Over the Hill…(repost)

(From 2006… In response to a discussion this morning at work about posers who wanted to derive some perceived benefit from looking or acting like soldiers.)

I have a different slant. I was at Fort Polk from November of 1970 to May of 1972 as a drill sergeant, and I watched some of our young soldiers choose not to participate.

When I started my stint at Polk, the draft was still in full force. Our trainees were a mix: draftees, enlistees, reserves, and national guard. Here’s how that broke down in terms of tendencies to go over the hill:

Reserves and national guard: Almost never. A reservist who went AWOL (Absent Without Official Leave) was automatically placed on active duty upon his capture. Most of these guys had to fight, kick, claw and pull strings to get slots in the reserves during the Viet Nam war, and they weren’t about to risk losing those slots and getting put on active duty. I don’t rmemeber any reserve components going AWOL in my army experience.

Draftees: The average draftee was a full year older than the average enlistee. Many but not all were more mature, and generally were acceptant of their fate. They were going to endure their two years and go back home. 15-25% of our AWOLS were draftees.

Enlistees: Ahhhh! Here’s the gold mine! First, let me say that the majority of the enlistees were good people who’d decided to volunteer to serve their country by joining in its defense. Some, quite a few, actually, saw it as a way to break the chain of generations in some small locality, and to get out and see the world. Some were following in the family tradition of military service. But some just saw one too many war movies and wanted to be a hero to impress a girlfriend or to satify some other transient urge. And in 1970, when you raised your hand, you were IN. You signed your name for three years, your a** was Uncle Sam’s for three years.

And sometime in the first few weeks in the army, these young heroes learned that before we let them storm the beaches at Normandy, they were going to endure the tender ministrations of basic and advanced training. Yes, they’d get to play with guns. But they’d also endure an hour of physical training six days a week. KP. Barracks cleaning parties. Latrine swabbing. Interminable hours marching and double-timing (running) from one training area to the next. Classrooms. Tests. And all this far away from mommy who always loved them, and from their cozy group of loser buddies.

For some young would-be soldiers, this was too much. We’d start the training cycle with 250 trainees, and typically, four or five would go AWOL. Every morning, Monday through Saturday, we’d start the day with a company formation: everybody out of the barracks, wearing the uniform of the day, standing nice and neat in even rows. My platoon was usually forty men, give or take a few, four ten-man squads. Each trainee squad leader would give his verbal report to the trainne platoon guide, and the platoon guide would turn and give me the report. I would then turn and give the report to the field first sergeant, a senior drill sergeant. “Fourth Platoon, Two on sick call, two on KP, one AWOL.”

“Who’s the AWOL, Sergeant L.?”

“Private Smith, First Sergeant.”

“Roger. Turn his stuff in to the supply sergeant.”

And while the company went off on the morning run, we’d go open the AWOL’s locker and inventory and pack up his meager belongings. Army issue field gear and bedding went back into the supply system. Uniforms and personal effects were inventoried and sent to the supply room for storage. For basic trainees, that wasn’t much. In 1970, a basic trainee wasn’t allowed civilian clothing, and personal effects were restricted to that which could be stored in a tiny area in his footlocker and wall locker. That usually amounted to a bundle of letters from home and maybe a paperback book or a few magazines.

So here we have our young soldier headed over the hill. He’s got a problem. He LOOKS like a trainee. Buzz haircut. Almost new fatigues. On foot. Most of the post taxi service were retirees, and they knew the look well. Many of them would pick up the trainee, and when he told the the destination as “Leesville Greyhound Station”, they’d drop him right back off.

The bus station in Leesville was the only public transportation out of the area, and a quick visit there was interesting, too, because you’d look around and there one was: buzz haircut and brand new Levis, no luggage… It was a safe bet you’d spotted an AWOL. Oh. And combat boots. Shiny combat boots. Your average AWOL trainee didn’t spring for a pair of civilian shoes, and wearing his “low-quarters”, the 1950?s looking shoes that went with the dress uniform, that would have been a give-away when he was hot-footing it off post to the first civilian clothing store in his fatigues.

During this time, the army required you to have either a pass or leave papers to leave the post, and occasionally the Leesville police would make a swing through the Greyhound station and round up a few AWOLs. These would be delivered to the Fort Polk Miltary Police station, and those kind folks would call us. Occasionally we could talk the MP’s into delivering the captive, but just as likely, somebody’d have to go to the MP station and pick him up. You can probably imagine the conversation on the return trip back to the company…

One sad little AWOL, though, came back and turned himself in. I was in the orderly room chatting with the first sergeant that day. We heard a knock on the door. “Come in,” said the first sergeant.

In walks the prototypical AWOL trainee: buzz haircut, new Levis, combat boots. And a fading bruise on his cheek. “I want to turn myself in. I been AWOL,” he says.

“I know who you are, trainee,” says the first sergeant. “Why’d you come back?”

“I got home,” said the trainee. “My girlfriend had a new guy. She didn’t want to see me. And Dad whipped my ass and tole me to get back here. So here I am.” He’d been gone four days.

A week out, and he’d have had to be “re-cycled”, sent to another basic training company to make up training. He was still eligible for court-martial, though, although the guidelines didn’t usually apply courts-martial for absences of less than a week. I walked him to the supply room to get his stuff. “Do we really need to do this?” I asked. “I mean, if you’re just gonna haul a** again…”

“Oh, no, drill sergeant,” he said. “I screwed up bad. I ain’t gonna mess up again.”

And he didn’t. He stood in front of the battalion commander for non-judicial punishment, three months at half pay, and extra duty and restriction to the company area for the rest of his basic training. And he never screwed up again. Actually turned out to be a pretty decent young soldier after that, even though every officer and drill sergeant watched him.

Some stories start out bad, but get better.

Home Away From Home

Houston! Meeting scheduled for 0800 tomorrow morning. I could’ve driven in for it, but somehow the idea of hitting the road at 0515 didn’t appeal to me, so here I am in yet another hotel room.

I almost headed to Florida instead. One of the black boxes over there developed a nervous condition and dumped a 22,000 horsepower motor a couple of times. I was all lined up to go, but the young engineer over there decided that he can handle it. I’m all for that. There’s a time that you just have to take the training wheels off and let the kid wobble off on his own. Of course I’m right here if he needs help.

The meeting tomorrow is to discuss the implementation of another couple of big electric motors, this time 15,000 horsepower apiece, and this is as close to an electrical orgy as I can think of, so the trip is not without its up side.

Today in History – May 31

1678 – The Godiva procession through Coventry begins. Now there’s a tax protest.

1884 – Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patents “flaked cereal”

1889
Johnstown Flood: Over 2,200 people die after a dam break sends a 60-foot (18-meter) wall of water over the town of Johnstown, Pennsylvania. FEMA slow to respond. Bush widely blamed.

1911 R.M.S. Titanic launched. This will end well.

1916World War I: Battle of Jutland – The British Grand Fleet under the command of Sir John Jellicoe &Sir David Beatty engage the Kaiserliche Marine under the command of Reinhard Scheer & Franz von Hipper in the largest naval battle of the war, which proves indecisive.

1927 – The last Ford Model T rolls off the assembly line after a production run of 15,007,003 vehicles. The VW Beetle (Type 111) finally beat that production number, topping out at 21,529,464, 15,444,858 being built in Germany.

Memorial Day

It’s “Memorial Day”.

Not “Happy Memorial Day”.  I have a little piece of it in my head that comes  up every now and then of a barracks full of young men in 1969 who were bright and a live and capable, who could do it all.  That is, except dodge RPGs and command-detonated mines (the Viet Nam version of IED’s).  I’m talking about my contemporaries who are forever young as I sit here watching time wear me away.

And I think of twenty generations that went before me, from Concord to Khe Sanh, and those that came after me, in Fallujah and Kandahar, hundreds of names of God-forsaken foreign spots where American blood was shed.

It is all too easy to put faces on those sacrifices because I can remember too vividly those shining faces of my own friends whose lives were cut short in flame and rending metal in some fetid field far away so that I could sit here living out my years in freedom.

It is in memory (that pesky “memorial” thing) of these men that I continue to speak today.  They paid for freedom and I’ll be da*ned if I will let it easily be taken away.

 

Today in History – May 30

1783 – Benjamin Tower of Philadelphia publishes first daily newspaper in US.

1848
– Mexico ratifies treaty giving the Unites States most of New Mexico, all of California, parts of Nevada, Utah, Arizona, and Colorado in return for $15 million. We paid for it.

1868Decoration Day (the predecessor of the modern “Memorial Day”) is observed in the United States for the first time (By “Commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic” John A. Logan’s proclamation on May 5)when two women in Columbus Mississippi placed flowers on both Confederate & Union graves.

1896 – First recorded car accident occurs as Henry Wells hit a bicyclist in New York City. Three lawyers are injured in a scuffle over who gives the victim a business card first.

1958
– Memorial Day: the remains of two unidentified American servicemen, killed in action during World War II and the Korean War respectively, are buried at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery.
1968 – Charles De Gaulle reappears publicly after his flight to Baden-Baden, Germany, and dissolves the French National Assembly by a radio appeal. Immediately after, less than one million of his supporters march on the Champs-Élysées in Paris. This is the turning point of May 1968 in France. Even De Gaulle knows that the easiest way to get something going in France is to start out from Germany.

1971
– 36 hospitalized during Grateful Dead concert after drinking LSD-laced apple juice. Drugs? At a Grateful Dead concert? Shocked, I tell you. Shocked!

1972
– In Tel Aviv members of the Japanese Red Army carry out the Lod Airport Massacre, killing 24 people and injuring 78 others.

How To Hunt Elephants

How do you hunt elephants?

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.

Experienced mathematicians will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.

Professors of mathematics will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.

COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:

1. Go to Africa
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass:

a) catch each animal seen
b) Compare each animal caught to a known elephant
c) Stop when a match is detected.

Experienced COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

Assembly language programmers prefer to execute Algorithm on their hands and knees.

ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.

ECONOMISTS don’t hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.

STATISTICIANS hunt the 1st animal they see N times, and call it an elephant.

CONSULTANTS don’t hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.

Operations Research Consultants can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.

POLITICIANS don’t hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.

LAWYERS don’t hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings.

Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.

VICE PRESIDENTS of engineering, research, and development try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely pre-hunted before the vice president gets to see them. If the vice president does see a non-prehunted elephant, the staff will :

1. compliment the vice president’s keen eyesight,
2. enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.

SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

SALESPEOPLE don’t hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven’t caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.

Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.

Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as “Desktop Elephants”

The Name Game #281

Hello, summer! Low seventies last night, headed for ninety today and no chance of rain in the near future. The fact that people are making “relieved” noises about gas prices after they dropped back to $3.70 should tell you something about the states of mind.

Me, I’m in the summer doldrums.

Walked out to get the paper this morning and found fifty-one birth announcements from the one big hospital across the river.  Of those, twenty-four were to parents who haven’t yet made it official, and five of the new mommies left a blank where the registration form said father’s name.  So let’s just dive in, shall we?

First I’d like to point out a surge in “Brenlee’s”.  confused?  I’m here to straighten you out.

On May 5, Miss Christy L. deposits her little girl, Bre-Lee.  Watch the spelling.  It’s important, because five days later, on May 10, Josue & Robin M. have a baby girl they tag with Brenlee Ann.  And it’s sucha GREAT name that on May 23, Ryan & Cheryl B. hang their daughter with Brynlee Nichol.  Not “Nichole”, “Nichol”.

And then there’s a thundering herd of “wrong”:

Cortlen R. & Elizabeth K. present their baby girl, little Milania Alexsis.

Gerald C. & Santana H. give their son what is almost a normal name these days, presenting us with little Jamar Lee.

Miss Katrina S. tags her daughter with Deeonnie Darrielle.

We have a couple of kids named after dimmocrat presidents.  On May 12, Brandon & Mandy T. do a son with Clinton Saul. Then on May 19, Miss Melissa L. does a son with the second-worst president in history, giving us little Carter James.

Cody & Mary C. give their son one of those manly-sounding single syllable middle names, giving us Evan Jace.

Mark & Angel M. show their son, Whitt Allen.

Chase & Ashley N. get confused as to who the daddy is when they name their son, Brayson Chase.  Like, WHO is “Bray” and why do they think HE’S the father?

Michael F. & Erica B. show their new son, little Kason Carter.  Make that TWO for the second biggest loser president!

Brandon & Amber G. bring their baby girl, little Ceslee Faith.

Joseph Z. & April S. tag their little girl with Jazlynn Joel.

Kirby & Mandy M. give procedural directions in naming their son Kurry Joseph,  so go brush the little bugger, okay?!?!

Miss Barbara L. triples up with ehr son, little Michael Orlando Dumas.  And we all know how “Dumas” get translated on the playground, right?

Christopher & Erica F. name their daughter (Pick one: an artillery ammunition cart, and excavation apparatus, or two random syllables that don’t mean sh*t but sound pleasant) Cayson Lynn.  B-but…  She’s a little GIRL!  And you named her “SON”!?!?!?

Brian P. & Ariel M. like the letter “A” so their new daughter gets TWO, starting life as Ava Alexis.

Jason & Lajeanna(!) L. tag their boy with Xavier Jerone.  Yes, that’s “Jerone” with an “n”.  And who’s taking bets that his first name is pronounced “Ex-avier” instead of “Zavier”?

We have a couple more that just need a little augmented spelling to create a sense of status in life:

Raymond B. & Niesha(!) G. tag their new son with Jabraylon Jhon.  You know there’s NO way to misspell “Jabraylon”, but “John”?  You have to be consciously trying to be goofy to come up with “Jhon” instead.

Patric(!) R. & Kasey G. do their son as Aiden Waine.  I suppose that if de daddy is “Patric” without the normal “k” and de momma is “Kasey” with a “K”, then the son doesn’t stand a chance…

Jamaker(! –  try “Jamaica” after YOU did a couple of forties and see what YOU get) D. & Amber J. show their baby girl, little Jayme Alyise.  So you tell me:  First name rhymes with “name” or is it “JAY-me”? And the middle name:  “Uh-lease” or “Ally-eyes”?  Or who gives a crap?

And lastly, when you absolutely, positively MUST show that you are truly educated and sophisticated, sometimes the restrictions of a mere twenty-six letters of the alphabet are just too stifling, so you need to stretch out a little:

Matthew(!) T. has a new daughter, little Kinsley A’londen.

James & Stacey (sounds normal, doesn’t it?) V. have a new daughter, and they come unglued at the seams, so the child starts life as Ahna’Lynn Rae’chelle.

Hilton F. & Helisha(!) C. triple up AND punctuate their new son, little Jay’cee Darelle Lee.

And that’s where the list ends this week.

Today in History – May 29

1780 – Lieutenant Colonel Banastre Tarleton massacres Colonel Abraham Buford’s continentals allegedly after the continentals surrender. 113 Americans are killed. Nothing like a good massacre to show how you really feel.

1849 – Lincoln says “You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of people some of time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of time”. The dimmocrat party says “all you gotta do is fool enough to get yourself elected, then screw the rest…”

1864 – Emperor Maximilian of Mexico arrives in Mexico for the first time. He has the full backing of the French government which naturally means he’s a despot, later executed by his own rebellious people.

1886 – Chemist John Pemberton places his first advertisement for Coca-Cola, the ad appearing in the Atlanta Journal.

1942 – Bing Crosby, the Ken Darby Singers and the John Scott Trotter Orchestra record Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas”, the best-selling Christmas album in history, for Decca Records in Los Angeles. It’s either this, or “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”.

1953
– Sir Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay are the first people to reach the summit of Mount Everest, on Tenzing Norgay’s (adopted) 39th birthday. Hillary Clinton, born in 1947, is, by her own words, named after Sir Edmund, who was completely unknown in 1947.

1977 – Janet Guthrie becomes first woman to drive in Indy 500, completes first ten laps while applying mascara.

1987 – Michael Jackson attempts to buy Elephant Man’s remains, offering a slightly used Cub Scout troop and an undisclosed amount of cash.

Reading those Ads

We all are bombarded by advertisements for new products daily. It helps t know what is really meant by the verbiage. Here’s some help:

NEW – Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW – Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE – Imported product.

UNMATCHED – Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION – No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN – The advertising agency doesn’t understand it.

IT’S HERE AT LAST – Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED – Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY – Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC – No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED – Previous flaws fixed – we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY – Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT – We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH – We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE – Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS – Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE – Heavy as hell.

LESS FATTENING – Now doesn’t have the same fat content as pig stomach lining.

HIGH RELIABILITY – We made it work long enough to ship it.

NON-REFUNDABLE – We couldn’t make it work long enough to ship it.

FAT FREE – You pay for the food, but the fat is free.

Today in History – May 28

1588 – The Spanish Armada, with 130 ships and 30,000 men, sets sail from Lisbon heading for the English Channel. (It will take until May 30 for all ships to leave port). In a big hurry to get a butt-kicking…

1754French and Indian War: in the first engagement of the war, Virginia militia under 22-year-old Lieutenant Colonel George Washington defeat a French reconnaissance party in the Battle of Jumonville Glen in what is now Fayette County in southwestern Pennsylvania.

1863American Civil War: the 54th Massachusetts Volunteer Infantry, the first African American regiment, leaves Boston, Massachusetts, to fight for the Union.

1905Russo-Japanese War: the Battle of Tsushima ends with the destruction of the Russian Baltic Fleet by Admiral Togo Heihachiro and the Imperial Japanese Navy. The Japanese Navy grows fiercely overconfident from this victory, and the overconfidence contributes to their losses in WW II.

1937 – Neville Chamberlain becomes British Prime Minister. The Neville Chamberlain School of Diplomacy is highly regarded by the Left. “Peace in our time”, my a**!

1964 – The Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) is formed, because hating Jews needs a new letterhead.

1987
– 19-year-old West German pilot Mathias Rust evades Soviet Union air defenses and lands a private plane (stealth Cessna 172) in Red Square in Moscow. He is immediately detained and is not released until August 3, 1988. Several high (and low, no doubt) ranking officers are ‘disciplined’ in the Soviet military.

1996 – U.S. President Bill Clinton’s former business partners in the Whitewater land deal, James McDougal and Susan McDougal, and Arkansas Governor Jim Guy Tucker, are convicted of fraud. Bill and Hillary, however, are as pure as the driven snow (or some other four-letter word beginning with “s”)

Food for Thought – 27 May 2011


This guy got his butt kicked four years ago by John  McCain, and **I’m** supposed to regard his as a realistic candidate for president?

 

In the aftermath of storms, these people will pull it all back together despite the lack of help from Hollyweird celebs.  There are AMERICANS.  Of course they have a “Can do” attitude.  That’s because, unlike New Orleans’ Ninth Ward, they’ve “Been Doing”.