also newly married.
One day a new store trainee came to the store. As he and I were leaving one day at the closing of the store, he put his hands on my shoulder and was laughing playfully as he was getting way too close and brushing up against me on the way out, “all in good fun” of course. Flashes of my adopted-father’s unasked for advances raged within me.
The actions of this male trainee bothered me so much all the way home that I mentioned it to my husband. The next day we met with the store manager to file a complaint. That trainee was let go to another store.
I thought I handled the matter professionally, until the Christmas Party, which was held in the credit department in the back of the store. The store manager pulled me to him, hugging me in a huge, tight bear hug I could not get out of, and laughing in front of all who were in attendance. Everyone thought this was such great fun. I was furious but did nothing due to the shock and horror I was feeling. This was my boss’s boss. …
***
How many women have been silent about the atrocities that have occurred to them?
Now is the time to heal. I advise not going into FOG, Fear, Obilgation, and Guilt.
Your past does not define you, no matter what has happened to you. Today is a new beginning. It is time for truth to be told. If you need to get out of harmful situations, here are some organizations, websites, and phone numbers that may help you:
You are born with free will and are meant to live your life in freedom. You are not on this Earth to be under anyone else’s religious, political, physical, and mental/emotional control. It is one thing if you agree to give away your personal power to any other person, club, employment, or group which you think might be good for you.
It is quite another thing to have your personal power threatened and usurped by supposedly well-meaning religious, political, or social groups purposefully hiding information and controlling you by telling you what is best for you, as if you do not know what is good for you without threats to your mind, body, and Spirit.
ESCAPE FROM THESE ABUSERS AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.
The universal hand symbol to let others know that you are in trouble from abuse or abduction is for you to make a fist with the fingers covering the thumb. People who know this symbol are urged to help this victim however humanly possible.
Pathways For Change (formerly known as Rape Crisis Center) – 800-870-5905 English – 800-223-5001 Spanish – bworthington@centralmasspfc.org – 588 Main St. Worcester, MA 01608 – AND 285 Nichols Rd, Fitchburg, MA 01420
Darkness is the lack of Light, naturally. It does no good to focus on the darkness of life. Fighting darkness is like fighting a ghost. The solution is to turn on your contagious and welcoming Light of Love without conditions, which is empathy and compassion instead of harsh judgment.
Focus on the Light, Love and Liberty for all, not just for a select few, or for people who only believe and/or look like you. Broaden your comprehension. Think deeper than simple sayings. Be the change you wish to see in the world through the light-filled lens of understanding illuminated by the Light of knowledge through non-violence.
It’s all about harmonizing with the Light, the Love, Peace, the Joy, which are all aspects of your I Am Presence, which is the Light and Love of your Spirit/Soul, your God-Force guiding and acting through your conscience. This is the same thing as recognizing your Great Presence animating your Life through your Higher Mental and Emotional Bodies. It is in harmonizing and balancing your Light and dark sides of your personality and awareness of who and what you are, a divine aspect of Eternal Universal Life Force Energy acting in the world right where you are at this moment in time.
Now is the time of New Age of Progress: building up, working together for the greater good of humanity at home and abroad.
Follow in the footsteps of justice for all human beings, eradicating lies, conspiracies and under-handed thoughts, words, and actions. Your thoughts matter. Raise them to a higher level of honesty rather than follow the leader of lesser minds. Your words matter. Stop touting conspiracies as if they were the same thing as truth fueled by friends who simply do not know better. Have compassion for them too, because they are like wolves in sheep’s clothing. Lying leaders have fallen victim to false truths for self-aggrandizement purposes. Even then, have compassion for them. They are deceived. Follow the example of Ghandi, for example.
Your actions matter, because truth matters. We will all reap the seeds we have sown. Money is not the bottom line. Those who would vote for people who promise to earn them more money will gladly sell their soul to the highest bidder. That’s what a prostitute does. However, the cost for selling out your Spirit/Soul will rob you of your integrity and ultimately diminish you.
Follow the Limitless Living Light of inspiration, solution, and good government for all, not only for a select few at the top. Top-heavy spires topple far too easily, crushing those below them.
There is room for everyone in this beautiful world of ours. Stop listening to the fear mongers who stir the pot of dysfunction for their unholy gain as if only fear of lack and loss is what is to be counted. This is the hoarder’s mentality. There is enough available on this life-giving planet of ours if only we would share.
Earth is our Garden of Eden and you and I are its caretakers, both of it and every human being living upon its fertile land and those we welcome into our beautiful human mosaic tapestry. Not one of us is any better or worth more than any other of us. Only those with runaway egos believe in such nonsense.
This is what the United States really looks like, United Humanity, not only white Americans.
The only problem is if or when you find yourself in any kind of cult. How are you supposed to know if that has happened to you?
“YOU MIGHT BE IN A CULT” by Eric Swalwell ~ This is How You Can Tell
The following was delivered by Representative Eric Swalwell (D-CA) on June 4, 2024 in a hearing to the Republicans in the House Judiciary Oversight Committee:
“My colleagues, none of this today that you are bringing makes sense. Your inconsistencies, your hypocrisy, your sycophancy, unless you are in a cult.
“And guys, I’m starting to think you are in a cult. That is your right, but it is not your responsibility.
“I promise you, that is not what your constituents would want.
“So if you believe in state’s rights, except when a jury in that state convicts your nominee for president, you might be in a cult.
“If you claim to back the blue but want to defund the police, when the police go to your nominee’s house to retrieve national security secrets, you might be in a cult.
“If you’re supporting a guy whose felony convictions prevent him from getting a security clearance, you might be in a cult.
“And if the guy you’re supporting for president has felony convictions that prevent him from going to
I have spoken with people who still believe in Republican lies and conspiracies as if they are truth. These people are still my friends “across the aisle” because I refuse to let a difference of political or religious opinion, even on such a weighty matter, stop our friendship. There is always hope for truth to prevail.
They believe the Republican indoctrination because these lies and conspiracies are still being proclaimed from pulpits of continued indoctrinations, both political and religious, and even in social groups in their secret meetings.
The inconsistencies, hypocrisy, and sycophancy are still found in the heartbeat of the Republican cult followers as if this would-be sinister and maligned Big Lie, duped by their fearful leaders, were true.
It is time to uncover all their covert deceptions because truth matters.
Have you ever wondered if you were wrong in your listening to false information and indoctrination?
It is time for human decency, truth, and honor.
It is time to shine a light on all lies and conspiracies. The people I have spoken with say that it is the Democrats who are lying to their followers.
If that is the case, say these lies and conspiracies out loud. Climb out from the heavy rock of your indoctrinations and peacefully prove your point. Most will not do this because their claims are so ridiculous.
Fear is a powerful motivator. But remember, fear is also an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. This is how cults work.
This election matters. Do not let fear of discovering that you are wrong stop you. There is more for you to know. Don’t let fear and/or embarrassment stop you from finding out the truth for yourself.
Do more research. It is possible to go to non-biased sources to check out your “facts,” such as mainstream news outlets: Reuters, AP, NPR, New York Times, Washington Post, BBC, Wall Street Journal, The New Yorker, Bloomberg News, The Atlantic, and Politico. These are not left-wing, nor right-wing opinion news sources.
Allow yourself to hear something different, but don’t stop there. Allow yourself to ask deeper questions, like how this new information could possibly be true, without the negative spin you are used to hearing accompanying it. Try to understand viewpoints other than what is familiar to you. There is more for you to know.
How can you tell if you have been conned by a cult, even a political, religious or social cult?
How do you get out of a cult?
Should anyone else tell you how to vote?
Should anyone else tell you what to believe?
Do you believe in censorship?
Who is in charge of you?
How old are you?
Do you believe that the government should monitor women’s menstrual cycles?
Do you believe one faith should dictate how you should live your life?
IN THEIR IMAGE AND LIKENESS, subtitled, UNIVERSAL WISDOM is the latest best-selling book empowering everyone including adults of every age and gender on how to reclaim your personal power, fame (your reputation).
Discover how to reclaim your personal power, fame (your reputation), and fortune (keys to your cash) that may have been usurped by others, or which you might have freely given away to others because you might have thought they knew much more than you.
Reclaim your personal power, fame, and fortune with your next decision. You are in charge of you, no one else, especially if you are an adult. No religion, political party, or social group owns your thoughts, words, and actions.
“Let them” is a concept that has taken me a long time to learn, and sometimes it’s still difficult to put into practice. I used to tolerate too much because I didn’t want to lose people. But I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don’t make the mistake of being so understanding that you overlook the fact that you’re being repeatedly disrespected.
Let them be upset.
Let them judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you.
Let them ignore you.
Let them be “right.”
Let them doubt you.
Let them not like you.
Let them not speak to you.
Let them run your name in the ground.
Let them make you out to be the villain.
Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!
Kindly step aside and LET THEM.
The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you, and they simply don’t care. They did it knowing it might cause them to lose you, and they chose to do it anyway. People who love you care about how they make you feel. Period. The end. Let them go.
There will be people who would rather lose you than be honest about what they’ve done. Let them go.
The lack of respect was the closure.
The lack of empathy was the closure.
The lack of appreciation was the closure.
The lack of trust was the closure.
The lack of self awareness was the closure.
The lack of honesty was the closure.
The lack of accountability was the closure.
The lack of LOVE was the closure.
Let them go.
Forgiveness takes one. Reconciliation takes two. If they are not sorry, let them go. If they project, minimize, deflect, and blameshift every time you express how they’ve hurt you, let them go.
What we allow is what we will live. Acceptance is not indifference. You can still be kind. You can still love them deeply. But love them from the distance they created with their words and actions. Boundaries help protect your space and shield you from their hurtful behavior.
You don’t need to tell your side of the story. You are a Spark of Eternal Universal Life Force Energy, what some call God. You are Love personified. This Love, your I Am Presence, is deeply aware of you and all involved. You are complete and whole as you are in this exact moment. Let them go.
It’s taken me a long time to get here. So many sleepless nights, countless tears, and trying to manage a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion, and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, deep prayer, and seeking guidance from those much wiser than me.
If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone. We will never understand why hurt people hurt people. But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people.
Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.
Don’t you dare let them steal your light.
Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.
You are in control of that.
Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.
This is what awaits you when you finally let go of crippling thoughts, words and actions that have been deceiving you of who you truly are.
Many people sink into victim consciousness after dealing with years of mental abuse, physical abuse, spiritual abuse, and/or self-inflicted destructive habits. This can continue to occur years after the events are remembered by the mind only choosing to remember the horrors, the injustice, and the shame endured.
When these minds finally feel they have had enough of these dysfunctional repetitive loops, conscious awareness of the opportunity to walk forward in dignity, magnanimity, and personal freedom shines through the open door of love without conditions and non-judgment. Once this new concept enlightens the mind, the person can finally heal.
Some people erroneously think that to allow themselves to heal means to invalidate what they have gone through. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The truth is, to continue to wallow in past abusive situations is to continue the past abuse by bringing it into the present time.
Have you ever begun a sentence with the words, “Ever since … this .. or that … happened to me, … I can’t … recover … heal … or do anything positive?”
Does the mantra, “I hate people,” remain decidedly stuck in your head?
This is giving the abusers of mind, body, and spirit fuel to continue destroying your life. On one hand, you want the abuse to stop. On the other hand, you might have identified with the abuse to the degree that without it, you do not know who you are without the constant memory of the abuse/self-infliction.
If this rings true for you, realize that human beings have a tendency to become self-absorbed. This can be a good trait if one is on a path to self-discovery, learning new things, and exploring possibilities in life. But it can also be a negative trait if one only allows the revolution of the mind to focus on the hurts, the insults, or the inadequacies of life to be the rock on which to build the future.
What you think about, you bring about. It begins with the thinking process. Do you want to heal? If so, decide to stop the self-destructive habits that are equal to shooting yourself in the foot, then complaining that you cannot walk or run, and boasting of that as a badge of honor.
Remember that it takes 21 days to change a habit. Be gentle with yourself. It has taken you all your life to be in the situation you are in at this moment. You can change it any time you decide to. If life situations compel you to be where you are in the same situation at this moment, nothing is stopping you from making new plans of possibility, getting a new job, taking a new class in a new subject, making new friends, or doing all of these things with a new positive attitude. Stay at it. Do not give up.
What are you thinking about?
Life is what you make it. You can make it beautiful. How you do that is up to you.
Focusing on positive outcomes attracts positive outcomes to you.
Focusing on what is not working brings more of what is not working to you.
We all know this but get caught in the addictive negative loop of negative thinking, speaking and acting.
Focusing on kindness helps to spread more kindness in the world, even when the nay-sayers gossip about you declaring that you aren’t really kind or loving.
This is merely a reflection of themselves and their depraved state of mind and ignoring their own sins of omission, commission, and manipulation.
The world is the way it is today because of sabotage and self-sabotage.
Will this stop all people and countries from hurting themselves and others?
No.
But the more times sane people focus on the good of all rather than retaliation, the more wholesome and positive outcomes will be transformed from previous negative seeds sown.
Back in the late 1970s and early 80s, television and movies were going through a time of putting more sex and violence on the air, then coming up with various ratings to caution viewers of what is age appropriate. In the process, innocence was traded for the thirst of taking in more sex and violence. This has spawned today’s rampant addiction to blood, death, and gore.
Do you remember the time when human beings had a repulsion to seeing blood and gore on TV?
Humanity has traded the innate repulsion at the sight of blood for bloodthirst and gore.
Yes, that is all in the world. But focusing on more of what humanity does not want to promote only serves to whet the appetite for escalating crime, hostile takeovers, and more of the same.
Perhaps it is time to begin promoting what we do want as a person, family, and nation, over what we do not want and always speaking about the worst of the day.
This is how to promote healing and the restoration of a healthy society.
What if you traded the heavy burden of guilt for a different point of view, such as transmuting the guilt from assumed sin into the life lesson which it is?
How many times do you beat yourself up for the same failing, time after time?
How is your self-esteem?
How much time in a day do you spend lamenting the past?
How much time do you spend worrying about the future?
How much time do you spend in the present moment congratulating yourself for the things you do well?
What do think about?
Do you control your thoughts or do your thoughts control you?
Semantics, while we may use different words to describe people, the love of everyone remains the same.
Personally, I believe labels of any kind hurt humanity, separating people into groups, as if one were better than the other. They are not. All is One.
People have told me humanity is not ready for my next-step thinking, that by labeling people as black, white, Latino, et cetera, communities receive funds for the underprivileged. I say the day we stop labeling people is the day we treat ALL people with the same respect.
Rich people are not better than poor, nor are the poor or middle class better the than rich.
White people are not better than non-white people, nor are non-white people better than white people.
One gender of humanity is not better than any other.
All is One.
Fairness for all people, in every country, across this one Earth is where we ALL dwell.
Emotional healing is possible, both for the victim of emotional abuse, as well as for the one, including the family member, who is deciding to use emotional abuse by ghosting. It is also possible to heal from the extended victimization of emotional blackmail when it is focused on additional family members who are threatened with being included in the ghosting should they try to intervene with the emotionally crippled ghost.
Have you ever had someone related to you drop out of your life for years, or have them only say they will never talk to you for the rest of your life, but give you no reason why they are doing this? This is called “ghosting.” The term “ghosting” became mainstream about seven years ago alongside the surge in online dating; it became an official entry in the Merriam-Webster dictionary in 2017. Interestingly, though, the term was actually used as far back as the 1990s.
On one hand, everyone has a right to privacy and staying safe in these days of online profiling and dating. However, ghosting in the 2000s has been taken to new lows, with grown children deciding to cut loving parents out of their lives, with no explanations. There have been cases where the adult children have shunned parents and even grandparents, hurting them to the core.
I asked one engaged woman, who told me matter-of-factly, that she hasn’t spoken to her mother in years. When I asked her why she decided to do that, she simply shrugged off the question, not aware that it was herself she was also hurting. Another woman said she was “getting rid of bad chi,” yet others in her circle who knew her well had no such memories in that relationship. There are sad stories of grandparents who lost one of their adult grandchildren to ghosting. One of the grandparents who had been ghosted confided in me that the ghosting adult grandchild was not to be allowed to attend his funeral, since his hurt was so deep.
While ghosting may be especially hurtful to those on the receiving end, causing feelings of ostracism and rejection, ghosting is a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse, a type of silent treatment or stonewalling behavior, and emotional cruelty.
According to Psychology Today, when asked why people ghost, the article said, “People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel.”
The lack of mutual social connections for people who met online also means there are fewer social consequences of dropping out of another’s life. The more it happens, either to themselves or their friends, the more people become desensitized to it, and the more likely they are to do it to someone else.
“Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of torture dating can serve up.”
This post is not addressing harmful relationships that include violence, extortion, or situations where your life is in jeopardy.
Ghosting does not only occur in dating. It is also emotionally painful in mother/daughter, father/son, grandparent/grandchild, and sibling relationships.
Intentional brokenness and heartless depravity are part of the ghosting craze feeding the frenzy of hurt feelings these days, even in immediate families. It happens in human relationships when people decide to give up on each other void of empathy and ordinary care. The ghosts decides to remove themselves without explanation, from what they predetermine to be the end of the relationship.
The only problem with this action is that they also harm themselves in the process. It is a show of lack of character development and positive self-esteem at the root of such ghosts.
Many articles have been written about how bad ghosting makes the victim, the ghostee feel, but this post centers around the dysfunction the ghost brings on to his and/or herself.
When this happens in families, most ghosts do not know ahead of time that they have chosen a life of their own making that includes replacing normalcy with the constant attention from then on to shun, justify, and blow things out of proportion, in order to continue on in part of their life they have cut off. They have to constantly protect their online presence, if they have one at all. Everything is cloaked with altered names and usually threats to other family members that if they go against the ill wishes of the ghost, then they too will be ghosted. It is a constant being in the fight or flight mode in their mental and emotional state, always being on guard to not cross paths or be detected.
This is not normal. Just because it has become more common place these days, does not mean it is becoming more normal. It is a dysfunctional, mental crutch. It is a lack of character development, lack of honesty, and lack of integrity. In psychological terms, those getting between the ghost and the ghostee are triangulating.
Those triangulating stop any possible healing in the relationship between the ghost and the ghostee, often saying they simply do not want to get in the middle of the situation. But once threatened by the ghost, they are already in the middle. Often the reason for that is that the person who is triangulating, as mentioned above, has been threatened to be cut out of the life of the ghost if they do not go along with this disastrous manipulation and obligation technique, usurping the free will of the person caught in the middle.
Fear is the motivating force.
If the person the ghost is ghosting shows up unexpectedly at a social event, they will flee in order to keep up the pretense that their ghostee is not really there. The fragile glass house of the ghost might crumble into shards of denial.
Ghosts will tell you that they do not want to be around what they perceive as the negative energy anymore, as if that will work without any harm to themselves. The problem with this self-delusion is two-fold. First, they are planting seeds of dysfunction. Second, from the moment they act by ghosting others, they must then live in a pretend-reality that the other does not exist, when in actual reality, they do.
Ghosting is different from communicating, person-to-person, especially to a family member, you no longer want in your life, coming to a mutual understanding of the end of the relationship. The key here is communication. Sometimes relationships do not work out. That is life. The healthy way to handle the end of a relationship is for mutual communication, however difficult.
There are valid reasons for walking away from relationships that are not working. It is the way mature adults decide to handle relationships, either with empathy or cruelty that makes the difference in ghosting.
Can we ever go back and fix the relationships we broke by our walking away through lack of empathy?
Ghosts tend to have tunnel vision, choosing to only see or remember the parts of their lives that they keep a constant drum beat of the offences, arguments, or one major eruption by which they felt slighted or injured. They keep its beat as close as the beat of their heart, hardening their hearts with every dysfunctional memory.
Some ghosts do not want to heal. Their pride and ego means more to them than the relationship. There is a mantra learned by every energy worker, holistic healer and everyone in the healthcare field. It is, “Are you ready, willing and able to heal?”
It is up to the ghost whether or not they want to heal. No one will heal if they do not want to. It is not the perceived offender who is stopping their healing. It’s themselves.
As in all relationships, more than one person is involved. It requires both parties being ready, willing and able to heal. If both parties want to heal, healing can take place.
There are some situations where the ugly head of gear, obligation, and guilt (aka FOG) are used as motivating forces. These outside forces, including manipulation, can be applied by others in the circle of the ghost. Ghosts may be under the manipulation of others, that if they do not conform, they themselves will be ostracized from the other relationship, club, or social circle.
All manipulators have painfully learned the lessons of guilt and manipulation by being manipulated themselves. It can become their survival technique, and how to get others to do their bidding.
For example, has anyone ever said to you, “If you talk with so-and-so, I will never talk to you again?” Also, manipulators often force others to manipulate, such as statements like, “I do not want you ever to talk about so-and-so to me. If you do, I will never talk to you again either.”
How do you like being manipulated?
Does that work for you?
Have you given your personal power away to the person manipulating you?
Do you want to heal emotionally?
The dawning of social media spawned a growing social awkwardness. In some cases, with the breaking down of communication, it became easier not dealing with people face-to-face. Why talk when you can text? Why say whole words when you can shorten to a few letters? Why have the need to communicate at all?
While social media and dating apps became popular in the 2000s, the more common reason for the malaise of ghosting is lack of empathy. We see lack of empathy all around us, in relationships, social settings, and even politics.
There is an inherent ambiguity in ghosting—the person being ghosted does not know whether they are being rejected for something they or somebody else did, whether the person doing it is ashamed or does not know how to break up, or is scared of hurting the other’s feelings.
In the dating scenario, the ghost may simply not want to date the victim anymore, or may have started dating someone else while keeping the ghostee as a reserve option in case a relationship does not work out with said other date, as well as they can be facing serious problems in their lives. It may become impossible to tell which it is, making it stressful and painful.
While “ghosting” refers to “disappearing from a special someone’s life mysteriously and without explanation,” numerous similar behaviors have been identified, that include various degrees of continued connection with a target. For example, “Caspering” is a “friendly alternative to ghosting. Instead of ignoring someone, you’re honest about how you feel, and let them down gently before disappearing from their lives.” A possible response to ghosting has been suggested with “ghostbusting”: forcing the “ghoster” to reply.
Then there is the sentimental and positive, but also ghost-related in origin, “Marleying,” which is “when an ex gets in touch with you at Christmas out of nowhere”. “Cloaking” is another related behavior that occurs when an online match blocks you on all apps while standing you up for a date. The term was coined by Mashable journalist Rachel Thompson after she was stood up for a date by a Hinge match and blocked on all apps.
Whatever newfangled terms we come up with, nothing replaces honesty and integrity in relationships as much as face-to-face communication, especially in the making-up phase.
Reconciliation is always possible as long as both people are still living. Life is too short to continue ghosting. It takes self-correction, forgiveness of self and others, and the magnanimity of spirit to be empathetic rather than cruel.
UNIVERSAL WISDOM ENLIGHTENMENT MASTERY 