Tag Archives: domination

celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Who’s the boss?

In every couple, there’s someone who dominates the other. But it’s not necessarily the one who seems to dominate the other. An example? One couple I know used to have Mister taking all the decision where Madam was just standing behind him, and agreed to everything he wanted. We all thought he was the one who dominated the couple, and would be the first to leave the couple, but it turned out differently. After seven years spent together, the woman decided to leave because she had enough of his controlling ways, and he was the one who was devastated by the breakup.

Another ex-couple I knew was also based on the same dynamic, except the woman was very active outside their marriage. She was the one in charge of various charity activities and did her job very professionally. But when she was at home with her husband, she would let him take all the decisions.  One of my coworkers, who is an excellent journalist, told me that she doesn’t do anything at home because her husband takes charge of everything. “It’s not that I’m spineless or something like that, but after a long day at work, where I have to take a lot of decisions, it’s good to say that I don’t have to think about this and that at home, so I leave him the decisions. That doesn’t mean I agree to everything. I have something to say about the holidays we take, the furnitures we have to buy, the washing machine to replace,…” she said. In this case, we would ask who dominates the other. The line isn’t clear anymore. Especially nowadays, where women have won their independence.

Some women will therefore dominate their significant other. A former colleague of mine asked her husband to marry her, she didn’t wait for his proposal. She takes every decision in her couple, and her husband just obeys her all of the time. She’s like a mother to him. He’s the third kid in the house.

But some women will choose to let their partner take all the decisions, because it’s convenient for them. Some other will choose to split the decisions 50-50.  There’s no bad combination, it just depends on our personality. If you’re bossy, you will never accept to yield to your partner. But that’s not sure. Remember that when we fall in love, we accept to release all our brakes. Loving someone is also trusting him enough to give up yourself.

Besides, every dominant personality needs a victim to feed his domination, and this relationship creates a dependence between the two.

So, are you the one who dominates in your couple?

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Head over heels

Many, many years ago, one of my ex’s told me this when we broke up: “I hope you will find a man that will dominate you”. He didn’t mean it in a hateful way, we did remain friends afterwards. But he said that because back then, I had some troubles respecting the opposite sex. This is BTW the reason why we broke up together.

Recently, a friend of mine, who was known to all of us as a really tough person and a true man eater, announced to us she was getting married with the man she loved, to our biggest surprise. So far, she hasn’t managed to keep a man in her life for more than a month and treated the opposite sex decently. To her eyes, men were just stupid, arrogant, good for nothing and useless. Until she met her future husband. She threw a party with her entourage so we could meet him, and with my other friends, we couldn’t help thinking he was extraordinary for managing to marry her. When we arrived there, we discovered a face of our friends we didn’t know. She was there, smiling and leaning her head on his shoulder. She never did that before with any man. We learned that he was ten years older than her, very cultivated, funny, witty and that he ran his own company. He had this natural leadership with everyone, including with my friend. She basically obeyed to him throughout the evening.

So, my ex had reason. My friend managed to find a man she respects, and who dominates her, in a good way.

But I can’t help thinking, do women need to feel dominated to love someone? When I ask that around me, this is what I get for answers.

“Dominating is a harsh word to my ears. I would say no. I do like having control of everything in my life, including on my man. I couldn’t stand a man who would tell me what to do, what to wear, and who criticizes me when I do something wrong. I’ve seen my mom being humiliated like that by my father, and I promise myself not to reproduce this scenario with my man” O., 34, said.

“It depends on how he dominates me. If he’s winning on me because of his intelligence, his kindness, his attention for me, I would say yes. But if he dominates me with authority, it won’t do”H., 32, said.

“I would say yes, I like when a man leads the way. I guess his natural authority can be difficult to manage sometimes, but that’s the price to pay when you love someone who takes the control of the relationship” P., 35, said.

” Yes. Because when you love someone, you accept to give up, to remove all your brakes and boundaries” K., 30, said.

Accepting to feel dominated in your love life really depends on your personality.  If you’re a control freak, there’s little chance you could stand a partner who will tell you what to do. If you like to rely on the other  or just follow orders, then it’s another story. But my friend’s example shows that even the most unsubdued characters can change if they find their master.

Besides, accepting to give up, to let go, because you love someone makes you vulnerable. And if the person you love doesn’t respect you like he/she should, you can really suffer in a relationship like this.

So, do you like to feel dominated in your love life?

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