9 AD – Arminius’ alliance of six Germanic tribes ambushes and annihilates three Roman legions of Publius Quinctilius Varus in the Battle of the Teutoburg Forest. Never underestimate the power of people watching you prance around their homeland.

1776 – The Continental Congress officially names their new union of sovereign states the United States. I understand we will soon change that to Two Coastal Enclaves and A Vast Group of Peasants who exist to feed them.

1791 – Washington, D.C., the capital of the United States, is named after President George Washington. Since ol’ George kept slaves, we need to change this, too.

1839 – John Herschel takes the first glass plate photograph. Also made up the work ‘photography’ to describe what he was doing, AND, to the joy of builders, designers and engineers for the next century and a half, invented the ‘blueprint’ process.

1850 – California becomes 31st state. Back then it was “The Golden State”. Now it’s the “Granola State”, the land of fruits and nuts.

1914 – World War I: The creation of the Canadian Automobile Machine Gun Brigade, the first fully mechanized unit in the British Army.

1926 – National Broadcasting Co. created by Radio Corporation of America. Today “NBC” stands for “Nothing But Commies.”

1942 – First aerial bombing on continental US soil, Mount Emily, Oregon (WW II) as a Japanese floatplane drops incendiary bombs trying to start fires.

1943 – World War II: The Allies land at Salerno and Taranto, Italy. Kesselring and the German Army came VERY close to shutting this one down.

1947 – First actual case of a computer bug being found: a moth lodges in a relay of a Harvard Mark II computer at Harvard University. It was removed with tweezers and taped into the logbook. I’ve validated restorations after power outages by showing crispy critters like squirrels and raccoons.

1948 – Kim Il-sung declares the establishment of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. Any time you see the words ‘democratic’ or ‘people’s’ in a country’s name, you can be they’re in for a very royal screwing. Seventy-odd years later, the ‘people’ are still getting it and are on the third Kim, and the fourth Kim is waiting for HER shot.

1965 – The United States Department of Housing and Urban Development is established, a scam put forth by LBJ and his socialist cronies to suck huge amounts of money from working people and give it to the perpetual underclass, thus insuring a continued supply of dimmocrat voters.

1965 – Hurricane Betsy makes its second landfall near New Orleans, Louisiana, leaving 76 dead and $1.42 billion ($10-12 billion in 2005 dollars) in damages, becoming the first hurricane to top $1 billion in unadjusted damages. FEMA slow to respond. Bush widely blamed.

1966 – The National Traffic and Motor Vehicle Safety Act is signed into law by U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson. Tenth Amendment? Never heard of it.

1969 – In Canada, the Official Languages Act comes into force, making the French language equal to the English language throughout the Federal government. In twenty years, Canada will be the ONLY place where French is spoken. France will be Muslim.

1971 – The four-day Attica Prison riot begins, eventually resulting in 39 dead, most killed by state troopers retaking the prison. Turn off the utilities. Lock the gates from the outside. Give ’em three weeks, then go in and shoot the survivors. Problem solved.

1993 – The Palestine Liberation Organization officially recognizes Israel as a legitimate state, a move the brings knowing nods by insiders in the organization and creates more radical organizations to work behind the PLO.

2001 – Pärnu methanol tragedy occurs in Pärnu County, Estonia. Sixty-eight people die and forty suffer blindness or brain damage (or both) when stolen methanol is mixed with flavorings and sold under counterfeit labels as vodka.

2010 – A natural gas pipeline explosion in San Bruno, California, creates a “wall of fire” more than 1,000 feet (300 m) high. A thirty-inch diameter pipe at a thousand pounds pressure is a LOT of gas. Don’t ask me how I know…

2015 – Elizabeth II became the longest reigning monarch of the United Kingdom.