Being like an ostrich with its head in the sand does not make the problem go away.
Becoming a people pleaser happens when you give away your personal power. It is a coping mechanism. Giving away your personal power, saying yes when you really mean no, is an outward sign of an inner conflict within yourself.
It may begin simply as a way to keep your job, join a new group of people, or a host of any other valid reasons you wish to promote yourself in other groups. The question is, how much of yourself do you choose to give away?
You might have fostered this self-sabotage trap in your youth depending on the motivational techniques used by your parents, teachers, and others in your world. Or perhaps your parents were absent, worked a lot, or for other reasons were not there to support you. When this happens, you may have had the tendency to look to others for the affirmation, rather than draw from our own self-esteem.
This may be a habit you do not even know you have until you feel used by people. Are you the one everyone else always comes to when extra chores need to be done in the social settings you belong to, at work or with friends?
It is one thing to offer our help from time to time. Doing service for the greater good of humanity is good for the soul. For a short time, if your work needs your extra attention on a project, or your friend needs help, you may choose to volunteer. The key words here are “for a short time.”
But how many friendships have been lost because one person is always the giver, and the other person is always the taker?
Are you always the giver?
Are you always the taker?
This may happen without your being fully conscious of it. Your patterns of thinking, speaking and acting may be on a pre-programmed habitual loop.
When an unfair situation does occur to you, how do you handle it?
It is wonderful the moment when these situations present themselves to your consciousness, because up until that point, you can go years without realizing others are taking unfair advantage of you by your own lack of standing up for yourself.
Once you recognize your patterns of behavior, you have a choice, and your head gets more in the game alerting you to make more conscious, and possibly different decisions.
Depending on your previous conditioning, or your misguided need to be needed, you may choose to continue giving your personal power away and volunteer your life away, in the hopes that your efforts will gain you acceptance, status, recognition, friendship, or to be better liked.
Again, the key phrase is, “for a short time.” For a short time, you can burn the candle at both ends, carry an extra heavy workload, help someone through a health crisis. The trouble begins when you do not stand up for yourself, when the short time turns into what is expected of you over the long haul.
It is interesting to watch yourself when you begin to find your voice. Often what happen is, you may get fed up. You’ve had enough. You get angry with the situation, or the other person because you feel that they are abusing you; when in reality, you have allowed this to happen to you.
Being like an ostrich with its head in the sand does not make the problem go away.
You are not a victim unless you choose to be. No one wants to hear that, especially if you feel you have been wronged or been taken advantage of by others.
Who is really at fault here, you not standing up for yourself, or the other guy who knows your patterns of behavior and goes along with your permissions?
You are not in charge of other people’s actions, but you are in charge of yours.
What tends to happen next, is that you can over-react. You may find yourself angrily lashing out that you need to stop being friends, or you quit the club, or set clear boundaries with others.
However, it is enough to simply stop, to simply say no to extra activities, even with a smile.
When did you have to explain your every thought, word or deed to everyone?
You can say “no” lovingly, state your mind with integrity, drop the fear and the anger.
This is a learning process. You may already have this down pat. Or perhaps, no matter what age you are, you are still learning how to stand up for yourself. This is especially true if you are in the midst of changing addictive patterns in your life. You need to give yourself time to change whatever habits you want to change.
You can do anything you set your mind to think, say and do, holistically for the good of all, of course.
The answers to these important questions make up who you think you are. Yet, there is more to you than you may know.
You are a composite not only of the DNA of your ancestry but are the manifestation of the realization of your mission and dharma in this school of life.
What is your personal reason for being alive at this moment in time? Do you know? Do you know who you truly are?
The above diagram shows your Self in the center of your awareness. This is the only place where you can assess yourself, why you are here in the first place, and where you are going.
Notice at the top in the red square it notes your Self Concept. Do you have a healthy Self-Concept of who and what you truly are? You are much more than your accomplishments, regardless of how noteworthy they are. Where do your seemingly random thoughts generate from? Have you ever thought of that?
Have you limited your knowledge based on the thoughts and opinions of others? This can occur in all areas of life. Have you possibly bought into the plans of others without your Self actively personally investigating with critical thinking skills and agreeing that their premise is so? Your questions about all areas of your life will persist until you do.
Growing into a greater knowledge on the left side of this diagram of your Self encompasses much more than the outcomes of the things you think, say, and do. You have a physical and mental effect on everyone and everything around you, including your plants and animals, and other human beings, of course. But have you paused long enough to ponder how powerful this Energy is that animates you, extending way beyond the aura of your Self?
This Energy is the same Energy that feeds the manifestation of your life’s dreams, goals, and wishes. While it is intangible, it is measurable by your belief in your Self to accomplish the most difficult and seemingly impossible tasks.
How do you handle the energetic hits when someone tells you, “No, you can’t do that,” or “You can only do this other thing” when you know full well that you can?
Know that you can do any positive and life-affirming thing that you set your mind to. You are the creator of your own reality. On one hand, you know this to be true. On the other hand, how many times have you caved to someone else’s desires above your own?
Let’s talk about your reputation, how your family perceives you, how your employer and co-workers view you, how you are understood in your social circles. Even these personas do not encompass the totality of who and what you are. You are much more than they perceive. This is the bottom purple section of the above diagram. Keep all these aspects of your Self in focus when you continue on the path of increasing your authentic Self-esteem, Self-confidence, and Self-awareness. This is your Eternal Universal Life Force in action.
What others see are the outcomes, according to their perspective, about your Self. Still, they do not know all there is to know about you. Some people think they know everything about you and put your Self in the box of their own understanding. That is the most any of us can do. Know that you are much more than anyone else’s comprehension of your Self. You can think what others say about your Self does not affect you, but on a subtle level, if they are in your world at all, it can tend to put a chip on your shoulder, making you emotionally guarded and hard-hearted. This is not the proper way to deal with your Self.
Why is that?
What animates your Self is the same Eternal Universal Life Force Energy of all life, including mineral, plant, and animal kingdom life. This Energy follows the laws of science, specifically, the Laws of Thermodynamics, which state that Energy cannot be created, nor destroyed, only changed. Now think of what this means about the same Energy that animates your life.
Astounding, isn’t it? You are a wonder of wonder, life experienced in and through your reality, which can be changed any time you wish to go in a different direction or achieve a different outcome. You are in charge of you, no one else, literally.
So, when you notice your ego attempting to rear its ugly head, forcing you into competitions you would rather not be a part of, creatively design another alternative for your Self is you wish to. You are not pressured to do anything against your inner Self which is a people pleasing trap.
Clementine Bihiga, Morning Keynote Speaker, and Tina Potenti LaCroix, one of the speakers of the afternoon session on Reinventing Yourself By Investing In Yourself, take a moment of appreciation during the book signing on Bihiga’s book, Happily Broken – Discovering Happiness Through Pain And Suffering. Bihiga escaped Rwanda through a hail of bullets at eight-years old.
I rarely write about local events. But the Inaugural Annual Central Mass Conference for Women 2022, which was attended by 300 women in-person and those who participated virtually May 5 at the AC Hotel by Marriott in Worcester, Massachusetts, was so affirming and inspiring that it has the possibility to change the world, literally.
This conference was a joint effort lead by the powerhouse of positively electric energy of Jen Maseda, CEO of She’s Local, Inc.
This Inaugural Annual Conference For Women 2022 was the most inspirational, professional, and holistic meeting of women I have attended in a long time. I was very happy to have participated in networking and building up women in business. The amazing thing is, that it not only edified women in business. A bright light of recognition, ability, and aspirations sparked the positive possibilities igniting the hearts, minds, and souls of all who attended, illuminating the pathway forward by fostering peace, love, and support. If the leaders of every city and town, state and country in the world could adopt a new paradigm for building up, rather than the competition of tearing down, this world would be a better place in which to live.
Sylvia Ruiz, chairwoman of the Central Mass Conference for Women Board of Directors, is at the microphone welcoming everyone attending during the “Our Time Is Now” group session.
“Our Time Is Now” was the theme of the conference. Now is the time for unity, harmony, inclusion, and celebration of all the gifts, loving care, and genuine smiles of the women who attended. Now is the time to build bridges, connections, and support women by sharing learned experiences, helping humanity in families, neighborhoods, and bringing inspiration to overcome barriers women face in the working world.
Women were empowered to move past obstacles, live amazing lives, and leave a positive mark on the world. All of the women speakers and attendees were shining examples of the inspirational goals they set.
Maria Milagros , storyteller, empowerment coach, and author, was the award-winning afternoon keynote speaker, sharing her amazing life experience of taking back her life when doctors told her she would not walk again, nor have children after falling five stories, and landing on cement. She did not accept the diagnosis of the doctors, persevered, and succeeded in both walking (and dancing), and having an incredible daughter, who also attended this conference.
The resilience of all attending was so inspirational it was contagious and tangible. The 25 businesswomen vendor booths were visited by all, including the men who were present to support the women they knew and loved, helping them to continue their struggle to break through the glass ceiling women still face in some technological, medical, scientific, legal, media, and astronomical circles, to name a few.
Certified holistic health counselors, licensed social workers, therapists, lawyers, presidents, and vice-presidents of major banking and other business ventures affirmed the work of each person in attendance for this first-of-its-kind Conference For Women in Central Massachusetts. It was a message of unity and harmony over competition and climbing the corporate ladder, and unbounded greed at all costs by registering success through the narrow lens of money being the bottom line. Simultaneously, women were empowered to not shy away from money conversations, investing, saving, planning for the future financially, and finally dealing with wealth management with intelligent strategies. Mutual respect was shown with loving care and concern for each person present. This was a refreshing experience.
This conference was complete with two 45-minute breakout sessions both in the morning and afternoon, giving attendees opportunity to learn more about women in finance, presenting their brand online, promoting diverse cultures, fostering diversity of mind, body, and spirit, and creating sustainable change through holistic self-care for a balanced life.
Kate McEvoy served as Emcee for the 2022 Central Mass Conference For Women.
Kate McEvoy serves as Vice-President for Corporate Relations at UMass Memorial Health Care. In this role she serves as the primary liaison between the health care system and the business community, with a focus on growing UMass Memorial Health Care’s commercial market share. Additionally, Kate provides support for the system’s Anchor Mission initiative, which aligns institutional resources and corporate social responsibility to address social determinants of health challenges in central Massachusetts. Prior to joining UMass Memorial, Kate served as the Vice-President for Central & Western Massachusetts at Harvard Pilgrim Health Care, where she managed the organization’s growth strategies and Profit/Loss for the region. Kate formerly served as the Senior Director for Government & Community Relations at Fallon Community Health Plan, a role that included oversight of FCHP’s legislative affairs, issues related to public policy, as well as FCHP’s philanthropic activity. There, Kate also served as Sales & Marketing Director for Summit ElderCare, FCHP’s P.A.C.E. program, where she created and implemented a multiyear sales and marketing plan and led the entity’s rebranding effort. An active volunteer in central Massachusetts’ political and non-profit communities, Kate is well-known for her success in the arenas of fundraising, strategy development, marketing, and business planning. Kate has received several awards for her professional achievement and community involvement, including the: YWCA’s Katherine Erskine Award, and Worcester State University’s Distinguished Alumni Award, which is the highest non-degree honor bestowed by the institution. Additionally, Kate has received the Mohegan Council / Boy Scouts of America’s 12 Points Award, the Worcester Business Journal’s “40 Under 40” in 2002 and has also been named among Worcester Magazine’s “Most Powerful People in Worcester”, “Hometown Heroes” and “Worcester’s Leading Ladies”, as well as Worcester Business Journal’s” Power Players” in both 2016 and 2018. Kate is viewed as a key resource in community and business circles and has served as member of the Baker/Polito Administration Transition Team for Economic Development, as well as several other regional Task Force projects and other key initiatives to support municipal, regional, and state-wide needs. Kate currently serves on Boards of Directors for the Worcester State University Foundation, as well as serving the Regional Board for Berkshire Bank. She serves as a Corporator for the Greater Worcester Community Foundation, Worcester Art Museum, YWCA of Central Massachusetts and the Ecotarium, and sits on the Executive Committee for the Worcester Homecoming initiative where she co-chairs that project’s Finance Committee. In addition, Kate is serving as Committee/Event Chair for the City of Worcester’s 300th Anniversary Celebration, a role in which she will oversee the planning, fundraising and execution of a series of high-profile events to commemorate this historic occasion. In addition, Kate is currently involved with many other non-profit organizations. Past volunteer affiliations include service as a Board member for many central Massachusetts agencies including the Worcester Regional Chamber of Commerce, Boys & Girls Club of Worcester, Discover Central MA, Destination Worcester, Girls Inc, the March of Dimes, the Montachusett Girl Scout Council, the MetroWest Chamber of Commerce, the Worcester Education Collaborative, the American Red Cross, the AdClub of Greater Worcester, and Worcester State University’s Alumni Advisory Board. Kate received a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Worcester State University. She resides in her hometown of Worcester, MA with her husband, Michael Hickey and their two dogs, Hope and Holly.
Yesenia Arroyo is the recipient of the 2022 Goddess Award
Yesenia Arroyo is an LCSW who has dedicated her life to serving her community which started with her family. Yesenia had a dream to create central hub for community resources to help serve our local community in Southbridge. Yesenia is dedicated to providing culturally competent resources to assist the most vulnerable populations in our community. The Wellstorm, Inc is focused on bridging the gap of poverty experience, mental health resources, and food insecurity in the community. Yesenia is currently a telehealth therapist at Attunement Counseling and Wellness Collective serving individuals and couples in MA and RI.
This first-of-its-kind yearly conference demonstrates today’s movement of women using positive affirmation to consciously build a strong foundation upon which to flourish while working in a global society.
Speakers sharing their wealth of knowledge during the morning and afternoon breakout sessions included: Marie Paturzo, Sabrina Webb, Marian Theberge, Adriana Vaccaro, Shawna Curran, Valerie Zolezzi-Wyndham, Carla Delacruz Davila, Jenna Knight, Ashley Nardello, Janet Conroy-Quirk, Jasmine Ortiz, Marienelly Yazquez, Nikki Bell-Pena, Amy Mosher Berry, Rosa Maria Salas, Ashley Harwood, Monica Adwani, Diane Langford James, Carolyn Wynn, Julia Becker Collins, Marcie Giannattasio, Cierra Brownell, Kristin Mayotte, Julie Bowditch, Victoria Waterman, Armida Abreau Martinez, Tina Potenti LaCroix, Bethany Mercer, Meagan Ryan, Tess Waresmith, Margie Breault, and Jessica McGarry.
Signature sponsors for this conference include: Bank of America, Country Bank, Workers Credit Union, UMass Chan Medical School, Worcester State University, Clark University, Fidelity Bank, and Cornerstone Bank.
Media sponsor was Worcester Business Journal.
Small business sponsors included: Wing Press, Prestige Adult Foster Care, Dream Big Wealth Strategies, Pathways for Change, Wolf Dog Marketing, Leone Marketing Solutions, Worcester Family Partnership, EforAll, The Heartwell Institute, and CHE!EMPANADA.
Representatives for the Inaugural SOLD OUT Central Mass Conference for Women 2022.
The following quote is often attributed to Nelson Mandela and his 1994 inaugural speech, but it is in fact, an excerpt from Marianne Williamson’s book, “A Return to Love: Reflections On The Principles of A Course In Miracles,” page 165. It is inspirational. It is good to remind ourselves of this from time to time:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and famous?”
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us.
It’s in everyone, and as we let our own light shine,
we consciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”
I AM sure you have heard this beautiful excerpt. But hopefully, it comes as a gentle reminder if you need one, or as affirmation if you are well on your way.
There is nothing you cannot do if you set your mind to it.
UNIVERSAL WISDOM ENLIGHTENMENT MASTERY 