1520 – After navigating through the South American strait, three ships under the command of Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan reach the Pacific Ocean, becoming the first Europeans to sail from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific. And THAT’S why it’s called the “Straits of Magellan”. The other route is around Cape Horn through an unpleasant stretch of the Southern Ocean.

1811 – Beethoven Piano Concerto No. 5 in E-flat major, Op. 73, was premiered at the Gewandhaus in Leipzig without a lightshow and backup dancers.

1814 – The Times in London is for the first time printed by automatic, steam powered presses built by the German inventors Friedrich Koenig and Andreas Friedrich Bauer, signaling the beginning of the availability of newspapers to a mass audience. Today, newspapers are sucking sludge trying to keep in business.

1907 – In Haverhill, Massachusetts, scrap-metal dealer Louis B. Mayer opens his first movie theater. He’s one of the “M’s” in MGM… A scrap metal dealer. Mean ol’ America, holding folks down and all that…

1925 – The Grand Ole Opry begins broadcasting in Nashville, Tennessee, as the WSM Barn Dance. Yee-haw, y’all!

1942 – In Boston, Massachusetts, a fire in the Cocoanut Grove nightclub kills 491 people. The exact number of dead varies in different reports, but it’s a lot.

1958 – Chad, the Republic of the Congo, and Gabon become autonomous republics within the French Community, go on to become standards of fairness, security and prosperity.

1994 – In Portage, Wisconsin, convicted serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer is clubbed to death by an inmate in the Columbia Correctional Institution gymnasium. Justice is served and for a brief moment harmony is found in the universe.

2014 – Gunmen set off three bombs at the central mosque in the northern city of Kano, Nigeria, killing at least 120 people. Nothing to see here, folks. It’s a simple disagreement among adherents of the Religion of Peace.