Monthly Archives: November 2008

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

My own worst enemy

Some people manage to find the right person, someone who’s good for them, but are unable to keep him/her. They end up getting dumped because they did something that disappointed their object of affection. They can also take the decision to leave because they feel they’re not worth it.

Recently, one of my friends had to endure the painful experience of being dumped by the one she loves, because she “ruined everything”. She told me she did everything wrong with him, and that he got fed up with her behavior. “I was unable to trust him. I was jealous of every of his female friends and even got into a fight with one of them. I spied on him, and even checked his SMS when he was in the shower. But the worst was that I didn’t know what I wanted in this relationship after all. He wanted to move in with me in a new apartment, I refused. He wanted to start a family together, and I pushed him back. He told me he didn’t understand me, and that we would be better off separated. I ‘ve felt devastated since then” she said.

When I was a banker, I remember this lady who came into my office and told me about her painful divorce with her ex-husband. She said he was the most extraordinary person she’s ever met, but she ruined everything by cheating on him with his best friend. “I lost everything by doing this. My husband was spoiling me in every possible way. Yet, I couldn’t feel completely happy in this marriage, and for a reason, I felt closer to his best friend rather than him. I had the material comfort, and his love, but it wasn’t enough for me, apparently”she said.

I met also once this woman who told me she couldn’t keep a man because she was just too naive. But here, nothing guarantees that the men she had been with were really good for her.

So, have you ever ruined a relationship with someone you really loved?

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Take me away

Waltz

For the moment, in my newsroom, there’s a little game going at my expense consisting in asking me when I will go to Venice with B., among others. If it’s not him, the same goes for every male contacts I have in my job, so the list can be long, and the jokes become heavy for me. The thought of running away with one of my professional contacts doesn’t appeal to me at all, because let’s be honest, I don’t want any of them for lovers.

But recently, I had a chat with my friends about this, and we all agree that it’s good sometimes to leave with the one you love for a heavenly place during two or three days. When it comes to the destination, Paris (France) is often mentioned as the number one on the list, followed by Prague, and then Venice. This depends of course, if you belong in the category of the hopeless romantic. Some of my friends find these destinations so cliché and would want to avoid them at any cost. One of my friends told me that her dream would be to take her fiance on a trip to Himalaya, but certainly not Paris.

Personally, I would love to go to Vienna, eat a Sachertorte and waltz. I’m a bit old fashioned…

So, where would you want to be taken away?

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life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

Killing me softly

Sometimes, with one simple sentence, we can manage to reverse someone’s opinion on us. There are also sentences that put us in the persona non grata category. When I started my courses in September, I was sitting next to a guy who seemed nice at the beginning, but, as the conversation went on, he had those words toward me. “Why would you spend your evening at home while you can come here and learn?” And I said to myself, well, he must have a terrible social life to think that way, because I don’t share his view at all.

One simple sentence can exclude us forever, but it can also turn in our favor, if we use the right words. When I met B. for the first time, we had a long discussion and we were clearly disappointed from each other, until, at the very end of the lunch, I told him about what some of my other contacts think about the columns he writes in our newspaper. Those guys are pure douche, I think, but they helped me to save me from the disastrous situation I was in with B. And suddenly, the conversation went much more easily. We started to laugh, he dropped his severe ways, I let down a little bit my guard. Since then, there have been a lot of fights, but we have become friends.

One of my friends told me this is how she fell in love with her man. “I met him at a party, and we had a bit of a chat together on our way home. The conversation was boring, but just as we reached my place, he asked me if it wasn’t too difficult to do a man’s job, and as I replied, he really seemed to understand what I go through with my job. He won me over with this simple question, but I’m not sure if it was just the words, or the act that won me over.” she said.

Some people do believe that our acts are more important than words. But words can be powerful too, I think.

So, what do you prefer? Someone who acts, or who has the right words?

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Never too late?

The number one rule in good manners, according to me, is being on time to an appointment. Shame on me, I’m always late for my professional ones, but it’s not my fault. And it’s quite common in my profession to arrive with let’s say a 15 (or even more) minutes delay for a meeting or an interview.

But when it comes to love, I’m among those who think that if he/she’s late, it’s time to find someone else. There’s nothing more annoying that waiting for your (potential) lover, especially if you’re a woman. One of my friends recently told me about the guy she’s seeing right now, and she complains all the time he’s always late. “He doesn’t work, he just lives on the various rents he perceives from his different properties he inherited. Yet, when we have to meet somewhere, he’s always the one who comes late” she said. I asked her if he was disrespectful with her in other ways than his lateness, and she had to admit that yes, he was.”He has never took the intiative to pick me at the airport when I’m coming back from my professional trips, he says that I’m not backing him and he has never bought me any gift. When I see all my friends parading with jewelry their man gave to them, I’m a bit jealous. But this isn’t necessarily a gift I would wish to receive from him”  she said.

A permanent lateness should be alarming enough to you. It’s also the emerged part of the iceberg. But there can be exceptions. Another friend of mine is married to a man constantly late, but he has a good excuse for that. “he has a very demanding job, and he’s constantly called for this and for that, so arriving on time for him is extremely difficult, and I understand that. But he has to reward me some special times from time to time to apologize”  she says.

So, do you accept when your lover is late?

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celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

Defining moments

definitionSometimes, we can get involved in situations with people we don’t know how to define. Recently, one of my friends admitted she was seeing her ex again, but she said they weren’t back on track together. It’s just that they see each other from time to time, to share some quality times, but afterwards, everyone goes back home alone and wait the next email/phone call to meet again. “You can’t qualify our “thing” as a relationship, but this isn’t friendship either” she says. Well, to me, this sounds like friendship with benefits, but she doesn’t agree. “We have a great time when we are together, but I don’t consider him as my friend,  because he’s not the shoulder I could cry on if I have a problem and I don’t know if I can really rely on him. besides, he’s not just the guy I’m fucking, he’s a little more than that” she added.

Another friend of mine told me about her strange “whatever- thing” with one man she knows. She’s not dating him because he’s married, and she’s not friend with him either. “All I can say about this relationship is that it’s platonic, but it’s not a relationship, and it’s not friendship. There’s no sex involved. But he keeps on calling me for various things. It’s mostly for work, but I can’t say that it’s strictly professional. He’s not my friend, because I can”t count on him. He forgot about my birthday two weeks ago, he doesn’t know about many things in my life, but apart from that, we get along really well”she says. I told her he’s just using her for a reason I can’t explain. But she replied that she’s using him too. “He’s a precious help for my job, and he has the power to make all my professional worries vanish with just some simple words. But he’s not my friend” she said.

What defines a relationship? And what defines a friendship? Sometimes, it’s not easy to draw the line. But I believe that these awkward situations we can get in don’t last forever. My friend number one might end her “thing” with her ex or move back on with him for good, but they can’t stay like that in the long run. My friend number two might develop a friendship with her married man, or become his mistress (I wish she didn’t do that), or just lose him.

So, this would mean that only the long run can clear things up in some special cases.

Have you ever been in an awkward situation like these with someone?

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

Dear Mama

vigee-le-brun-portrait-of-the-artist-with-her-daughter-mother-and-daughter-1789I had a lunch last week with one of my colleagues who’s really shy, and we ended up talking about our relationship with the opposite sex. At the end of the conversation, she told me she had never talked about her love life and how she has to behave with men in the game of love with her mother. She also wished she had some advices from her about that particular topic, because she could have avoided some mistakes.

I realized that most of the women I know who have a more or less healthy relationship have also a strong bond with their mother (but a non invasive type of bond, mind you). Most of my married friends admitted that they rely heavily on their mother’s advices about everything in life, including about love. I’m no exception to that, even if I don’t always listen to my mom. What was the kind of advices we received? Well, the old fashioned ones, like “let him make the first move”, “you should never run after a guy”, “he must treat you with respect”,… One of my friends says that her mom is acting with her like the police, because she can’t help asking her questions about her boyfriends. “She wants to know if he treats me well, if he doesn’t drink or do drugs, if he’s not violent, if he’s really single, how old he is, where does he come from, if he’s working, if he has a good situation, what kind of religion he follows,… This list is never ending” she says. “I had a hard time when I was younger with all my boyfriends because of her. I had the impression that no one was good enough for me. But I don’t know why, I always followed my mother’s advices and retrospectively, she was right almost all of the time about them” she adds.

Having a mother who controls everything in your life can be poisonous for your love life too. But having a mother who just don’t give a damn isn’t great either. My colleague told me that her mother wasn’t like that, but she simply didn’t talk about how she should behave with the opposite sex. “I was the only girl among my four brothers, and she raised us the same way. Period” she said. I replied to her that she shouldn’t blame too much her mother for that. She made a good job of raising five kids,  and taught them good manners, judging by how my coworker acts.

Besides, we can always find elsewhere the advices we didn’t get from our family. “My BFF is like my mother, and I rely on her for my love life. If she doesn’t appreciate my man, then there’s no way the relationship can be sustainable” one of my friends says.

But it is important to have some guidance in your love life, otherwise, you can get fooled a lot in the game of love.

So, does your mother have an influence on your love life? And do you think it’s important to have a guidance?

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life, love, relationships, women

Come to daddy

With two days of campaigning left before the US chooses a new president, let’s take a close look at their spouse. First, Cindy McCain. What strikes me the most in this woman, is that when she’s interviewed for the upcoming election, she doesn’t seem to have a firm opinion on things. Like if she doesn’t give a damn about what her husband might become (let’s pray not).

Maybe this is because McCain and she have a huge age difference. She’s 54, he’s 72. Recently, I read an article describing her life, and she appeared to act like a spoiled, daddy’s girl, teenager.  I hope for her she knows what her husband does for a living, and that she doesn’t ask him for permission to go out or to buy another 8th house.

Personally, I don’t envy her at all. She met her husband while he was still married, and the first years she spent with him were particularly difficult because everybody judged her as a homewrecker. A little bit like the former Mrs Sarkozy, Cecilia Ciganer-Albeniz, went through when she left her then husband for the future-ex one. Then, she had a little problem with drug abuse.

On the other hand, Michelle Obama.

I have the impression that Barack Obama married her equal, here.

She has recently been elected one of the best-dressed celebrities by Vanity Fair, and given where she comes from, this is a true honor. She’s educated, intelligent, and seems like a strong and independent woman. When interviewed, she gives the right answers the right time, even though her words can be taken out of their context against her and Obama by the Republican party. Personally, I have a bit of an admiration for her.

So, which one would make the best First lady?

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