A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments. So, they decided to open a flower shop to raise money. Their business was an instant hit. But a rival florist thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close their shop. They refused. He got on his knees and begged. Still, they refused. One day, he had had enough. He hired Hugh McTaggart, the toughest thug in town. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed the shop. Terrified, they closed their business. Continue reading More Humour of the Vilest Sort…
Monthly Archives: February 2010
The Name Game #227
Woke up anchored in place in bed by a comfortable cat. Walked out to get the paper in forty-eight degree air under clear blue skies. It was down into the mid-thirties last night under a huge shining moon.
Reading through the paper I see the customary birth announcements from the one big hospital across the river. I guess the other local hospitals dropped the custom of announcing births. It’s been a while since I’ve seen anything from them.
Today’s batch covers from a straggling December 31 download all the way to February 23, a total of thirty-eight new babies. Half of those, nineteen, are born to married parents, the other half being the result of relationships of random permanence. Five are the offspring of mommies who don’t want to publish the daddy’s name for such good reasons as “I forgot” or “I was too drunk to remember” or “He told me he’s an international double-nought spy and giving his name could jeopardize international peace.”
So getting on with the hilarity, we have a few of the “Stick your finger in the phone book and whatever’s at the top of the page will work” group:
Lawrence and Whitney D. present their son, little Ramsey Jude.
Trinity M. & Krista L. have a new son, little Gage Trinity.
Dannis & Skinner W. perpetuate a travesty with their son, little Skinner Craig.
Mark & Stephanie J. tag their new son with Mitchell Lee.
Dennis & Matilda Y. wanted their son to have a manly name, so he’s now Hunter Case.
Mickey & Christina B. name their new daughter Tatum Paige.
We have crowd of the “Where’d you get THAT name?” bunch:
Gary & Kate M. are confused by the whole “son-daughter gender thing, so their new daughter is Madison Ann.
Michael V. & Heather J. tag their new son with Bryce Colt.
Joseph & Ashley P. name their baby girl Kaidence. But they spelled it CUTE!
Draper S. & Briana M. show their new son, little Daylon Marcel.
Jared c. & courtney M. present their baby boy, Aiden Azeal. Okay, so there’s an “A”.
Here’s a “Z” as Miss Crystal G. tags her new son with Zayln Porter.
And we in Louisiana, some of us, anyway, are still in Post Superbowl euphoria as Darren & Michelle L. name their daughter Kenadee Brees.
In a tribute to our nation’s defense, Steven & Dyann(!) give us son Sailor Royce. Maybe we’ll next see a daughter, Remf June.
Gayland & Alayha K. present their baby boy, little Grayson Joseph. who is “Gray” and why do they think this is his kid?
Then there’s the “It’s a cute name, but we need to spell it different so the baby will be you-neek” crowd:
David L & Dorothy L. (different last names) show their baby boy, little David Tayte. Because plain ol’ “Tate” is sooo ordinary.
Kenneth & Somer K. change up TWO names for their new daughter, little Emersyn Grae, so you don’t confuse her for a home appliance and a color choice from Crayola.
Miss Chelsea P. presents her baby girl, Taytum Klaire. “‘Cuz, like, “y’s” an’ “k’s” just LOOK soooo sophisticated an’ all”.
Paul & Jessica K. also like the letter “Y” so they use a few on their new son, little Ryley Wayne.
We have on triple as Lonnie & Amaris M. tag their son with Lonnie Cason Paul.
AS then there’s the always interesting group who just can’t satisfy artistic desires with a mere twenty-six letters of the alphabet. Or maybe they think the population at large needs help to pronounce the names they make up:
Truquessa (!) G. presnts her new daughter, little A’Kerah La’Shawn. Maybe two apostrophes make up for the missing daddy.
Alvin S. & Rebecca C. like the letter “L” so their daughter gets two names for a total of six letters and three of them are “l’s”. And an apostrophe: Lile Le’.
Jacob B. & Alexis M. tag their new daughter with Kenzie Denee’.
And Miss Shamonica (!) J. presents a daughter, little Zy’riyah Iveon Yarniece. apparently her aunt was around and asked “Is that your baby?” and Miss Shamonica replied,”Yeah, that’s yarniece.”
And thusly we slip into another week.
Today in History – February 28
1784 – John Wesley charters the Methodist Church.
1849 – Regular steamboat service from the west to the east coast of the United States begins with the arrival of the SS California in San Francisco Bay, 4 months 21 days after leaving New York Harbor. Due to the Panama Canal being some distance in the future, this trip goes all the way around the Horn.
1933 – Gleichschaltung: The Reichstag Fire Decree is passed in Germany a day after the Reichstag fire. Generate a crisis, then use it to pass laws that shut down your opponents. Worked then. Is it working now?
1956 – Forrester issued a patent for computer core memory. And why did they call it ‘core’ memory? Because the data was stored as the magnetic state of tiny little ferrite donut ‘cores’, written and accessed by tiny little copper wires. Interesting stuff,that.
1993 – Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms agents raid the Branch Davidian church in Waco, Texas with a warrant to arrest the group’s leader David Koresh. Four BATF agents and five Davidians die in the initial raid, starting a 51-day standoff. Is your church approved by the BATFE?
Food for Thought – 27 February 2010
I remember “rules of engagement”. It’s when politicians and lawyers think they can “manage” a war. Started with Korea, then continued in earnest with LBJ and his whiz kids. Prior to that, war was “Kill as many as you can, and we’ll issue terms to what’s left…”
Today in History – February 27
1801 – Pursuant to the District of Columbia Organic Act of 1801, Washington, D.C. is placed under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Congress. From that bright hope, we come to today’s “wretched hive of scum and villainy.”
1844 – The Dominican Republic gains independence from Haiti. This is a brilliant move.
1864 – American Civil War: The first Northern prisoners arrive at the Confederate prison at Andersonville, Georgia.
1933 – Reichstag fire: Germany’s parliament building in Berlin, the Reichstag, is set on fire. I halfway expect something of similar nature here before long. Cynical? Who, me?
1951 – The Twenty-second Amendment to the United States Constitution, limiting Presidents to two terms, is ratified. If only it included Congress.
Food for Thought – 26 February 2010
A new step has been added to IRS audits.
The next footsteps on the moon will probably be Chinese.
Yet another chance for Republicans to show they’re different from dimmocrats. Will they slough this one off, too?
And an accurate portrayal of the REAL Washington DC:
Today in History – February 26
1863 – U.S. President Abraham Lincoln signs the National Currency Act into law. This put us solidly on the road to a paper currency backed by the whim of banks.
1917 – The Original Dixieland Jass Band records the first ever jazz record for the Victor Talking Machine Company in New York. “Victrola” used to be almost synonymous with “record player”.
1936 – Hitler introduces Ferdinand Porsche’s “Volkswagen”, the precursor to the the VW Type 111, or Beetle”, a particularly delightful car. I owned several.
1952 – United Kingdom Prime Minister Winston Churchill announces that his nation has an atomic bomb.
1970 – National Public Radio incorporates as a non-profit corporation, assuring the Left of a free forum for its ideas.
1983 – Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album goes to #1 & stays #1 for 37 weeks, proving the popularity of prancing fop pedophiles.
1993 – World Trade Center bombing: In New York City, a truck bomb parked below the North Tower of the World Trade Center explodes, killing 6 and injuring over a thousand, but it’s only a law enforcement matter.
Gold Medal Rescinded
Special report from Vancouver, Canada.
Lindsey Vonn‘s Gold Medal in the downhill was*taken away from her today.
It is being rewarded to Barack Obama because it has been determined that he is going downhill faster than she did.
Counteroffer
How about this:
House, senate. One term each. No perks, no pension. Graft conviction carries the death penalty.
My offer:
- Two terms in the house
- Disqualification if you can’t show your livelihood coming from a private sector job. 1040’s will be checked.
- Previous full-time elected positions and lawyers automatically disqualified.
- All laws passed must specifically apply to members of the federal government. No exemptions or special favors.
- No pensions.
- No amendment shall be added to any bill that is not germaine to the original bill. ( No more pork attached to bills for defense spending)
Food for Thought – 25 February 2010
Today in History – February 25
1836 – Samuel Colt receives an American patent for the Colt revolver.
1919 – Oregon places a 1 cent per U.S. gallon tax on gasoline, becoming the first U.S. state to levy a gasoline tax. This is known as the camel’s nose under the tent…
1932 – Adolf Hitler obtains German citizenship by naturalization, which allows him to run in the 1932 election for Reichspräsident. Oh, so he had to play around with the citizenship thing to bring his socialist policies to bear?
1956 – In his speech On the Personality Cult and its Consequences Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev denounces the cult of personality of Joseph Stalin. What!??! there are consequences to a personality cult?
Home at last…
0600 out of bed. At the station at 0700. Meetings until 1300, the no the road for home. 2045, I’m home, all cats are accounted for, and in my absence one of them protected the home by bravely shredding an errant roll of toilet paper.
No more bloggy tonight. Maybe tomorrow.
Today in History – February 24
1803 – The Supreme Court of the United States, in Marbury v. Madison, establishes the principle of judicial review.
1868 – The first parade to have floats is staged at Mardi Gras in New Orleans, Louisiana. I have never been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans and have no desire to go. However, I do note that standing on the side of the road waiting for mystical creatures to give you stuff for free has particular character that fits New Orleans well.
1917 – World War I: The U.S. ambassador to the United Kingdom is given the Zimmermann Telegram, in which Germany pledges to ensure the return of New Mexico, Texas, and Arizona to Mexico if that country declares war on the United States. Seeing that Germany is happily pursuing attacks on the United States by means of a surrogate, Mexico, helps make us decide to enter the war.
1968 – Vietnam War: The Tet Offensive is halted; South Vietnam recaptures Hué. You’d never know from news reports and conventional histories that EVERYWHERE the VC attacked, we (and the South Vietnamese) beat the ever-loving crap out of them.
2008 – Fidel Castro retires as the President of Cuba after nearly fifty years. He passed control to his brother, like he was a freakin’ Kennedy or something…
The Cure
I generally try to avoid the latest celebrity gossip running as “news”, but the idea that Tiger Woods had to go to a clinic for “sex addiction” intrigued me as I am sure that it raised questions in the minds of many of my readers. Bering as how I was in Mississippi anyways, I did a bit of research at this clinic to see what sort of curative measures they might use for such an addiction.
I was horrified, HORRIFIED, I tell you, to find the cruelties to which one is subjected to cure sex addiction.
How cruel? Well, dear readers, THIS is a sample of the wallpaper from Tiger Woods’ room: Continue reading The Cure