Monthly Archives: January 2009

finance, life, miscellaneous, rant, thoughts, women

The other January Effect

In the marvelous world of finance, there’s a market seasonal effect called the January Effect. It’s described as followed: the performance of this month can serve as a good indicator for the rest of the year. If an index, like the S&P500 for example, ends this month on a positive note, then it will finish the end of the year with a positive performance. Studies have demonstrated this effect is more the result of a data snooping than a real and tangible effect.

I’ve always wondered if this effect could be transpose in our life. If January ends on a good note, does this mean that we will end the year on a positive note too? I’m not sure at all. If it’s the case, I fear that 2009 will be a really lousy year for me, because this month turned out to be really, really horrible so far. To be honest, I’m pissed against a friend of mine who pushed me to participate to an award I should never have done because I was the only junior journalist who participated. And there’s no surprise I lost miserably at it. He should have known that I didn’t have the experience to do such a competition. This, added to a lot of contriarities plus the death of a close friend, makes already my year really, really bad.

So, do you think that if your year doesn’t start well, the rest of it will be disastrous as well?

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The couple crunch

Now that we’re hit by a global recession, and that people are likely to lose their jobs if this isn’t already the case, some couples can also tumble down. Whether we like it or not, money plays an important component in the equilibrium of a couple, and if you used to live with some high standards, going down the road can prove to be a real challenge for you. But it depends on how your couple has evolved so far. It also depends on who’s hit by the job loss. If you have already known some downturns in the past, chances are another one won’t have that much impact on your relationship. And sorry to say that, but if it’s the man or the one who earns the most in the couple, chances are the challenges you’re about to experience will be tougher.

I met last year a couple where Madam was about my age, whereas Mister was much older than her. She met him at work. She was her secretary. He was the CEO of the local branch of a foreigner bank. He already got married before her, and has three children. The bank got caught in the financial turmoil and got nationalised. The local branch was simply shut and bought by a competitor after months of negociation. All the employees of the bank were fired, including the CEO. I heard he and she are separating now.

When I was a banker,  I also met quite  a lot of couples like this. I remember that woman who came once crying in my office, devastated because her husband’s company went bankrupt. She told me she feared they will be ruined, and that she was mad at him because her personal wealth was  bound to the goods of the company. In other words, all her fortune could be seized with the bankrupcy. Before, they used to live it large. We saw all their monthly expenses at the bank, and they didn’t refuse themselves anything. So, for her, the bankrupcy was  a catastrophe, an experience she never had before and wasn’t keen on experiencing. Four months after, she came again into our office and asked for a separate account. And for a change in her civil state.

Our social background helps us cope or not with difficult financial times. If you came from a modest one, where money wasn’t always flowing and the ends of months were tough, chances are you will deal with a downturn better than if you were a spoiled brat from a rich family.

Maybe this can explain that. And I invite you to read this.

So, is money important in a relationship?

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broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The pieces don’t fit anymore

 

When do we know it’s over?  There are many things that told you it isn’t working. The number one will be if you fight constantly with each other. But there’s a slight difference to make between fighting and fighting. Some couples feed themselves with fights. This is how they keep the flame burning between them. The mean fights which lead to a break up are the one where you just bring down constantly the other. Those are also the ones where you  can’t speak to your partner without screaming at him/her and get angry all the time with him/her because he/she can’t give you what you want. Shortly before Christmas, one of my friends called me, and was crying over the phone because she had another fight with her husband. She said she couldn’t take it anymore, that she didn’t feel desired anymore, and that the dialogue between them was simply impossible. She told me she had no choice but to call it quits. In her head, I knew it was over for her. Three weeks after, she took all her belongings from her house and got back to her parents’ place.

Fights can be a good indicator your relationship isn’t working. There are other factors. You don’t necessarily need to fight all the time to be unable to communicate with your partner. Sometimes, life makes you change in a different way than your partner, and you can feel you have nothing in common anymore with him. “We knew each other for a long time, but our jobs made it hard to see each other. Once, we were having breakfast together, and when we talked, we realized we felt like strangers to each other. We tried to reignite the flame between us, but it never took off. We decided to split, but remained friends” K., 34, said.

Sometimes, it can be the lack of desire, or you desire for the greener grass elsewhere, that leads to a breakup. It is said that when women go and see elsewhere, it’s because they aren’t in love anymore. This is not exactly true. Even if you’re faithful, you can break up with your partner because you have enough. Besides, some women can have multiple lovers and yet feel in love with their partner. “I’m married, and I have two other lovers. I go and see them just for sex. They are my lovers, and I make a clear distinction between the love I have for my husband, and the feelings I have for them. Besides, I know that it won’t last forever with them, but with my husband, I hope it will”  I. , 37, said.

Sometimes, you can break up because you realize your partner isn’t the person you fell in love anymore. That can happen if he/she lied about his/her personality/ activities. For example, if you marry a drug dealer but you don’t know about it. Or you have a relationship with a married person without knowing about his/her marital status.

Of course, even if you couple goes through a difficult phase like these, you can always manage to sort thing out, if both parties are willing to give it a try.

So, when do you know it’s over?

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broken heart, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, video, women

Use somebody

I had a strange year last year, where I met probably the weirdest and most intelligent person on this planet who has become a great friend, even though we have a kind of secret friendship. His job and mine don’t allow us to be friends. It’s against my deontology. It’s against his. Only my friends and family knows about our friendship. I don’t feel comfortable defending him in my newsroom, where he is truly hated by all my coworkers. This guy isn’t the man  everyone thinks he is. He gave me the greatest advices I could ever receive for my career, and I consider him a little bit like my mentor.

I read once an article about Meredith Whitney, that financial analyst and managing director at Oppenheimer & Co who correctly  predicted the mess we’re in. She also got trained by a man who became her mentor. But contrary to me, she didn’t lie at all about their relationship.

We all have a special someone who serves as a spiritual guide for us. It  can be a person from the same sex than us. It can also be a person from the opposite sex. Generally, this person is older than us. But he/she presents a very similar personality to yours, except that he/she has already lived the experiences you’re about to discover. Even though I know I’m not as intelligent as B. and don’t come from the same social cast, we share some common points and he has become a precious help in my job and a source of inspiration for my articles.

Some people fall in love with their mentor. Some don’t. I’ve met some women who told me their mentor was also their lover. Some women told me they married their mentor. Some told me they made him the godfather of their child. Some said they were just friends.

So, have you ever had a mentor?

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Fix you

When you’re in  a bad mood, there can be some people who help you to instantly feel better. Last week, I had a huge fight with my boss in the morning, and was angry the rest of the day, until I received a phone call from a friend of mine. I didn’t explain to him how I felt at that moment. We were just talking about something we read in a magazine and our plan for the weekend. But for a reason, my anger just wore off. My friend is someone really zen and funny, and I have the feeling my worries just wash away when we are together. He’s in the list of the people who help me  feel better. This includes of course the light of my life, and the closest of my friends.

There are also people who get on your nerves. My boss, for example, falls into that category. And my list is long. I asked around me if some people can help them to calm down, to get their act together, or feel better. This is what I got.

” My BFF is the only one who can manage to calm me down when I’m angry. Even my man can’t”  L., 35, said.

“Nope, nobody can soothe my bad mood when I’m in it. I just wait until it fades away. But in between, I’m really difficult with everyone, and you’d better not be in my way” J., 31, said.

“Well, the very people who help me feeling instantly better are also the ones who can drive me mad” O., 37, said.

Sometimes, when you’re angy, there’s nothing better than screaming it out loud.

So, is there someone who help you soothing your anger?

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blogging, broken heart, life, love, miscellaneous, thoughts, women

End of the year meme

I stole this one from various blogs

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Running for a prestigious award in financial journalism (finger-crossed)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t make resolutions. I just set some little goals and try to stick to it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yep, adorable twins.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes

5. What countries did you visit? Italy, France, Creta

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Success. In every domain.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? July 14. Big nervous breakdown.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Managing to write better articles.

9. What was your biggest failure?  Running into one of the walls of my house with my car.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A pair of lovely shoes, with high heels, and comfortable.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? ???

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My boss. Appalled, but not depressed, though.

14. Where did most of your money go? clothes

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The Sex and the City movie.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? Sadder. Neither thinner nor fatter. Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Wear more skirts.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Be less shy.

20. How did you spend Christmas? With lots of food and drink.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Many times. Mostly with shoes.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Little Britain.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Oh, yeah.

24. What was the best book you read? Eat, pray, love from Elizabeth Gilbert

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Fiction Plane.

26. What did you want and get?  a camera.

27. What did you want and not get? The list is too long.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Close Encounters of the third kind.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I cursed the fact I’m 30 now.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I’m never satisfied.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Boring.

32. What kept you sane? My friends and family. My man.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? MJK!

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Oh, my country has been plagued with a huge political crisis. And we’re not yet out of the wood.

35. Who did you miss? Bloggers. I haven’t been that much regular.

36. Who was the best new person you met?  B.?

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Never say anything bad about the others.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 

“Who knows exactly what I’m after?
Nite and Fog are my days”

If you read this, considered yourself tagged!
 

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

There goes my hero

In a true and committed relationship, we should let our significant other pass before ourselves, and this got to be mutual. However, by doing so, this is how you can alienate yourself in a relationship, and lose completely your identity. So, there’s a balance to find.

Some people, unfortunately, refuse to let their partner’s needs pass before theirs, and can live their relationship where they’re the main hero/ charachter while their partner has either the choice of adapting to them or leave. Recently, with my coworkers, we were discussing about one of our newspaper regular contributors. He’s a very busy man, who only sleeps 4 hours a day, and runs from multiple seminars to his presidency of an international company,… One of my colleagues had once asked him if his wife wasn’t bothered that much by his numerous absences, and he replied simply by this:”If she’s not happy with my life, then I’ll switch for another wife”. However, I don’t know if he told the truth to my colleague. Once, when I had to interview him, he complained to his secretary that his wife was constantly mocking him. Maybe she’s making him pay for his physical absence. Maybe this is how she deals with this. I guess you can’t decently accept your man to be away from you most of the time. Especially if he’s away for quenching his thirst for fame. Since the financial crisis, he has been everywhere in the medias and in conferences. If you watch our national political debates and news, you could wonder if there’s only him able to talk about this topic. The truth is the other observators are either too busy or not interested by the limelight. In my newsroom, our chief editor has decided to boycott him because we’re all fed up with him.

He clearly makes his own desire pass before his wife. So, I understand she’s reacting badly with him.

I know they married late. When you’re over 45 and marry for the first time, there are some things in your life you don’t want to compromise. And living so long as a single person can be really challenging for your partners.

So, who’s the hero in your relationship? You, or your significant other?

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

The real thing

When it comes to love, we all have a first time that triggered/ shaped forever our future relationships. It isn’t necessarily our first time ever. Some people can multiply partners who didn’t really count into their life until they meet the big L.

This paradigm also applies for sex. We can multiply partners and sometimes find sex boring until we find the lover that will make us discover the real thing. I’ve met many people who told me it was the case. “I don’t remember at all my first sexual experience. It was boring, the guy just did his thing and then it was it. The lovers I had after him didn’t mark me either, until I met J. He was ten years older than me. When I looked at him the first time, I thought we would never make it together because I wasn’t attracted at all to him. But he managed to convince me to sleep with him, and I couldn’t imagine how great he was as a lover. He made me discover what I like and what I don’t in sex. And he marked the turning point of my sex life. I would never forget him”O., 35, said. “I had that experience with one of my dad’s friends. Before him, I used to have sex with guys of my age, who were inexperienced  like me and for some only interested in scoring the maximum partners. He was different. The affair we had remained a secret because he’s married. But he initiated me to sex like I never did before” P., 34, said. “I had many lovers before him, but he was the one who has taken me into a whole new level with sex, but also with love. That’s why we got married” L., 36, said. “I had my first experience of mind-blowing sex years after my first one. I had finally found my sexual match. It was like if he could anticipate all my needs, I’ve never known that before”M., 38, said.

Of course, you don’t experiment that with someone who has just lost his/her virginity. I also noticed that in most of the case, the person who reveals the sexual human being in you is often older/ more experimented. In Ancient Greece, there was a rite where the eldest would pick young boys to initiate them to sex. This is an extreme example, but maybe our actual experiences derive from this (in a much legal way, BTW).

So, have you ever had a lover who changed the perception you had on sex?

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