1539 – In Florida, Hernando de Soto lands at Tampa Bay with 600 soldiers with the goal of finding gold, gets run over by an 83-year-old retiree from Brooklyn who’s driving a full sized Lincoln with a seatbelt hanging out the door and a left turn signal that’s been blinking for the last fifteen miles.

1783 – Benjamin Tower of Philadelphia publishes first daily newspaper in US.

1806 – Future U.S. President Andrew Jackson kills Charles Dickinson in a duel. Not to be outdone, future president Barry Setoro whacked a buddy with a bong. Or some other long, cylindrical inanimate object. Reports vary.

1814 – The First Treaty of Paris is signed, returning the French frontiers to their 1792 extent, and restoring the House of Bourbon to power.So we had a revolution, killed thousands in the name of Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité, We’ve thrown away thousands of lives in wars of conquest, And we’re back to Square One.  but wait!  Give us a year and we’ll get Napoleon back, and add Waterloo to our glorious history.

1848 – Mexico ratifies treaty giving the United States most of New Mexico, all of California, parts of Nevada, Utah, Arizona, and Colorado in return for $15 million. We paid for it.

1868 – Decoration Day (the predecessor of the modern “Memorial Day”) is observed in the United States for the first time (By “Commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic” John A. Logan’s proclamation on May 5)when two women in Columbus Mississippi placed flowers on both Confederate & Union graves.

1896 – First recorded car accident occurs as Henry Wells hit a bicyclist in New York City. Three lawyers are injured in a scuffle over who gives the victim a business card first.

1911 – At the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the first Indianapolis 500 ends with Ray Harroun in his Marmon Wasp becoming the first winner of the 500-mile auto race. Pedal. Brake. Turn left. Repeat. Grab trophy. Kiss babe. Drink milk. Tradition.

1937 – Memorial Day massacre: Chicago police shoot and kill 10 labor demonstrators. Now they’re just as likely to BE the labor demonstrators.

1958 – Memorial Day: the remains of two unidentified American servicemen, killed in action during World War II and the Korean War respectively, are buried at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery.

1968 – Charles De Gaulle reappears publicly after his flight to Baden-Baden, Germany, and dissolves the French National Assembly by a radio appeal. Immediately after, less than one million of his supporters march on the Champs-Élysées in Paris. This is the turning point of May 1968 in France. Even De Gaulle knows that the easiest way to get something going in France is to start out from Germany.

1971 – 36 hospitalized during Grateful Dead concert after drinking LSD-laced apple juice. Drugs? At a Grateful Dead concert? Shocked, I tell you. Shocked!

1972 – In Tel Aviv members of the Japanese Red Army carry out the Lod Airport Massacre, killing 24 people and injuring 78 others. If you’re gonna make a name for yourself as an international terrorist organization, you gotta do Israel.

2008 – Convention on Cluster Munitions is adopted, mostly by countries where a steel blade is high tech.