Happy Super Bowl Day! At least the ACLU isn’t trying to quash football (yet!)

Up a bit early on Sunday, and I open the paper to discover that only one of the local hospitals has announcements posted. Forty births are listed, with nineteen of them being lined up for the old joke of “you were sitting in the front pew clapping the day your parents got married.” That used to be a somewhat funny derogatory schoolyard comment. Now it appears to be the norm.

Anyway, this hospital only posts the first names of newborns, so we miss the thought going into the name selection that brings poetry to the first name – second name interaction. However, I shall struggle on heroicly to bring you the best.

The first group is brought to you by the letter “K”. Klassy kouples often kan’t make themselves saddle a kid with a kommon letter “c”, so we have:

Miss Kayla L—– bringing a new daughter, Krislynn.

Nicole M—– and Calvin L—- with a new daughter, Kaydence.

Mr. & Mrs. Karlos C—– with a new son Karlon.

There’s also a big letter “Y” fan club:

Candace G—– and Jarred (two “r’s”) F—- have a new daughter who was too good to just thow a common name on, so they changed a vowel to “y” to make ther special: Jordyn.

Mr. & Mrs. Aaron G—— named their daughter Ashlynn.

Amy G—— and Erin S—- had a son. I don’t know why they decided that the daddy’s name, “Erin”, or the traditional spelling, “Aaron” weren’t suitable for THEIR offspring, but, welcome little Aryn.

Recognizing that it’s very important that young girls have an “i” in their names so they can dot it with a cutesy little circle or smiley face or heart, Jerrie T—– and Scott D—– named their daughter Carli. Carli with a “C”? Maybe they had enemies among the letter “K” krowd…

In another apparent rift among the naming crowd, Heather P——- and Joseph G——- named their daughter Bailee, thereby avoiding that nasty “Y” AND giving her the requisite “i” to show her sensitivity and creativity.

Mr. & Mrs. Joseph T——— named their son Ean. Guess they were worried that HE might dot an “i” with a little heart…

Under the category of “Let’s name our kid after a celebrity of questionable morals” we have a couple:

Vanessa K—— and Leroy D—– name their new daughter Demi.

Mr. & Mrs. Gil L—- name their daughter Mia.

Under the ” let’s use extra punctuation and capitals to let everybody know we’re people of culture” we have a couple:

Lindsey S—– has a new son, Ja’Korey. She apparently doesn’t have enough feeling to list the daddy’s name.

Dale M—- and Steven C—— have a new son, De’Andre.

One more, then I’ll stop. Mr. & Mrs. Gary L—— named their daughter Rainey. Tooooooo cuuuuuute!

Okay, okay… enough!