Tag Archives: reading

Conversations From the Road – The Thrill of a Good Book

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I was feeling like crap for a while today- gray and chilly-icky outside which made my joints hurt, allergies still kicking my ass as they always do, and I started my period today. But once my head cleared, I sat in front of my laptop as it did a file cleanup (yeah, it slows down and then does this file clean-up thing that can take a while). So I pulled out my charged-up Kindle and finished the book I’d started and here I am.

I love it when I finish a really good book. And I just finished one I started before the end of the year but was finally able to get a clear head and some time to finish today. The book is “The Most Wonderful Crime of the Year” by Ally Carter. It’s the first book I’ve read from this author but trust me, I’ll be reading more by her. It’s a very clever, very well-written mystery and romance with more twists and turns than a massive maze on a massive English country estate (if you read the book, you’ll know what I’m talking about). Link to buy here.

Over the last few years, my reading has slacked off considerably. A lot of it is due to problems I have with concentrating due to what I will mental and emotional bullshit, physical issues like massive sinus problems and exhaustion due to my perimenopausal journey from Hell, and a brain that works way too hard sometimes. Needless to say, I’ve told myself I want to read more this year and I’ve started off on the right page here with this book.

Sometimes I look back and wonder how my parents kept me in books when I was a kid. I was an insatiable reader when I was young, reading everything I could get my hands on and if I didn’t have new stuff to read, I re-read what I had till the books literally fell apart and I had to tape them back together. Thank goodness for libraries and parents who bought me books both new and used. Later on when I began to earn my own money, most of it went for books. Books were always something I had and I’ve had tons of them over the years.

But in the last eight years or so, my reading really began to slack off. I haven’t binged-read as I’ll call it here for years and I miss that. Binge-reading was where I’d read a book by someone and love it then search out their entire catalog and read that, too. It was where I always had a book to read in my purse and by my bedside and always would be pulling books off my shelves to read over and over. Heck, I read so many books so many times I can practically quote them from memory. I also do this binging with movies, tv shows, and music so that’s why I can quote stuff from memory.

Sometimes with books, movies and music, I would get story ideas and have to run with those for awhile and that’s gotten so bad from time to time that I’ve cut back on my movie and tv watching. I think I did that because maybe it was easier for me to generate ideas than it was just to get caught up in something. I mean, I always got ideas from stuff like movies and tv and songs, but to use it as an excuse not to watch or really listen to anything was an over-reaction. But my anxiety and accompanying crap can take something good and twist it into something I feel like I have to avoid.

I know this probably sounds weird to a lot of people but us neurodivergent folk like me are weird to begin with so how we consume things can be very different than most people. Us neurodivergent folks can become totally obsessed with things to where we have to seek out every last detail we can find, and in my case, I can recall it fast. I have a lot of what I think would be called ‘eras’ now, times when I got into this or that then got away from them. My dad was the same way and I have a lot of friends like me so for the longest time, I didn’t think it was all that weird to go all-in on something then set aside for the next-best thing.

But the thrill of a good book has never gone away for me and in the last few years there have been some really good books that have given me this thrill. And it’s not just the thrill from a really good story but it’s also the inspiration for me to continue working on my own stuff. Because I’ve always felt my writing was a way to pay it forward in gratitude for all the authors I’ve loved in appreciation for all their hard work and dedication in sharing their stories. I hope someday someone says they get a thrill from my work and want to dive deeply into it (once I have a body of work, that is). And hopefully…. It won’t be an obsession for someone a la Stephen King’s ‘Misery’ (great story but a bit scary to think about, so I won’t).

So this year, in addition to continuing to get my shit together once and for all, I plan to put the pedal to the metal and read more, and watch more, too. Maybe at some point I’ll start a review-weekly wrap-up kind of feature and I will say my tastes can go in a lot of very different directions. But when I read a good book, I want everyone to know that because I love recommending good books and supporting authors.

Behind the Story – The Dubious Distinction of Writing a Banned Book

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This is Banned Books Week 2024 and as of this year, thousands of books have been removed from library shelves across the country (link here), and attempts have been made to remove books from bookstores here in my home-state of Texas (link here). It seems like books are under attack more than ever and of course many writers have thought about what it could be like to write a book that gets banned. I call it a ‘dubious’ distinction because on one hand you would be joining some very esteemed company, and on the other, Banned Books Week shouldn’t exist at all.

Books have been banned since people figured out how to write words onto a page and bind them together. In the Dark Ages, thousands of books were smuggled out of continental Europe to Ireland where thousands of Catholic monks hand-copied those books. Then when the Dark Ages subsided, those Irish monks returned to continental Europe with those books to found universities and libraries. I just want to say here I find it ironic that Catholic monks saved thousands of books that the Catholic Church hierarchy wanted banned and destroyed. Also, the Catholic Church maintained an official banned book list until 1966 (link here).

Today books are banned mainly for LGBTQ+ issues, race, sexual depictions, violence, and for being anti-religious. Most books banned in the last decade have been books for young readers (18 and under). Thousands have been pulled off library shelves and out of classrooms by so-called ‘concerned parents’.

So before I go any further I want to say this:

Every single person has the right to choose what to read, or not to read. Parents have the right to decide what their children can read, or not read.

But NO ONE has the right to make that decision for another adult, parent, or child.

As a writer, book bans anger me more than anything. Because the people that are banning books are taking away the rights of others to make their own decisions. They are also trying to silence voices that have a right to be heard- voices of people of color, queer people, and other marginalized communities. They are trying to silence voices that challenge authority, and challenge corruption and oppression. They are trying to silence voices that tell the truth, and to dispel lies and propaganda and manipulation.

I used to say it would be an honor to have a book of mine banned someday but now I see it as a ‘dubious distinction’ in the spirit of acidic sarcasm. In reality, it would not be an honor to have a book of mine removed from a bookshelf, or worse, burned and for me to be threatened with harm like authors have been. For me, it would be a call to battle, for me it would mean fighting to be heard, and fighting for the right of people to choose what to read (or not to read).

In the last year it has been said people who ban books are never on the right side of history. No, they’re not- from the brutal and corrupt Catholic Church of the Dark Ages and Middle Ages, to corrupt and oppressive monarchies, dictatorships, and governments, to the Nazis of Germany in the 1930’s, and to today’s extremist conservative neo-Nazi movement here in the United States with backing from the Republican Party. None of these groups have been on the right side of history and I am mentally and emotionally preparing for the day if and when I get in the cross-hairs of some extremist book banner here in the United States.

If any of my work is ever banned, yes, I will be joining some very esteemed company, authors who I greatly admire and books I admire and love myself. But I will NOT be happy about it. I will not be pinning a medal to my chest, or taking my place in a lineup with my fellow writers. Instead, I’ll raise holy fucking hell and fight with everything I have to keep my work out in the world.

I don’t agree with everything that is in every book, but I will fight and defend the right of each book to be on a shelf for a reader to decide whether or not they want to read that book. I will fight for the right for books to be available to all people of all ages, and for people to read them and talk about them freely. You can come at me and tell me you don’t like what I write, or even hate it. But no one has the right to silence me, or anyone else, and that is the goal of book-banners: to silence the written word.

I have spent the last eight years breaking my silence so I’m sure as hell not going to let anyone silence me, or anyone else. And in the end, that’s what book-banning is all about: silencing voices so they can’t be heard so people can talk about them in their own way.

It’s not an ‘honor’ to be banned anymore, but a call to speak out, to fight for the right to read, to think, and live.

Behind the Story – No Tropes, Beats, or Market Trends

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Recently on the Twitter/X site, I saw mentions of writers talking about how some books out there seem to be written to tropes (In short, a trope is a plot structure, theme, storyline, character trait, motif, or plot device that is commonly used in storytelling. – from kindlepreneur.com) with just beats but no real flow or anything resembling a real story. It is an attempt to cash in on market trends, which can change from week to week sometimes, not to mention from month to month or year to year. Some of these ‘writers’ will make money but sooner or later, the money will dry up because it seems readers are catching on to this. They’re finding books that aren’t with tropes and beats, or marketing trends. They’re finding books written by writers who write the story of their heart, with plot twists and turns, and characters who feel so real, and a story that can take you totally out of your world and into the world the writer creates. These are books that make readers laugh, gasp, sigh, and cry.

So how do you write like that? I mean, what about marketing and getting your book out there and all that?

First, write the book you want to read.

Second, don’t think about marketing or tropes or anything like that at all during the writing process. Marketing and promotion come into play after a book is written and edited to within an inch of its’ life.

Now, I’m a dinosaur to any young writer reading this in that I started writing when it was all traditional publishing, big publishing houses in New York City putting out actual paper books in bookstores and other places. On average back then, once a book was finished, turned in, edited and everything, it would reach shelves in eighteen to twenty-four months (give or take).

Yes, you just read eighteen to twenty-four months. So back then, when you read a book it had probably been written over two years prior to when you bought it. And this is still the case even today with traditionally published books.

Now electronic, or self-publishing if you will, has dramatically shortened that timeline. In the self-publishing world, once a writer is ready to release their book, they just upload it and press the ‘Publish’ button and that book is out there. Paper copies follow soon after on order. So the self-published book you read in all likelihood was written not very long before it was published (unless a writer sat on the manuscript or the book had a difficult gestation period before publication). So months and years have now become weeks. And this in turn has given rise to the fast buck poorly-written book, and the rise of tropes and beats.

So back in the Stone Age before the rise of Amazon, marketing trends were determined by what was hitting the shelves. Pipelines were slow, and sadly by the time some books hit the shelves, readers wanted a different type of book. In the romance genre where I’ve spent most of my writing time, this happened quite often. One year historical romance was all the rage, next year it was contemporary, next year it was vampires. Now in the electronic age, a market trend can change in months, or maybe even weeks. So this is why this old dinosaur here is telling you not to write to trends, tropes, or think about what’s ‘hot’ and selling.

No one knows what will sell or why it will sell. Therefore writing is a ginormous crap-shoot and there’s nothing you can do about it. Oh, maybe you can just churn out something and make a quick buck and if that’s what you want to do, go ahead but trust me, you’ll bust out sooner or later because readers will eventually see through that and go looking for something else. Instead, learn how to write a real story, with plot and characters, not just a trope and a series of beats that play to that trope and nothing else.

Writing is hard if you dig in on it. Writing a really engaging, creative, innovative, heart-pounding story is not easy. I write because I want to tell stories. I’m a storyteller and I do it right now with no guarantee I’ll earn money off it. But I won’t know if I’ll ever earn money off it until I put my best work out there.

So no, I don’t write to tropes and beats. And I sure as hell don’t write to market trends or what’s selling right at this moment.

I write my stories as they come to me, and I take pride in my craft. And if anyone doesn’t like that, whatever. I don’t write to naysaying hacks or hucksters, or for people who haven’t put in the time to write and rewrite for over thirty years like I have. I’ve seen things come and go, and I’m sure I’ll see more before I’m finished.

Yet I’m still writing.

Conversations From the Road – Damage Reports

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Over the weekend, a thought surfaced in my mind that I’ve been trying to deal with for some time. In the past when this thought surfaced, it would send me into a spiraling rage of depression. But over the weekend, that didn’t happen and it helped me out in two ways: first, it gave me the title to Part Two of my book ‘Breaking Radio Silence’ that I’ve been struggling with for a long time, and two, it’s made me realize that in order from this wound, that I have to give myself the kindness, acceptance, and love that was denied to me in the past.

The thought is this: being told that I was only being nice or kind, or good in order to get something in return, that I was only being good in order to have favors owed to me, or that I was only worthy to be around if I provided some ‘use’ to someone.

Why does this hurt?

First, because it’s a flat-out lie with me. This ‘gaming the system’ as I will call it is only something hardcore narcissistic sociopaths do so unless someone is a proven hardcore narcissistic sociopath, this accusation of anyone who tries to be kind and supportive to others is a lie. As to why someone would say something so hurtful… ask them. I’m not going into it here because it’s speculation at best and most of all, I’m not here to pull someone’s head out of their ass.

Second, this wound is very deep because in order to work through it and learn how to heal, you have to go through your entire life questioning every action and word you can remember. This is hard because you realize you’re not perfect, but that in reality you were trying to be everything to everyone. And in turn, you found out that for some people, that wasn’t good enough. In order to begin the healing process, you have to tell yourself that you are good enough as you are even if you’re not perfect.

Third, for the longest time I used to think I had the worst timing in the world. I used to think that I would never be able to try to open myself up to receiving kindness, acceptance, and love when I needed it. I used to think I had no right to talk about that or even try to ask for it. Because when I did need it the most, I didn’t get it. Instead, what I got was rejection, and alienation. I got my feelings of vulnerability and fear rejected back to me in ways that made me feel enormous shame and guilt for just existing sometimes.

As I’ve been working on my book, ‘Breaking Radio Silence’, I’ve had the first part of the book and the last part of the book, but I didn’t know how I was going to write the middle part. I only knew in this middle part I wanted to go into detail about the things that did the most damage to me. And the phrase, ‘damage reports’ came to my mind so that’s how Part Two of the book got its’ title. Because in order to reach Part Three, Recovery, you have to go through your damage reports and understand what they did to you, how you adapted and survived, and how to find better ways to heal and live your life.

The reason I’m writing this here is I’ve been trying to work on this book ‘Breaking Radio Silence’ and had hit a wall. The wall was what I call ‘the narrative’. For me, ‘the narrative’ as I call it is how I will tell a story. It’s not just format, or structure, but an overall thread that runs through the story itself. I think it’s like a progression of cause to effect and not a wibbly-wobbly ball of timey-wimey stuff like Doctor Who said (episode ‘Blink’ written by Stephen Moffat). It’s about finding the pieces I need to write about and put words onto. And Part Two of this book was a huge blank until I found the words I needed, “Damage Reports’.

Damage can be repaired but not exactly to the way it was before, especially damage to the human mind and soul. But it can be repaired and made better and stronger, yes, like the Six Million Dollar Man or the Bionic Woman. Maybe not with bionic parts like them but instead, with knowledge and strength, and courage. Most of all, it can be repaired when silence is broken after the questions are asked.

Eventually, if you do go through your past damage reports, you will reach a point where you can go through a particularly difficult one and not spiral into a raging depression. Now, how you reach that point is something I’m still trying to figure out in detail, but I think a lot of it for me is standing up to the bullying voices of the past and knocking them on their ass. Because for the last couple of days, I’ve been struggling to write this. I kept going back and forth over whether I should write about this or go into any detail. I’m saving the mass details for the book, but the main gist of this piece is that if people questioned your motives and made you question everything about yourself to the point where you felt like you were unworthy of kindness, acceptance, and love, you’ll learn they were wrong and that you can give yourself the kindness, acceptance, and love that was denied to you.