I wish I would’ve stopped to get a picture. Hindsight’s a bitch.

So there we all were last night, watching the Warriors get beat-up by the Heat, when all of a sudden Ramses jumped out of The Chair (the huge recliner that’s supposed to be Tim’s throne) and ran to the back door in full slink mode. He was alert and focused. I knew what that meant. There’s something in the Concrete Jungle. I jumped up to join him but, of course, saw nothing. Ramses had, so I let him out and he immediately ran to a far corner of the patio where I had built-up a half-wall of cinder blocks.

We had the rat cornered.

I figured the critter had quickly made its way out under the fence but no – Ramses became very interested in one cinder block at the top of that half-wall, the one that I had stuck a trowel in. I removed the trowel and pandemonium ensued. The animal (at this point I did not know whether we were dealing with a mouse, a rat, or something else), which had tucked itself into the half-wall, now fled.

I imagined he/she would squeeze under the fence in the corner, but it ran back into the patio where Ramses caught it. I heard it’s scream before I saw any of this happen. Ramses is that fast. It was a RAT. His first and I was concerned it might turn on him. My fears were unwarranted, though, because Ramses sauntered back into the house with rat firmly in jaws, and strolled upstairs.

Meanwhile, Brandon (who had been napping on the chair in front of the back door) had woken up and was looking around wondering what the fuss was all about. (“Brandon, you’re late to the party.”) Yes, Ramses retained his title of Numero Uno Apex Predator in this house. Quelle surprise.

Shutting the door after myself, I went upstairs to my bedroom. Ramses was crouching on the carpet (which is now smeared with blood) with his prize. Growling. He knew I would take it from him. So I had to wait until he dropped it. This took a few minutes, during which time I went back downstairs to get a sturdy plastic bag. (I wasn’t at all sure the rat wouldn’t bite ME when I picked it up.)

Finally Ramses let go of the poor thing – which was thoroughly dead by now – and began playing with it. For those humans who’ve not seen this behavior it can be unsettling, but this is a perfectly normal and instinctive behavior. I made my move. Too late! He anticipated this and grabbed it once more in his jaws. I tried to get him to relinquish the rat but there’s no way in hell he was gonna let go – his jaws are like a steel trap. Then Brandon showed up (finally) to see what all the hubbub was about which caused Ramses to drop the rat once again, and I snatched it up using the aforementioned bag.

I made sure to praise The Prince throughout the whole ordeal.

Mr. Rat got a proper send-off in the corner of the ivy outside that I have christened “the graveyard”. Ramses, like always, received a piece of smoked tuna as a consolation prize. Then I went to work on the bloodstains upstairs.

Once I had returned to my spot on the couch, Ramses settled down utterly pleased with himself – as he should’ve been.

At this time, I’d like to address the issue of the Concrete Jungle having been certified by the NWF as a “Wildlife Habitat”. This means it is a refuge for wildlife. All wildlife. I have made every effort to ensure that My Little Predator wreaks no havoc on the creatures that come here – and will continue to do so. Brandon has been very helpful in this regard, as when he is out there with Ramses the birds can see him and will refrain from alighting on the ground where Ramses can catch them.

That being said, I will allow Ramses a rat or mouse here-and-there, as it happens so infrequently. Birds are off limits, as are lizards and the like.

I shall endeavor to maintain a Wildlife Mötel in our little slice of heaven – otherwise known as the Concrete Jungle.