So it’s Sunday morning, and all the bad weather has moved through. Friday night was filled with some serious thunderstorms and we woke up Saturday morning to water draining off from some record rainfall. This morning, sun is shining as the clouds move off.
So I pick up the morning paper and there are two hospitals reporting a total of 70 births, 27 to unwed parents, and of those, nine of the new mommies have decided to forgo the inclusion of a father for the newborn. That is, except for that one brief moment, anyway.
Oddly, this week’s offerings include NO triples, somehow a disappointment. Getting on with the process:
Jacob & Anne B. have a new daughter, little Chastity (not bad…) Kadelyhn. Oh, they HAD to get fancy on the middle name.
Miss Kimberly D. & Mr. Cliff W. present their new daughter, Winter Catherine. Well, at least it’s different than all those little girls named “Summer”.
Jeremiah & Kandice S. have a new son, Jaxon tyler. Notice how they avoided that “ck” thing…
Miss Reba G. and Mr. Andre P. got all hinky with capital letters with their new son, little DaAndre DaPaul. Notice the daring use of the double “aA” in DaAndre…
Jason and Nicole O. present their new daughter, little Jaedah Oliviya.
A little punctuation?. Miss Kayla M. & Mr. Shannon R. have a new baby girl, Sivana Sonnae’. Okay, you tell me: what advantage does “Sivana” have over “savannah”? There’s got to be something…
And also dropping a tiny bit of punctuation, Mr. & Mrs. Shannon H. have a new baby girl too, little Shandyn Lynnae’.
Mr. & Mrs. Nicholas W. saved a letter in their daughter’s first name, Adison, and made up for it in her middle name, Leight. Oh, and they named their daughter “–son”.
Miss Kimberly H. has a new son, Courtlyn Tage. “Tage”?
Mr. & Mrs. Jacob A. have a dim view of the ability of the population to parse out names these days. Fearing that “Chloe” would be too hard to figure out, they named their baby girl Kloey Rayne.
Mr. & Mrs. Dustin B. named their new son Eastyn Blaze. I can’t help but get a mental image of a professional stripper of the female persuasion out of that.
Of course, a few days later Mr. & Mrs. Marshall W. returned balance to the universe by naming their new son Wston Reed. Eastyn — Weston. Hah!
And the whole name thing was in the media this week as Dear Abby waded into the battle.
PLAYING THE BABY NAME GAME IS EVERY MOTHER’S PREROGATIVE
By Abigail Van Buren Tue Dec 26, 8:05 PM ET
DEAR ABBY: I read the letter on Nov. 22 from the mother who was concerned about how her stepdaughter is going to spell her daughter’s name, which will be Jasiela (pronounced Gisella). And you, of all people, agreed that she should speak with the mother about spelling?
Abby, that is the joy in naming your child! You get to choose the name and how to spell it. The unusual spelling of a child’s name is what makes the child unique. For that mother to take that away from the mother-to-be, well, it’s none of her business! The child will learn to spell her name, as she will other difficult words in life. I feel the mother is entitled to name her child whatever she’d like, as long as the husband agrees. — SHAWN IN WEST VIRGINIA
Now, you know how I feel about this. Shawn is an idiot, but he’s in plentiful company. And they attacked poor Abby, as she notes:
DEAR SHAWN: One of the most interesting things about writing my column is not knowing how the public will react. When I answered that letter, I had no idea that some readers would react like angry hornets. I was trying to be logical, but there are strong feelings on both sides of the subject. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: As a soon-to-be new mom, I take exception to the arrogance people show regarding naming children. Because it is not a name that everyone is familiar with does not mean that it’s not a good one. And spelling is in the eye of the beholder! I am appalled that people would couch their displeasure for a name under the guise of “for the sake of the child.” I would encourage that writer to MYOB. I know if I were the stepdaughter and she said something to me, I would not be happy about it at all. — FUTURE MOTHER TO IAN OR MIKAYLA IN MASSACHUSETTS
Now, “Future Mom” is one of those idiots. I can give her “Because it is not a name that everyone is familiar with does not mean that it’s not a good one.” but let’s make it a real name, not a random selection of syllables of no significance. And her next statement is stupidity in action: “And spelling is in the eye of the beholder!” She’s right, though. When faced with one of those names, this particular beholder thinks that somewhere there’s a parent who is more concerned about the immediate gratification of a cute name than the long-term implications of a person spending the rest of his life explaining how to spell (and pronounce) Mikayla.
DEAR ABBY: I was given an unusual name. I have had to instruct everyone from teachers, students and co-workers as to how it is pronounced and the correct spelling. Does this mean my parents didn’t know the “correct” spelling of my name? I wholeheartedly say NO!
I have also chosen to give my children unusually spelled names, names that were chosen with careful thought and consideration as to spelling and pronunciation. A name is something to cherish and live up to. My children have been and will continue to be taught this throughout their lives.
If the grandmother-to-be is concerned about the name, she should start thinking of a good nickname to give the child. — KLISTA IN IDAHO
Other than the obvious question of how you live up to a name nobody’s ever heard of before, how do you go through life sounding like an approximation of an anatomical feature?
And some parents DON’T know how they spelled the baby’s name. Some parents don’t know how to spell, PERIOD! And when you ” have had to instruct everyone from teachers, students and co-workers as to how it is pronounced and the correct spelling”, they were all thinking, why isn’t she named “Becky”?
DEAR ABBY: I did a Google search on the baby name databases. One of the better ones I queried was Parenthood.com. It shows the male name “Jasiel” and identifies it as a biblical name meaning “the strength of God.” Obviously, then, “Jasiela” is the feminine form of the name.
Your advice seemed off-putting. “Hesitant” is well-meaning, but she should mind her own business. And for you to assume that Mum didn’t know the correct spelling — well! That was a presumptuous remark and certainly not in your normally empathetic style. I think this is one of the rare times that you blew it, Abby! — LEANNE R. IN CANADA
Now Leanne has a good idea: Let’s throw together a made-up name and then Google it to see if it means anything at all… and then decide how you want to pronounce it…
DEAR ABBY: My siblings and I grew up with unusual names for the United States — Deirdre (dear-dra), Aisling (ash-ling), St. John (sin-gin) and, easiest of all, Becket, pronounced as spelled. True, it wasn’t always easy, but our teachers learned something new, and today, as adults, we love our names and are happy our parents ignored convention. — DEIRDRE IN EKER, SWEDEN
Dierdre’s parents were probably into some undocumented pharmaceuticals when they were naming kids. Becket? Which one? The historical English archbishop who was murdered, or the nautical term for an eye through which one hitches a line? St. John (sin-gin)? Aisling (ash-ling)?
Seriously, I don’t get excited about people of other countries naming their offspring with names common in their countries of origin. After all, an American “John” is a German or Scandinavian “Johann” is a French “Jean” is a Celtic “Sean” or “Ian”. What I find off-putting is the pretentious application of foreign names to American babies with the implication that it is a sign of some sophistication… If you name your kids Malik Hussein Jones, I tend to think you’re an idiot.
Of course, the next day, Abby shows here fairness by presenting the other side:
UNUSUAL NAMES CAN TRIP UP KIDS AT SCHOOL AND IN LIFE
By Abigail Van Buren Wed Dec 27, 8:05 PM ET
DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed some of the letters I received from readers who felt I was wrong to advise a stepmother to caution her stepdaughter about giving her baby a name that will be pronounced differently than it is spelled. Today, I’ll share the thoughts of those who felt my advice was on target. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Thank you, thank you, thank you for your response concerning the odd spelling of a baby’s name! I have worked in the public school system and in customer service, and I speak for many when I say that nothing is more annoying than trying to figure out how to pronounce or spell an invented name. It’s also frustrating for the owners of the names, who must spend their lives explaining to people how to spell and pronounce the names their parents stuck them with.
Some parents (usually young ones) seem to think a weird name is “cute.” Nothing is further from the truth. Thank you for having the courage to speak out for babies who have no choice in the matter. — LINDA IN PHOENIX
Linda is correct.Can you imagine yourself an elementary school teacher trying to learn how to spell and pronounce “Ja’Layzha Nevaeh“, and then telling an irate momma that her baby is the only one in the class who can’t spell her name…
DEAR ABBY: I have worked as a nurse for more than 25 years in newborn nurseries. Too often people give cute and original names that only end up being a burden. Many a time have I asked a child’s name, only to hear one that will make that child cringe in the future. And often, these same parents go out of their way to make the spelling impossible!
Suggestion: Give a basic middle name the child can fall back on if needed. Please remember that in the flash of an eye, that baby will be in school, where other children will be cruel. — R.N. FROM ALBUQUERQUE
Suggestion: Save the energy you were going to use inventing a name and go get your own life instead of trying to get one through your new kid.
DEAR R.N.: You’re right. A woman once wrote me that her daughter intended to name her baby girl Diana Rhea, which I emphatically discouraged.
We could get really snarky here with apocryphal stories about babies named Placenta and Gonorrhea (pronounced with emphasis on the second syllable: Go-NOR-ee-ah) but we won’t…
DEAR ABBY: That letter reminded me of a story my mother, a retired schoolteacher, told me about one of her students. His name was spelled on all school documents as “Demacus,” so that’s how all the school officials and all the boy’s friends pronounced it.
One day, the boy’s mother came to pick him up from school, heard the teacher call the boy “Demacus,” and became indignant that she was “mispronouncing his name — it’s DemaRcus!” The teacher pointed out that his name was spelled without the “R” on all his paperwork, and the mother grew even more irate, stating, “Well, I don’t know how to spell it, but it’s DemaRcus!”
If you can’t spell it, please pick another name! — JENNIFER IN TEXAS
The one I read somewhere on the internet is where a social services worker called to inquire about service for a new child, and the new mommy turned from the phone and yelled, “Momma, how we spell da baby name?”
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for pointing out the social implications of odd name spellings. I encountered a little boy who, I am sure, has felt the impact of this every day of his life. His name is Jade. His mother pronounced it something like Zhar-day. When she told me, I looked at that beautiful little boy, shook my head and said, “I’m sorry.” — CHARLES IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.
And there’s a parent still marveling at the huge burst of sophistication evidenced by the goofy pronunciation of a pretentious name.
And this last comment from Abby’s column is the voice of somebody who has lived with his parents’ poor choice:
DEAR ABBY: I can tell you first-hand that an unusual name can be a handicap socially and in business. My mother shortened a family name and added an ending that comes from a language not in my bloodline. It was humiliating when I was growing up. People do not remember names because they are “unique.” No one ever forgets the name “Mary.”
I believe I have missed many business contacts because people felt awkward because they couldn’t remember my name, and it has caused trouble because documents and contracts often had to be redone due to a misspelling.
Please urge your readers to consider this when naming a child. Growing up and business life are hard enough to negotiate without having to fight for your identity every five minutes. Trust me. — “TM” IN KENTUCKY
Okay… That’s it for this week. You folks have a Happy New Year!
