Some couples are based on a strange dynamic, where love isn’t necessarily the engine. I’ve met recently an old friend of mine I lost completely of my sight , and Geez, she isn’t the same person I used to know. Like the ugly ducklin which turned into a beautiful swan, she has become a “true” woman, overconfident,  wearing stilettos, red lipstick, sexy clothes,… When we were teenagers, she used to dress badly and always stand in retreat from the others.  I never imagined she could turn like that years later.

What triggers that change ? She has met the man of her life, she told me. But he wasn’t only the man of her life, he was also “her mentor”. “He gives me advice for everything I do. He likes to tell me how I should dress, if I need to lose weight or do some exercises. I find this extremely stimulating. He gives me the confidence I never had” she explained.

Some people cannot accept their partner the way they are and make everything possible to change them. Sometimes, it’s acceptable. “I want him to stop smoking” says I., 32. “He needs to lose weight. When I met him, he was really thin, and now, he just looks like a bibendum”complains S., 35.  And we all change to the contact with each other. I discover a lot of things I didn’t know or haven’t made yet because of my man. And it’s mutual.

But sometimes, it goes a step further. “When we met each other, I liked him, but I was a bit embarrassed to take him in public. He was really intelligent, but dressed like a nerd and shopping for him was like paying a visit to the second circle of hell” H., 36, explained. “So, I started to dress him up, changed his non-existing haircut and his bad habits consisting in spending hours in front of his computer. He became more a social person, and now, I’m not embarrassed anymore of him in public”she added. I asked H. why she couldn’t let her man the way he is and why she picked him since she wasn’t fond of his personality. “He had potential, I knew it. Besides, I feel so proud I turn him into what he is now”she replied.

For some people, meeting a partner who wants you to change is a good thing. My friend told me she still feels she’s the same old her, but with “some improvements”.

But there’s the risk your partner starts to feel alienated.

Would you like if your partner pushes you to change? Would you like him/her to change and why ?