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Creative consistency and consistently creative. Or Controlled confusion and confused control.

My wife and I have a small outfit on a mesa with a beautiful view of the mountains to the north. Every day, all day, and even at night, the view is there. It is a constant reality. Yet depending on the time of day, week or month, the view is different. It i a created reality. Which I am confident is intended to create feelings (spiritual influence that is intended to motivate a physical response).

Every morning as I’m out doing chores. Filling water tanks feeding horses, doctoring on something sick or hurt. Not to mention it may be in the snow or cold, wind or rain, mud or dust and heat. (Often all at the same time! ).

And on any different time day or season, the reality of a leaky water tank, a hay tarp frozen to the ground or blown away, no gain and or the wrong kind of medicine. (Oh and the dogs got into trash, and we had chickens for a while, but that a whole nether story). This reality I am also confident it is intended to create feeling.

You may be wondering why I am confident that difficult physical views on life create feelings. Because: and this may come as a shock to some people (mostly *christians *) , we are created to feel spiritual influences . This is who our Creator is. He is the spiritual reality that we are created in the likeness and image of. We are therefore spiritual being first.

It is no different from physical feeling. Touch your spouse on the shoulder is something she feels, that will create an emotion (motivation of a physical response). Our feelings are our spiritual connection to our Creator and our created humanity.

Like it or not we are in a world of spiritual existence. Living in this reality (truth), opens us, not into a simpler way of living, but in a more full way. It’s a lot like coming to my house. When first entire you come in through the closed in porch. It has roof and walls some rugs, a bunch to sit on and even some places to hang coats or other clothing. We appreciate our the porch, it is a very useful room of house.

But now if you were to come to our house to for “acoupleadays” ( a couple of days). And we ate and slept on the porch, you’d not take long to find this is wrong. There is something wrong with the house or me and my bride. We could feed you the finest food ever cooked, and give you silk pillow cases to sleep on. You might even stay, you may even have a good time us while you’re here. But you will ways have an uneasy feeling about that visit. And it will change how you feel about me.

Why? You may ask. Because it’s a part of our physical nature to know that is not what the porch was created for. My wife simply told a carpenter she want a simple porch a certain size and he built us porch. We did not come home one evening and open the screen door to a living room .

It is just wrong to deny, devalue or simply reason way the feeling (environmental influences) that exist in our existence. And honestly it doesn’t work. We are spiritual being, and many of us are sleeping on the spiritual porch. Some of us as good human beings are trying to choose by reason (of insanity) only the good ones. But this like sleeping on the porch with the door to the main house open but not going in.

By now you might be wondering what about the chores? Just get them done. Doesn’t matter how you feel, you wanted a place with some land and livestock, just get the fences fixed. (Have you ever been on fence line with a person sleeping on this spiritual porch? )

I lived a long long time believing that this was the way we as individuals were created to exist . It was a fight to get things done. A struggle to choose the right attitude. Life just becomes a world of conflicting emotions, actions and choices from with in our selves and other human beings.

Life is exhausting and become a world of controlled confusion when we are sleeping on the spiritual porch. The sad reality of this way of living, is that we believe our human being character, of mental reason and choices will is created for us to navigate through a spiritual existence. And live in a waste land of need.

This mentality of the choice *free will * is a lot like playing a game of rock, paper, scissors. No matter how smart you are you have a 66.66666666 % of losing ever time. The mind and the body were not created to be the controller of our spiritual existence.

When we live in our true nature, as a spiritual being first, we find a greater reality of who our Creator is. We see that He is energetic excited and pleased with what He creates. That He is a constant Creator. And the creative constant in our existence. It is the ship in how He relates to us. Because we were created in His likeness, to respond to the nature that is our DNA to create and be creative constantly. The energy to respond is natural to our total existence, because it is His nature to respond to His creation.

Let me comment here, before we run off down another religious rabbit hole, that this not some magical truth for the sake of simplicity and ease. There is a huge difference between physical compilation and spiritual complexity. (But that is for another blog)

Two nights ago I came to this little place of our, and saw the dark sky filled with bright red and orange smoke, at a very close distance. My personal existence was overwhelmed with feeling. Fear and anxiety and anger were the big ones. To simply over ride those feels and started making choices was my physical desire. Yet living in a deeper reality allows me recognize that those where not the only feeling influencing me.

The energy to respond to what is created in me by our Creator, allows me to do more than just suppress the feeling of panic. It allowed me to be creative in putting a plan of action to work. I simply gathered all livestock to the pens where a fast-moving grass fire would burn around them, if I didn’t have time to get them hauled out. Hooked up the tuck to the trailer and maybe the greatest feeling to respond to was wait.

It allowed me to feel confident in our humanity, knowing that the people fighting the fire had the same creative desire in them. Live that reality I was able get my place in order and then seek to help others, knowing that it would be easier for others if I needed help.

It all worked out and no porches were lost to fires while writing this blog.

The richness and fullness of life is in the experience of feeling. Our Creator’s nature is of constant creativity that may seem to us, in our individuality, as complete chaos. It may feel like He doesn’t care or even exist. But that is not reality. Our humanity was created for change to new and fresh experiences.

Our mental capacity to reason through and choose the right and wrong, good and bad is a shallow existence that we where never created to experience. We where created to feel, recognize and respond. You may think I’m just playing with somatics. But there is a huge difference between choice and response as to the type of ship we create to relate with.

My wife and I where on the couch watching tv and she said to me, “I’m cold can you get me a blanket.” To recognize her feeling of desire for comfort, and my feelings wanting her comfortable, I naturally respond to her request. I am relating to her humanity through feel. I’m not cold but I have been, and l know what it feels like for someone to care about my comfort and the feeling of a soft blanket. (And yes l do this every time because I super husband).

Sometimes I feel tired stiff and sore from the day, and will respond with irritation thinking “I’m not cold, why am I getting a blanket, if I was cold I’d get one, but I’m not… it’s not even cold in here . Boy just wait till January… she will know what cold feels like. I remember last winter fix the tractor in ten below weather. Now that was cold and I still got my own blanket “. But then over ride my feelings and choose to get all the way up from the couch, walk all the way over to the blanket, pick it up, and walk all the way back to the couch and hand it to her. I have chosen to do this task out of *love and sacrifice*. Right? Not!

Now she may the value of my choice of sacrificial love and just be happy she didn’t have to go through all that just to be comfortable, but this ship in our marriage of relating (which is designed to be big and able the sail over deep and stormy waters), is a shallow, leaky row boat, with a broken ore. The action of choice don’t add anything to design of the beauty of marriage.

In the end our personalities are more often drawn to the superficial and shallow things of life to created a sense of self worth and purpose. Much like walking on the beach as the waves roll in and say “I’m swimming “. Our desire to control the perceived confusion of earthly living is not what our humanity was created for. Our humanity was created for the feeling of experience of change.

The ship of relating.

From the moment I saw this tall, young, handsome bay gelding. Who had good dark feet, strong cannon bones, great muscle in the shoulder and hip, and not to short in back, I sure was I hoping I had enough money to buy him.

I was A young wannabe horse trainer, looking for something to train and do my cowboy work off of. In hopes of making a profit in the fall or next spring. And this good-looking son of a gun was going to fit the bill just right.

As I watched him being rode out back my hopes rose, he wasn’t very broke at all. This should keep his price down, because the big money was in finished horses that you could do days work on and still trot back to the pens in the evening and still be in one piece.

By the time he came in the auction ring my heart was pounding. I stood close to the rail and looked hard at his legs and feet as he moved around to make sure I wasn’t missing anything. I just watched that horse and listened to the biding.

Now at this stage of my life and for a long time, I just lived on my dreams and not on a lot of money. I had what I needed and not much more, so with only a the little extra cash I had in my shirt pocket, I was going to need some Devine intervention, if I had any thoughts of taking this colt home.

My idea was a simple enough one: buy a good horse cheap and with some time and hard work sell high. Just simple American capitalism. I’d had a bit of success with this business model to this point. (Until I got to the part where you are supposed to save the profit to grow the business)

In any case, I was a prayen man at the time, and standing there at the time, I did a bit of it. When the biding slowed down and he was still fordable, I waved my hand. He went up another 50, (and biding again for me would empty my shirt pocket) I waved my hand again. And in thirty seconds I was the owner that colt.

I will never really know how I got this vision of being horseman. But by the time I was 15, I just wanted to be around them and on them. There was this fascination with the concept that you sit on their backs and they would go places with you up there. And even go places that you wanted to go, if you communicated with them in the right way. (Which of has become a life long obsession).

The fact that with their size, power and intelligence, they could just as easily bucked a person off and stomped you 6 feet under, (which of course has been an obsession to avoid this situation from occurring), and don’t is amazing.

Now I’ve come to learn over these many years that the ultimate goal of a good riding horse, no matter what you do with them , is to create a relaxed and willing disposition. When you have that, you have a pattern. And having a pattern helps a lot when tough times come at you.

At twenty-five, I had worked with and for several good horsemen and a few not so good, and had learned from them all. But the truth is: where knowledge stops, frustration starts. And after a week of working with my new horse/partner, I became frustrated. This big handsome bay, just wouldn’t relax. He was fearful at very thing. He would jump, buck or run away from anything I tried to do with him. And when I tied or hobbled him to limit his extreme reactions, he pull back, bit and kick.

I couldn’t even saddle him with out a huge wreck every time. All my hopes and dreams of becoming a high dollar horse trainer where on the top of his back and he had no interest in me being up there. Needless to say I began to feel insecure about by human/being powers (my physical abilities), and become impatient and angry.

So one cool spring morning, I drew my line in what I assumed was a battle of wills, put on my “bronc stompen” hat, and set to ride this horse. I’d rigged myself a set of hobbles to immobilize his front his feet so that when I get on I could jerk them lose and we could have at it,

(Now to set this scene, and to be in compliance with full disclosure mandates of camp fire story telling requirements. Let me add, that I was working on an outfit all by myself, there just wasn’t any one else there but me my dog and a string of saddle horses. All I had to train in was a large pipe corral, which didn’t matter to me much at this point, because I’d have ridden him out side if wasn’t for all the trees.)

I’d rode some bareback and saddle boncs in rodeos and I was petty confident that he couldn’t buck as hard as those horses. And so with angry determination I slipped myself in the saddle. To this day I do not remember if I jerked those hobbles lose or not, but I do recall seeing the curvature of the earth, because him took off like a rocket ship and landed harder.

Being the professional that I know myself to be in my mind, I stayed with him more jumps than most cowboys I knew would have. It’s interesting how quickly my angry determination turned into a determination to survives, or that best minimize the hurt coming my way. Just as I was prayen he would level out he took a hard jump to the right and crashed into the ground.

To make long story short… He broke his leg and never got up. The feeling of that experience has never left me to this day. The sadness, grief, disappointment, and overwhelming longing to have time go back 5 minutes, is still very real in my memory.

The timeless truth of all this, is fear is a destructive feeling. Creating fear in others will not ever… give any individual a relaxed and willing disposition. This young colt didn’t  want to be insecure,  which in turn  created fear and fighting, no more than I wanted to feel frustration, which likewise created angry. Forcing that colt to be willing, relaxed and respond to my leadership with greater fear was never going to work.

We all live with insecurities and we all find ways to cope, adjust and escape. We all feel pressures of life with in use as individual human beings. Yet the spiritual reality is that we were not created to be fearful, nor were we created to create fear in others. 

We were created with limitations which when viewed from the reality of my personal human being, will in fact cause insecurities. But the desire to challenge the insecurities of another person, instead of being connected to the limitations of our created humanity, is not who we were created to be.

We as created humanity were made (fashioned) to feel and be secure, at peace, relaxed. why? because we were created in His likeness and image. He breathed His life into our humanity. God’s nature is that He is restful, so it is in our spiritual DNA as well. This reality never changes. 

Fear in all reality, is felt in absence or disconnect with our Creator and our created humanity’s true nature. It is not naturally what is in our created spiritually DNA. That is why we feel uncomfortable when we are influenced by the fear.

The conflict of our naturel humanity and our individual human being character, have everything to do with relationship. Our Creator’s nature is one of relationship. In all reality God created us not because He needed to, but because He wanted to. It is who He is, right now in this time and space. To often we focus  on forcing our personal human character to do what our humanity was created to do naturally. Nether I nor that bay colt, were created naturally for that moment. We were created to be at peace, but in my unnatural response to the feeling of fear which emoted (emotion), cause me to act in anger… to the inevitability destruction.

Now I’m not a linguistic expert, nor am I very knowledgeable about water craft and nautical navigation, but I do find it interesting that the word ship is connected to the concept of relating. I am confident that the whole idea behind the boat is the desire of not drowning. Our bodies were not created to be in water for long, so we created the boat. The more water the bigger the boat and soon you have the ship.

The nature of the ship is to coexist with the water that then allows us to survive. It is by its very existence ment for a fluid on going experience. I not nuclear physicist but I believe that is why rocks don’t flout.

I think we can all agree that there is a big difference between relating and relationship. And that most coexistence breaks down,  when we simply relate. And just like taking a trip on the water, and though there are risks and dangers, there is a natural desire to take care of the boat, knowing that it is up to forces out of our control that will determine the length of the journey.

The experience of horsemanship is even more blessed than sailing, in that it is another living creature, that you relate with. Horses like us, were created for relationship. Given the right ship in relating, they will carry a person though any challenge in the journey. I’ve ridden good horses through blizzards, floods, and fire, over mountains and through deserts just because we had the right ship in relating to each other.

In truth the horse man relationship is created for both of us because without each other, neither of us is as good as we were created to be. We are filled with negativity, fear and ultimately destruction, when we respond to a different reality.

We will not know our individual personality, until we realize our created humanity. We will never live in the experience of our created humanity, without responding to the nature of our Creator who has created the same nature in our humanity.

Where it starts…

Have you ever had a moment in time when you learned something that changed your existence? We may call it a moment of enlightenment, clarity, revelation or vision, something that changes the reality of being. I have had two different moments in my life time.

I’m not talking about negative situations that influence use to pull back or find “escape” or hounds our past to determine our future. Instead I’m talking about a moment of realisation that you can respond to that helps come adversity, and negative influences.

My first time rocked my world. I mean it changed my existence on this planet never to be the same. I was six years old and I learned to… RIDE A BICYCLE. I know right, it was an enlightenment that bought man and machine together and I never looked back. ( I’m not a professional cyclist, never have been, although I once rode my bike in a parade couple times. To be truthful, I have not rode a bicycle in 10 years.

It’s never really about the physical thing, but about what that knowledge allows us to experience and feel. Until that moment in time when my mind changed what my body could do, my world was very small. My world was a ten by ten foot sand box, a table with food brought to me, and a back seat of a car with windows that I couldn’t see out of.

My whole life existence was about looking down as an individual human being at little things. Even the mechanical mobility of a tricycle was inefficient and limited me to a small driveway full of cracks that I got stuck in all time with my little wheels.

Now the day when my mind convinced my body I could balance on two wheels while going forward, created for me a new vision of life . I could go places, places I never know existed. It allowed me to look up and see where I could go, and not crash into stuff. It allowed me to experience and feel a whole new universe.

This magical revelation made a huge difference in who I was and what l was capable of, as an individual human being. And truth be told, l’ve never regretted that moment of clarity. I’ve been a lot places, seen and done many thing, living a life to fullest extent of the law.

With this enlightenment my whole existence was motivated by the power of being a human individual. It shaped my education, my financial stability, my emotions gratification and even my sense of spiritual connection to the “christian god”. It all depend on my power as a human being. The ability of the mind and body to make the right choices to receive good circumstances or the responsibility of consequences of bad circumstances.

Now I intend to go much deeper on this revelation of human being power concept in blogs to come. But for now lets just say that there are many limitation and confusion about this kind of “power”, and until this path of enlightenment runs its course, I needed nothing else to function as a normal being of a human, in normal human life.

In time these limitations and the emotional stress of mental confusion, over my *choices*, began to add up and created a feeling of uselessness, worthlessness. The harder I tried the less feel of worth I felt.

In response to the many conflicting confusions with in my person. Like many people, I turned to my religion for answers from a higher power. There are many riddles to this human power. Yet the doctrine of those that claim to be talking for Him, were just speaking in even bigger riddles. I began to realize that the “christian god” of the “bible” was not really going to help much. This “christian god and his son” spent more time talking about me and my power than about His power.

My second moment of clear enlightened revelation was truly super natural. I wasn’t really searching at the time, but simply drifting with the statics quo. I know honestly that it was a spiritual awakening that did not come from my sense of reason. I had come to the end of myself in the ability to figure the riddle of life out.

This moment of reality came randomly as I read the first few chapters of God’s words . And it was simply this: This book is not about me, but in reality it is about Who my Creator is . It is about how He feels, thinks and what He does or doesn’t do. This book is not about us as individuals, but in fact about His character and nature. It is about God as a Creator and us as a whole (our humanity) of His creation.

I intend to go much deeper into the reality of this truth, but for now I will just say that it has had a profound impact on the way I view life and interact with my fellow creatures. The regular moments in time and space have greater meaning. With that reality, I realized that I am created in my Creator’s image and likeness. I am a spiritual being first. The feeling of experience and the experience of feeling, is what humanity was created for.

We can no more disconnect from feeling of spiritual existence, than we can the wind in our face, when you ride a bike. In truth our whole existence is motivated the by influences of spiritual connection with our Creator and His creation of humanity. We were created for relationship with Him and each other through the experience of feeling .