Hamster oddities………



Since Mr. Kerry had such an intimate connection with small furry rodents…

“As President, I will launch an immediate emergency summit meeting to protect all hamsters from the threat of terrorism” — John Kerry

“When that hamster fell into the water, John Kerry said SEND ME!” — Bill Clinton

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VOTE FOR KERRY – HE LIKES RODENTS, HE RISKED HIS LIFE FOR US!

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THE JOHN KERRY AMENDMENT FOR HAMSTER RELIEF

History

We have had several people sounding stunned just as you might be now. Hamsters don’t seem like the type of pets people need to find homes for, right? Wrong. As hard as it is to believe, people get tired of and abandon hamsters on a regular basis.

There are many reasons that people feel the need to place their hamsters. They are moving, the kids are bored with the new pet, the hamster bites because of improper handling, or one of the worst, they purchased a pregnant hamster from the pet store. The new owners were prepared for one hamster, not a half dozen or more and are now feeling overwhelmed! There are other reasons also that people feel the need to place these wee critters, but the above reasons seem to be the most common.

Some are listed in the paper for “free”. Sadly, the free hamsters often become unwanted later by the new owners who took them home on an impulse.

Some find themselves back at pet stores where they are improperly sexed, and restart the cycle of unexpected and unwanted babies all over again.

More and more of them are finding their way into animal shelters and with small animal rescuers. Animal shelters and humane societies often euthanize them simply because there doesn’t seem to be anyone interested in adopting them. Hamsters and other small pets are sometimes placed in backrooms, away from where shelter visitors can see them. Unnoticed, they are of course, un-adopted, and hence die “unwanted”.

Proposal

Therefore, I move that we establish an office of “Hamster Security” in concert with the UN and a coalition of “hamster safe countries” throughout the world

I want to place a “hamster in every home” by 2006 so that all peoples regardless of race, creed of sexual preference, can enjoy these little furry friends. I also want sexual awareness training for all hamsters so that they will not go around making fatherless baby hamsters, I want them educated so that they can do more than just eat nuts and spin around in their little wheels all day.

Assist me in this vital legislation, my first bill!

Submitted — John Kerry

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THE ONLY HAMSTER TO SERVE IN VIETNAM

The New York Times coins a metaphor for the ages:

Like a caged hamster, Senator John Kerry is restless on the road. He pokes at the perimeter of the campaign bubble that envelops him, constantly trying to break out for a walk around the block, a restaurant dinner, the latest movie.

Or some fresh sawdust. And some hamster infants to eat.

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(Posted By Tommy Johnson , old friend and frequent poster everywhere on Culver Shooting Pages)

State of Affairs in the Peoples Republik of Kalifornia.



Read. Maybe you have answers?

Gentleman and Ladies,

As the November elections draw closer, and the DNC ends its convention in Boston, it cannot help but turn ones mind to the political situation locally. Here in Kalifornia the “assault” on the 2nd Amendment continues, elected Representatives continue to propose bills.


Bills to ban .50 caliber bolt action rifles, taxes on ammo, proposals to teach children gun safety in our schools get defeated. Meanwhile, the violence on streets continues. I work in a local hospital in the worst anti-gun city (Los Angeles) in the state. I see the results of gun-control, the young people that continue to die or get maimed by guns that are not subject to the gun control laws, the ones held by the gangbangers.

The horsesasses legislators do nothing to deal with the issues that lead to gun violence,but continue to pass ingnorant a$$hole laws that limit the average law abiding citizens right to purchase arms for defense or sport. The situation here is horrific, gunstores are closing left and right. I have had several friends’ stores close just in the last 6 months,the most common reason cited are: 1. Too much paperwork 2. Laws are too vague,it is too easy to make a mistake that could cause the loss of everything. 3. Taxes and fees.


Our legislators in Kalifornia have exceeded their mandate and have gone beyond common sense and are just pissing on the People’s Right to Bear Arms. I commit a felony if I bring a twenty round magazine into the state.

But the Mayor of San Francisco can tell the People of Kalifornia to f***off,and marry anybody he damn well pleases,another city is proposing to allow illegal aliens the right to vote in school elections. All of the previous mentioned are in clear violation of both state an d Federal law, but nothing happens to the perpetrators. I do not care either way of the issues previously mentioned, but the premise is that there are clear laws for the above situations but they continue to be violated.


My question to all of you out there is, where did we lose control?. Why are the politicians calling the shots, has the voting public become so apathetic that the legislators just do not care about the threat of being voted out of office?. Will there be a test case for the 2nd Amendment that will once and for all end all the debate about the individuals right to keep and bear arms?.

(Posted By: STG58FAN on CSP Political Forum where he is a frequent contributor)

Disappointment, not disaster…

We’re back from our trip. The Thursday trip outbound was beautiful, our boat and two others making a fairly easy passage down the ship channel. Weekday commercial traffic is a bit heavier than weekend traffic. At one time we executed a beautiful fleet maneuver, three almost perfectly choreographed 360-degree turns to allow a tanker a little room which he was going to get in spite of us.

There were scattered thundershowers in the area, and we passed under three of them. Our boats were about a hundred yards apart, and I found it interesting to watch the rain progressively cover first one boat then another. The definition of the rainfall was just about sharp enough in these showers so that you could choose which end of the boat you wanted wet. Corey went into the cabin during these showers. I having been the designated helmsman did not have that option, so I stood and took it, getting soaked to the skin in the warm summer rain. After each shower, I’d take off my T-shirt and wring it out and put it back on. Then the next shower would come, and I’d do it again.

We continued our trip down the ship channel uneventfully, the twenty-seven year old engine performing flawlessly. At the south end of the lake, we looped around into a channel past the commercial docks serving the offshore oil industry, past four derelict Russian trawlers being converted to scrap iron, and into the lake. There we anchored and rafted up for supper and a little swim. The quiet was nice, as were having friends around to share it.

The almost full moon lit the lake up, its reflected light on tiny ripples making a boulevard of diamonds. The only sound was the gurgle of water past our hulls as the current from the outgoing tide ran by. And my anchor. A bigger ripple would causethe shank of my stowed anchor to clang against its blades. Gotta fix that.

After dark, we ran into the twin banes of summer in southwest Louisiana: humidity and mosquitoes. I rigged up a couple of army surplus mosquito nets in the cockpit, thinking that they’d stop the mosquitoes, and the cockpit was a lot cooler than the cabin below. And I was right about the mosquitoes, but with the setting sun, the onshore wind from the nearby Gulf died. When the breeze died, the humidity was almost oppressive. Sleep was spotty.

Waking up with the sunrise, I made myself a little pot of coffee (Dad’s drip pot and some coffee I ground myself the day before) and watched the rest of our fleet come alive. Everybody jumped overbaord for a morning swim, and afterward, we broke up the raft, weighed anchor and got underway. Returning to the ship channel from the lake, we met with the rest of our fleet.

We joined the group and proceeded south, down the channel. The gulf was ahead of us. And we had a west(!) wind. My mind was starting to operate. Our intended course was west. The forecast had predicted SOUTH winds. No problem. Let’s sail!

I hoisted the mainsail while Corey handled the helm. So far, so good.

Then I unfurled the big forward sail, the jib. and disaster visited. The forestay, a quarter-inch stainless steel cable, runs fromt he top of the mast to the very front of the boat. It serves two purposes: mast support and the forward edge of the jibsail. Well, it was doing neither, having parted at the fitting at its bottom end. This is disaster, akin to snapping the driveshaft of your car.

Corey maintained the course under power and mainsail while I struggled to at least secure things so I would not risk losing the mast. As we neared the Gulf, swells turned the foredeck into a carnival ride, and I was struggling with a forty-foot snake of stainless steel and aluminum on a deck that was rising and falling three feet every few seconds. During a frantic forty minutes, the fleet passed. I communicated my predicament and the possibility that I might not be completing the trip with them.

After some great struggle, I managed to secure the forestay. This involved screwing a fitting that had become unscrewed and replacing an unmanagable short pin with a screwdriver. Looking at the “repair” I figured that we could proceed, although I had just disabled my boat’s roller-furling system. This meant that to take in the big jobsail, I’d have to go forward and pull it down and stow it instead of just pulling on a control line and having the sail wrap neatly around the forestay.

And Corey spotted a sea turtle. It surfaced briefly while I was working on the forestay. Corey’s gleeful alert caught my attention and I looked up in time to verify that it really was a real live sea turtle and not an errant Wal-Mart bag.

So we entered the Gulf of Mexico. Now, here’s an important part of the story: We’d paid close attention to the weather forecasts for this trip. The forecast was for south winds at 10 knots (11.5 mph) and one to two-foot seas. This would have been almost perfect, bringing the wind very favorably over our port rail for the westward leg of the trip. Two-foot seas turn this boat into a mom’s rocking chair.

What we got was something different. There were thunderstorms in the area. The actual wind was out of the north now, 2-5 knots. The seas were confused between the prevailing summer pattern winds and by the winds from the thunderstorms, and occasional waves were over five feet with no discernable pattern. The wind at 2 knots wasn’t enough to keep the sails filled as the boat was rocked by the confused seas. Our speed was between a knot and a half to three, mostly a knot and a half, and we were looking at a thirty-mile trip.

One good thing, though, was that we had plenty of company. No, the rest of the fleet was ‘way off on the horizon ahead of us, either motoring, or making do with what little wind there was. Our company was a huge pod of dolphins, several dozen. We’d been visited by dolphins since we were well inside the ship channel, but usually it was smaller groups, maybe up to a half dozen. Now, in the gulf, there were dozens, and they were playing around our boat. I guess boats without propellers are a novelty to them, because they were rolling in groups right up to the hull. Their curiousity was apparent as they’d surface in a group and keep their heads up for several seconds observing hte stranger in their midst. They were the high point of our gulf foray.

Finally, we came to the conclusion that today the trip just wasn’t happening. At our present speed, there was no way we’d make one of our goals, a swing-bridge at Sabine Lake that we had to go through by 8:30 in the evening. So, after consulting together, we decided to turn back and head back up the ship channel to Lake Charles.

The trip back was uneventful. Every time I looked at Corey, he was catching up with his lack of sleep from the night before. He slept for an hour on the foredeck, using the stowed jibsail as pillow and mattress. He stretched out below-decks in the cabin, and he slept in the cockpit. I dozed a bit myself, chosing times where the autopilot had us puttering down straight sections of the channel with no traffic in sight.

This was summer heat at its worst, though. The wind was light, almost non-existent and the sun beat down unmercifully. The shade provided by the boat’s bimini (canopy) was small comfort as the sun reflected off of flat water. The six-hour trip back up to the home landing took me a cold drink an hour or better.

And we talked about doing it again. This time, I’ll be a little wiser about what’s going on: The weather, for example: I won’t try this again in July. Maybe May or September or October, when the nightly lows are a bit lower than 75. And where the weather patterns are a little more likely to provide real wind WITHOUT the thunderstorms. But we’ll go again. We made a deal with the dolphins for a return trip.

I’m outta here!

I just finished my morning coffee (particularly tasty bean from Papua-New Guinea) and a guick tour of the news. I will now shut down the computer and go get Corey for our trip around the block.

See you guys, maybe Saturday night, maybe Sunday…

I hope the world can wobble around its axis without my input…

Adding to the blogroll…

This time I’m not typing into one of the big dogs… No, this one is special. The lady who runs my office,keeps my butt out of trouble over paperwork and scheduling, and who has been a best friend and co-worker for nine years, the UNIQUE CHRISSY has started her own blog and it is interesting. Go visit “Warm puppies, fuzzy kitties, and Life”. Chrissy is a great person with a slightly twisted way of looking at life.

I don’t know how often she’ll post, or how long she’ll stay at it, but you’ll get to see little chunks of the things that go on in her life.

A blogging hiatus…

No, I’m not tired of this, not as long as good friends sent me interesting stuff, and as long as dimmocrats display astounding lack of a clue, and as long as I have a life…

No, the real reason is that tomorrow is the DAY for Corey and me to join a flotilla of other sailboats in a little excursion. We’re departing the Port of Lake Charles at noon, headed thirty miles south to a spot near the Gulf of Mexico to spend the night.

Friday morning we’re slipping out the ship channel and into the Gulf, westbound, for the Sabine ship channel that separates Texas and Louisiana (Old Joke: Q: What’s the difference between Louisiana and a pile of sh*t? A: The Sabine River.) And once in the Sabine, we’re headed for the Port Arthur Yacht Club to spend another night.

Saturday morning, Corey and I will head back to Lake Charles via the Gulf Intracoastal Waterway. We expect to be back in Lake Charles by evening twilight.

It’s a big adventure. And a dad and son thing, I hope to have pictures and stories….

A Two-minute management course

Management 101
Because we all need some management “Continuing Education”

Lesson One

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit on my ass like you and do nothing?”

The eagle answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting on your ass and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my manure droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of manure, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.


Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends your two-minute management course.

(Forwarded to me by Norm Ricci , an old friend from CSP Gun Talk)

A Fable…



Three flies were feasting at a manure pile, just stuffing themselves. They decided to fly away. But try as they might, they could not beat their wings fast enough to lift their heavy bodies into the air.

The first fly spotted a pitchfork in the manure pile and decided that if he climbed partway up the handle, he could get a flying start and take off. He went up the handle and jumped. Splat! Dead.

The second fly thought the idea was OK, but it would have been better to go all the way up the handle to get a better takeoff point. He went to the very tip and launched himself. Splat! Dead.

The third fly decided to wait until morning and do what comes naturally. He was then able to take off with no problem.

The moral of the story is “Don’t fly off the handle when you are full of shit.”

(Forwarded to me by Norm Ricci from an email by Jim Keenan, both old friends from CSP Gun Talk)

Sign in a window:



“WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH A SINGLE AMERICAN”

Doesn’t that just make you see red???

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. One would think that anti-hate groups from all across the country would be marching on this business . . .. and that the National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back.

But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors simply make their statement . . . We are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty .

And after all, it is just a sign.

You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign?

Answer: A Funeral Home (Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)

(From an email from good friend Norm Ricci, a frequent poster on CSP Gun Talk. I haven’t verified the veracity of the story…it’s just to good to pass up!)

Memorable meals in the field


Another “What did you do in the war, daddy?” post

Spending a goodly part of my military career in the field as a tank commander, I can tell you that food was sometimes an interesting experience. Take my stint in Germany, for instance. It was the intention of the command to provide two hot meals a day for the troops (us) when in the field. This was usually breakfast and supper. Dinner was usually “C” rations, those lovable precursors to today’s MRE’s (Meals Rejected by Everybody).

So, two hot meals. Sounds good, huh? Well, we were a combat battalion. When we went to the field, so did the cooks. And they cooked in the field. And we were tankers. We didn’t stay in big groups and we tended to spread out never near the messtent, which was in the battalion rear. So breakfast was usually delivered by the First Sergeant or the supply sergeant in the back of a jeep in these big insulated cans called “mermite” cans.

Inside each can which held about 5 gallons altogether, there were three inserts, and there was breakfast. Scrambled eggs in one insert, pancakes or french toast in another, and the third would hold a concoction implying maple syrup. A big thermos jug held hot coffee, or at least, something reported to be coffee. Cold milk and juice came with the meal.

Scrambled eggs, pancakes and syrup. Sounds good, huh? Well, imagine the eggs started out powdered, the were scrambled hard and then they barely survived a five-mile, thirty minute ride over hill and dale. The meal lost its glamour. The eggs cahnged from yellow to some strange greenish tint you’d expect of an alien life-form. And when dumped unceremoniously in your stainless steel messkit in the woods in Germany on a thirty-degree fall day, you’d better eat fast, or the food was cold. The coffee? Take a big canteen cup full and carry it around, relishing the warmth it radiates to cold fingers. You might even drink some. Who knows?

Supper was equally creative, but you didn’t miss a chance to get the food. One day my crew and I managed to catch the mess tent just as the cooks were getting ready to dump a pan of reconstituted porkchops which weren’t going to be eaten, and the four of us ate three dozen pork chops. And we were very happy. Simple pleasures, and all that…

The reason the pork chops were going to be dumped was the other problem. The unit which was supposed to show up for chow didn’t make it to the training area because of a mishap with the German railroad train that was bringing them in. This happened often. For various reasons, you could end up separated from the group. And you might miss the hot meal. At least the one prepared by the cooks. You see, tankers have the wondrous ability to carry a lot of extras, since we don’t have to pack it on our backs like grunts or other lesser lifeforms. With 750 horsepower and 53 tons, a few extra pound sof food wasn’t likely to be a problem. I ALWAYS had a food supply: canned goods, candy bars, etc. And a tank has a single burner stove issued with it, so we could cook. And we had ten gallons of water with us. Food was seldom OUR problem.

Plus, on extended field exercises, my first wife would send me parcels filled with necessities. Which is why one fine night in Hohenfels, Germany, my tank crew and I were sitting beside our disabled tank, feasting on a hot pot of soup, a home-made pecan pie, a loaf of dark German bread and the meat of two coconuts. And the First Sergeant, a real professional soldier, he pulls up in the dark in his jeep, having hunted over half the training area because our second lieutenant platoon leader’d given him the wrong map coordinates. He’s there to deliver us the best he could do, “C” rations. and we invited him to sit with us and eat pie and coconut and hot soup.

The U.S. military commissary system was good for some interesting finds, like the time our commissary in Mainz ended up with a lot of Camembert cheese. I love Camembert, especially when it ripens to the point that little gold flecks peak through its snowy rind. This is cheese to perfection, in my opinion, but the commissary manager saw that, and immediately marked the whole load down as almost spoiled. For a couple of bucks I walked out of there with a couple dozen five-inch wheels of cheese to take with me as I went to the field as an umpire for the annual REFORGER exercises. And that’s why, when my lieutenant’s jeep broke down, and he left to go get help, when he came back, I was sitting on the hood, munching a particularly ripe wheel of cheese. Things like that will get rapidly get you a reputation as eccentric, even in armor, which is known for its eccentricity.

Other things: A Cajun is nothing without his Tabasco sauce. I carried two bottles. In this non-hostile environment, they fit nicely in an ammo pouch along with salt and pepper. We got a lot of snacks overseas in cans that you’d normally buy in bags here in the States. Like pork rinds. The can was the size of a coffee can, with the pop-top and a plastic resealable cover. My drill was to pop the top, dump in a prodigious amount of Tabasco, put the plastic lid on, shake the can, and then start eating. Had one moocher in the company, always bumming snacks. He wanted to bum some of my pork rinds. He did it just once. I hated to hear a grown man whimper…

Jiffy-Pop popcorn. Remember that stuff? You can still get it, you know. Well, we’d take a pan of Jiffy-Pop and a couple of army-issue heat tablets, light the tablets, shake the Jiffy-Pop, and we had hot and very welcome popcorn. And Jiffy-Pop pans fit very neatly in the tank’s document bag, nestled safely among the tech manuals. I won’t even talk about how a bottle of wine wrapped in a Stars and Stripes newspaper will ride well in the breech of a 105 gun…

She’s well on her way…

I don’t really remember the wives of the last few dimmocrat losers, but Theresa (that’s Tah-raze-uh) Heinz (where she got HER money) Kerry (where he got HIS money) is fast becoming unpleasantly memorable. Here’s today’s news from her mouth, wherein she tells a reporter to “shove it”.

Apparently the reporter was questioning Her Highness, Pretender to the Dimmocrat Throne, on a statement made in a previous speech. Dimmocrats don’t like it when you ask them to explain their hyperbole, and Theresa is no exception.

I get the feeling that this one is going to rank below Hillary (haaauuuggghhhhh! Spit!) Clinton on the list of loveable first ladies if she gets her chance.

Addendum:

Here’s Francis Porretto’s take on the wife of the President versus the wife of the candidate. I agree with him. Looking at the wives, I have no problem choosing which HUSBAND I’d choose to lead me.

Makes me want to choke a liberal…

Via “The Spoons Experience” from “No Left Turns” comes this article: about an major in the Iraqi Army and his life since the end of the war. Here’s an excerpt:

“’Where are you going?’ he asked me,” Ahmed said in his accented but surprisingly good English.

“And I tell him, ’I am a major in the Iraqi Army and I was ordered to go to my house’” Ahmed said, finishing the backdrop to a life-defining moment he had not seen coming; and on what was supposed to be just a long 50-plus mile walk home to his wife and five children.

The encounter would prove to be a pivotal one for the military veteran because for the next two anxious minutes, Ahmed went through what must be emotions impossible to describe to someone who has never known he was about to die. It was more the result of the 33-year-old’s lifetime of experience with the ways of Saddam Hussein.

Ahmed, though, was actually two minutes away from a rebirth of sorts. “He looked at me for a while and I thought he was going to kill me,” Ahmed said. “But he didn’t kill me,” he added. “Instead he came to the position of attention and saluted me as an officer,” Ahmed said, “And said, ’Sir you can go.’”

“I took a few steps and began to cry,” he said, “Because I think, ’Why do I fight these people for ten years?[’â€?]

Just “Damn!” Why do we only hear about ticked-off mullahs and “insurgents” from the media? Why isn’t THIS story on the front page?