Goal-Setting – Luminous Leanings

7 Simple Steps to Create Your Self-Care Plan

As a self-care & self-compassion coach, I work with clients to develop personalized plans for their self-care rituals & routines! I believe self-care is the foundation for self-compassion. With a routine & structure in place, it’s much easier to find the time to drop into that space of presence & gratitude where true self-love can blossom.

Self-care is near and dear to my heart, and my understanding of it radically evolved when I read the book Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristen Neff. She writes:

When we soothe our own pain, we are tapping into the mammalian care-giving system. And one important way the care-giving system works is by triggering the release of oxytocin. Research indicates that increased levels of oxytocin strongly increase feelings of trust, calm, safety, generosity and connectedness and facilitates the ability to feel warmth and compassion for ourselves. Oxytocin is released in a variety of social situations, including when a mother breastfeeds her child, when parents interact with their young children or when someone gives or receives a soft, tender caress. Because thoughts and emotions have the same effect on our bodies whether they’re directed to ourselves or to others, this research suggests that self-compassion may be a powerful trigger for the release of oxytocin (source).

If you think you don’t have time for self-care, this post is for you! I’m here to show you how simple it can really be. You don’t have to self-care by yourself – I’m here to show you the way! Grab a blank sheet of paper or your journal and a pen, and cozy up in a comfortable, undisturbed spot. Follow these 7 simple steps to create your own self-care plan, & start feeling the self-love in no time!

1. Evaluate Your Current Level of Self-Care

Before you begin creating your plan, it’s important to consider your baseline for self-care. If it helps, you can close your eyes and ask yourself the following questions:

How accessible is self-care for me right now?
When was the last time I did something to care for myself?
How does it feel to care about my own well-being?

Take your time as you consider this. It is not easy work! From these questions, you can assess your current level of self-care. Write it down on a scale of 1-10. Really dig into it, and get curious about your rating.

2. Envision Your Self-Care Goals, Set Your Intention & Manifest

This step has 3 parts. The first is to envision your self-care goals. Perhaps you already know you’d like to work out 3 times a week or start a daily journaling practice. Step two is to write it down & get super specific. This is a visioning exercise, so it doesn’t need to be in the form of goals yet. Think of them as hopes & dreams. Create a Pinterest board for inspiration or a literal vision board collage, if that feels right.

Thirdly, a manifestation exercise can help you draw these dreams into your reality. Sit or lie down comfortably with your eyes closed, and simply daydream in detail about you caring for yourself in these ways. What does the room look like? What props do you have around you? What activities are you doing? What are you saying to yourself? What is your general attitude, thoughts & emotions toward self-care? How does it affect your entire life? When you come out of the visualization, edit your written intention as necessary based on what you saw and learned.

3. Set SMART Goals

A SMART goal is a goal that is given the tools to come true! SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Write SMART down the left-hand side of a piece of paper. Across the top of the paper, create self-care categories based on your intentions. For example, if you intend to wake feeling well-rested, write “Sleep” for one of your categories. My categories include sleep, exercise, yoga, meditation, journaling, reading, cooking, and outdoor time.

Now, create a goal for each category that is SMART! For Sleep, I could write: I will get at least 8 hours of sleep every night of the week. Check it against the SMART criteria:

S – This goal is specific because it specifies how much sleep I plan to get.

M – I can measure this goal by checking off whether or not I got 8 hours.

A – This is definitely attainable, as it won’t wreck my current routine and habits.

R – Getting 8 hours of sleep each night is relevant for me, as I know it’s the minimum I need to flourish and it fits into my broader self-care goals of being healthy and vibrant.

T – This is a time-bound goal, as it mentions I plan to get 8 hours of sleep each night.

Continue writing your SMART goals for each of your remaining categories. Some categories may have more than one SMART goal – that’s perfectly fine!

4. Break Them Down Into Habits

Now take the SMART goal and make it a habit. For example, if my SMART goal was to cook healthy, affordable meals 4 times per week, habits would need to include: creating a meal plan and shopping list, going to the grocery on Sundays, prepping the ingredients on Sunday night, and scheduling in the time needed to cook 4 nights per week after work. A goal can be broken down into many habits. Make sure you think through all of its angles before moving on to the next one.

5. Acknowledge Your Barriers & Brainstorm Solutions

Taking a look at these habits across all your goals, envision adapting your lifestyle to hold them. Write down any red flags that come up, and sticky places where you can see things going the most poorly or being the most difficult to adopt. Draw a vertical line and write at the top “Solutions.” How can you solve for each of these barriers? If you’re concerned you won’t be able to sit in meditation for 20 minutes each day because your kids are constantly screaming for you, rework your day so you can meditate before they wake up or after they go to bed, or perhaps find an environment where you can guarantee you won’t be disturbed. If you write down many possible solutions, circle the one you’re going to try out first. If that ends up not working, move on to another one and try that! This is an exercise in figuring out what works best for you.

6. Set Up Accountability Systems

Accountability truly is the key for habit maintenance. Studies show folks are 65 percent more likely to meet a goal after committing to another person. The chance of success then increases to 95 percent when they build in ongoing meetings with their partners to check in on their progress (source). Whoa! That’s nearly guaranteed success.

For each habit or goal, write down one accountability measure you will put in place to make sure you stick to it – at least for the first 66 days. They say it takes that long to really form a habit (source). Accountability can mean finding a buddy, setting a phone alarm, or even signing up for one of these apps that sets consequences (like paying money to your most hated causes) for failing to meet your goals!

If I wanted to work out 3 times per week, I might ask my best friend to text me every Saturday night to ask me how many times I had exercised that week. I could suggest she set an alarm on her phone to remind her, and ask if I can reciprocate with anything she wanted to be held accountable for. Another great accountability measure is to announce a 30-day challenge you are starting on social media. The pressure of posting a picture of yourself meditating every day for 30 days will help you find the time and willpower to meet your goals!

You could also set your alarm for your bedtime each night and wake up time each morning, or write in your schedule the allotted time to run the errand, leave for the spin class, make it happen! Remember, write down at least one accountability measure for each goal or habit.

7. Journal & Check-In Along the Way

Lastly, don’t forget to journal and check in with yourself along the way! I recommend setting aside 10 minutes on Sundays (or whenever you do your weekly planning) to assess your progress. Stick to it for the first couple of months, and then see if you want to switch anything up. Reconnect with your intentions and the why behind your desire to self-care. This is a life-long journey! Sometimes the care feels robotic (mine did this morning!), and other times we are chomping at the bit to set aside this sacred time. Notice how easy or difficult it is and how it changes, and the reasons for it. You could design your own self-care tracker and leave space for journaling your emotions around the practices, what you are learning about yourself, and how you might like to adjust them in the future.

Intentions are made up of pure, beautiful manifesting powerful energy to make our lives more vibrant and fulfilled. Self-care intentions are our intuitive sense of how we need to better care for ourselves in order to fulfill our life’s purpose. Goals and habits are where the rubber meets the road. They’re not always a ton of fun to set, implement and stick to, but without them our intentions are pretty meaningless. In time, these accountability measures and the discomfort that comes with setting a new goal will fade to the background and all that will remain is the automatic and desirous joy that comes with your self-care practice. When my morning yoga and meditation routine transitioned from a to-do item to check off my list to a sacred hour that I fight off all competitive time-stealers from, I knew it had morphed from a habit into a practice.

Be sure to check out my posts on creating a bedtime routine, morning ritual, and a Sunday checklist for your week!

I hope these 7 simple steps help you create your own self-care plan! I’d love to hear how it goes in the comments below. Be well and take gentle self-care!

Is Manifestation Just Another Form of Grasping? How To Pursue Your Dreams While Practicing Non-Attachment

Dear Ones, I’m thrilled to announce that I have finally dived off the high dive and enrolled in a life coaching certification program! This was my number one goal when making the decision to move to New Mexico six months ago, and even though I’ve already accomplished several secondary goals (find work at a brewery, study for my Cicerone certifications, and kick home brewing into high gear), this one has eluded me… until now. I also just started a second part-time job as an admin for a bunch of engineers, and that has really taken a lot of the financial pressure off my creative spirit and, in a sense, given me the felt permission to go for it!

I will be pursuing my Wellness Coach certification through Coach Training EDU, and I am also undergoing an intensive Business Accelerator program led by a coach for coaches! I fretted and fretted over the investment decision for months until finally last night I just pulled dat trigger. Speaking of triggers… it’s incredibly revealing to put your money where your mouth is and take big risks in the name of your passion! The fear of success can lead to confusing concoctions of guilt and excitement. As I begin my life coaching journey and prepare to launch my second business, I have been reflecting on the subtle differences between attachment and manifestation.

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Ever since I can remember, I’ve experienced an aching, a longing for something outside of myself. Whether it was a God I had to please as a child, a soul mate that could love me as a young woman, or a job that would fulfill me as an adult – there has always been an attitude of, if I could only attain something external, I would be truly happy. Now I am exploring and practicing Buddhism, which includes a philosophy of non-attachment as a path to alleviate suffering. I used to think this meant, in order to be Buddhist, you had to forsake all possessions and all human relationships and go meditate in a quiet mountain hermitage for the rest of your days. Luckily, I’ve learned that the practice of non-attachment is so much simpler than that.

For example, this morning I spilled my coffee all over my gorgeous rug in my yoga/meditation space. I only had a fixed window of time to practice self-care before leaving for work, and now I would have to sacrifice part of it to cleaning up my mess. I had done the same thing the day after I first purchased the rug, and had beat myself up emotionally for it. Some of the stains hadn’t fully come out. This morning’s experience automatically triggered those same feelings, and as I trudged toward the paper towels, I could feel the same self-judgments welling up within me. But, this time, I was able to pause, reflect, and stop my suffering habit in motion. Rather than attaching my identity to this idea of “The One Who Spills The Coffee and Ruins Everything Beautiful,” I was able to detach who I am from the accident and remain instead, “Nonjudgmental Self-Compassionate Observer of Her Own Mental Conditioning.”

This practice of non-identification is my favorite way to connect with the philosophy of non-attachment. It is our ego’s delight to see itself in EVERYTHING around it. Whether it’s liking a product, connecting with a song, or seeing yourself in every story you hear. Or, in many cases, attaching our identity to a mistake or accident, likely thinking that this punishment will ensure the same doesn’t happen again. Imagine a time when you hurt yourself and then blamed yourself for the accident. What needless suffering this “second arrow,” as it’s called, can cause! “I stubbed my toe. Ouch, it really hurts! How did I let that happen? I’m a terrible person.” Our ego pretty much has two modes – I am good, or I am bad. It isn’t very complex, which is good, because it means we can more easily dissect, explore, and eventually dissolve it.

Talking about the ego can be off-putting, as many of us raised in the West have such an aversion to it and relate it to selfishness, arrogance, and egotism. After all, these are all ways to “fail” at being a likable, contributing member of society. But the ego is really something we all come into this world with, and I think it’s time we learn to connect to it in a friendly, loving, compassionate, curious way. Think about it: we evolved to the top of the food chain by ensuring our survival, and the survival of our species. It is only natural, then, for us to still relate everything back to our own needs. By acknowledging this natural self-protectionism, we also acknowledge the forces beyond our control that have shaped us.

Happily, these forces outside our control are not where our story ends. It is up to each of us to ultimately attempt to suffer less. When we are aware of our tendency to identify with every emotion, thought, conversation, or thing outside of ourselves, we can stop the cycle. We can see ourselves through the Witness Perspective – a higher state of consciousness that can observe our patterns and tendencies from a place of non-judgement and compassion. If we observe a near-constant identification pattern with every thought, then we have an opportunity to acknowledge it and practice loving kindness toward it. This attitude of non-judgement, and even care and compassion is often all it takes to dissolve the ego, the grasping, and the identifying, therefore alleviate the suffering!

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During my morning meditations, I like to mix it up and switch between a self-guided meditation, a guided meditation on the Insight Timer app, or a EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique/Tapping) practice on the Tapping Solution app! Some mornings I am just in the mood for some manifestation. If you’ve never done a manifestation meditation, it can be a powerful exercise in picturing the reality you want to bring into your life. It’s almost like a road map for the Universe to attract specific blessings. I didn’t know it at the time, but I swear I used this method to attract my husband one afternoon while daydreaming in college (my pre-meditation days).

I selected a manifestation guided meditation the other morning, and, as I was led by the guide, I began to picture myself as a successful life coach, calling my clients on Skype from my lovely backyard on a beautiful blue sky Albuquerque day. I could see the client, her struggles, her fears, the stories she tells herself. I could see us co-creating a plan that worked for her that could help her bring her own dreams into her reality. Then I imagined getting paid what I’m worth and what kind of reality that could create for me and my family.

And then… you know what happened? I actually felt guilty for imagining my own success. Effectively, I energetically apologized for the manifestation, sending the Universe cross-signals! As soon as I got to the part about what the manifestation could do for me, how it could benefit me financially, I freaked out and basically changed the mental “channel.” And, because I was in the witness perspective mode, I saw it happen, and I asked myself, “Do I feel guilty because I was grasping for the dream – which would conflict with my practice of non-attachment? Or do I feel guilty because I am afraid of success?”

[Photo by Aleksandr Ledogorov on Unsplash]

You see, I think women especially have this tendency. We daydream and daydream about making our passion our reality. And then, when we start to actually get close to that finish line, we start questioning EVERYTHING. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be successful? Wealthy? Confident? Why should I get everything I’ve ever wanted?” And/or we start drawing comparisons and criticisms between our work and the work of all the other creatives out there, and tell ourselves, “I’m not as good as them,” or “I don’t want to seem like a copycat.” Basically, we realize that, with success comes criticism, and we begin to suffer from a fear of perceived future judgment.

And, in my case, I experienced a twisted form of suffering – one that uses my spiritual practice as a weapon against my desire for success. From a non-judgemental state, I can say I know this is not my fault. I know that I’ve been conditioned by society, my upbringing and my spiritual background to be wary of, and even squash out, the “dangerous” desires within me. And as I try to reconcile this patterning with my newfound understanding of non-attachment and suffering, I can’t help but be curious – will my desire for this image of myself in this imagined future end up causing me suffering? Especially if I don’t get there?

Dear Ones, it’s a question I don’t think we get to know the answer to. I guess we don’t ever really know without a doubt that our dreams will come true. We can slay our buns off to get there, but we also have to open to what is outside of the realms of control in order to achieve that non-grasping, lesser suffering state. It doesn’t mean we prepare to fail constantly – no, just the opposite. We also have to be all in to truly attract these realities. We have to stay open to the possibility that the manifestation goal we have in our minds could change. We have to follow where we are led if we truly want it to be for the benefit of all beings everywhere. And we have to be humble enough – and non-judgmental enough – to admit when our dreams aren’t in alignment for the Universe’s absolute best for us. I think the best we can do is ground down into the Earth, tune into the Divine, practice self-care, and regularly reflect on our own intuition. The rest is all just par for the course – more Universal lessons to learn from.

As always, I’m rooting for you, Dear Ones. Let me know in the comments below – have you ever felt guilty for chasing your dreams or investing in your passions? How did you overcome it, or maybe you haven’t yet? I’d love to hear!

Until next time, be well & take gentle self care.

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This Winter Solstice, Reflect, Reset & prepare for 2019 with my {FREE Journal Template}

Did you know that many Christmas traditions came from winter solstice? Yule logs, mistletoe and Christmas trees all have their roots in the pagan celebrations of the long night (source). The day is believed to hold a powerful energy for regeneration, renewal and self-reflection (source). I look forward to the Winter Solstice every year. When it rolls around, I like to perform a ritual and journey inward. Whether a restorative candlelit yoga class, a meditation, or journaling, I like to take the fear out of the longest night of the year and, instead, give thanks for the return of the light as the sun comes back toward our planet to warm and nourish us once more.

This year, I was inspired to create this reflection journal printable for the Winter Solstice. While everyone else is busy planning for 2019 and making resolutions, 80% of which will fail by February (source), you could be looking back over 2018 for guidance on how you best set and maintain goals, and giving gratitude for all the beauty of the past year! After all, we are walking backwards into the future, and the only thing we know for sure are our own experiences. Our past is here to teach us many valuable lessons, and if we don’t learn from them, these universal assignments will continue to show up in the New Year.

So after creating or participating in your own Winter Solstice ritual, whip out these journaling prompts and get to contemplating! You can fill it out in your browser or print it out and get crafty. Don’t set your 2019 resolutions without taking stock of 2018 in all its glory.

The first prompt is to describe 2018 in 1 word. I chose the word Manifesting. It was a year full of busy travel and work that took me to Colombia, South Africa, India, and Thailand – all the while I was striving to launch this blog, make a career change, deepen my spiritual practice and move to the Southwest. Jon and I were planning for our future brewery and, for the first time, starting to think strategically about how we can make it all happen. By the end of the year, I’ve made the move to New Mexico, and am letting the Universe know I’m serious about my dreams. I am set up for 2019 to be a year of deep planning and execution. But it all required the manifestation that this year brought, and I honor that energetic gift!

Think on it, and let me know your word for 2018 in the comments below! And don’t forget to download your FREE Winter Solstice Reflections journal printable here. Happy Winter Solstice!

Until next time, be well & take gentle self care.

Can You Goal-Slay with Gratitude & Contentment?

To be human is to strive, to have desires, to set goals and accomplish them. We don’t just want to reach what is necessary for our species biologically – i.e. to pass on our genetic material. We want to feel good, push the boundaries, excel to our highest potential and then some. But the experience of wanting can be an internal roller coaster of emotions. We can identify with the thing we want so much that we spiral into an obsession, then feel guilty for wanting at all, or have shame for actually getting it. Or we can get it, only to realize we didn’t really want it, or to find that now we want more. Is it possible to be present, fulfilled and content in the present moment with who we are, AND have desires? Or is the very experience of wanting more riddled with selfishness, an inability to be present, and a complete lack of gratitude?

Desire vs. Longing vs. Goals

The word desire comes from the latin de-, meaning to be apart form, and sidere, meaning star. Therefore, to have desire is to be apart from one’s star. This is a really lovely concept to think about – we feel separate from our home, our light, our warmth, the thing that gives us life. Stars are beautiful representations of wonder, adventure and mystery. But sometimes we long for things without even knowing what they are, and sometimes we know they are no good for us (which might just make us want them all the more). The star can be an unhealthy, unattainable ego-based obsession that we define ourselves by and measure ourselves against. To desire is to be in a state of not enough, with a specific thing in mind that is going to make everything okay, and completely validate the desirer.

Longing is a non-specific state of aching, for whom or what, the longer is not quite sure. For me, spiritual longing started in middle school and became confused and caught up in romantic longings until I met and married my husband. The ache for a God who loved me unconditionally and perfectly, far surpassed my desire for anything else. The need for the Divine to whisper to me on the breeze that the innermost workings of my heart are known continually pulls me deeper to pursue my spiritual practice and toward my faith in the Universe.

Goals, on the other hand, are the standards we hold ourselves to in order to keep our ideals of a perfect life in check and on track. Our culture and millennial generation seem to be goal-obsessed as of late. Beyoncé immortalized the lyric “I slay all day” in her song, Formation. Don’t get it twisted – it’s a great song – but why are we so obsessed with murdering benchmarks and violently obliterating all competition? Why are there no songs about contentment, presence and finding inner peace? What’s more, I’m afraid young millennial women are being duped into perpetuating the capitalist cycle of industrial-era productivity under the guise of being #ladybosses. Aren’t we constantly seduced by the idea of having it all? Who wins when we swipe up to buy the product that will make it so?

According to Girl Power Marketing, women account for 85% of all consumer purchases and 92% of women pass along information about deals or online recommendations to others (source). Corporations have figured out our female spending power and use every influencing force in their toolkit to make sure we remain in a state of wanting it all, never being enough, forever chasing dreams and goals just out of reach. That being said, I am disgusted by the gender wage gap and I believe economic empowerment is a key to smashing the patriarchy. I just think when our credit cards come out, our guard should go up, and we should be defensive toward marketing that feeds off of making us feel unworthy (for more on the self-help culture we live in, read this).

But does goal-setting always take us away from presence? Can we be content and zen but still have dreams and desires? Are goals the very definition of searching for fulfillment in external things? Let me be honest – I set goals every week: goals to workout at least 3 times, to eat super healthy meals, and to stick to a good sleep routine. I set goals at work every day – to get through my to-do list and excel at every task. And I set goals with this blog – to post regularly, send out a monthly newsletter, and make sure my buffer is filled with future social media posts to send love and light out into the interwebs. Goals can help us stay on track to achieve the big, beautiful dream we have – they require work, dedication and a constant expectation readjustment. I think it all comes down to what happens when we miss the mark, and fall into a rut. If our first instinct is to beat ourselves up (probably furthering our procrastination), our entire attitude toward the goal is unhealthy and we have probably identified too closely with the thing we are trying to achieve. And identifying with anything besides our connection the Universe and all beings everywhere is a great recipe for suffering. On the other hand, if we can have self-compassion and forgiveness, keeping our goals in perspective as nice signposts guiding us to our deepest desires, then maybe we have found the holy grail of healthy goal-setting. Perhaps there is a way to be deeply fulfilled and use that contentment to help change the world and grow in our own abundance at the same time.

Goal Shame

On the other side of the spectrum, of course, is the shame surrounding wishing for and believing we can achieve our deepest desires… or even having desire at all. Danielle LaPorte is the author of The Desire Map, an incredible book that gives us permission to explicitly and specifically state our desires in order to manifest them. She defines goal shame as apologizing for your goals when you share them, or that sinking feeling that drives you to not share them at all. This is not shame about sharing your achievements, but – more extremely – from sharing the fact that you have goals at all. Life Coach Brooke Castillo says you have to commit to not ever feel shame or guilt for achieving your goals. When you hear people say, “Must be nice!”, just reply, “Yes, it is!” There is power in owning our success and using it to change the world.

I believe women in our culture are especially made to feel ashamed of having desires. Rather, we are brought up to be the objects of male desire, and are hardly asked, “What is your desire?” We are shown what we can desire from a young age – and that is a husband, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence. Only hetero men are allowed to have sexual desire, whereas women are only allowed to want to please men and satisfy their desires. I recognize that it is a socially radical thing for a woman to say, “This is what I want, what I desire, and what I will go after until it’s mine.”

Striving vs. Being

We are not our goals, our failures or success. But I’d rather have failures under my belt than nothing, because that’s how I know I’m trying to leave this world better than I found it. Also, I know myself and when I don’t set goals, it’s actually from a place of ego, in order to protect it. It all comes down to our intention around the desire, the longing, the goal-setting. It’s the difference between striving and being. Striving is the desperation, seeking approval and validation from others, that causes suffering. But when we’re being the fullest versions of ourselves, we are transforming the world. When our intention is to be compassionate, hold space and share our wisdom and skills with others, setting goals and dreaming big becomes an outward expression of our level of faith in the universe.

Until next time, be well & take gentle self care.

How to Set Intentions & Get Organized Now!

My first job out of grad school, after months of nannying and working as a personal assistant, was organizing people’s things, in their homes and in their offices. Within minutes of meeting a client, I would be in their walk-in closet asking them to explain why holding onto five boxes of neckties they never wore was so important. Friends would tell me constantly, “I need to hire you!” and “That’s just what I need!” I had stumbled upon a secret niche of bank deposit slips from the ‘80s and hoarded cassette tapes, it seemed. With a master’s degree in a new city where master’s degrees were a dime-a dozen, I was pleased to discover this long-buried skill was lucrative. Everyone wants to be more organized – whether it’s so they can feel calm in their own space, in their own mind, with their sense of who they are – everyone wants to feel a sense of order, efficiency, and beauty in their lives.

I first would have my clients ask themselves “Why do I want to be organized?” Because, on the one hand, we all know life is precious and we want to pack as much joy and fun and love into it as possible. This carpe diem can be facilitated by an intentional schedule, a bit of a routine and a structure for meeting those goals. On the other hand, as an over-stimulated and overworked society, we feel the pressure to compete with our peers to be the most organized. Some see it as a mark of success, and, like every other aspect of our lives, we can fall into the trap of trying to control and conquer our schedules and spaces. We feel time is against us, as our enemy – when, in fact time is the ultimate reality and essence of our beautiful lives. If we can train ourselves to see time as our friend, and truly self-care in a holistic way, our goals become clear and organization becomes – no longer a way to compete or control – but, rather, a conduit for peace and joy.

People often asked me if my home is perfectly organized. The answer is hell no! My husband’s idea of organization is the pile of clothes beside his bed. Having immaculately clean and organized drawers, cabinets and closets is definitely not my thing. Like with most things in life, I ask myself, why would I want to suffer? It’s more about doing the bare minimum organization in order to waste the least amount of time finding things. I reorganize and maintain different areas of the house throughout the year, but I am not about to spend an entire Saturday going through every single piece of clothing (sorry, Marie Kondo). This is partly because Jon and I keep the things we own edited down to what will fit in our 1 bedroom apartment, and partly because I rarely get a free weekend. I invest my time and energy in the things that matter to me – we all do. For me, organization is not about perfection. It’s about knowing where things are so I don’t have to waste time looking for them. I’m a very impatient person (something I’m trying to work on this year) seeking to maximize every drop of possibility out of every day – if I spend 5 minutes looking for my keys, a cog somewhere in the machine isn’t operating properly. I prefer a place for everything and everything in its place. And it’s worth it for me to spend 5-10 minutes when I get home from work tidying up in order to maintain that.

Beyond being able to find things easily, I like the freedom to invite friends over at the drop of a hat to make dinner, play music or games, see where the night takes us. I have had to let go of the dream of having a spotless house to welcome guests into, because I would never socialize in my home if that were my standard. Besides, the point is the company and conversation.

If you’ve read this far, and you’re asking yourself “What is a professional organizer and how much do I have to pay someone to organize my life and how soon can they get here?!”, first ask yourself, “Why do I want to get organized?” Is it to enjoy your solo time at home, and be inspired to cook more? Is it to throw a party, or not feel ashamed to bring a date back to your avalanche of vintage clothing? Or maybe it’s to develop a more cohesive routine, so you’re not always running so late or feeling so frazzled? The irony is the people who need organization and time management the most are the people who have limited time or mental space to 1) come up with a plan, 2) implement it initially and 3) maintain and stick to it. To set yourself up for success, make sure you have clearly defined goals in mind.

Next, shift your definition of what being organized means to you. Is it possible to change your perception from seeing getting rid of things to gaining and creating more space and light and air? Is it possible to see cutting out time-wasters, not as sacrificing your precious little “me-time”, but as maximizing that time to be as healthy and self-serving as possible? Time and space are locked in at the amount we have – we all have 24 hours in a day, and the amount of space we live in. But if we can increase our energy and awareness by maximizing our time and space, it’s almost as though we are creating more of each.

Finally, cut yourself some slack and make sure you leave yourself time to decompress. Relaxation is very different from packing your free-time with fun activities. Unwinding at the end of day is essential for everyone, and time must be allotted for this. To make your time management dreams sustainable, you must treat this task as sacred and honor it. If it helps to carve out an end-of-the-day routine to stick to, do that. My lavender essential oil in a diffuser works wonders to shift my mind to power-down mode.

Living life as a perfectly ordered routine 24 hours a day isn’t practical (or fun). Sprinkling in plenty of flexibility both in schedule and when it comes to maintaining your space is part of living a balanced life. Remember that you have the power to live the organized life you choose. Setting your intention will speak it into existence and keep your focus on what truly matters to you. Self-care is not about perfection, it’s a constant practice that requires a continual recalling of its purpose.

Until next time, be well & take gentle self care.