Learning to fight better, accept more, appreciate daily and stay in love with my husband

Posts tagged ‘relationship’

Meet the Longest Married Couple

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photo from the Connecticut Post, BK Angeletti

I am not a news junkie.  In fact, I avoid the news at all costs.  I have decided that I would rather live my life in blissful ignorance, than fill it with negativity and fear. There are so few positive stories shared these days.

Despite my avoidance of the news, I recently, saw a post on Twitter that had me heading to the Associated Press.  It said, “Meet the Longest Married Couple.” I was hooked.  I couldn’t wait to meet them.

Last month, John and Ann Betar celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary and were declared the US’s Longest Married Couple.  Since then, it seems that other couples have come forth to claim the label for themselves, but that is beyond the point here.

The Twitter feed linked to a video of the couple being interviewed.  I couldn’t wait to hear what kind of insight they had into marriage.  What could I learn from them? The couple sat together on a couch while being interviewed, his hand resting comfortably on her knee.

The first thing I noticed about this remarkable couple, is how young they looked and acted for being people of 101 and 97 years old, respectively.  I hope I can be of such strong mind and body when I am their age, may I even make it to their age.

Listening to this couple talk of their love story, their life and marriage . . . I was so touched.  There was just something about them, so sweet and adorable.  But, there was one thing that was said, that I haven’t been able to get out of my mind since.

They were, of course, asked the question that everyone on the planet wants the answer to.  “What is the secret to your marriage?”   Here is what she answered,

“He has always had his hand on my knee.”

So sweet, simple and deeply profound.  As she said it, they both giggled and he quickly removed his hand from her knee laughing, probably not even realizing his hand was there in the first place.  It had become something so natural.

What is the secret to a long marriage?  To her, it seems the answer was connection.  He was always somehow connected to her.  A physical connection.  A simple touch that she could always count on.  Something beyond words.  Something that says, “I’m here.  I love you. You matter. I want you close to me.”

“He has always had his hand on my knee.”

Am I naive enough to think that simple gesture is enough in a marriage? No.   But, I believe there is a very valuable lesson to be learned in that statement.   To me it says, never underestimate the power of connection.  The power of simple gestures that show your spouse love.  A touch that shows contentment and loyalty.  A special gift of love that is reassuring, loving and comfortable.  A touch can often transcend words.  It can say, “I love you” with a simple clasp of a hand, a brush of the cheek, a warm embrace, a squeeze of a knee.

Stay connected.

Don’t take for granted the simple power of a loving hand resting on the knee of your spouse.

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage: Simple gestures of love go a long way.

Here is one of the interviews of them in case you want to meet them too.  Newsday.com

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divorce, love, Marriage, Uncategorized

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Many Ways to Say “I Love You”

No long post here today.  I just wanted to share an idea that I came across somewhere on Pinterest.  Of course now that I want to share it with you, I can’t find the post again.  But, regardless, this idea was posted from a Mom who did this for her kids.

Everyday, from February 1st to February 14th, she put a new heart on their bedroom door and wrote on it one reason why she loved them.  I thought this was such a sweet idea.  We don’t really have any Valentine’s Day traditions in our house.  Always on the lookout for bringing  tradition to our family, I thought this could be the answer to a new Valentine’s tradition.

But why make it just for the kids?  Hubby needs to hear all of the reasons why I love him too.

So, starting on the first of February, and every day since, I have been adding a  new heart to the wall telling them another reason why I love them.

Cheesy?  Probably.  But really, what more do we have in this world than our love?  And what could be more important that sharing it and making sure that the people who matter the most, know how much you love them.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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love, Marriage

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You Can Be Right (or you can be married)

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That is the title of the book that is currently sitting on my nightstand.

I recently had a small epiphany.  I realized that I talk a lot about my marriage and I spend a lot of time and energy working to make it the best that I can, but I have been missing something. Books!  I had not read one single book on the subject.

Now, I do realize that just because it is written in a book certainly doesn’t mean that it is fact, but there is definitely something to be said about learning what the “experts”, or non-experts for that matter, are saying on the topic.

So I hit the local Barnes and Noble and started my hunt for my first book on “marriage.”  Since I didn’t know what I was looking for, I simply looked for titles that caught my eye.  After a few minutes of searching I came across one that definitely grabbed my attention.  It is titled, “You can be right (or you can be married). ”   Great title and great cover.  I bought it on site without even cracking the cover and, let me say, I am glad that I did.

This is a book written by Dana Adam Shapiro, a man on a mission to find out why his relationships never make it to the Honeymoon. His mission took him on a 4 year journey interviewing people who have been thru divorce in hopes to learn from the errors of their ways and attempt to avoid those mistakes in his own relationships.  What a great concept!

This is a candid and sometimes graphic look into other people’s marriages spoken thru their own words.  He interviewed hundreds of people and put the interviews into this book in a dictation type format.  Because the names are protected thru aliases, the interviews are frank, honest and often no holds bar.

It is fascinating to get a glimpse into the lives of others.  To hear first hand what their secrets might be, what regrets they have, what lessons they have (or sometimes haven’t) learned.

Growing up, we don’t get an education in relationships. There are no classes offered on building healthy relationships in high school. Such a shame since our relationships are the foundation of our lives.  Relationships with parents, friends, co-workers, bosses, spouses….

With regards to love, our lessons come from watching our parents.  Watching their marriage or divorce, paying attention to how they communicate, how they fight or face challenges.  If you were lucky enough to have good role models in that arena, you might be among the few.  Many of us come from ugly divorces or from parents who, maybe, should have gotten a divorce.

When it comes to learning how to develop healthy relationships, many of us are on our own.  It is a process of trial and error.  Sometimes with the same person, sometimes not. What I do realize, though, is that it is incredibly valuable to learn from other people’s experiences.  Whether it be from your parents or complete strangers, we all have so much to learn, but so much to teach as well.

That is what I appreciated about this book.  The ability to learn from someone else’s failed marriage.  What did or didn’t work?  Looking back, what would they have done differently?  What  lessons have they taken with them into their other relationships to avoid the same outcome?

One thing that I found interesting, is the similarities in the lessons that were learned and the underlying themes that rang true in so many of the interviews. Things that so many of the divorcees confessed to being vital to a marriage’s success; respect, communication, acceptance, a healthy sex life, a sense of newness and excitement. Through all of the various stories of failed marriages, so many of the mistakes are similar. So many of the lessons were the same.

If you are looking for an interesting read on how to improve you marriage, this just might be a good pick. Listening to other people’s regrets and mistakes can be the best education of all. Truly!

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage: Learn from others’ successes and (sometimes more valuable) their failures.

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divorce, love, Marriage, sex, Uncategorized

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How to Make a Marriage Last!

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“How to Make a Marriage Last”

That was the title of a small article in the February edition of Redbook magazine.  Of course it caught my eye.  How do you make a marriage last?

This little article was simply a handful of tips from couples that have been together since they were teenagers.  Hubby and I have been together, exclusively, since we were 14 years old.  I couldn’t wait to hear what these other couples, with stories similar to mine, had to offer about the secret of a lasting marriage.

There were two pieces of advice that I really liked that I wanted to share with you.  They are lessons I have learned in my own marriage.

The first was from a couple that had been together since they were 17 years old.  They said, “Prioritize time for yourselves. My husband’s hobby is running and mine is performing stand-up comedy.  We plan vacations around his marathons, and he attends all of my shows.  We love our date nights, but everyone needs something that matters just to them.”

As I am approaching 15 years of marriage, I have come to realize the importance of this in my own marriage.  It is so easy to lose your own identity as you try to please everyone around you, especially your spouse.  In the last couple of years, I have tried to be more supportive of my husband’s hobby of playing basketball.  It is extremely important to him to get a few times a week to go to the gym and hit a pick up game.   He loves it!  Who am I to deny him of time that makes him so happy?   Now, I will often push him out the door.  He deserves time for himself.

I have also discovered my own need for time to do something, all of my own, as well.   It feels so good to do something just for me sometimes.  For the past year, my sister and I have been taking a hip hop class once a week and just recently I signed up for a weekly guitar class.  I love them both so much!  It is time, just for me.  For personal growth that is all my own.

I agree with the couple.  It is vital to have something of your own, that is supported by your spouse and that makes you happy.  You are a part of a couple, but you are still you. . .  an individual.  Do something, just for you!

The other piece of advice that I liked came from a couple who had been together since they were 16.  They said, ” Act like your marriage is a job.  Treat it as if you were climbing the corporate ladder.  Address your challenges, work overtime when needed, and plan meetings to discuss how you’re doing.  It’s the most important gig you’ll ever have.”

I love this, because it is so true.  It seems people work their tails off to be good at their jobs, to get the good review, promotion or raise.  Being successful at marriage, takes the same principles.  It is hard work.  That is the bottom line.   I have realized that if I want my marriage to be awesome, then I have to really work at it.  I have to give it attention, I have to work thru problems and get better. I have to talk about what is or isn’t working so that I know how or what to improve on.  Just as in a job, if you stop working at it, then the promotions and raises stop coming.   Even though it can be exhausting at times, working at my marriage continuously has the most incredible payoff.  It is the best kind of promotion!

Today’s lessons in improving my marriage:   Continue to take time for my self doing things that make me happy and never stop working hard at my marriage.  Thanks Redbook! http://www.redbookmag.com/

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divorce, love, Marriage, sex, Uncategorized

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Jingle Bells Kicked My Ass

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Excuse my language, but it is the truth.  The holidays took a definite toll.

Truthfully, I can’t blame the holidays.  I am the one to blame.  I just took on too much.  So much that it took away from the joy that you are supposed to find during the season.

Frankly, I was excited for it to be over. Sad, I know.  And the second that it was I came down with a horrific cold that I am still battling today.   I literally ran myself into the ground and my body was pissed about it.

Why did I do that to myself? Why do we all tend to do that to ourselves?

A large part of it, I have come to realize, is my incessant need to make sure everyone around me is happy.  Even if it makes me miserable.

I am blessed to have two children, but not so blessed to have both of their birthdays fall during the holiday season.  My son is right at Thanksgiving and my daughter is a few days before Christmas.

We always have a party for the kids birthdays. Unfortunately, I am not skilled in hosting small parties.  I always find myself making things bigger than they need to be.

This year I made the mistake at having both of the parties at our house.  Those parties along with hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve as well as hosting friends and family during the holidays, made for a very overwhelmed and unhappy Mama and Wife.

I think I do a good job of holding it together in front of the kids and friends and family.  Unfortunately, that means my husband takes the brunt of my insanity.

It’s kind of an out-of-body experience.  I run through each day trying to tick off the things on my endless to do list, snapping at hubby at every turn, only to crash at the end of the day and start all over with the same madness the next morning.  I couldn’t even sleep well because my head was so full of what I had to accomplish the next day.

Sure, everyone had a really great Christmas, but would it have really made a difference if I had baked one less batch of cookies? Or would it have ruined Christmas if I hadn’t gone to 3 stores to find that extra thing for the stockings?  I’m sure it wouldn’t have.

Luckily, it seems that husband still loves me, or at least he says he does 🙂 Maybe all of that hard work that we put into the marriage the rest of the year paid off.  It allowed us to cut each other some slack when we really needed it.

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage: My New Years resolution in 2013 is to not pack so much in during the holidays this year. My husband deserves better from me.  I deserve better from me.

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holiday, love, Marriage, Uncategorized

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Vomit In My Hair, Love In My Heart

I have to admit that when I imagined being married, when I was a little girl, I didn’t picture myself sitting next to the toilet bowl, with vomit in my hair and my husband standing next to me wondering what to do.  It is not the picture of romance is it? . . . . Or maybe it is.

Of the many health issues that I am prone to, migraines is one of them.  A handful of times a year, I find myself at the mercy of pain that debilitates me, has me bent over the toilet heaving, blinded, thinking I am dying, that there is no way to the other side of the pain.

For those of you who suffer from migraines, I know you understand.  For those of you who don’t, I hope that you never have to know the feeling.

Sadly, I had to spend all of Saturday in bed, in the dark, with a washcloth over my eyes, drugs at my beside, unable to keep anything down, praying every second for the pain to pass.

I literally could think of nothing but the pain.  Nothing but trying to stay as still as possible and stop the hurting.  I didn’t think about my kids or wonder what they were doing.  I didn’t worry about if they had food or if they needed anything.  I physically couldn’t begin to think about anything other than pain.

At about 4 in the afternoon, after the pain had subsided enough for me to open my eyes, it dawned on me that I hadn’t given my kids a thought all day.  More than that, I hadn’t had  to give them a thought.  I was secure in knowing that Daddy was there and they would be taken care of.  I didn’t need to worry about anything.

Then I thought, how lucky I am.  I am so grateful to have this person to share my life with, even when things suck.  How lucky I am to know someone has my back.  That someone is there so share in the endless and exhausting responsibility of parenting.

If I had been a single parent, I am not sure I would have made it thru the day. All I could think was, how do single parents do it?  How unbelievably challenging it must be.  To not even be able to be sick for one day.  God bless all of the single parents out there who have to get thru each day without the support of a spouse.  My hats off to you.  You are saints. You are truly amazing.

Thank God, that I have support of a great Hubby.  One that I don’t have to tell what to do.  He just did it.  Without complaint.  He let me recover in the silence of the room, drove 30 minutes away to get me medicine, and brought me french fries when my stomach had settled.

When I was able to think enough to find gratitude, I thought, this is what marriage is about.  It is about supporting each other when you are at your worst. It is about taking over when the other can’t stand on their own feet.  It is about reassuring that everything will be okay.  It is about saying, “Your Beautiful” when they have vomit in their hair.  Now that is love.  Now that is worth fighting for.

Today’s Lesson In Marriage:  Find gratitude for in my most desperate moments for all that Hubby does to help me through.

photo credit: demandaj via photopin cc

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divorce, love, Marriage, parenting, Uncategorized

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My Pity Party In the Closet

Lately I have been standing center stage with the spotlight blinding me at my own pity party. There are only two people on the invite list, myself and my husband.  And my husband wishes he could just ignore the invite all together.  It is embarrassing to say, but it is true.

I am not sure what is up.  I just think that sometimes the stars align just right. They align in perfect order so that I can look at them and find everything wrong with the world.  Just in line to turn a normally positive and optimistic girl into a pessimistic stranger.

That is me.  The unrecognizable girl, laying in her husband’s lap in the closet, bawling for no real apparent reason, unable to pick herself up off the floor.

The stress of a bad business decision, unknown finances, an excess 10lbs that wasn’t there last year,  the undeniable stress of work and parenthood.  Stacking on top of each other all at once and, WHAM!  The once strong and happy woman of yesterday is the dark cloud of today.

I know that regardless of my list of excuses, sitting in the closet checking off all that is wrong is ridiculous.  In my moments of clarity I know that.   I know that I am quite capable of getting up off of the floor, dusting the carpet lint of my clothes and wiping the mascara smudges off my face.   In the heat of the moment though, I need to be reminded.

In comes husband, who provides his clothes as a snot rag, his lap as a pillow and his hands to move the hair out of my face.  Soothing and listening. Reminding me that I am better than this.

When I said, “I don’t know what to do.”  He replied, “Just start with what you do know.”   That simple statement stuck.  Start with what I know.

What did I know?  I knew I needed to get up off the floor.  I knew I needed a little time to myself and I knew I needed to move my body some so that I could start to feel good again.  That is all I knew, but it was enough.

I am still short-tempered and falling into tears easier than usual, but everyday is a new day.  I set new exercise goals, ones simple enough to do with minimal effort.  I cut some pages out of a magazine for inspiration and posted them on my closet wall where I can see them everyday.  I asked my husband to take over with children a couple of nights a week, so I can have some peace to think, I started writing in my daily accountability journal again.  Little steps that move me in the right direction.

Through all of this, there is one thing that I found easy gratitude for.  My marriage.  I am so grateful that husband and I have spent so much energy strengthening our marriage.  What would happen if our marriage was rocky on top of all of the stress that my meltdown has put on us?  It could be disastrous.

But, all of the work we have done has helped prepare us for times like these.  It has given us a real foundation that keeps us balanced when it feels everything else is going to crumble.  That foundation boosts me.  It gives me hope.  It reminds me that I have done something right. . . . .  A strong, loving, supportive, forgiving marriage.  That definitely has to count for something right?

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage:  Keep up the hard work.  It will pay off in ways you can’t imagine

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divorce, love, Marriage, parenting, sex, Uncategorized

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Hit The Road, Jack!

As promised here are some things that I have learned from the many family trips we have taken. Maybe you will find a little tidbit useful to incorporate in your upcoming family travels.

– Save ahead of time for the trip. It is great to have money that you have already put aside for vacation. We stash a little bit here and there every year so that by the time vacation rolls around we have what we need to do what we want to do. It would to have sucked to have traveled to Galveston, but not have had the funds to play on the pier. Even if you don’t have a lot of money for travel you can take a road trip closer to home. You don’t have to travel 4500 miles to reconnect with your family and get time away.

– Planning ahead is best. Some of the biggest arguments husband and I have had on vacation have been over which hotel to stay at. I just want a clean bed and shower he wants it to be the cheapest bed in town (clean or not). I say, come to an agreement on where to stay before you leave and book the rooms early. There is nothing worse than looking for a place to rest your head when you are tired and hungry. It just sets you up for arguments.

– Learn about your destination ahead of time. Is it expensive? Will you have to pay for parking everywhere you go? How far is it from other places you may want to visit? What is the weather like? I feel it is best to know these things ahead of time. It would be awful to find out you have to spend $25 a day in parking when you get there and realize you didn’t budget for that.

– Bring lots of activities for the kids. For road trips and long airplane rides you need distractions. It doesn’t have to be continuous, but something to help pass the time is very helpful. This year I brought road trip games that I had prepared before we left and I brought goodies for the kids to periodically reward them for good behavior. I also bought a few new things in the dollar section of Target (like little white boards and road atlases for each of them) so they had new things to look at or play with on the drive. We also let them listen to their IPod or watch movies on the IPad, but I did make sure that this time was limited. The point of a family vacation is to connect and communicate. You can’t do that if you are plugged in the whole time.

– Be still for a while. We like to travel somewhere and then stay for a few days before we move to our next destination. It not only gives you time to explore certain places, but also breaks up the monotony of being in the car for so many days. A vacation should feel like a vacation. Time to relax and unwind a bit. If you pack too much in, you will only feel exhausted and unrested. Make sure you take some time to chill. Have a day with nothing planned. Those are always my favorites.

– Get the kids their own room. For me, this is key for a happy vacation. Husband and I must have time to connect too and can’t do that easily in a hotel room with the kids in the bed right next to you. We always try to get a suite that has a door so that the kids can have their space and grown ups can have theirs. If we are in a place for a week or so, we will rent a house on VRBO.com. It usually ends up being around same price as a hotel would be, but you have a lot more space. The kids love it too. They need a break from Mom and Dad too!

– Plan activities for everyone. Give everyone a say in what they would like to get out of the vacation. In Texas, my daughter wanted to swim, husband wanted to visit Dealy Plaza, son wanted to visit the Nasa Space Center, and I just wanted to sit in a quiet space and read. We accommodated everyone.

Most of all, just treasure the moments. Each is so special. Even the times you are arguing you may look back on with a grin. Like remember that time that we took that dirt back road through Arizona that took us 5 hours longer than we anticipated and we were thoroughly pissed at each other by the time we it pavement? I will never forget 🙂

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage: Continue to take family vacations and build precious memories.

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love, Marriage, parenting, travel, Uncategorized

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4500 Miles

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4500 miles.

That is how far we traveled on our recent summer road trip. It took us 26 days from start to finish. When I say us, I am referring to myself, my husband and our 2 kids ages 4 and 9.

Where did we go? We drove from California to Texas and back again.

When we told people our plan to travel that far, for that long, in a car, with two children, here is the response I would get, “Are you crazy? My kids would go nuts, why Texas? It’s so humid there.”

Here is my response to those people; maybe I am a little crazy, you could do it, and Texas – why not?

26 days, 9 hotels, asking a stranger to jump our car 5 times, 2 water parks, visits with family we never get to see, discovering an appreciation for the beauty of Texas, two 4-year-old meltdowns, 3 swimming pools, endless take out, the white sands in New Mexico, one Texas Ranger baseball game, the butterfly museum, the natural science museum, the heat, shopping in Bandera, the flowers in Fredricksburg, the quirkiness of Austin, the lightning storms, the river in San Antonio, the rides in Galveston, the upset stomachs and headaches, the joy on my kids faces, the humidity, the romance my husband and I lovingly call “Bandera Nights,” the Dairy Queens, the bats in Carlsbad, the meteor site in Arizona, the Grand Canyon, the memories.

This was not our first endeavor on a long road trip with children. When our daughter was a baby we drove up the coast to Canada. Let me just say, if you haven’t driven the California and Oregon coast, you should consider adding that to your bucket list. It is beauty beyond words. We have also taken road trips through New Mexico, explored Colorado and sat in awe in Utah.

Although, not my favorite thing to do, we fly too. Last year we flew to Florida and explored the Keys and we have traveled through Wisconsin and Hawaii. All with our children.

Summer vacations were a tradition when I was growing up. Once we took a 3 week road trip from California to Washington DC.

My husband didn’t travel as a kid. His family didn’t have the money or really the thought to do so. I remember thinking how sad it seemed that he had never been to Yosemite or the Grand Canyon. Two sites everyone needs to see.

When husband (then boyfriend) and I were 18 we started our own tradition of taking a big vacation every year. Back then it meant staying in dive hotels and living off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Kool-Aid.

Now, we still live off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but we stay in nicer hotels.

If I look back on all of my years, the memories that stand out the most are those from family vacations. From squishing in the front seat of my parents car, marveling at the Smithsonian, getting my foot stuck in the Texas mud, to unexpectedly camping in Bryce Canyon with my husband with no tent, carrying my daughter on my back on the suspension bridge in Vancouver, being overwhelmed by the sunset in Kauai, to an unforgettable night on the lake in Wisconsin. Each unforgettable memories.

Don’t get me wrong. Traveling is not all rosy. Living out of a suitcase gets old, trying to entertain two children continuously is exhausting, and arguing with husband about what we should feed the kids is ridiculous.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

What a family vacation does, for us, is bring my husband and I closer. He is able to focus on me rather than on work and I can stay up late snuggling because I don’t have to worry about getting up early the next day. It gives us the ability to give our kids the undivided attention that they always crave and gives us shared memories we will never forget. Like the scorpion in our room in Bandera, TX. A real scorpion!

I have learned a few things though, about how to make a trip successful. Especially a trip with children. The last thing that you want is to be at each other’s throats, because you can’t stand to be together for another minute.

Stay tuned for some of the travel tips that I have learned through our years of family vacations.

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage: Talk about where we want to go next year!

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Don’t Cry Over Loosing a Tooth

Sometimes life’s lessons come from the most unexpected places.  That was the case for me this week.

One lesson learned was at Panera, during one of my writing sessions.  In a place such as that it is hard to ignore what is being said at the table next to you.  I promise I wasn’t purposefully eavesdropping, but sometimes the ears just hone in on a conversation without really realizing it.

I don’t remember what the conversation was about, but I do remember the man at the table saying, “I’ve learned to lower my expectations.  It is much easier to go through life that way.”

I was stunned by the comment and felt an incredible sadness for the man and what he might have experienced in life that caused him to have such a defeating outlook.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t disagree more.

I couldn’t imagine having this attitude toward my life.  If I didn’t have high expectations, life certainly wouldn’t be as rewarding as it is.

In my marriage, I have very high expectations.  Do they get let down sometimes?  Absolutely! But because I expect so much, I work hard to achieve all that I hope for. Expectations and hope give me the drive to work at things to make them better.

All I could think was, I don’t ever want to be a person who sits in Panera and shares how low my expectations for life are.  Expectations are what drive us to greatness. I want greatness!

Another lesson came from my 9 year-old daughter.  She lost her second molar, in a week, a couple of days ago.  When she came out of the bathroom holding her tooth, this is how the conversation went.

Mom, “Wow, My baby girl is loosing all of her teeth.”

Girl, vehemently shakes her hear and says, “No, I don’t want to.”

Mom,” Why not?”

Girl,” Because I want to make it last.”

Mom, “What do you mean, you want to make it last?”

Girl,” I don’t want to grow up.”

Mom, “Well you still have several years left of being a kid.”

Girl,  in tears, ” I know, but this year I am going to be in double digits!”

She proceeded to tell me how she loved being a kid and didn’t want to be  a grown up, because kids get to do things that grown ups can’t do.

I was all choked up.  I couldn’t help but think, either I am doing an awesome job as a Mom because my daughter is enjoying her childhood so much, or I am doing a lousy job as an adult, because my daughter dreads the day it is her turn.  My guess is a little of both are true.

Being a Mom, naturally full of guilt, I couldn’t help but focus on the latter.  Do I portray adulthood as so bad?  Maybe.  She sees me constantly on the computer working. She sees my fatigue and short temper at the end of the day.  She sees me struggle to make time for play. She sees the endless  and dreaded chores.  She sees me trying to balance finances.  She hears me argue with her Daddy.

It is haunting to think about how she sees my life, a mirror as to how my husband and son see me.  How I see me.

I am far too often wrapped up in life that I forget I have two little admirers taking notes.  Showing struggle and resolution is important, but more important is showing the joy.  I feel it inside, but am certain I don’t express it as I should.

I want her to imagine the beauty of adulthood.  Falling in love, parenting, freedom.  I am certain that I don’t show the affection I feel toward my husband often enough in front of her.  Maybe if I did, she wouldn’t fear adulthood like she does.

It is quite apparent that I need to lighten up.  Stop making life so hard.  Show the joy and affection in my marriage so that my daughter can look forward to experiencing that for herself one day.   Express  and point out the joys in life, rather than just the struggles.

Maybe, I just looked too far to into it.  I mean, who doesn’t wish to still be a kid?  Free of worry and stress?  But, being an adult sure has its perks too!

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage:  Don’t forget you can learn a thing or two from strangers and 9 year olds.

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love, Marriage, parenting, Uncategorized

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