Monthly Archives: March 2020

celibacy, love

Dating at the time of Covid-19 (part two)

The quarantine period imposed in most countries affected by the pandemic has changed our space and time. In France, for example, people must respect a 1km perimeter around their home if they want to walk or run. In my country, people are asked to walk, bike or run in the nearest park or forest of their home. As consequence, you can bump into your neighbors (with the six feet distance required) more. There’s a family I always see for the moment when I go for a walk around my home. The four members of the family have been running in the same place where I have walked so far.

In normal times, I would have never seen them. They are stuck home because schools are closed. In normal times, the two daughters would be in school instead of running around a park with their parents. Their parents would be at work. I would be at work too.

There are also two teenagers who are sisters I have met often during this particular period. They have been either running or walking in the same park where I walk. In normal times, the sisters would be in school.

So the quarantine has changed our social circle.

Because we are stuck home, we are also forced to change our attention around us. There was a story related by Business Insider about a photographer stuck at his house who saw  through his window a woman dancing on the rooftop of her building. He sent her a message with his mobile number with his drone and she answered.  They went for a date with the social distance, helped by a bubble…

He may not have noticed her if he wasn’t stuck at home because of the quarantine.

So, if you’re single during this quarantine, pay attention around your neighborhood. It’s the opportunity to drop Tinder or other dating apps for a while…

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love, relationships

The Covid-19, a stress test for couples

I read this article in the New York Times, about couples who thrive during unexpected disasters that force people to stay home for a long time. Some couples don’t last after an ordeal. In China, the number of divorces has raised a lot since the end of the quarantine for people. But the quarantine have forced some people who can’t stand their partner anymore to stay in the same place for some weeks. So, it’s no surprise they waited for the end of this period to divorce.

Some couples don’t survive to this kind of ordeals. The article in the New Times narrates a lot of examples during the Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. It’s a question of character. If your partner wants to focus on the daily routine, while you are panicked and are obsessed about the events, it may clash between the two of you. People don’t react the same way to unfortunate events. So, yes, events like the Covid-19 or a hurricane are a stress test for couples.

Some couples do survive after unfortunate events like a disaster. There was also a baby boom after Katrina. In my journal, there was an interview of a female CEO who said her family has experience with being barricaded in the same place for a long time, because they spent four months on a boat parked in the Grenadines island. “It was a sabbatical” she said.

Some couple are not very different from each other, and can find funny activities to do in group, like dressing together for homeworking….

The Covid-19 crisis and its quarantine is different from a natural disaster like Katrina that destroyed many houses in New Orleans. People who are in quarantine because of the epidemic have dealt with different problems, like loosing temporarily their job and the financial insecurity that follows, fear of getting infected with the Covid-19 and to spread the virus among your circle, and unfortunately for some, the loss of someone you hold dear.  But people don’t have to deal with floods, no electricity, and all their possessions smashed because of the hurricane.

In my country, it’s still allowed to go and take a walk with your significant other outside. For now. Other countries have forbidden people to do this. So technically, we’re not stuck at home all of the time. Yet, it’s still a test for couples.  Kindness is key in this period.

 

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love

Love at the time of Covid-19

@piques

When your girlfriend has corona virus but you still love her 🤷🏻‍♂️ #foryoupage #foryou #fyp

♬ Its Corona time – playboierik21

In this tragic period of pandemic, it’s not wise to have a date.  Yet, people still use Tinder and other dating apps, maybe in the hope to meet each other when the pandemic will disappear. But I read this  and was a bit puzzled. I guess in countries with no limit to leave your house, you’re still free to go to a date at the risk of being contagious  or to be infected with the covid-19. In my country, though, our government has decided to close all the bars and restaurants during  three weeks , only authorized the food deliveries. Museums, cinemas, gyms, … are also closed. So, without the usual places to have a date, it’s difficult to have a date during this lockdown. In my country, it’s still possible to go to parks though. But everyone think about the same place, and it’s not a good idea to go where there is a crowd, where social distancing isn’t possible.

People treat the Covid-19 in my country with lightness. But when the situation will escalate, I guess everything will just stop like in Italy, where people don’t want to leave their home anymore. Yet,

“According to OkCupid, 88 percent of people surveyed globally say they’re still dating during the outbreak. In the United States, the dating pool is still at 92 percent, though it varies by region. (The most nervous cities in America are Seattle and Miami, where only about 85 percent of respondents feel comfortable dating.) In countries that have been more seriously impacted by the virus, that number falls sharply. In South Korea, 71 percent of OkCupid users are still actively dating. In Italy, only 45 percent of people are willing to match and mingle at all.”

For those who are in a relationship, the Covid-19 is also a problem. Because there’s a good chance you can pass the virus to your significant other if you’re ill yourself. Social distancing with your significant other is very difficult.  Look at Tom Hanks and his wife, who have both tested positive to Covid-19.

It’s wise to avoid other people if you have tested positive to Covid -19.

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life, love, relationships

The age difference

lolita

In France, there’s a hot topic right now since the revelation from Vanessa Spinoza about the writer who used to be celebrated in intellectual circles. The scandal has triggered since the publish of Vanessa Spinoza’s book. But when I was a teenager, I reminded one of my teachers who warned us about the male writer and to never read any of his books.

I’ve read that age difference will be more suspected in the future because of this scandal. So what’s age difference is okay, and what’s not?

In general, a huge age difference in a relationship is not a good idea, because you don’t share any common experience with your significant other. Yet, it’s possible that an old man can fall in love with someone who’s 40 years younger than him. Some say it’s just dementia.

The new object of love of Silvio Berlusconi is 30, while he’s 83. Needless to say, when he was 50, she wasn’t born yet. And she doesn’t seem disgusted by him. But she’s 30, and an adult. So she may know why she has chosen him.

There are maybe other reasons why young people are attracted to much older people. It’s a question of fortune, network, fame, … But it’s not guaranteed to last forever, because old people die before them, in general.

That’s the problem with a much older significant other than you. Don’t forget he/she will age not well, and that diseases, cancers, vascular accidents,… can happen when we are old.

And besides, if you’re after his/her heritage, don’t forget there maybe other members of his/her family after that too.

Karl Lagerfeld, the deceased stylist, didn’t left anything to anyone around him, except to his cat, Choupette.

In the case of Vanessa Spinoza, she was a teenager, when she met the old writer. At that age, it’s not difficult to be influenced, especially if you come from a broken family.  One of my friends has a teenager. My friend is divorced but she looks after her daughter very well and doesn’t like when her “friends” treats her badly. My friend is very honest and direct with her daughter. And it’s important.

I have a niece who’s still a child. But when she will be a teenager, I guess I will be very honest with her and warning her about her relationships. Nowadays, teenagers are also the object of harassment on social media. I hope my niece will never experience this.

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love

Gaslighting

liar

In some relationships, unfortunately, you can be abused by a manipulation called gaslighting.

It’s based on constant lies to people. And threats. Like “without me, you will be miserable”, or “I told you not to leave me”.

Sometimes, these people are able to tell the truth just to keep the illusion alive with you. They will also do you a favor in order to keep you close to them.

The best way to reveal their lying behavior is to watch their acts. Acts are generally a good indicator of anyone’s true personality. For example, if he says you’re the most important person in his life, but spends a lot of time at work or with his female friends, and is barely there when you need him, it just shows you aren’t that important to him.

But why some people are constantly lying like that?

One of my ex’s is like that. But he told me he was beaten by his father when he was younger. Inside of him, he was very fragile. I guess he needs to have a shield around him by lying when he doesn’t feel very well.

It was difficult with him because he plays a lot on words to turn the conversation in his advantage.

He told me he would marry me. He never proposed. He was seeing two other women when we were together. When I had some suspicions, and asked him about that, he would change the subject of our conversation, or just said I was insecure.

But every time I tried to leave him, he would make a grand gesture to make me doubt about my decision to leave him. Eventually, I left him, because I just had enough.

He used to make a lot of promises, and never fulfilled those. He wasn’t a man of word. But like we say, promises are only binding those who believe in them.

When you don’t believe any word your significant other is saying anymore, maybe it’s the sign you have enough of his/her lies.

A long term relationship can’t be built on constant lies. If you can’t trust your significant other, it’s not a good sign of a healthy relationship.

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