1690 – Clarinet invented, in Nuremberg, Germany. No cats were harmed despite them being used as prototypes.

1784 – American Revolutionary War: Ratification Day, United States – Congress ratifies the Treaty of Paris with Great Britain. We won!

1858 – Napoleon III of France escapes an assassination attempt. Fortunately, he was wearing his brown pants…

1943 – World War II: Japan begins Operation Ke, the successful operation to evacuate its forces from Guadalcanal during the Guadalcanal Campaign. It’s pretty much all downhill from now on for Japan.

1943 – Franklin D. Roosevelt becomes the first President of the United States to travel via airplane while in office. He traveled from Miami, Florida to Morocco to meet with Winston Churchill to discuss World War II.

1979 – President dhimmi Carter proposes Martin Luther King’s birthday be a holiday, scores a perfect 10 on the “pander” scale.

1990 – “Simpsons” premiered on Fox-TV.

2000 – A United Nations tribunal sentences five Bosnian Croats to up to 25 years for the 1993 killing of over 100 Muslims in a Bosnian village. On the other hand, a group of Muslims killing a hundred people, Muslim or otherwise, is considered a slow day.