Living – Back Country Thoughts

What are we here for….

Now I knew with a heading like that your our expecting some deep physical or theological thies on how to fix some united human problem of life. “Get to the root cause of things” as it where. We are for best or worse a “fix it” society. We have ingrained in our minds that if there is a problem we are endowed with the human power to Fix it.

This is one of those concepts that I am not naturally good at. When I fix something it usually brakes again or isn’t really fix at all! The time and energy applied is never equal to the finished product.

I spent about 30 hours fixing the ATV we use for chores around our little outfit. Its a very handy and economical way to get around in the mud, and get tools and feed around the place. Somehow in all the “taking apart”, it started to work, and in time it took to put it back together. It stopped working again. Oh we can laugh about it now…

I tend to be more of a work with a problem kinda guy. You will often hear a phrase around our outfit that sound like this:

Me: “…well honey I’m fixen to go to town, needanything?

She: “ I’m fixen to make bread, and need some flour and…. Never mind I’ll just come withya”. And yes we do run a lot of words together sometime just to get that bit of communication out at the speed of light, like on the internet.

Now before you come to the conclusion that rural people are uneducated and never learned much good grammar, cause we didn’t get enough schoolen.

Let me just point out that right now there millions of professionaly educated people in the metropolitan areas, that are speaking a paragraph of acronimes to another professional in the same profession, and anyone else wouldn’t have any idea of what was being communicate no matter how educated you are.

My professional wife is educated in knowledge that her colege in the marriage, is very impatient while looking at all those little special ingredients in the bakery ayle, and while in al probity came home with the wrong kind of baking properties requirements for the formation of bread to develop. ( we call this: WKBPRFBD).

Or that he will start to communicate with a colege at the “physicality of equine and bovine substance and husbandry specific material dispensary,” (we call this: THEFEEDSTORE), and completely forget all about the makings of bread, which she affectionately calls DSOB syndrome.

As a professional husband, I have learned that there are SJLGT implants that are being activated. (For you laypeople it simplify means … she just loves to go to town…) But I have digrest on this fall day as white stiff cover the green, as well as race by at 30 plus mpr or miles per hour.

Anyway…I have found it interesting that there is a big difference in the feeling of Fixen To, and Fixing It. And of course it brings to mind another story.

As as horsemanship clinician or EDC, business (I’ll let you have fun figuring that one out by your self). I like to start our time with a little questioner about the characteristics of both horse and rider. Of course the horse can’t talk or even write, it is up to the ride speculate on what their horse is thinking and write the horses response.

Unbeknownst to me at first, was how profound the results were on one question. Why does your horse like you? Over 98% of people answered: Because I feed him/her/it. Now whether you never seen a horse or lived your life on and around these beautiful creatures, there is an amazing revelation as to the our humanity or perhaps our lack of it.

We often live in the shallow existence that leaves us less than who we really are. When we are in “Fix it” reality, we throw the horse some hay or open the gate to fix the horse/hunger problem, and go on to fix the next problem of middle school homework .

Life is valued and devalued in every moment of interaction.

When we focus on the hunger instead of the horse, or the homework instead of the kid, we short change the interaction and loses the value of what we are here for. It creates a difference in prospective about of being against a proplem, because problems are bad. Or we are being for the person with the problem, because problems exsit.

Now it’s adout this time in any conversation I have with someone that they feel the need to put some sociological or theological label on it like: “ selfish” or “self absorbed”, “to goal oriented”, “type A personality”.

For whatever reason we find it some how important to give it a name or an acronim. We believe when we can define it, we can fix it. Like my ATV, if I know what part is broken, and find the name of said part, I can spend two hours Googling it. First we Google the problem, then we Google the the possible parts that my cause said problem, then Google prices of said parts for said problem….

That’s why we have so many self help books, religious teaching. We have the problem and it can be fixed when we know what it’s called. We go to church because my neghbers have a morality problem. We read books about Bill Gates because we have a financial crisis…. We search the world thinking we’ve found true love, they meet a another and… there gone.

The “FIXIT” reality is a need driven reaction that comes with many restrictions of time, place, and resources. It often creates problems faster than they can be fixed. We are motivated by the a spiritual influence of being frantic. We emote frustrations based on time and money, and struggle with the insecurities of success and failure.

I have come to a great revelation, that this is completely unnatural to what we are here for. We where not created to be frantically frantic. Our created nature is not designed to fix IT, but to a more restful energy of “fixing to”

I had a young man who was honestly interested in a more natural way to work with horses in the occupation of being a cowboy for a local ranch. We were visiting one day as we rode out to check cattle. I asked him who he had worked with and what he thought about their horsemanship aproch.

His response was very common to the culture we live in. He said that so and so had been really good with horses and know a lot but that them, but he was to slow in getting to the point and he got bored. To which I could only reply in response, that learning good horsemanship skills is alot like watching paint dry.

The feeling of need to fix IT, is contrary to our created purpose and as a result we are left with hardships of existence. We are created to give value to the moment of the experience and feel the value it gives to us. We are created to live in a restful atmosphere because our Creator is restful by nature.

The feeling of “fixing to” creates emotional actions of: taking the time it takes. I can give myself the time to find the right tools and information. To naturally except setbacks and unforeseen complications. Understanding that the value is in the moment (fixing to) and not the finishedness of the task, and often leads to a better fixed situation.

What we are here For… is a natural response that releases us into the creative creativity of our Creator. While what we are against… leaves our existence shallow and and filled with struggles, the striving with strife, always coming at life from the negative in despration of a need for the positive.

We are not created to struggle and fight fixit all the time. We are created to have relationship that leads to fellowship. We are created to be for the moment and the humanity of creator.

Just some thoughts from spending to much time in the saddle. Hope you will hang around for more. Leave a comment and tell me what you think.

Creative consistency and consistently creative. Or Controlled confusion and confused control.

My wife and I have a small outfit on a mesa with a beautiful view of the mountains to the north. Every day, all day, and even at night, the view is there. It is a constant reality. Yet depending on the time of day, week or month, the view is different. It i a created reality. Which I am confident is intended to create feelings (spiritual influence that is intended to motivate a physical response).

Every morning as I’m out doing chores. Filling water tanks feeding horses, doctoring on something sick or hurt. Not to mention it may be in the snow or cold, wind or rain, mud or dust and heat. (Often all at the same time! ).

And on any different time day or season, the reality of a leaky water tank, a hay tarp frozen to the ground or blown away, no gain and or the wrong kind of medicine. (Oh and the dogs got into trash, and we had chickens for a while, but that a whole nether story). This reality I am also confident it is intended to create feeling.

You may be wondering why I am confident that difficult physical views on life create feelings. Because: and this may come as a shock to some people (mostly *christians *) , we are created to feel spiritual influences . This is who our Creator is. He is the spiritual reality that we are created in the likeness and image of. We are therefore spiritual being first.

It is no different from physical feeling. Touch your spouse on the shoulder is something she feels, that will create an emotion (motivation of a physical response). Our feelings are our spiritual connection to our Creator and our created humanity.

Like it or not we are in a world of spiritual existence. Living in this reality (truth), opens us, not into a simpler way of living, but in a more full way. It’s a lot like coming to my house. When first entire you come in through the closed in porch. It has roof and walls some rugs, a bunch to sit on and even some places to hang coats or other clothing. We appreciate our the porch, it is a very useful room of house.

But now if you were to come to our house to for “acoupleadays” ( a couple of days). And we ate and slept on the porch, you’d not take long to find this is wrong. There is something wrong with the house or me and my bride. We could feed you the finest food ever cooked, and give you silk pillow cases to sleep on. You might even stay, you may even have a good time us while you’re here. But you will ways have an uneasy feeling about that visit. And it will change how you feel about me.

Why? You may ask. Because it’s a part of our physical nature to know that is not what the porch was created for. My wife simply told a carpenter she want a simple porch a certain size and he built us porch. We did not come home one evening and open the screen door to a living room .

It is just wrong to deny, devalue or simply reason way the feeling (environmental influences) that exist in our existence. And honestly it doesn’t work. We are spiritual being, and many of us are sleeping on the spiritual porch. Some of us as good human beings are trying to choose by reason (of insanity) only the good ones. But this like sleeping on the porch with the door to the main house open but not going in.

By now you might be wondering what about the chores? Just get them done. Doesn’t matter how you feel, you wanted a place with some land and livestock, just get the fences fixed. (Have you ever been on fence line with a person sleeping on this spiritual porch? )

I lived a long long time believing that this was the way we as individuals were created to exist . It was a fight to get things done. A struggle to choose the right attitude. Life just becomes a world of conflicting emotions, actions and choices from with in our selves and other human beings.

Life is exhausting and become a world of controlled confusion when we are sleeping on the spiritual porch. The sad reality of this way of living, is that we believe our human being character, of mental reason and choices will is created for us to navigate through a spiritual existence. And live in a waste land of need.

This mentality of the choice *free will * is a lot like playing a game of rock, paper, scissors. No matter how smart you are you have a 66.66666666 % of losing ever time. The mind and the body were not created to be the controller of our spiritual existence.

When we live in our true nature, as a spiritual being first, we find a greater reality of who our Creator is. We see that He is energetic excited and pleased with what He creates. That He is a constant Creator. And the creative constant in our existence. It is the ship in how He relates to us. Because we were created in His likeness, to respond to the nature that is our DNA to create and be creative constantly. The energy to respond is natural to our total existence, because it is His nature to respond to His creation.

Let me comment here, before we run off down another religious rabbit hole, that this not some magical truth for the sake of simplicity and ease. There is a huge difference between physical compilation and spiritual complexity. (But that is for another blog)

Two nights ago I came to this little place of our, and saw the dark sky filled with bright red and orange smoke, at a very close distance. My personal existence was overwhelmed with feeling. Fear and anxiety and anger were the big ones. To simply over ride those feels and started making choices was my physical desire. Yet living in a deeper reality allows me recognize that those where not the only feeling influencing me.

The energy to respond to what is created in me by our Creator, allows me to do more than just suppress the feeling of panic. It allowed me to be creative in putting a plan of action to work. I simply gathered all livestock to the pens where a fast-moving grass fire would burn around them, if I didn’t have time to get them hauled out. Hooked up the tuck to the trailer and maybe the greatest feeling to respond to was wait.

It allowed me to feel confident in our humanity, knowing that the people fighting the fire had the same creative desire in them. Live that reality I was able get my place in order and then seek to help others, knowing that it would be easier for others if I needed help.

It all worked out and no porches were lost to fires while writing this blog.

The richness and fullness of life is in the experience of feeling. Our Creator’s nature is of constant creativity that may seem to us, in our individuality, as complete chaos. It may feel like He doesn’t care or even exist. But that is not reality. Our humanity was created for change to new and fresh experiences.

Our mental capacity to reason through and choose the right and wrong, good and bad is a shallow existence that we where never created to experience. We where created to feel, recognize and respond. You may think I’m just playing with somatics. But there is a huge difference between choice and response as to the type of ship we create to relate with.

My wife and I where on the couch watching tv and she said to me, “I’m cold can you get me a blanket.” To recognize her feeling of desire for comfort, and my feelings wanting her comfortable, I naturally respond to her request. I am relating to her humanity through feel. I’m not cold but I have been, and l know what it feels like for someone to care about my comfort and the feeling of a soft blanket. (And yes l do this every time because I super husband).

Sometimes I feel tired stiff and sore from the day, and will respond with irritation thinking “I’m not cold, why am I getting a blanket, if I was cold I’d get one, but I’m not… it’s not even cold in here . Boy just wait till January… she will know what cold feels like. I remember last winter fix the tractor in ten below weather. Now that was cold and I still got my own blanket “. But then over ride my feelings and choose to get all the way up from the couch, walk all the way over to the blanket, pick it up, and walk all the way back to the couch and hand it to her. I have chosen to do this task out of *love and sacrifice*. Right? Not!

Now she may the value of my choice of sacrificial love and just be happy she didn’t have to go through all that just to be comfortable, but this ship in our marriage of relating (which is designed to be big and able the sail over deep and stormy waters), is a shallow, leaky row boat, with a broken ore. The action of choice don’t add anything to design of the beauty of marriage.

In the end our personalities are more often drawn to the superficial and shallow things of life to created a sense of self worth and purpose. Much like walking on the beach as the waves roll in and say “I’m swimming “. Our desire to control the perceived confusion of earthly living is not what our humanity was created for. Our humanity was created for the feeling of experience of change.

Where it starts…

Have you ever had a moment in time when you learned something that changed your existence? We may call it a moment of enlightenment, clarity, revelation or vision, something that changes the reality of being. I have had two different moments in my life time.

I’m not talking about negative situations that influence use to pull back or find “escape” or hounds our past to determine our future. Instead I’m talking about a moment of realisation that you can respond to that helps come adversity, and negative influences.

My first time rocked my world. I mean it changed my existence on this planet never to be the same. I was six years old and I learned to… RIDE A BICYCLE. I know right, it was an enlightenment that bought man and machine together and I never looked back. ( I’m not a professional cyclist, never have been, although I once rode my bike in a parade couple times. To be truthful, I have not rode a bicycle in 10 years.

It’s never really about the physical thing, but about what that knowledge allows us to experience and feel. Until that moment in time when my mind changed what my body could do, my world was very small. My world was a ten by ten foot sand box, a table with food brought to me, and a back seat of a car with windows that I couldn’t see out of.

My whole life existence was about looking down as an individual human being at little things. Even the mechanical mobility of a tricycle was inefficient and limited me to a small driveway full of cracks that I got stuck in all time with my little wheels.

Now the day when my mind convinced my body I could balance on two wheels while going forward, created for me a new vision of life . I could go places, places I never know existed. It allowed me to look up and see where I could go, and not crash into stuff. It allowed me to experience and feel a whole new universe.

This magical revelation made a huge difference in who I was and what l was capable of, as an individual human being. And truth be told, l’ve never regretted that moment of clarity. I’ve been a lot places, seen and done many thing, living a life to fullest extent of the law.

With this enlightenment my whole existence was motivated by the power of being a human individual. It shaped my education, my financial stability, my emotions gratification and even my sense of spiritual connection to the “christian god”. It all depend on my power as a human being. The ability of the mind and body to make the right choices to receive good circumstances or the responsibility of consequences of bad circumstances.

Now I intend to go much deeper on this revelation of human being power concept in blogs to come. But for now lets just say that there are many limitation and confusion about this kind of “power”, and until this path of enlightenment runs its course, I needed nothing else to function as a normal being of a human, in normal human life.

In time these limitations and the emotional stress of mental confusion, over my *choices*, began to add up and created a feeling of uselessness, worthlessness. The harder I tried the less feel of worth I felt.

In response to the many conflicting confusions with in my person. Like many people, I turned to my religion for answers from a higher power. There are many riddles to this human power. Yet the doctrine of those that claim to be talking for Him, were just speaking in even bigger riddles. I began to realize that the “christian god” of the “bible” was not really going to help much. This “christian god and his son” spent more time talking about me and my power than about His power.

My second moment of clear enlightened revelation was truly super natural. I wasn’t really searching at the time, but simply drifting with the statics quo. I know honestly that it was a spiritual awakening that did not come from my sense of reason. I had come to the end of myself in the ability to figure the riddle of life out.

This moment of reality came randomly as I read the first few chapters of God’s words . And it was simply this: This book is not about me, but in reality it is about Who my Creator is . It is about how He feels, thinks and what He does or doesn’t do. This book is not about us as individuals, but in fact about His character and nature. It is about God as a Creator and us as a whole (our humanity) of His creation.

I intend to go much deeper into the reality of this truth, but for now I will just say that it has had a profound impact on the way I view life and interact with my fellow creatures. The regular moments in time and space have greater meaning. With that reality, I realized that I am created in my Creator’s image and likeness. I am a spiritual being first. The feeling of experience and the experience of feeling, is what humanity was created for.

We can no more disconnect from feeling of spiritual existence, than we can the wind in our face, when you ride a bike. In truth our whole existence is motivated the by influences of spiritual connection with our Creator and His creation of humanity. We were created for relationship with Him and each other through the experience of feeling .