Monthly Archives: January 2013

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Men who have their way with women

In my newsroom, several male journalists have a really bad reputation with women. Yet, they still manage to score with some of my female coworkers.

At our last Christmas party, I noticed one of my womanizer coworkers following everywhere our new web designer. She was hired last year and since then, he has managed to get closer to her, by accompanying her to concerts and plays, with her group of coworkers. One of them admitted to me, during our Christmas party, she was sleeping with him. Despite the fact he was already in another relationship.

My male coworker isn’t handsome. And he smells trouble. He left my newsroom twelve years ago after he got busted by his ex-wife for cheating on her with the receptionist of our company. His ex came into a fury in our newsroom and threw away all of his belongings. He got fired from all the jobs he took after until my chief editor had pity on him and asked him to come back to our newsroom.

Since then, he has tried to hit with every new female journalist in my newsroom. He doesn’t try with the others, who know his habits. Except my chief editor. He’s always trying to sit next to her whenever we have our annual dinner. And when he’s drunk (most of the time), he tries to hit with her, much to her dismay. This is why she remains distant with him.

But for a reason I don’t understand, he managed to score with our new web designer. Who’s beautiful. And way younger than him.

Some men, who aren’t particularly rich, or handsome, do have their way with women. It’s just than they know what to say to make a woman react, or even what to do. Since we don’t know in advance we’re in front of a womanizer, it’s important to be extra careful with this kind of people. The only way to ensure he’s really into you is to make him wait before sleeping with him. And wait a lot of time. Not only, it’s the best way to know about his real intentions. But it also gives you the time to know him a little bit better, and to know essential things about him like his marital status, his habits,…

As for my web designer, I just hope she will come to her senses quickly. She deserves much more than him.

 

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, thoughts, women

The kids equation

One of my friends, who’s a single mother of two adorable kids, recently broke off with her man, who also has three kids. She admitted she didn’t see herself with five kids in her house. That perspective didn’t please her that much. And she also feared she would always come after his kids. As he would always come after hers.

Dating someone who has children is complicated. You have to deal with the kids who won’t necessarily like you. And who will always come before your own interest in your significant other’s heart. Plus, except if the ex lives in another country or is not present anymore, you will have to deal with the ex in the picture too.

Some couples do get over those obstacles. One of my coworkers is married to a man who already has twins from a previous union. But she loves her step-daughters and is really happy every time they come to spend the week-end with their dad. I guess it really depends on how your significant other cares about you.

If he/she always put his/her children interests before you, there will be a time when you feel frustrated from this.

Some resolve this equation by having another child with their significant other. But this doesn’t necessarily help you, as your significant other can prefer his kids over his new one.

That’s why some women refuse to date a man who already has children. “I had too many relationships where I was always the one left behind. In some cases, I had a hard time getting along with their kids, who wanted to get their parents together. In some cases, even if the kids accepted me, I was always put behind them” C., 39, said.

Unfortunately, when you’re over 30, chances get thinner to get a significant other without any kid. Most of the people of my age are now mother or father.

So, if you had to choose, would you prefer someone with or without kids as your significant other?

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Friends without benefits

The most read story on the New York Times Modern Love section right now is called “Friends without benefits“. It tells the story of a woman who becomes the good friend of a man but lusts secretly after him. Their friendship depletes as they begin to become more than friends, but their relationship ends because he never reciprocates the love she had for him.

I have a good friend of mine I wish he was more than friend to me too. But I never had the chance to tell him I loved him. And we have a complicated friendship now.

It started in high school. I didn’t notice him right away. It took us two years to get to know each other. We ended up sitting next to each other in fifth grade, because our head teacher decided to put her students randomly in the class, rather than letting them sit next to their friends. I wasn’t seduced by him right away. But he enjoyed my company and often invited me to come with his friends to the cinema, to bars and concerts.

My feelings for him grew over time. I only realized I was in love with him the day he introduced his girlfriend to his friends, including me. I hated her right away. Their relationship went belly up after a month, and he dated other girls. All my friends told me to tell him how I felt. But I didn’t have the courage to do so.

I ended up dating his best friend, and our road separated when high school was over. He went to study in a different town than I. Two months later, his best friend left me, and I left the group of friends we had in common because I couldn’t stomach seeing my ex again.

I failed my first year in College, and decided to change my studies. I had to move to a town where I knew nobody for that. None of his group of friends tried to stay in touch with me.

Years passed, and I had no news from him. Until 2008, when I decided to register to Facebook. He found me and left me a message. He said he was separated, living in London, and asked if we could see each other again. But I wasn’t single at the time, and I told him right away about it. Three months after, I went to London, and he came to pick me at the place where I had my interview. He hasn’t changed much since High School, apart from his hair which are gone now. While we were having lunch, he said I was the only one he still had contact with from High School. But he told me he got back with his girlfriend. He met her while he was studying architecture in Milan, and she followed him when he decided to move to London.

Every time I went to London, I went to have lunch with him. Until one day, where he said he was only available for the evening. So, we went to have dinner, and we ended in a bar, where we didn’t drink (he was trying to stop drinking). He asked if he could enter with me to my hotel. But even if I was single at the time, I knew he was in a relationship, so I kissed him goodbye and got back to my room alone. He stopped contacting me after that.

Six months later, I saw his picture with a baby on Facebook. I called him to congratulate him, but he never replied. He eventually reacted six months later. He introduced me to his son, and told him to behave well otherwise I won’t come back and see them, while looking at me with a big smile. But his little boy was running everywhere and interrupted many times our conversation. When I left, he said nothing. And now, I’m the one who don’t want to contact him.

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The first night disaster

The first night when he invites you at his place is always full of surprises. If he really cares about you, he will try to impress you with his cooking skills, his sense of humor, his personality,…

But sometimes, it doesn’t turn the way he expected it.

I had an ex who ended up in an emergency room because he tried to cook for me but cut deeply his finger. So, instead of a romantic night at his place, we ended up in a hospital where he made a scene because he was afraid of getting stitches for his finger. But that didn’t stop me from dating him, because after this terrible date, we could just laugh about it.

I wasn’t harsh with him for ruining this date. I was more worried than him about his bleeding finger. Because at first, he thought the bleeding would stop. I had to look at it to realize he needed stitches, so I was the one who urged him to go to the emergency room.

Another friend of mine told me she experienced the same first night disaster at home. Her future husband planned a romantic night and took cooking classes weeks before this to be sure he would impress my friend with his cooking skills. But the D-Day, he made mistake over mistake. He spilled the wine on the table, which fell on to my friend’s dress (who had to throw her dress away because the stain never got off), burned the napkin with the candlelight, burned the meal in the oven, and the things he did succeed to cook were “absolutely disgusting” according to my friend. My friend was disappointed by the evening, of course. But when she tried to leave his apartment, he said he really enjoyed her company, and asked her to come and have a drink in the bar not far from his place.

“There’s no easy start for a relationship” she says. I agree with her. I tend to be suspicious with men who make it too easy when you are with them for the first time. This is the sign of someone who’s used to women, aka a womanizer. And usually, they will tell you right away they’re one, by saying something like :”no woman has ever won my heart”  or “I haven’t had a long-term relationship“.

People who are nervous on first occasions like that are genuine.

So, would you forgive him if he ruins your date?

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celibacy, dating site, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Where not to find men

Now 2013 is there, some of us who are still single are determined to find a significant other. Some people, disappointed by online dating, turn to events organized for single people. But usually, they grow disappointed by this too.

Recently, a friend of mine told me about her disappointing experience with speed dating. “We were ten women, there were only four men. None of them were attractive nor funny. At the end of the evening, all the women there were asking where were the real men” she said, adding that no one found her match during this date.

This is not the first time I heard this kind of story.

Another friend of mine told me her mom’s experience, also similar. She wanted to go hiking with a group of single people, in hope of finding someone who will share the same passion. But when she arrived at the start of her destination, there were a group full of women. The only man there was their guide. She didn’t expect that at all.

And then I saw a New Year Party on TV where among the forty people attending the dinner, only four men were counted. All the women seemed disappointed.

I wonder if the organizers of such meetings really care about having the right balance between men and women.

Not all organizers are like that. Most dating sites have understood the need of single people to be attracted physically by someone else, without the lie. Because it’s easy to put a flattering picture of ourselves on our profile. Even if it dates back from the 1990’s…

But even there, there are disappointments. One of my friends ended up going to a party organized by a dating site where she was among men of 50-60 years old (she’s 30) . Yes, there were men, but old enough to be her dad.

So, how to avoid getting trapped like that?

Read forums, ask your single friends about their personal experiences. Unfortunately, there’s no guarantee you will find the right person easily. But sometimes, it works.

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