I wrote this poem in response to the devastating report from CNN about a website that has been referred to as a ‘rape academy’. This is a very graphic and deeply disturbing report on a website where men shared videos of women being drugged and raped along with instructions on how to drug a woman and film them. In February of this year, in one month alone, the site had sixty-two million views. Here’s a link but please be warned, this a very difficult story to read.
Almost a year ago, there was a TikTok story where a question was asked: if a woman comes across a man or a bear in the forest, which one would she choose? Women overwhelmingly chose the bear and as I say in my poem here, that’s when the shit hit the fan. And in the year since, things haven’t gotten any better and women are still choosing the bear.
About two weeks ago, the option for female riders to request a female driver (subject to availability) came to San Antonio, Texas. This option has been rolling out around the United States over the last few months though it had its’ origins in Saudi Arabia when female drivers there were allowed to preference women-only passengers in 2019.
When Uber came to Saudi Arabia they faced a unique dilemma: in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia women are not allowed to be alone with men who are not related to them by family or marriage so they would not be allowed to ride with male drivers not related to them. So when women were licensed to drive in the in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, they were given the option to only have women or women with minor children in their vehicles.
Now once the rest of the world heard about this woman-only option, women began to ask if it was possible to do this in other parts of the world. In time, Uber has rolled this option out in other countries and now here in the United States. In the state of California, male drivers have filed suit against Uber claiming discrimination so I’m curious to see how that case will play out. In the meantime, the option continues to roll out and yes, of course, catch on.
How do I feel about this?
I’m happy to see it and I am totally on board with it. Because over the eight and a half years I’ve been doing this job, I’ve heard stories from female passengers about some inappropriate conversation and behavior from male drivers. Not all male drivers, of course but it’s been an issue that there are men who honestly don’t know how to communicate with women in a way that’s not uncomfortable or inappropriate. And yes, female drivers have been subjected to this kind of inappropriate and uncomfortable behavior from male passengers, and female drivers do have the option to preference female passengers, too (I have chosen not to pursue this option as I haven’t had a male passenger I haven’t been able to ‘handle’, though it’s been a while since I’ve had to deal with a male passenger being a jack-ass.)
In 2019 I informally banned men from the front passenger seat if they were my only passenger because I did have a few male passengers put their hands on me while I was driving and had to be TOLD straight-up not to do that. Good thing was in 2020, Uber gave drivers the go-ahead to ban all passengers from the front passenger seat due to COVID-19 (I only allow passengers in the front passenger seat if they are the third or fourth passenger I have in the car and luckily, no one, male or female, has put their hands on me since my initial ban- of course if they did that I would report that behavior).
This is yet another way Uber has come a long way from when I first started driving for them in 2017 because back in those days, we had NO live support, no way to report inappropriate behavior other than low rating someone. Now we have the safety toolkit which can immediately connect us to emergency services, and if we choose to, we can share our ride location with a person of our choice. Lucky for me, I haven’t had to use the safety toolkit or share my location with someone. But the options came after numerous reports of assault of female passengers and some pretty big settlements from lawsuits.
I’ve always said as a female driver you’ve got to have a thick skin to do this job, especially if you work late-nights and deal with drunk passengers. Back when I worked late nights, I did have male passengers hit on me. And one actually made a very indecent proposal to which I replied, “EXCUSE ME?” because I was absolutely floored he said that after I’d been trying to politely deflect him. Lucky for me, he immediately realized what he’d done and apologized all over himself and I decided to let it slide because the reporting system wasn’t online at that time if I remember correctly. Also, I think he learned his lesson.
But my female passengers are VERY happy now with the option to preference a woman driver and I’m happy they have that option. If men didn’t act like jack-asses, talk inappropriately, make unwelcome advances, and make women feel uncomfortable this option wouldn’t be needed at all. But sadly, we live in a world where it seems a number of men don’t know how to act like gentlemen. They talk in rude, crass, and ugly ways to women and feel it’s their God-given right to just be rude and insensitive. Too many men have to be taught how to be courteous and respectful, especially to women and this has been an issue since the dawn of time. But in the last eight years I’ve been doing this job, it’s gotten even worse due to our political and social climate and the backlash against women in general.
And in regard to transgender women, they are women. I will treat them like women and I have NEVER felt unsafe or uncomfortable with a transgender woman (or a transgender man for that matter). I feel it’s a huge act of courage for a transgender person to live as their true authentic selves because of misinformation and hatred that too many people have chosen to believe instead of reject. So yes, I totally support a transgender woman’s choice to preference a female Uber driver.
This female-driver option is becoming more and more popular every day I’m on the road and in the last two weeks, I’ve gotten numerous compliments from female passengers that they are really grateful to have this option and get a woman driver when they choose that option. They feel safe and comfortable with a woman behind the wheel, especially when they get to know me and how long I’ve been doing this. Now I will always treat all my passengers with courtesy and respect, but I will also say this: I’ve never felt unsafe or uncomfortable with a woman. Yes, I’ve had a few women be rude to me but they didn’t take it any further than that.
So until men learn that they’re not superior to women, that women don’t owe them one damn thing, such as fawning praise for their ‘greatness’ or some crap like that, or if they feel like they don’t have to learn what is appropriate behavior, then these female-only options wouldn’t have to be put into place. And worst of all, if you’re a man who feels manners, courtesy, and respect don’t apply to you… well, face up to the consequences of being a jack-ass. And if you lose out on opportunities… well, that’s just more opportunities for me and my fellow women And in the end, this is sisters looking out for sisters… one ride at a time.
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