627 AD – Battle of the Trench: Muhammad undergoes a 14-day siege at Medina (Saudi Arabia) by Meccan forces under Abu Sufyan. After his opposition breaks apart , Muhammad chases down the losers, gathers all the men, 700-900 of them, and beheads them, just like today. Women and children are taken into slavery, just like today.

1774 – American Revolutionary War: The Kingdom of Great Britain orders the port of Boston, Massachusetts closed in the Boston Port Act. That whole “Tea Party” thing really upset them. The original Tea Party folks didn’t dump their own tea in the harbor… We’re just not mad enough YET! Boil, froggy, boil!

1854 – Commodore Matthew Perry signs the Treaty of Kanagawa with the Japanese government, opening the ports of Shimoda and Hakodate to American trade. Nothing like armed naval vessels showing up on your doorstep with superior firepower to get the ol’ diplomacy going. Of course, those fops in the State Department haven’t learned that lesson.

1889 – The Eiffel Tower is inaugurated. Built to commemorate the French national bloodbath Revolution, it is very French in that it is eminently elegant and does absolutely nothing except give the Germans something photogenic to march under…

1906 – The Intercollegiate Athletic Association of the United States (later National Collegiate Athletic Association – NCAA) is established to set rules for amateur sports in the United States. Yeah. They’re amateurs like I’m Prince Consort to the Tsarina Katherine of All the Russias.

1918 – Daylight saving time goes into effect in the United States for the first time, equivalent to making a blanket longer by cutting off a piece at the foot and sewing it to the head end.

1933 – The Civilian Conservation Corps is established with the mission to relieve rampant unemployment. Federal dollars paid men to work. Families got money. The country got completed work. It wouldn’t work today because back then, people actually wanted to work. Today it’d just upset the dimmocrats’ biggest voting bloc. it’s easier to just pay ‘em to stay home except on election day.

1951 – Remington Rand delivers the first UNIVAC I computer. The buyer is the United States Census Bureau. Let’s see – 5,200 vacuum tubes, 14.5 tons, 125 kW power consumption, $159,000 dollars, which in today’s dollars is $1,450,024.96. My iPhone beats in in so many ways it’s unbelievable.

1966 – The Soviet Union launches Luna 10 which later becomes the first space probe to enter orbit around the Moon. Go ahead, Boris! Who put FOOTPRINTS on the moon?

1992 – An era ends as the USS Missouri (BB-63), the last active United States Navy battleship, is decommissioned in Long Beach, California.

1814 – Britain & allies march into Paris after defeating Napoleon. this event marks the beginning of Parisian status as the five dollar whore of Europe. How many foreign armies have paraded through Paris? The ONLY way that fop de Gaulle was able to march ‘victoriously’ into Paris in 1944 was that the path was paved in the blood of America and the British Commonwealth.

1842 – Anesthesia is used for the first time in an operation by Dr. Crawford Long. He uses ether. Ether this or it’s gonna hurt like h**l.

1858 – Hyman Lipman patents a pencil with an attached eraser.

1867 – Alaska is purchased for $7.2 million, about 2 cents/acre ($4.19/km²), by United States Secretary of State William H. Seward. The news media call this Seward’s Folly. The news media is always right, you know…

1870 – Texas becomes last Confederate state readmitted to Union. Lately they’re asking about a do-over on that. If they do, I’m gonna get me a big hat and haul my Cajun butt over there.

1932 – Amelia Earhart is first woman to fly solo cross the Atlantic, spends first half of trip with left blinker on, applying mascara.

1951 – Remington Rand delivers the first UNIVAC I computer to the United States Census Bureau. 5,200 vacuum tubes, weighed 29,000 pounds (13 metric tons), consumed 125 kW in electricity.

1964 – Jeopardy!, hosted by Art Fleming debuts. It’s kind of like Wheel of Fortune for smart people.

1981 – President Ronald Reagan is shot in the chest outside a Washington, D.C., hotel by John Hinckley, Jr., who is trying to impress Jodie Foster. Contrary to rumor, I did NOT send Hinckley a letter telling him that Obama was banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. (Mainly because even an insane person doubts Obama’s heterosexuality) Also shot of some others, including Jame Brady, who is then exhibited by his wife at various fundraisers as the Left’s Favorite Vegetable, a title he held until bumped out of the slot by Christopher Reed.

1991 – William Kennedy Smith allegedly rapes a woman (Or as the Kennedy men call it – ‘foreplay’), in keeping with his family’s high tradition. Also in keeping with his family’s high tradition, he’s found “not guilty”

1806 – Construction is authorized of the Great National Pike, better known as the Cumberland Road, becoming the first United States federal highway.

1879 – Anglo-Zulu War: Battle of Kambula: 2,200 British forces defeat 20,000 Zulus. Discipline, rifles and six cannon prove to be more than guts and spears and handful of captured rifles can overcome. The Zulus have just lost the war, like there was ever a doubt.

1886 – Dr. John Pemberton brews the first batch of Coca-Cola in a backyard in Atlanta. There’s’ a lot of money to be made in the sale of flavored water.

1911 – The M1911 .45 ACP pistol became the official U.S. Army side arm. I carried an M1911A1. Still own one, a brilliant design of the sainted John M. Browning. A man carrying a 1911 is NOT poorly armed, despite the proliferation of dozens of iterations of ‘combat Tupperware”.

1936 – In Germany, Adolf Hitler receives 99% of the votes in a referendum to ratify Germany’s illegal reoccupation of the Rhineland, receiving 44.5 million votes out of 45.5 million registered voters. Just because it receives a majority vote doesn’t make it right. That’s why we (used to) have the Constitution.

1961 – The Twenty-third Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified, allowing residents of Washington, D.C., to vote in presidential elections. There’s a bundle of dimmocrats there.

1971 – A Los Angeles, California jury recommends the death penalty for Charles Manson and three female followers. And he stay alive until he dies of old age, unlike his victims… Our enlightened overlords call this “justice”.

1973 – Vietnam War: The last United States combat soldiers leave South Vietnam.

37 AD – Roman Emperor Caligula accepts the titles of the Principate, entitled to him by the Senate.

193 AD – Roman Emperor Pertinax is assassinated by Praetorian Guards, who then sell the throne in an auction.

845 AD – Paris is sacked by Viking raiders, probably under Ragnar Lodbrok, who collects a huge ransom in exchange for leaving. In 1944, the US and its allies paid the price to get the Germans out so that prancing fop deGaulle could waltz in after the Americans, Brits and Canadians had cleared the way for him.

1842 – First concert of the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra, founded by Otto Nicolai.

1871 – The Paris Commune is formally established in Paris. In the aftermath of ANY national disaster, you can depend on the communists to try to take over. The commune ends when the French Army intervenes. As is usually the case since Napoleon (who wasn’t French, he was Corsican), the French Army is most victorious against the French.

1933 – German Reichstag confers dictatorial powers on Hitler. History. Learn from it.

1946 – Cold War: The United States Department of State releases the Acheson–Lilienthal Report, outlining a plan for the international control of nuclear power. When action to ‘control’ is limited to harshly worded letters, you end up with North Korea with The Bomb.

1979 – In Pennsylvania, a pump in the reactor cooling system fails in the Three Mile Island accident, resulting in the crapping of many pairs of pants. Zero, that’s ZERO!, deaths.

1994 – In South Africa, Zulus and African National Congress supporters battle in central Johannesburg, resulting in 18 deaths. You’ll see more of this as South Africa follows Zimbabwe’s path. In Africa, despite what We want to think, tribe trumps ‘nation’ at any time. The ‘nations’ were laid out by the colonial powers and are only couple hundred years old. Tribes go back much further.

1812 – A political cartoon in the Boston Gazette coins the term “gerrymander” to describe oddly shaped electoral districts designed to help incumbents win reelection. Today it’s standard procedure to shape a district as necessary to guarantee minority representation in Congress. You should see some of the ‘districts’ Louisiana had to keep a black congressman elected.

1830 – The Book of Mormon is published in Palmyra, New York. South Park has an episode that explains its evolution.

1931 – Ho Chi Minh Communist Youth Union is founded in Vietnam to protest school shootings.

1942 – World War II: In Poland, the first female prisoners arrive at Auschwitz. That’s what REAL Nazis do. Kind of puts that “they won’t pay for my birth control” argument in perspective, doesn’t it?

1967 – Ten thousand people gather for one of many Central Park be-ins in New York City, 4000 hippie chicks and six thousand guys who heard “hippie chicks are easy.”

1979 – Anwar al-Sadat, Menachem Begin and Jimmy Carter sign the Israel-Egypt Peace Treaty in Washington, D.C.