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When Growth Feels Lonely, But Worth It

Reflections on change, understanding, and emotional maturity.

As we grow older, life doesn’t just change us physically — it reshapes us emotionally. The way we respond, connect, and interpret things evolves with every experience we go through. Aging isn’t simply about the passing of years, but about how time teaches us to manage emotions, relationships, and expectations. Yet, not everyone grows in the same way — some become calmer and wiser, while others grow more guarded or resistant.

I’ve made a quiet habit of observing how people respond in conversations — especially during conflict or discomfort. It’s not manipulation; it’s curiosity. I notice who listens before speaking, who becomes defensive, and who turns a simple question into confrontation. Those reactions reveal something deeper — how far they’ve come emotionally. They guide me in deciding how much of myself I can give, how open I can be, or when it’s better to step back. Some people meet you with calm understanding; others with walls built from different reasons — past wounds, fears, or emotional pride. And maybe that’s what emotional maturity truly is: recognizing which battles are worth entering and which are better left in silence.

I’ve been away for almost two decades from the crowd I grew up with. I wasn’t there to see how they changed or who they became over the years. When I finally blended in with them again, I realized I had to adjust — not just to them, but to how time had shaped us differently. I thought things would naturally align with how I’ve changed over the years, with the kind of calm and perspective I’ve been trying to live by. But I found myself frustrated, unable to deal with the changes around me. That’s when I realized it wasn’t them I needed to fix — it was my understanding that needed to grow.

The years I spent away — almost two decades — molded me deeply. Life taught me lessons the hard way, yet those challenges became my greatest teachers. They opened my mind and shaped the person I’ve become today. Still, I know growth never really ends; there will always be more to learn.

Looking back, I realize that emotional maturity isn’t about having everything figured out — it’s about staying open, even when things no longer feel familiar. It’s learning to meet people where they are, not where we expect them to be. Time may change the way we see the world, but growth is in how gently we choose to understand it — and each other.

Sometimes, I still wish to find someone who could meet me halfway — to understand where I’m coming from. But maybe that’s no longer meant to happen, and that’s alright. Writing and sharing my reflections has simply become my way of reaching out — hoping that in some small way, they might help someone see things differently, whether in a deep or simple way.

~Nodz


Photo by AS Photography

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CAN ONE EXUDE HIGH-CLASS STYLE WITHOUT WEALTH?

It’s coffee time after church, our favorite hangout spot.  (Apologies for the brief lapse in etiquette; I promptly removed my bag from the table after ) 

This food chain is conveniently located at the corner of our village, making it a cost-saving choice with just a quick turn from home.  Well, my eyes unintentionally became intrigued as someone entered, carrying a bag—my dream bag, a Bottega Veneta, hehehe. That lady appears sophisticated yet approachable. What I mean by approachable? She exudes true class. Out of the blue, I thought of writing an article about it.

Can you embody elegance and sophistication without relying on wealth or material possessions?  🤔 We frequently confuse wealth with class, assuming that having money automatically equates to being high class. NOPE 😉 being high class involves more than just financial status. It encompasses qualities such as grace, manners, cultural awareness, and a sense of dignity. One instance, one lady entering a resto with an authentic Chanel bag and an outfit that whispers “luxury.” All eyes are on her, including you. She sat at an empty table, getting ready to order, when suddenly a waiter passed by and accidentally spilled water on her. The lady suddenly yells at him, saying, “What the fuck are you doing?” How would you characterize that woman’s reaction? Another scenario, you accidentally bumps a person in a crowded hallway, how will you react? Will you react with anger or annoyance or calmly apologize and ask if the other person is okay. Another scenario again, you’re the driver on a road trip with friends, and unexpectedly encounter heavy traffic that delays your journey. How would you choose to behave in that situation? Would you react impatiently and burst out? Despite feeling annoyed and stressed about the delay, you take a deep breath, maintain composure, and reassure your passengers that you’ll navigate through the traffic smoothly while prioritizing safety and comfort. You see, class isn’t about the money in your bank account; it’s about your character, values, and how you treat others.

Let’s begin behaving with true class, even if our bags don’t scream luxury and our outfits don’t flaunt wealth. Being classy isn’t just about the material things, although everyone appreciates quality luxury bags and expensive stylish outfits if they can afford them. What truly matters is how we uphold our manners, values, and actions towards others.

~Nodz

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Aging Well

I’d like to delve into the subject of AGING (ouch 😅) drawing from recent experiences in conversations and observing how some people respond to straightforward statements. Does it have a connection to one’s age? Hmmm… maybe I’m just too sensitive, as they say, observant.

AGING WELL-Thriving in aging—an uncomplicated phrase with profound and expansive implications.

Exploring the intricacies of aging: its impact on emotions, character, attitude, and perspective; the evolving personality and changing dynamics in relationships.
My questions to you –
* Does aging influence you positively or negatively?
* How does the aging process influence your mood, emotions, and thought patterns?
* Have you reflected on the changes between your past self and who you are now?
*Have you reevaluated your approach toward yourself and others?

Aging manifests on both physical and mental fronts. Allow me to share my perspective, they might provide a more profound insight and prove beneficial.

What does aging well entail? It encompasses two facets. Aging well mentally and physically. I’ll begin with the mental aspect briefly, understanding mental aging and how can we attain it. Aging mentally involves maintaining cognitive well-being as we grow older. This involves keeping the mind active with activities like reading and learning. Stay socially connected to combat loneliness (I’m guilty) maintain a positive outlook, and manage stress. Embracing new experiences and being adaptable contribute to a mentally fulfilling and resilient aging journey. How does this impact the aging process? Well, over time, these maintain a healthy mindset as we age.

Let’s dive into aging well “physically” This involves a multifaceted approach that addresses various aspects of health. Regular exercise, balance nutrition, quality sleep, hydration, mind body practices and preventive healthcare. We all carry a measure of guilt regarding these, so am I but we should try. Incorporating essential practices for aging well mentally and physically is a must. Making sure to take care of our mental and physical well-being as we age is crucial. It not only improves our outlook on life but also shapes our character positively. Let’s remember also to nurture our spiritual well-being; it holds significant influence as well 😊

Let’s age gracefully!
*Control our temper
*Stretch our patience
*Understand more

Embracing the new year with the grace of seasoned years, here’s to aging well and writing more beautiful chapters ahead.⚘️

🙏 God bless

~Nodz

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She

In the vast abyss of darkness,
She find solace, where shadows dance, secrets find their place.

A loneliness and sorrow hid between the images’ face, in a loud screaming silence, a story to retrace.

Her dreams, distant, beyond earth’s reach they lie, she merely glimpse them from a distant light.

In solitude with music, matching its melody and rhythm, her divine. In heeding her heart’s words, she is fine.

You’ll discern her inner thoughts by gazing into her eyes. Her dreams stretch as vast as the skies.

Will someone reach out to clasp her hand, sense the yearning, feel the rain. Perhaps we will understand the depth of her dreams and pain.

~Nodz

Photo by luizclas/Pexels

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Where’s the old smile gone…

Used to be with simple things,
Watching the sun breaks and rises into day,
Staring at the moon that glows in its own way..

She never carries the loneliness she never had,
She reached out what’s pure, never thought of being sad,

Simple words and to listen were all she knew,
To be a shadow among the few.

She never imagined a picture fades over years
Or even a path lost in the middle of a maze.

Just a pen, a note, a song and a laugh
Nothing would ever go rough.

She looked over happiness as love within its reach,
She held hope as a dream and a wish.

But never expected the pain as big waves lash the shore,
All she wanted was to be loved, nothing more..

Still lost things at the end, time then was never been a friend
Yet she tried her best to mend, to pick up all the pieces but then

Season change, so as with her,
Tears may soon pass, she believed and from there,

She wanted to be remembered,
Not with the lost smile once she had,
But the old smile she once shared .

Nodz ~

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INNER STRENGTH

A very tiny sound that roars, often in a loud silence,

like bubbles in wind, floats but then it may disappear.

An inner strength we need to dig down, find and keep

A God’s gift we must use, for battles He equipped us.

Blood may shed, we’ll scream in tears but never to quit,

lead us to faith, His unseen hands will shape our fate.

 

 

 

This is for a very dear friend, who’s fighting a hard battle with breast cancer. I can feel her deep pain and struggle and I feel so sorry for her. I truly believe in the midst of our every storm, God watches and has the great power to calm it. My prayer, a continuous strength for her to keep fighting. I am humbly asking for your prayers too,  her name is Lariza. Thank you so much… ~Nodz

 

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Renewed

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Time to escape, put the reality aside, dig down this revery,
rest my head, lie down locked in an embrace, feel the sensation.
Been moving around for quite a while, letting go of a memory,
I need to find myself again to inscribe thoughts and emotions.
“oh it’s good to be back now renewed, filling up a blank page”

~Nodz

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Colors Of Memories

I picked up the brush and started to paint the memories.
bringing back the colors, giving them a new life.
I could see black and gray, the images of tears and pain,
orange, red, our days of love and happy embrace.
I blended dark shades into light, to contrast every detail,
green to keep hope alive and blue to hold onto faith.
Your image in my thoughts, the years we spent together,
memories over the rainbow, I paint it whenever I miss.

~Nodz

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I am starting again to read old posts from my open diary …it’s where I can rewind some good memories with my boy, that’s all I have now, but I’m glad I did make one. Writing journals, lots of pictures of things we truly treasure, I suggest to keep.

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Dear diary,

I might need a better strategy, a trick maybe on how to convince a stubborn and uncooperative little kid to take vitamins. I find it so difficult today 😦 and I was losing my patience, everyday is a battle. Our issue before was the taste itself, so I shifted to another brand,  yet still, it didn’t work. He will just spit it out and run away. I do hate chasing. Last night, my lil soldier and I had this little agreement that he’ll take his medicines first thing in the morning in exchange of something he likes.My only mistake was, I didn’t  put the agreement into writing and had it notarize lol *deep sigh, just in case! 😀. I was right, he forgot all about the agreement. Now, the bathing and the brushing time, I just had to drag him all the way to the bathroom,  so many excuses that it pissed me off. I was freaking out and had lost all my powers. What a battling Thursday but still,  a mother’s love prevails *Just with a sweet hug and a smile….”It’s alright sweetheart, we can do it later.”

**Entry written November 28, 2013

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My Joy

The soothing sound of a rushing water
the swishing wind blows, tiny voices I hear-
watching rivers move from drops of rain,
little souls playing, splashing, laughing,
day’s simple pleasures, I remember you

~Nodz

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I was looking out from our terrace when it started raining, I felt a sudden calm within..tears dropped from my eyes, followed by a thought, these phrases. Missing so many things about you….my angel…my joy..

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GOD’S Light

 

LIGHTS

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Walking in the middle of the night, alone in the dark ,
I can see nothing , feels only one thing,
Scared and I dont know where will I be heading,
I can’t see lights, just a shadow following me behind…
I cried and prayed, I have to be strong, my battle along
Hoping there would be light , I could hold on in this darkest night
There you above always waiting, I know..
Something in YOU beyond my thoughts can understand and explain,
I can say , Your power and greatness still and will always remain
YOU reached-out shining lights ,
As YOU never left our sides……….

THANK YOU GOD…