Category Archives: Health

Pop Over (Lent #7)

Posted on by Michelle

So I had the best day yesterday! I was able to get out of the house for something other than a doctors appointment, and finally did Christmas returns!  I now have a working shower/bathtub/waterproof speaker at my disposal that actually links to my bluetooth and can play musk now! The other wouldn’t pair.  And I got it in a cool new color, not that there was anything wrong with the other color.  This is one of the bests gifts my brother has given me.  He really went out on Christmas for me, which means more than anybody will ever know.

Then I went to return a purse, and it was a charming (in the name of the store, lol) store, where they have lots of accessories, jewelry, purses, etc.  I need some statement pieces, so that is what I was going to get.  I went through and exchanged my purse for this amazing turquoise cuff lined with bling on the outside of it, and a turquoise inspired statement necklace.  I have the fashion down, thank you Winnie & Kat (winnieandkat.com/michelle).  I just don’t have the accessories part down yet.  Working on it.  So after I made the exchange, my mom runs up and points out this purse that I do see on my own, it was totally visible once you left the check out line.  It was GORGEOUS! It again was turquoise (my color for the day apparently!) And the leather was super supple, and the bag was the right size, meaning big, lol.  It had a sip top, which is wonderful, the right pockets on the inside, it was perfect.  So I went back in line and returned the items I just had bought for this bag!  LOL The check out clerk could barely blame me, she said everybody who worked there went nuts for that bad when it came out.

The Very Sexi Maxi that I wore today from the Winnie & Kat Zuma Sunset collection, it matched the turquoise in the dress and looked great. I’m loving my new purse that I paid $39 for – the cheapest purse I have bought in recent years – mostly going for designer brands.  This one though is going to get used and tossed, and I won’t be sad about it, cause that’s it’s purpose.  Its great because since my friends know I only buy expensive brands, they think this is expensive too.  It does look expensive too.  At least now, when its new.

I had  a delivery to make of a top my Auntie ordered at the end of November, and she was supposed to pick it up, but her husband just passed and is dealing with it in her own way and is keeping really busy.  So she hasn’t been by, and I don’t blame her, I just feel bad that she paid so much money for this top and hasn’t been able to wear it, and its now out of season – thought she does wear all black all the time, so its not too bad.  So I popped over to her house with my mom (I have to get a ride everywhere I go, and my mom wanted to see her and ask some questions) to drop the package off.  We stayed and had a glass of bubbly, and she was making her world famous pop overs.  OMG – SO good!! She made a quadruple batch.  Her daughter and her two friends were coming home so with all of us she thought with a quad batch she’d have some left overs because they are so good as part of a sandwich the next day.  Not a piece left!  I just love my auntie so much, I think I pushed myself a little too much yesterday I am so tired today, though I had to go to the apple store to get one to one training, because I was having some problems with my computer.  After 15 minutes out, I was so tired I went white.  And not all my problems are fixed – I still have some songs showing up twice on my phone.  I think I need to go back.

 

African Proverb (Lent #6)

Posted on by Michelle

African Proverb

 

I was on my weekly webinar for Winnie & Kat today and the founder who leads these calls, who inspires us, and guides us every week, left us with this at the end of our webinar today.  Once you have found peace within, then nothing else can harm you.  You can be there, only to be knocked on your ass the next day by some news that, oh you don’t qualify for the insurance we signed you up for! That was pretty tough to hear.  Good thing I’m working on it 🙂 There is a lawyer for everything! LOL Even sick, I have been able to find peace, find forgiveness in my heart for some very bad people who have done very bad things, I forgive them, doesn’t mean I have to like them I don’t think, but I have found peace, and hopefully when I get through these months that have been so rough, I’ll be back and find it again.  I need to get in a better habit of meditation.  I knew I needed to get in a better habit of blogging again, but maybe I should have made it meditation?

Your Medical Information (Lent #5)

Posted on by Michelle

I just got a bill in the mail, along with a CD that I can’t open because I don’t have the password yet – it comes in another envelope.  One I haven’t gotten yet.

I requested my medical records from UCLA, only select records, because my Templeton doctors needed to take a look at them, I didn’t think it’d be free, but I didn’t think it would cost me $34 to see one visit’s worth of medical records.  I thought $5 would be fair?  But I honestly deep down don’t feel like I shouldn’t be paying at all to access MY records.  Its inherently MY information.  Its kept there for my privacy protection, which I understand and appreciate, but its a huge money making scheme! to charge me so much to get my hands on my information!  And I still can’t access it because I don’t have the envelope with the password to open the password protected CD!  I thought the CD would be the big charge, but its only $1.50.  To pick up a second or third copy of your MRI, its only $15.  And if you lie and say its for your doctors office because they lost it, they will more than likely send you one for free.  (Insider information, though I don’t think since this is Lent, that God would like me to spill the beans on that one!)

Anyways, I’m just mad.  Who decides who’s information is who’s in the end?  Isn’t that the ultimate question?  With the spying on cell phones, and Snowden?

Malibu Retreat (Lent #3)

Posted on by Michelle

1473066_235633483262581_1134687214_n

 

So I had to start working because of my new insurance – its all super complicated, but now I think it was illegal, and I have an atty working on all of it as we speak, but bottom line is that I some how ended up working for a great company called Winnie & Kat, they sell beautiful and super soft women’s clothing, and empower women at the same time by allowing them to earn free clothes by hosting parties.  Not many people can say I got this awesome top for free because I got a bunch of friends together.  I think its pretty cool.  Anyways, this is the weekend of the first retreat at an awesome Malibu Mansion, but I can’t go because I’ve been really sick.  Not that I need to stay in Malibu, but getting to meet the other stylists would have been fun, and getting the training that they are getting would have been awesome too.

Because I have been sick though, I haven’t really been able to work with Winnie & Kat.  Its a great line, and great people, just haven’t been healthy enough to put shows together.  I did not make very much money from the winter line, but I saved every single penny I could to order the spring line, which was very reasonably priced, and hopefully I will be well enough to do things with this line because it is extraordinary.  All I have been able to do is dress well for the doctors offices.  LOL  I’m sure in some sort of way my doctor have appreciated it?  Who knows.

I’ve been faced with “What I really want to do when I grow up” and with past jobs tonight, and I’m just not sure I have made the right choices.  My mom has to go work for the orthopedist I worked for for like ever, but in a horse capacity, helping her scout a new trainer.  And my mom has a severe hip injury.  She is only helping her because I asked the doctor to read her MRI because Kaiser has just completely dropped the ball and we really need to hear it in real terms that we’ve been hearing for years.  So she can hardly walk and is expected to walk around tomorrow for hours, and can’t take a pain pill now or it will give her a pill hangover.

For me working for this person, I thought was great.  I had little supervision, and was able to do things on my time, and was given plenty of training when I needed it.  The bad part about that is that she didn’t realize how much of the job I was actually doing and how little of the job my “superior” was doing, and how much I was covering for her.  I got a “raise” after two and a half years, but I never really got it.  I was supposed to get health insurance too, but never got it.  I was so generous in my working with the doctor and her family, I bought presents for all her kids for birthday and christmas, for her I orchestrated a huge lunch of mini cupcakes I hand picked to be delivered to the office, and I had one of the vendors sponsor a lunch for us, which was a big deal because we never ate lunch.  I did this, and I’m sure she thinks that it was my co-workers idea as well, because she split the cost of the costly cupcakes with me.  I also bought “just because I’m grateful to have a job” gifts” when I would see something that the family would like.  I never got so much as a thank you, after I had been asked to give up holiday dinners at Maestros, Valentines Day, and other nice things to take care of her family.  My birthday passed twice, and I never got so much as a “Happy Birthday” even when I worked on my birthday, and I got the standard Christmas bonus, late one year, and I had to stop working for health reasons three weeks before Christmas, the next, and didn’t get my Christmas bonus that year.  Cold.  After the failed raise and the failed health care promise, she failed on my bonus after two and a half years?  So not cool.

When I go back to work, my mom says I should go back to work for someone small like her (NOT HER!) but I would ideally like to go back to work for my all time favorite employer at a wealth management firm.  Now they were nice to me.  The CEO would treat me so nice, he was going to buy me my first suit so I could go on a big meeting with them, he paid for me and my roommate’s boxing bootcamp (yes I used to box!), he paid for my therapy (I was raped after I started working for him) and he paid for Spectrum Club, and several meals, some with his family.   I loved that job.

It was me and a bunch of me, then kept trying to get me to cry, lol, but they could not!! Suckas! After restaurant work – that changes you!! lol  They were going to make me a Junior CFO after I graduated but it was a bad market.  I waited it out, and took some temp jobs that turned into permanent jobs like with the doctor, and then I got his call, my dream job call, and it was just the wrong time.  I got talked out of the job my my ex fiancé, because he didn’t believe my heart was fully in finance because I never talked about it.  But what he really didn’t want was me away from home and in Santa Monica 5 days a week, and making my own money.  Less Reliant on him, and more independent.  But we broke up shortly after that, and my health just totally gave.  He asked too much of me, and constantly pushed me when I needed to rest.  He also gave me a fucking disease!  LOL Takes a toll on the body.  Who knew I’d still be paying.  But I plan to call them when I get better and see if they even want me working there again, and go from there.  School is just so hard on me, I’d have to be healthy for a really long time before I tried that again.

Oil Pulling (Lent #2)

Posted on by Michelle

So I’ve been very interested in things, foods, whatever, that will help my health without taking any pills.  I just read this article, and with all the information in it regarding pain, detoxification and allergies, I thought this is something I might want to try.  It also helps with hormone imbalances, which I’m dealing with on a grand scale right now with the cortisol.  Though I don’t thick this will help with that.  Other small things it will help with are sensitive teeth, whitening, sleep issues (which have been really good for 3 nights now!! Woo!!) and with TMJ, but that does’t bother me so much.

I am talking about Oil Pulling.  It where one takes about a teaspoon of unrefined coconut oil, cold pressed organic sesame oil, or sunflower oil and gargle with it for 20 minutes, no more, no less.  If you cannot do 20 minutes which I have been assured flies right on by, then do two ten minute sessions.  And you can spit out anything if you need to.   And organic is best since you are trying to detox!!

For the real story here is the link….http://www.fashionlush.com/wtf-is-oil-pulling-why-im-hooked/

But I’m going to try this.  It may have reversed a cavity! Can’t be too careful with the dentist!! lol

Pain

Posted on by Michelle

Everyone knows the old adage:

Pain is your friend because it lets you know that you’re still alive.

I have mixed feelings about that.  Number one, pain sucks.  Its debilitating.  Chronic pain really limits your lifestyle.  I can’t do many of the things I like to do, or basic things like drive a car because of the nasty pain killers I’m on.  The night before Thanksgiving was the first time I was able to see my friends all year.  The crazy thing was, they added two new people to the crew that I didn’t even know, or know about.  Talk about replacement! I’m OG in that crew!  lol

But pain also has another side.  Without it I also wouldn’t have been able to go to the party.  Lately I have been so over pain.  I’m trying to live a normal life and leave pain behind where it belongs.  I’m exercising now, doing yoga, going on walks, using the big ball to do workouts with.  Those were things that were first things on my “No Fly List” when I used to be in pain.  It had pushed me this time to be more of who I used to be before instead of who I used to be a few weeks ago, a year ago.

Yes, I wake up in agonizing pain, probably on a pain scale of 10/10 every day and there are those days when it bumps up to an 11 and I actually need help getting out of bed.  But I just keep telling myself to “play through the pain” because its only temporary.  I do not want it to control my life any more.

32 – Like, Crazy

Posted on by Michelle

a.aaa

“I’m happy.  Which often looks like crazy”  David Henry Hwang

So I had a birthday earlier this week, and normally I LOVE my birthday and go crazy for it.  This year though, I think I was kinda depressed because I haven’t been feeling well, so I didn’t make any plans.  Which I think is a first in well over 10 years.  I normally plan things out at least a month in advance, but this year I didn’t even really plan a family dinner.  Which is one of my favorite thing about my birthday – another reason to see my (extended) family.  I had a nice quiet dinner with my parents and a lovely surprise from a good friend early in the day.  My birthday turned out to be much better than I thought it would.  I got to text and talk on the phone to all my friends who live all over the country and that made me so happy.

Turning 32 wasn’t as depressing as I thought it would be.  Though writing it down does make me feel kinda old because I have been sick since just before I turned 30, just not out of work sick.  That happened three months after I turned 30.  And I mean this time around sick.  I’ve been sick since I turned 18.  I woke up sick on my 18th birthday.  That was no present!  I feel like these years have been stolen from me because my life has been on pause the last two years.  I’m ready for a very grandiose Dirty Thirty celebration and then I can kick start my real life.

And then the day after my birthday was actually better than my real birthday because I treated myself and my mom to a massage which hurt so good!!  She really got to certain pressure points and a few of them were linked to all the migraines I had been getting.  It was a relief to get that worked on, because since I’ve been off the Depakote its been migraine city.  Today was especially bad.  Two Imitrexes down the hole, advil and tylenol and I still feel like I have a vice grip around my head.  I think I am going to make the appointment to get botox to manage my migraines after all.

Back to the day after my birthday – I got news after my massage that my ammonia level has gone back down to normal.  That was one of the best gifts I could have received.  Good health news 🙂  And I was finally able to have a drink!  First beer in ages and it tasted so good.  I really wanted champagne on my birthday but I really just want a nice unoaked chardonnay right now.  I am not sure how that will effect my migraine so its just a far off craving for now.

Later that day, I heard from the one hold out on my birthday.  Have I said “my birthday” enough yet?  haha  I miss him so much and wish he was back here in LA still.  But alas he lived in PA and has a “grown up job” now.  I guess these things happen.  We all can’t stay in La La Land.  We texted for five hours just being totally silly and ridiculous.  And if you knew him, ridiculous is the exact word I’d use to describe him.  I have feelings for him – its no secret amongst my circle of friends, and I thought I’d have trouble sleeping last night because of that.  But tonight I can’t get him off my mind, all the stupid jokes we were making that kept us cracking up.  Five hours worth. So now  I can’t sleep – my head is killing me and the nausea is very unpleasant.  I’m going to NY soonish I think, depending on when my friend closes escrow on her condo, and hopefully we’ll be able to catch up then.

So after everything, I feel good about my birthday.  I’m back to being happy.  I’m doing physical therapy, and that should be the gateway to living a more active lifestyle.  Getting tone and getting back on my horses! Oh, and being able to go back to work, lol.  PT is going to be harder than I thought because after all the procedures I did for my back earlier this year, the rhizotomy didn’t take and I can feel all that horrible pain in my back.  But I have a therapist who is more than happy to work with me and take it slow so I can’t ask for anything else.  She has pretty magic hands too.  I thought only Paul my favorite hot Hawaiian PT had those!  I think 32 is off to a good start 🙂

 

Jail Break

Posted on by Michelle

shl080526l.jpg

 

I have made two “jail breaks” the past few weeks, and boy does it feel good!! Its so nice being out of the house in real people world.  Feeling the sun, seeing people, meeting people I don’t even know – socializing!  Those things were so a year and a half ago in my opinion, lol.  I have a very good friend to thank for this, for getting me out.  Thank you C.M.G.

I don’t have a lot to say on the subject, except that I’m getting out of the house, which means I’m so much closer to getting well!  I’m off my pain killers, it took forever and a day to wean off those, but its done!!!  We’re in August, so that means I was on pain killers for about 8.5 months.  No driving for that time either.  I’m almost ready to drive (last time was Dec 31st, a night to remember) except I need to get my ammonia levels down.  They are elevated because I can’t process my migraine medication correctly.  And every time I try to wean off those, I get a wicked migraine.  Vicious cycle.  The high levels of ammonia cloud my mind so I can’t always think coherently and I don’t want to risk my life or anybody else’s by hitting the road the road too soon.  So I guess that’s my next hurdle, my next goal.

And I do have to say that I have re-read some of these blogs and my typing and autocorrect is terrible.  Just a warning, that even though I have a college education, there is no battling the meds I take at night.  They made me drowsy, but I still can’t sleep a lot of the time.

New York, New York

Posted on by Michelle

images

“New York, New York” used to be my favorite song.  When that baby played, my shift waitressing in a tiny outfit in a small bar wearing a minimum of 3″ heels (not wedges) was over and I could set my tray down for the first time in 8 hours, sit down have my pau drink, and sort tips.  I saw so many Hawaii Sunsets, its kind of sad.  But I made a shit ton of money and the bestest friends in the world, so I’d call it even 🙂

I recently made a stupid post on FB as a part of a breast cancer support chain thing, that I was going to NY for 17 months.  Big fat lie.  I am planning on going after October when my friend closes escrow on her condo.  I don’t know how long I’ll stay for, but its just going to be very mellow.  I’m excited to go and see my friend, but wish I was well enough to go see more of the city.  Time will tell I guess.

Its really nice and reassuring to have friends that will do stuff like that for you (buddy pass – Delta employee).  We didn’t always get along, actually I kinda used to be terrified of her, she was mean!! And I don’t know when it happened, but we became friends.  I also have a friend who wants to fly me to FL so I can get some sun and to help me feel better.  I know him from Hawaii, and he’s lived in SoCal, so I’m not sure what FL son will do for me, haha, again, its nice that the gesture was made.  Now his family has premier tickets that have been passed down from generation to generation for the Kentucky Derby.  I wouldn’t mind taking advantage of that!

I have other friends that in the past week + that have not been too nice to me.  It is the worst feeling in the world to find out that who you thought you could trust, you can’t.  This happens almost every time I get sick.  In HS I only came out with one friend in my senior class.  I got sick, attended 2 weeks, and homeschooled the rest.  I reached out to people, but they didm’t care too much.  And the one friend I came out with, lied to my BF and tried to steal him away from me!  In retrospect, she could have had him, lol.  In college, I had my dorm friends and my sorority friends.  I am fairly good friends with one of my dorm friends, and my super close sorority friends, ditched me when I took a break from school.  Anyways, I was lucky in HI, and they became some of my closest friends, even though they are spread all over the globe sometimes.  When I came back, again I was lucky and had close friends.  But I guess these were times I wasn’t so sick.  Recently some friends have weighed in their opinion on what is wrong with me – all sorts of different things, that sometimes I think is totally nuts.  I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but since we are so close, its hard not to take personally.

But other, older friends, have really been there for me for support.  Telling me to “slap out of it” as Cougar Town would say so I’m not having a total pity party.

1003892_677817972233210_1149082923_n

Anyways, in my own thoughts I have thought about moving to some place with cleaner air.  The pollution here, all the fires, isn’t good for me.  I’m thinking about Oregon/Portland, and going back to Hawaii because my health was the best there.  But I lose a lot of my wonderful doctors if I leave.  Hawaii does not have the best healthcare system and I heard OK things about Portland because they have a medical school up there.  If anybody knows of anywhere else I should consider looking, I’d be happy to take suggestions.  I’m not sure I could handle someplace like Minnesota where the Mayo clinic is but I’m willing to hear.  And then if I move, I’ll have to make all new friends and contacts, try to find work.  In Hawaii that is not so much of a problem because I have friends there still, but the cost of living is high.  And its not like you get a lot for your money.  l paid almost the same for a studio apartment there as I did for a townhouse in Brentwood.  Ponderables.

County Lock Up

Posted on by Michelle

946231_463167707091928_249797996_n

I was texting with my TS – which is a bigger deal than many of you realize.  This girl was horrible at returning any form of communication unless it had the words “gossip” in it, and that was before she had her adorable and amazing daughter.  I had a dream that we fought and we just had it out, and I woke up and it felt so real.  I texted her telling her I needed her to apologize (crazy’s girl’s guide to survival!) and we were talking about whats been going on in each others lives.  I love to hear about her daughter and whats going on with her work, its like living vicariously through someone.  Especially I think because I know I won’t have children anytime soon.  I have to be healthy, and find a partner, blah blah blah.  Everyone else has the “find someone” part, but I have to be healthy enough, and I’m not sure when that may be.  So she asked me what I had been up to lately.  I’ve been through 7-8?? minor surgical procedures over the last two months?  I had three this past week.  And once a week for the weeks preceding this.  So I’m not good at math!  When I was talking to her I still had the propofol leaving my system.  It really knocks me down for a good day.  And she was blown out of the water!  She said it was equivalent to hearing that I had been in County Lock up for the past month and my cellie (yea I think I’m cool enough to pull that one off) reminded me of her.

I don’t think what I’ve been going through is a lot, but hearing this from her, makes me think otherwise.  I need to be more open with my friends.  I’ve become a bit paranoid of my other friends; like I’m missing out on some great adventures.  I had planned a spa day and was going to get a few beauty treatments, kinda give myself a little pampering, but I have a huge 2″ long very deep hole in my back so being in a spa all day, not quite the best thing for me!

I haven’t been reaching out to my friends, at least the ones that I feel count.  I’ve been a hermit, afraid of rejection.  My meds are off from my crazy migraines.  I was hospitalized after a month long migraine and I’ve had another one go on for about 3 weeks now.  The drug they have me on is totally messing me up.  I’m crying at the drop of a pin, and I’m talking about for hours over something I’ve seen on TV a million times.  Some friends I haven’t spoken to have really tried to help me with the power of prayer, and its helped a lot.  Anything is possible with His help.  You just have to believe.

I’m frustrated I can’t drive because of the meds I’m on, but let’s face it, I can’t afford to anyways at these gas prices!  I just sold my soul to Sleep Number for a new bed, lol.  And I go mainly to doctors and since I’m such a space cadet I can’t remember anything I need a parent there with me to remind me of things and remember what went on.  It’d be nice for social things, but again, with a limited income, I can’t afford anything fun.  The spa was a Groupon – an addiction I need to get a major handle on!

So this pity party is about to close.  I need to keep my friends more updated, but its hard when I’m so drugged and don’t feel well because I have a migraine.