Monthly Archives: May 2007

Humor

New Rules For 2007

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New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days–mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don’t eat anything that’s served to you out a window unless you’re a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you’re a dope. If you’re a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you’re a grown man, they’re pictures of men.

New Rule:? Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we’re done.

New Rule: There’s no such thing as flavored water. There’s a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That’s your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that’s square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a “decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n’-Low, and one NutraSweet,” ooh, you’re a huge asshole.

New Rule: I’m not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing “Enter,” verifying the amount, deciding no, I don’t want cash back, and pressing “Enter” again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to “beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn’t a sport. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What’s next, competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They’re already doing that. It’s called “The Howard Stern Show.”

New Rule: I don’t need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I’m extra hungry for M&Ms, I’ll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you’re going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens. Let’s remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it’s for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving, it’s the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can’t even tell if he’s supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don’t want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to know in months. “27 Months.” “He’s two,” will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God’s sake don’t pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, “Do you want fries with that?”

(From an email from old friend Norm)

Humor

Health questions answered

MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase , “HEY MOE.” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.

Q. I just joined an HMO . How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don’t worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day’s drive away and a diploma from a third world country and the third grade.

Q.Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don’t require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand . I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomachache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I’m away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn’t do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem . Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?A. Hard to say, but considering that all you’re risking is the $20 co-payment, there’s no harm in giving it a shot.

Q. Will health care be different in the next decade?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

To Your Good Health (because as you’ll see, you’ll need it!)

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION with Dr. Kenmiester:

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good !

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING !!! … Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

(And a tip of the hat to “tford” who posted it on the CSP Gun Talk Political Page)

Current events - national

Illegals

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It seems that the illegal immigration business is heating up.

I’m sort of insulated here in southwest Louisiana. We don’t have a lot of illegals here. Those that I meet on various jobsites seem hard-working and polite, and they do WORK.

When I run into families at the local Wal-Mart, they’re no more a problem than the denizens of dozens of trailer parks throughout western Louisiana. In short, we do not yet have the problems that plague Houston and San Antonio and other nearby cities.

I know that a lot of the cleanup and rebuild crews in New Orleans following Katrina have been illegals, and while I hear politicians making noises about how they’re taking jobs away from the locals, the locals thye’re talking about haven’t ever been that bent on working anyway.

It boils down to, for me, the whole “illegal” thing and it seems that in the past several decades Congress has shirked its duties in facing the problem. Now the problem is too big for easy solution. That said, I still think that as a nation, the illegal immigration problem has to be addressed and putting it off longer just exacerbates the problem.

Laws are mad eto be followed.  If a law is stupid or goes out of day and is NOT followed then it should be repealed or changed.  The fact is that it IS against the law to enter the United States for any reason without presenting yourself for proper documentation.  It is also a fact that it is illegal to employ a person who does NOT present valid documentation of proof of citizenship or legal immigration status.  Neither of these laws is being enforced with any consistency.  The resulting lawlessness is wrecking the nation as short-sighted businesses take advantage of cheap labor costs while passing on huge costs to the rest of us in the form of the taxes necessary to support infrastructure required to care for burgeoning numbers of illegals.

It will all come home to roost.  I am still thinking about his one and I haven’t got the answer as to what should be done yet, but the bill proposed by the Senate is hardly a step in the right direction.  We’ll see how it shakes out, but I do not see good things for the nation from this.  If we continue on this path, the America of next generation will likely be a shadow of the American that became a shining city on a hill.

General

Idea for a new restaurant…

4 Comments

I make no bones about my love for many cuisines.  One of my favorites is Vietnamese.  I have previously posted my recipe for wonderful Vietnamese spring rolls.

I am also in love with Vietnamese soup, or pho.  That “o” is pronounced  like the “u” in “but”.  Pho comes in many varieties, usually with a savory broth, noodles, and bits of meat and herbs.  It’s a wonderful meal, tasty, not too heavy, and subject to infinite variety.

I’m thinking of opening southwest Louisiana’s first fast food pho restaurant, “Pho King”.  I like the idea of an advertising campaign based on “Pho King best noodles in southwest Louisiana.  and for the breakfast crowd, we can add Pho King good coffee and Pho King best kolaches.

Seriously, I don’t think that southwest Louisiana is quite ready for Pho King just yet, but I do wish we had a good Vietnamese restaurant in the area.

As it is, I have to pilgrimage to Kim-Kim’s at the intersection of Highway 290 and FM1960, here in Cypress, Texas for my pho fix…

Movie and TV reviews, Blogging

Thirty years of Star Wars…

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Yeah, I’m a fan of Star Wars.

Yeah, I know you can look at it and find enough plot holes and bad science and poor acting and crap that you could sink the USS Iowa. doesn’t matter to me, though. It’s supposed to entertainment, not a physics lesson, lesson in small unit tactics, or a demonstration of the high standards of Western Literature.

In short, it’s NOT a stinkin’ religious experience, and when I see some of those improbabilities and inconsistencies happening on the screen, I ignore them and enjoy the story.

However, if you want to enjoy the antics created by some other Star Wars fans, you’ll find them all over the Internet, including three clips posted in this article on Coyote Blog. I particularly like the middle one, as the last episode I watched from my DVD collection was Episode VI.

The Name Game

The Name Game XCIX

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I awoke to a typical early summer morning here in southwest Louisiana. The temperature is headed towards the mid-eighties and we hae the typical summer pattern 20-30% chance of thundershowers in the afternoon when things heat up.

Looking at the morning papers, we find that tow local hospitals report birth announcemens, one from May 14-18, the other from April 19-May 16. Between the two of them, we get 46 announcements, 18 where the parents decided that marriage was not a precursor to reproduction in modern society. And five of the new mommies didn’t think that a daddy was worth remembering.

First thing I noticed is that the letter “K” has risen in stature of late. apparently if you have a name that you like and it begins with “C”, if you change that “C” to “K” you bring honor to your child and confer upon him enhanced hopes for the future. Here are a few:

Mr. & Mrs. Lionel S. named their new son Konner Davis.

Stephen P. & Tiffanie H. had twins and tagged them Kamryn Nicole & Kayden Lynn.

Tyron & Andre’a B. present their new son, Kyndon Markel.

We have one triple this week: folks who just didn’t know when to stop when they started naming the baby:

Miss Stephanie C. has a new son, little Dylan Isaiah Wiley.

We have a few “interesting” names:

Mr. & Mrs David C. have a new daughter, little Raegan Paige. Maybe they don’t know how to spell “Reagan”. Maybe they do. We’ll probably never know. I probably won’t care.

Michael & Katherine M. have a new son, little Landon Michael. Future name son their list are Blocker Dan and Greene Lorne, if they want to keep up with the “Bonanza” theme.

David R. & Courtnie P. have a new son, Zack M. That’s it! Just a middle initial. No name, just an initial! In the future I’m seeing “Whatcha want me to do now boss?” and the boss says, “See those groceries? Zack’m!”

And lastly we have the innovative folks who just can’t be limited by 26 letters of the alphabet, not with all the punctuation stuff that teachers kept rattling on about in school:

Roy T. & Nicole H. have a new daughter, little Patience Cherme’.

And then there’s this week’s Name of the Week: Miss Victoria S, since she apparently wasn’t sitting around the delivery room chatting with the baby daddy, because his name is missing, she used that extra time to come up with a really special name for her new daughter, and we present you with little Ja’Sone Ne’Chole. That’s TWO names, TWO silly-a**ed apostrophes and FOUR capital letters and NO baby daddy…

And as the conversation used to go: “Cessna 52 Mike, cleared for touch and go.” “Tower, 52 Mike, thank you, this will be for full stop.”

General

Memorial Day

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Not “Happy Memorial Day” by any stretch of the imagination. Just “Memorial Day”.

I repost a Cox & Forkum cartoon:

Paid the price

1969, Fort Knox, Kentucky: I and a few dozen other young tankers were in training at the Armor School to become tank commanders. The Viet Nam war required accelerated efforts to produce leaders who had the technical capabilities to function in that position. For twelve weeks we trained together and lived in the same barracks,and such a thing produces a lot of friends.

When the training was over, we dispersed to stateside bases for three months to further hone our skills and then went on to overseas assignments. “Overseas” in those days mean, with few exceptions, Viet Nam. I was one of those exceptions.

As is the case with war, some of that little bunch of buddies didn’t come back. The goofy-looking kid from some Western state that used to sit on his bunk on odd evenings and pick bluegrass tunes on a twelve-string guitar? He’s forever twenty, a life ended in fire and flying metal in a southeast Asian field. To this day, hearing the tune “Wildwood Flower” brings memories flooding back of him sitting on his bunk happily picking out songs.

Memorial Day? Yes, I do remember. Happy?

“It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived.”
– General George S. Patton, Jr

Current events - national, General

Are you KIDDING Me?!?!?!?

1 Comment

From the BBC:

US ‘sex addict’ sues over firing
By Jeremy Cooke
BBC News, New York

The internet provided psychological comfort, Mr Pacenza says.
A man in the US is suing IBM for $5m (£2.5m) in a wrongful dismissal case after he was fired for visiting adult internet chat rooms while at work.

James Pacenza, 58, says he was addicted to online chat rooms and that IBM should have offered him sympathy and treatment instead of firing him.

The Vietnam War veteran says he has suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder since 1969.

What a tired old excuse… I think 2.5 million Americans passed through Viet Nam. And it seems like every 60’s veteran loser is all too happy to blame anything and everything on Viet Nam.

It doesn’t matter that the majority of those who served did their jobs, came home, and just got on with being productive members of society. It doesn’t matter that the guy would have probably been a loser if he’d stayed back in the States diddling hippy chicks and flipping burgers.

Nobody comes out and says they’re a success in life because of the strength they gained by surviving and overcoming the war. And if a guy is successful, nobody jumps up and points to him and says “That’s a successful Viet Nam vet.” And at my age, know a whole lot more of the “normal” ones. But they don’t get the publicity…
But if you’re a loser looking for an excuse for drugs, crime or perversion, “It’s not MY fault, the WAR made me that way… I’m a VICTIM!!!”

He argues that he used the internet to control his psychological problems.


‘Self-medicating’

Mr Pacenza says that seeing his best friend killed in action while they were on patrol in Vietnam in 1969 brought on his post-traumatic stress disorder.

He says that his psychological problems have left him addicted to sex, especially adult internet chat rooms.

That’s interesting. Most losers who use the “Viet Nam made me this way” are into drugs and homelessness. This is the first time I’ve seen the “sex addict” move…  I guess, though, if your butt is being canned, you’ll play every card you’ve got.

When a fellow employee at IBM told managers that Mr Pacenza was visiting such sites while at work, he was fired.

The stated reason was that he visited an internet chat site for a sexual experience after he had previously been warned.

Fair enough. The good employer gives a warning. That’s the gentle way…

James Pacenza’s lawyers will argue in court that their client was using the internet to self-medicate as a way of controlling his post traumatic stress disorder.

Hah! That’s not what this is about. Nobody cares if he self-medicates himself, just as nobody cares if a guy leaves work and has a few beers. The operative phrase is “Not at work!!!” Silly people, them wanting actual work done for the pay they give a person…

Not to mention that pornography in the workplace leaves the employer wide open for ANOTHER LAWSUIT, this one for sexual harassment and creating a hostile workplace for any person who might be offended by things on the pervert in question’s computer.

Which brings up a key to this whole article: NONE OF THIS WOULD BE POSSIBLE WITHOUT COURTS THAT HAVE LOST THEIR STINKIN’ MINDS!

Think about it: One lawyer suing the employer because he doesn’t want an employee looking at porn on the company time and premises, and his buddy down the hall suing the SAME employer for allowing another employee to be exposed to pornography at the same workplace…

They will also argue that Mr Pacenza’s claimed addiction to adult internet sites should be treated in the same way as other employees’ addictions to drugs or alcohol.

Like I said, many employers will let an employee with problems have a “freebie”, but then it’s up to you to go get help. You don’t, and your ass hits the street… Has to be that way. Otherwise the employer risks to many things, including the possibility that if the “victim” gets into trouble for his “addiction”, he can just as easily find an lawyer that will sue the company for being an “enabler”.

Go ahead! After reading the stuff above, tell me you can’t find a lawyer that will sue for ANYTHING. And a judge who will let him spend court time and money doing it.

The case, which has been postponed until 29 June, has potential implications for employers across America and their attitude towards regulating how employees use workplace computers.

Damned straight! But this lawyer will take his 40% of the award and not give a sh*t that he’s robbing a company that actually had to produce something, and that his silly and immoral sophistry will cost us all.

And the loser who started all this will have sh*t on the heads of every veteran who served his country in the military and went on to serve as a productive member of society.

And you wonder why I say that 99% of the lawyers give the rest a bad name…

Blogging

Ouch!

2 Comments

Success comes at a price.

This morning the blog was off line. apparently I exceeded the traffic limitations of my low-priced server account.  They have obviously re-activated me, so we’ll see how things go from here.

My daily hit count has gone up to over 500 on some days, and a lot of those are google searches, mainly for recipes and gun stuff.

Current events - national, Politics

What happened to “professional courtesy”?

3 Comments

Senator Charles “guns scare me” Schumer, the senior (need I say it?) dimmocrat senator has Lyme disease.

Since Lyme disease is spread by ticks, I find this idea intriguing. I would think that ticks would avoid dimmocrat politicians, according professional courtesy to fellow blood-sucking parasites.

Of course, there are a couple of credible explanations for the tick:

  1. Karl Rove and George Bush took the tick to Guantanamo and tortured it and reprogrammed its brain so that it no longer recognized fellow parasites.
  2. Hillary Clinton had the tick altered to get rid of Chucky Schumer because she’s tired of being referred to as the “Junior senator from New York”.
Cajun culture, Recipes and Food

Pot Roast

6 Comments

It’s about time to talk about another recipe.

This one’s pretty common in Euro-centric cultures: Pot Roast. I will discuss the Cajun rendition. Most of you will recognize it and say, “What’s Cajun about your pot roast?” And I’ll say “I ate it a the tables of many great Cajun cooks, like my Great-grandmother, my grandmother, my mother, my mother-in-law from my second marriage, and cooked by the highest paid chef in Lake Charles Louisiana in 1987, who was really my former shift superintendent at the big ol’ chemical plant I used to work at.” That’s why it’s Cajun!

The recipe has the simplicity of country cooking in many locations, but I think it was raised to its pinnacle by Cajun cooks, where pot roast was the preferred method of dealing with a big chunk of meat.

So let’s get on with:

The recipe:

Meat: Oh, that’s simple. How much? What do you have? Got a big ol’ pot? get a big ol’ piece of meat. Today I used a four and a half pound chunk of beef. Floyd, the highest paid chef in Lake Charles, did a truly memorable version with a huge chunk of elk his son brought back from a trip to Colorado and fed a dozen hungry plant workers. Great grandma did mutton more than once. I’ve written about pork before.

Onion. You’re gonna need at least one. I used a yellow onion the size of my fist, chopped up into roughly quarter-inch bits.

Garlic: Have a HEAD handy. You won’t need all of it for a small roast, but it’s good to have…

Salt

Red pepper

Black pepper

That’s it! SIX whole ingredients! And the result is a pot roast to die for! Oh, okay, if you insist, you can add a bit of celery, a bit of bell pepper, a tiny bit of parsley, but you don’t need it, and you won’t be missing too darned much without it.

Preparation:

All the hard work’s up front!

Chop the onion and set it aside.

Trim most of the fat from the outside of your roast. Hang onto it. We’ll use it later.

Peel your garlic. If the cloves are really big, you can split them in half lengthwise.

Mix together some salt, and both kinds of pepper, maybe a teaspoon of each. If you’re the nervous type, don’t use as much red pepper.

Now take your knife and go O.J. Simpson on the roast. Stab holes all over, and in each hole stick a chunk of garlic ‘way down in the hole, then follow it with a pinch of your salt and pepper mixture. If you’re a big garlic fan (like me) then do more holes. If you’re still scared, do less, but you need SOME!

Now, here’s where you and I need to talk. You should at this time take a big cast iron pot and put it on the stove. What? You don’t have cast iron? Promise to get one. Put your pot on the stove and start it heating. This should be a heavy pot. For my four-pounder today I used a five-quart Dutch oven, and that size will serve for maybe a ten-pounder before things get too tight. When the pot is hot, take that fat you saved from trimming your roast and throw it in there and render out some grease. Didn’t have any fat? Dump in a couple of tablespoons of cooking oil.

Put your roast in the pot. It should sizzle like mad. Let it. What you want to happen here is for the roast to sear to a dark brown over a period of maybe five minutes. Once the first side is seared, then roll the thing over and do the next side. Continue until all accessible sides are seared. At this time the bottom of your pot should look like the aftermath of a napalm attack. That’s good.

Now, dump in those chopped onions and stir them around. right away, they’ll start picking up all that lovely brown stuff your roast left stuck to the bottom of the pot. Now some folks might want to take the roast out while they stir the onions. You can. I didn’t. It’s not the formula for cold fusion. If some of your onions don’t get as brown as others, the sun will still rise tomorrow. You want your onions generally translucent with the edges starting to caramelize.

At this point, you’re probably tired. That’s okay… the work is over. Pour in enough water to bring the liquid level up about halfway up the roast and then turn the heat down to just above a simmer. Put the cover on. Go do something else. This is where Grandma used to bake yeast rolls. All you have to do now for the next five hours is occasionally turn the roast and check the fluid level.

Five hours? Yes. You want your roast “falling apart” tender. Remember, this recipe was developed when a roast was likely carved from a mature animal and was tougher than today’s storebought cuts. Long cooking was the only way to turn a tough old range cow into something edible.

When you’ve decided that you’ve reached that point of tenderness, sample the resulting gravy and add salt and pepper if you like. Remember that with red pepper, you need to taste and wait for the heat to build. You can always add more, but it’s hard to take any away. Also check your gravy. It should have thickened itself with the disintegrated onions. Taste the gravy. It might not be very thick, but Cajun gravy isn’t. You might try thinning a spoonful with a few drops of water. Sometimes this “opens up” the flavors if the gravy has cooked down too much.

Serving:

The traditional layout for potroast in a Cajun home was with rice. Carve up the roast. If you do this in the pot, that’s okay and perfectly authentic in a working Cajun home where informality often ruled the day. So make up a big pot of rice to go with your pot roast. Make a vegetable for a side dish. Serve some sweet pickles or a sweet relish alongside.

Place big heap of rice on the plate, spoon some gravy over the top of it, and lay a couple of slices of the roast alongside with your veggie and a few sweet pickles or a spoonful of relish, and have some hot pepper vinegar on the table for individual application. Enjoy!  Oh! Back to the garlic real quick!  Note the flavor of meat that was directly in contact with the garlic.  You like that?  Well, next time USE MORE! Garlic’s good for you!

Coffee

Jacu Bird Coffee

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I’m sure that most of you have had a good “haw-haw” over “kopi luwak” where coffee is made from coffee cherries which have been eaten by and passed through the digestive tract of the Asian Palm Civet.

Well, my favorite purveyor of all things coffee, Sweet Maria’s, has thrown their shot in the weird coffee arena. Let me introduce you to Jacu Bird coffee. From their review we read:

The farm owner, Henrique Sloper wrote this, “As a supporter of the natural flora and fauna of the farm, Camocim welcomes the Jacu Bird as a member of the farm’s agro-florestal system. Rather that think of the Jacu Bird as a pest, eating our finest coffee cherries, we saw the opportunity to employ the Jacu Bird as one of our finest manual coffee pickers. Once ingested, the Jacu Bird, eliminates the digested beans which lie on the ground under the coffee trees.

Our staff collects these odorless droppings, transports them to the drying areas where they are dried, cleaned and stored in their parchment for up to three months.”

…

I will leave much of the jokes to you, but one you CAN make about Kopi Luwak that you cannot make about our Jacu Bird coffee: it does NOT taste like CR*P. It is a nice mild cup.

Here’s a jacu bird:

jacu.jpg

Actually, that’s THREE jacu birds.  There are two little ones in the bottom of the picture.

Son Corey wants me to buy a pound…

Weather

Here we go again!

3 Comments

I don’t know why I even bother to post this, but every year NOAA issues its prediction for the upcoming hurricane season.

NOAA Predicts 13 to 17 Named Storms This Year

May 22, 2007 12:45 PM

Tuesday morning, the NOAA’s National Weather Service released its outlook for the 2007 hurricane season. Unfortunately, it’s not good news for those living near the gulf and east coasts.

Experts are predicting an above normal Atlantic Hurricane season with 13 to 17 named storms. Of those, scientists say seven to 10 may be hurricanes, with three to five reaching Category 3 strength or higher.

These are only predictions. Last year’s initial forecast called for 17 named storms with nine becoming hurricanes and five major hurricanes. That didn’t happen.

Seriously, what are you gonna do? a multitude of storms is irrelevant if they all miss you, and I can tell you from personal experience that if ONE shows up in your back yard, you’ve had a BAD season. We went 48 years between direct hits from consequential storms, Audrey in 1957 and Rita in 2005. Luck of the draw says we probably won’t get hit, but lightning DOES strike in the same place twice.

Other side of the story is that these are long range forecasts. The same people said last year was supposed to be a bad year too, and not one hurricane hit the continental US.

What do we do? I review emergency supplies for the house. Right now I need a good water jug, maybe five gallons. I have the canned foods, a couple of cases of MRE’s, guns and ammo sufficient to protect the homestead from a pretty decent assault. I have all the important papers, titles, insurance papers, etc. in a briefcase ready to take out the door if I evacuate. My employer has his plans in place too, and part of that includes housing key personnel at the local facilities to maintain continuity of service. I’ve seen how that works: well.

Briefly, I’m not running around in circles shouting “We all gonna DIE!!!!” This is just life, folks… Life. And you go on living.