“I’m happy.  Which often looks like crazy”  David Henry Hwang

So I had a birthday earlier this week, and normally I LOVE my birthday and go crazy for it.  This year though, I think I was kinda depressed because I haven’t been feeling well, so I didn’t make any plans.  Which I think is a first in well over 10 years.  I normally plan things out at least a month in advance, but this year I didn’t even really plan a family dinner.  Which is one of my favorite thing about my birthday – another reason to see my (extended) family.  I had a nice quiet dinner with my parents and a lovely surprise from a good friend early in the day.  My birthday turned out to be much better than I thought it would.  I got to text and talk on the phone to all my friends who live all over the country and that made me so happy.

Turning 32 wasn’t as depressing as I thought it would be.  Though writing it down does make me feel kinda old because I have been sick since just before I turned 30, just not out of work sick.  That happened three months after I turned 30.  And I mean this time around sick.  I’ve been sick since I turned 18.  I woke up sick on my 18th birthday.  That was no present!  I feel like these years have been stolen from me because my life has been on pause the last two years.  I’m ready for a very grandiose Dirty Thirty celebration and then I can kick start my real life.

And then the day after my birthday was actually better than my real birthday because I treated myself and my mom to a massage which hurt so good!!  She really got to certain pressure points and a few of them were linked to all the migraines I had been getting.  It was a relief to get that worked on, because since I’ve been off the Depakote its been migraine city.  Today was especially bad.  Two Imitrexes down the hole, advil and tylenol and I still feel like I have a vice grip around my head.  I think I am going to make the appointment to get botox to manage my migraines after all.

Back to the day after my birthday – I got news after my massage that my ammonia level has gone back down to normal.  That was one of the best gifts I could have received.  Good health news 🙂  And I was finally able to have a drink!  First beer in ages and it tasted so good.  I really wanted champagne on my birthday but I really just want a nice unoaked chardonnay right now.  I am not sure how that will effect my migraine so its just a far off craving for now.

Later that day, I heard from the one hold out on my birthday.  Have I said “my birthday” enough yet?  haha  I miss him so much and wish he was back here in LA still.  But alas he lived in PA and has a “grown up job” now.  I guess these things happen.  We all can’t stay in La La Land.  We texted for five hours just being totally silly and ridiculous.  And if you knew him, ridiculous is the exact word I’d use to describe him.  I have feelings for him – its no secret amongst my circle of friends, and I thought I’d have trouble sleeping last night because of that.  But tonight I can’t get him off my mind, all the stupid jokes we were making that kept us cracking up.  Five hours worth. So now  I can’t sleep – my head is killing me and the nausea is very unpleasant.  I’m going to NY soonish I think, depending on when my friend closes escrow on her condo, and hopefully we’ll be able to catch up then.

So after everything, I feel good about my birthday.  I’m back to being happy.  I’m doing physical therapy, and that should be the gateway to living a more active lifestyle.  Getting tone and getting back on my horses! Oh, and being able to go back to work, lol.  PT is going to be harder than I thought because after all the procedures I did for my back earlier this year, the rhizotomy didn’t take and I can feel all that horrible pain in my back.  But I have a therapist who is more than happy to work with me and take it slow so I can’t ask for anything else.  She has pretty magic hands too.  I thought only Paul my favorite hot Hawaiian PT had those!  I think 32 is off to a good start 🙂