Depending on our character, we will end up fighting or not with our partner on several occasions. If we’re the kind of people who avoid any conflict, and our significant other comes from the same breed, quarrels are likely to be rare. But they can come out from time to time extremely violent, because of the tensions kept underneath for long.

Some couples never fight together. However, they can use passive-aggressive behaviours to express their opposition to their partner. One of my friends told me her cousin pretends she never fights with her husband. Yet, when she goes and visit them, she has noticed that when her cousin is pissed at something, she just tries to culpabilize her husband by humiliating him in front of their guests. “This is how they resolve their inner conflicts together. They never shout at each other, I know” my friend said.

Some couples build up their fights. “Our fights always start like this. He blames me for something  I did, I get mad at him for saying that, and little by little, the tension raises between us, until we end up shouting and screaming at each other” R., 34, said.

Some couples start immediately the fight, on whatever occasion. “I’m a passionate person driven by my emotions, and when I don’t like something, I immediately lose my temper. This is my main flaw, I must admit. And it’s very surprising for the partners I had, who don’t get used to it for most of them”Y., 35, admits.

Fights are sometimes necessary to restore the balance in our relationship. They help us to release the tensions we ruminate against each other. We can’t be on the same wavelength than our partner all the time. We all have opinions and views on things that might be totally the opposite of what our partner has got. Hence the tensions and conflicts we can trigger.

Some couples need fights to reignite the passion between themselves. However, if they do fight all the time, this may be a sign that the relationship isn’t working.  There’s always a balance to find, and too much fights is never a good thing. Likewise, no fights at all can be suspicious too.

So, do you try to avoid the fight? And what are you fighting for?