Monthly Archives: March 2010

celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

My sweet prince

According to this study,

“women from countries with healthier populations prefer more feminine-looking men“

In fact, it’s a question of fidelity. A man with masculine features is more likely to cheat than a man with feminine ones. I don’t know if it’s true. But the article also points this:

“Women with the weakest masculinity preferences of all lived in Belgium, a country considered to have one of the best publicly funded health-care systems in Europe“

So, in other words, the richer woman are, the weaker masculinity preferences they will have.  I was reading an article about bimboys, those men who behave exactly like a woman, a metrosexual connected to his emotions, in other words. Apparently, in the western civilization, these men are becoming more and more common. It’s an evolution linked to our ways of living.

I wanted to know if women around me would pick a feminine guy. And most of them replied that it depends on how feminine he is.

“Personally, I wouldn’t want if he wears makeup and spends his time in the bathroom. But if he’ sensible and shows some understanding of your problems, like a woman would do, this is a plus” P., 34, said.

“Sensible, yes, but not a sissy. I dated once a guy who was afraid of everything and would let me kill the spider, chase the mouse, open the door to strangers. Instead of defending me in a conversation with a bully man, he would just disappear ” K., 35, said.

“It depends. If he listens and try to understand me, that’s OK. But I don’t want him to react like a woman who changes her mind every hour  and would cry for any reason” O., 40, said.

I’m a bit skeptical though about how sustainable a relationship can be with a really sensible guy. Because if he becomes like your BFF, it can ruin the relationship.  Love and friendship are two different things. Do you agree?

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Why can’t I

Recently, one of my friends told me she had strange physical reactions whenever the man she’s in love with is coming to see her. She says she can feel he’s in the same place without seeing him. And noticed she has butterflies in her stomach in those moments. I replied that she knows he’s going to meet her in a new york minute, so she’s probably just anticipating that meeting. After all, who never had butterflies in his/her stomach before an important date?

These butterflies are just caused by epinephrine. It’s the same reaction than when you’re stressed or worried about something. But when it comes to love, feeling this is such a pleasant one, isn’t it? Of course, when you’re not yet in a relationship, this can serve as a good indicator of your feelings for the other. And these don’t lie. Another friend of mine took a very long time to realize she was in love with one of her coworkers. She was constantly fighting with him. But each time he went away for his job, and came back into the office weeks later, she just felt very stressed before the D-Day. She couldn’t explain why at first. But I told her she couldn’t stop talking about him all of the time and that she might be in love with him. She looked at me with horror when I said that. But then, she admitted I had reason. And asked me what she should do. Well, to be honest, I wouldn’t want her to get disappointed if her feelings for him isn’t mutual. Plus, she would be embarrassed at work. This is all the problems you have to encounter with love at the office. Unfortunately.

On the other hand, if she doesn’t do anything and wait patiently for a thin sign of reaction coming from him, chances are she will never know.

Living your life asks sometimes for some courage and honesty.  So, what would you do?

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broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Forget me not

In our busy life, we spend our time chasing after time. So, it can happen that we miss some very  important things along the way. Like for example, wishing to your lover a happy birthday, or missing your ten years anniversary together. If it’s the case, you will have a hard time trying to explain why you forgot that important event. But this can mean a lot about the state of your relationship if you have reached that point. This can also mean it’s time to brake in your professional life, because it’s too invading.

Lately, I’ve realized I’ve been way too preoccupied by my job. As a result, I neglected severely all my friends and my family. But only an external event reminded me of that. My friends say it’s always the case. And everytime,  it just reminds me how miserable I am. Luckily, they understand and forgive me all the time. And I’m not the only one who forget about the group or the family. So, that leaves us all equal…

In a long term relationship or a long term friendship, these oversights are forgivable because we all know each other.  But these have to be very, very occasional. On the long run, this is simply how you ruin a relationship and friendship . When the bond is new, this is where you can lose quickly your new friend/lover. It just shows you don’t really care about him/her. On the other hand, this is also a very coward way to break up with him/her.

So, do you often forget about things?

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Come undone


Decoration and storage can be a delicate topic and a matter of argument in a couple. If you share the exact same tastes for decoration and the same sense of storage, then it shouldn’t be a problem. But usually, even if we’re both tidy/ untidy, chances are we wouldn’t share the same concepts of decoration. Go to an Ikea on a Saturday and you would understand why. I don’t know why, but this seems to be the place where couples have an argument, because they disagree on the cupboard/ lights/ bed/ sofa… One of my friends say the decoration of their home is basically the only point where they argue all of the time. She likes a comfy and warm interior, while her husband likes it minimal. So, they often end up doing compromises. But when they decide to buy a new piece of furniture for their apartment, it usually takes them months to realize this project.  H., 35, has another tactic.”We split the decisions in two. If he buys a paint, the next time we will buy something to decorate our house, it will be my turn.  I don’t like what he likes, and he doesn’t approve my choices either. So, this is the only way we have found to solve our arguments”  she said. “People are often surprised when they come to visit us because our house doesn’t seem harmonized at  all. There is a mix and match of artworks, modern and old furniture sitting next to each other, …” she added. P., 41, has another deal. “I have a room only for me in our house. This is where I work, so I can decorate it like I want. But in the other parts of the house, it’s compromise, compromise, compromise all over again all of the time” she said. G., 34, admits she just let her man decide. “When I moved in his apartment, I found his tastes so good that I decided to embrace it. Before him, I never was into decoration or something like that. I knew nothing. He just converted me into his tastes for decoration” she said.

And what if he/she’s untidy, while you’re not?

When I was a banker, I had this client who just looked like a tramp and was really filthy. Yet, his wife was really clean. We called them the lady and the tramp. One of my old coworkers had the occasion once to go to their house. And it was divided in two. The living room was divided in two. There was one part tidy, and the other one untidy, a real mess.  They have always lived like that. I guess this is the deal they found to live with each other.  Some don’t have those deals. And end up fighting all the time with each other. It’s really hard to change an untidy person, like it’s hard to change a tidy person. And I know about this: I’m untidy…

So, are you tidy?

 

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, thoughts, women

Eh eh (Nothing else I can say)

Communication isn’t always that easy. In every conversation, it can happen that we don’t know what to say. Sometimes, we prefer to keep our mouth shut instead of telling something we will regret later. But those silences can be really meaningful in their own way. Especially if those are accompanied with some body language. An example? If your man says something stupid, you can say nothing but just roll your eyes. And it just tells him how stupid it was.

But telling nothing without using body language can simply mean we give the other reason on what he/she says.  At least, this is how it is interpreted. In violent relationships, this is how you accept the humiliation from your partner. It’s important to react, even if you know you’re wrong. It’s not because you’re wrong that you deserve to be treated the wrong way. Recently, one of my editors went ballistic with one of my coworkers, in front of everyone in the newsroom. and my colleague just waited he finished shouting at him to ask him a little bit of respect, and to stop talking to him like he was a dog. This is the right reaction toward a verbal aggression. It’s important to react and to say you were hurt. If you don’t do that, this is a straight ticket for moral harassment. You just give to your aggressor a validation for his/her behavior.

And if you’re right, it’s another reason to react. If you don’t accept your partner’s behavior, it’s important to tell him/her about it. Otherwise, he/she will keep on acting like that. If he/she doesn’t adapt to your critics, then he/she’s probably too selfish, and not the right person for you.

So, do you like confrontations?

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

In her shoes

Some women can’t walk with flat heels. They get so used to high heels  that they can’t stand being low on the ground anymore. For some, it’s a way to feel like a woman. Like other would pick the red lipstick.

Recently, as I was shoe shopping, I couldn’t help listening to the two ladies who were discussing in front of me. They both came to try this trendy pair of shoes, ballerinas that can be flip in two and easy to carry in your handbag. These were so pretty they couldn’t help buying it. And one of them decided to wear it immediately, because her feet were killing her, but also because she couldn’t wait the next day to have it on her feet. The other decided to follow her, but then changed her mind. She said she couldn’t walk with them. Then paused. And admitted to her friend she was afraid her man would see her in flat heels. “He never saw me in flat heels. I would be afraid he loves me less if he sees me like that” she said.

She doesn’t need high heels to be attractive, though. She was beautiful. Period. But I guess her heels is just a part of her identity. Without it, she probably doesn’t feel like herself. Some people find their confidence in the most common things. She’s no exception to that.

Why do we use subteties like that? It’s a question of seduction. For some women, it’s a cleavage. Others use clothes that fit them best. And other rely on the high heels.

So, what do you use to seduce?

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, thoughts, women

You’re so vain

Would you date someone who’s too vain? Personally, I couldn’t. And I would immediately hear this song running into my head otherwise:

But for a reason, sometimes, we can fall in love with a guy soo vain, because we feel chosen or something like that. I do believe we choose our partner to reflect our own narcissism. Based on this dynamic, a relationship can last, or not. And it can lead to some surprises.

Recently, one of my friends announced to us she was single. She left her man who was really narcissistic and only thought about himself. He would spend more time than her in the bathroom and checked himself in the mirror all of the time. On his desk, at work, there was a picture of him with  a famous football star. And he was always talking about what he did and how he succeeded in this and that. In other words, he was really, really annoying.

My friend realized she was bored one day, when she woke up in the morning and wondered who was that guy sleeping next to her. Of course, we were all flabbergasted when she said that to us. She explained that she really felt invisible next to him all of the time, so she would act without considering him in her life. She became so used to live on her own that she didn’t see why she should keep him in her life. So, it was only logical.

Luckily for her, her ex wasn’t mean. There are vain people who are also mean to you. Even Lady Gaga met such an asshole. She recently said in an interview for Cosmopolitan:

I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail.”She added: “I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the f*****g deli without hearing or seeing me.

I wonder if she ever woke up one day and asked who the hell was sleeping next to her…

So, do you think that stupidity is a deal breaker?

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